ASH65
09-05-10, 12:54
no no no no no no
"someone take these dreams away"
i have done my best to be happy and positive.
but yet again i awake from horrific sexual nightmares which is like being
slowly aware that there is a chord round your neck.disgusted sense of sexual awareness,feeling bruised,scared,lonely in what i know,
totally unable to orientate.morning ade.
i shower and shower and shower to make myself feel clean,but my being naked scares me,only yesterdays clothes feel vaguely right.
i am nearly 45....the abuse stopped when i was 11,.if you count from when it started i have carried this poison-laden wound for 41 years.
again my wife and children say nothing.they simply embrace me and love me without fuss,a cup of tea and plans to do some gardening.they know
"dada haf a bad dream awww" so they bring me things to "make you betta dada" and my eldest just holds me like she is my parent,calm assured.yesterday when i was saying sorry because i have had no money for treats she said "dad we dont need treats we have you "
the contrast between these two worlds tears me in ttwo and leaves me a sobbing little child infinitely in love with my girls .....and ripped apart like the interior of a car after a car bomb by the memories and truth of what being raped does.:weep::weep::weep::weep:
"someone take these dreams away"
i have done my best to be happy and positive.
but yet again i awake from horrific sexual nightmares which is like being
slowly aware that there is a chord round your neck.disgusted sense of sexual awareness,feeling bruised,scared,lonely in what i know,
totally unable to orientate.morning ade.
i shower and shower and shower to make myself feel clean,but my being naked scares me,only yesterdays clothes feel vaguely right.
i am nearly 45....the abuse stopped when i was 11,.if you count from when it started i have carried this poison-laden wound for 41 years.
again my wife and children say nothing.they simply embrace me and love me without fuss,a cup of tea and plans to do some gardening.they know
"dada haf a bad dream awww" so they bring me things to "make you betta dada" and my eldest just holds me like she is my parent,calm assured.yesterday when i was saying sorry because i have had no money for treats she said "dad we dont need treats we have you "
the contrast between these two worlds tears me in ttwo and leaves me a sobbing little child infinitely in love with my girls .....and ripped apart like the interior of a car after a car bomb by the memories and truth of what being raped does.:weep::weep::weep::weep: