Lissy43
09-05-10, 07:55
I have felt quite low in recent months, since the termination and coming back home to try my marriage again I have found things hard. Our marriage seemed to be much better and I was happy to try again, and the children were very happy which made everything seem worth while.
Last month though my MIL started playing her tricks again, since hubby asked me to come back she has cut him off, and our children. She has never liked me, she always treated SIL the same. Things then took a turn for the worst and I found out that she had been telling people I'd had an affair. Hubby would not confront her about this, one of the reasons we split up was because of all the trouble she had caused over the years, and he never stood up to her. It took for me to look into this to find out that it had been his mother tellng people and I was extremely hurt because that was not the reason we split up last year at all. It hurt so much and I started to feel angry again.
Then on 18th April it was our 11 year anniversary and hubby forgot, again another thing we always used to have problems with. He never rememered birthdays, anniversaries etc... I know men are pretty crap, but he was always a man that ran out on christmas eve or the night before my birthday to get me a present and I hated it. When he forgot our anniversary I was hurt, as I had bought him a card and present, and was waiting all day to see if he was going to mention it. The following day I said 'Happy Anniversary' for the day before and he then said he had remember but didn't mention it because he said a week earlier he had talked about it and aparently I pulled a face. Which simply wasn't true, it was me who said in the car the week before that it was our 11 year anniversary. I was in uni all day feeling so down about it, then that evening he admitted he had just forgotten. My heart sank, because I felt I had given up my baby and was suffering so much because of it and he couldn't even show me he had changed:-( He promised me he had changed, and had realised he had taken me for granted for years.
Anyway since this time I have felt really low, especially in the last 2 weeks. I have started having anxiety attacks:-( which I haven't had for years. I have the bleeding phobia which I find tough anyway, but at times that has improved. I rarely go out though because of this fear, and going back to uni has become difficult.
I went back to uni after saying I wouldn't because I needed to do my first placement to get my outcomes signed off that I missed on my last placement in my first year. I missed that placement due to ill health, my GP signed me off for 6 weeks after the op, and I had helicobacter. Uni I can go and ignore my phobia and anxiety, once there I feel happy and myself, but as soon as I come home I feel sad and low again:-( We are not in uni now for 6 weeks and I can't seem to get to placement, I feel too scared, worried I will have a panic attack whilst there, and the bleeding phobia restricts me at times so the thought of 14 hours away from home is tough, but I am sure if I put my mind to it I could do it.
I have felt really low in the last 2 weeks, I wondered if the pill I am on could be contributing to this? I am on loestrin 20, which is a very low strength pill. I thought it could be that possibly making me feel abit all over the place, but I have been on it 5 weeks now. I worry alot about being on it, I am such a wuss, even though my GP has said the risk of DVT is 15/100,000 I do worry alot that I might suddenly get a massive PE and drop dead and my children won't have me around, but my GP has said that is very rare. I have been put on the pill to lighten my periods, which have been very heavy since the operation in December, this caused the phobia I have.
I wake up every morning recently and feel low and anxious. My throat feels like it has a lump in it, and I just feel like I don't know who I am, or what to do with myself. I get really scared of feeling this way, and I am frightened that it is depression:-( or could it be that just everything is getting on top of me? I have obviously felt low since the operation, but recently it has all felt so much worse, the phobia, the anxiety, etc....
I have felt abit more on edge since we started placement last week, my children have all been ill so I had no childcare for them, so couldn't make it to placement last week. Uni and my mentor were totally fine about it which was a relief. I feel more stressed, because I am scared I can't do it, but I don't want to lose uni:-(
My children still make me smile, I love them with all my heart, but I feel nothing towards anyone else right now:-(
Sorry I have rambled on, I just needed to get it all out. Does this sound like depression? stress? anxiety?
I am seeing my GP tomorrow afternoon for a chat about my feelings.
Last month though my MIL started playing her tricks again, since hubby asked me to come back she has cut him off, and our children. She has never liked me, she always treated SIL the same. Things then took a turn for the worst and I found out that she had been telling people I'd had an affair. Hubby would not confront her about this, one of the reasons we split up was because of all the trouble she had caused over the years, and he never stood up to her. It took for me to look into this to find out that it had been his mother tellng people and I was extremely hurt because that was not the reason we split up last year at all. It hurt so much and I started to feel angry again.
Then on 18th April it was our 11 year anniversary and hubby forgot, again another thing we always used to have problems with. He never rememered birthdays, anniversaries etc... I know men are pretty crap, but he was always a man that ran out on christmas eve or the night before my birthday to get me a present and I hated it. When he forgot our anniversary I was hurt, as I had bought him a card and present, and was waiting all day to see if he was going to mention it. The following day I said 'Happy Anniversary' for the day before and he then said he had remember but didn't mention it because he said a week earlier he had talked about it and aparently I pulled a face. Which simply wasn't true, it was me who said in the car the week before that it was our 11 year anniversary. I was in uni all day feeling so down about it, then that evening he admitted he had just forgotten. My heart sank, because I felt I had given up my baby and was suffering so much because of it and he couldn't even show me he had changed:-( He promised me he had changed, and had realised he had taken me for granted for years.
Anyway since this time I have felt really low, especially in the last 2 weeks. I have started having anxiety attacks:-( which I haven't had for years. I have the bleeding phobia which I find tough anyway, but at times that has improved. I rarely go out though because of this fear, and going back to uni has become difficult.
I went back to uni after saying I wouldn't because I needed to do my first placement to get my outcomes signed off that I missed on my last placement in my first year. I missed that placement due to ill health, my GP signed me off for 6 weeks after the op, and I had helicobacter. Uni I can go and ignore my phobia and anxiety, once there I feel happy and myself, but as soon as I come home I feel sad and low again:-( We are not in uni now for 6 weeks and I can't seem to get to placement, I feel too scared, worried I will have a panic attack whilst there, and the bleeding phobia restricts me at times so the thought of 14 hours away from home is tough, but I am sure if I put my mind to it I could do it.
I have felt really low in the last 2 weeks, I wondered if the pill I am on could be contributing to this? I am on loestrin 20, which is a very low strength pill. I thought it could be that possibly making me feel abit all over the place, but I have been on it 5 weeks now. I worry alot about being on it, I am such a wuss, even though my GP has said the risk of DVT is 15/100,000 I do worry alot that I might suddenly get a massive PE and drop dead and my children won't have me around, but my GP has said that is very rare. I have been put on the pill to lighten my periods, which have been very heavy since the operation in December, this caused the phobia I have.
I wake up every morning recently and feel low and anxious. My throat feels like it has a lump in it, and I just feel like I don't know who I am, or what to do with myself. I get really scared of feeling this way, and I am frightened that it is depression:-( or could it be that just everything is getting on top of me? I have obviously felt low since the operation, but recently it has all felt so much worse, the phobia, the anxiety, etc....
I have felt abit more on edge since we started placement last week, my children have all been ill so I had no childcare for them, so couldn't make it to placement last week. Uni and my mentor were totally fine about it which was a relief. I feel more stressed, because I am scared I can't do it, but I don't want to lose uni:-(
My children still make me smile, I love them with all my heart, but I feel nothing towards anyone else right now:-(
Sorry I have rambled on, I just needed to get it all out. Does this sound like depression? stress? anxiety?
I am seeing my GP tomorrow afternoon for a chat about my feelings.