What is going on ??

[Bubbles1978]

Hi
My names Nicki and I am new to this website but not new to the panic/anxiety/depression. I have suffered from this for the last six years on and off. Its really weird and each time I have an 'episode' it scares the living hell out of me. At the moment I am slap bang in the middle of one. I have tried repeately to come off my medication with failed attempts - only to be faced with the dreaded feeling of anxiety/depression sweep over me. This latest bout has come after feeling really well and once again feeling ready to come off my medication (currently venlaflaxine)which I tried to do in four months so did it really slowly. Then boom just after christmas I got this 'thing' again. I am not at work as I cant concerntrate and am in a constant state of anxiety and not knowing where to put myself. I am even nervous about eating at the dinner table with my parents - which is so unlike me as I am usually so bubbly. It makes me withdraw from everyone and I feel lost in this abyiss once again. I am trying to stay positive but to be frank its the scariest thing and I just dont know what to do. I am upping my medication again and waiting to go and see the consultant. What I want to know is why I have months when I am fine and then boom it happens again. I dont understand. Is it purely a medication thing ? My poor parents are now sending me to a hypnotherapist as they think I need to unlock this deep unconcious fear that is gripping me. But I dont feel like anything in particular is gripping me. I just dont feel right - any advice will be welcome ? Has anybody else had episodes or is it only me ? I am just wondering how I can sort this out ? I dont want to live the rest of my life having a good few months and then being faced with it all over again. I cant function properly and I am not always going to have the cushion of my parents to look after me. I want to be able to bring up a family one day without suffering from this - otherwise my poor children will be putting up with a non functioning mother which is not fair on them aswell as my husband. Any advice would be welcome.
Many thanks
Nicki x

[u0000998]

Hi there

Yes I can totally relate to what you are saying. Having periods of time that are relatively symptom free than bang before you know it this thing hits you like a full force gale. I am not new to anxiety and depression either and every time I have an episode of it I think somehow this time is different and i will never ecover even though I have each time before.

In terms of how you are feeling now - just remind yourself that you are in the middle of this storm of feeling awful and I mean awful - but the really bad times don't last for years and years - more probably weeks an months. It will get better even though you don't believe me now. In terms of the family thing - you will have a family and be a good mother. It has not stopped me and i am an OK mother who is also happily married. You just need a supportive partner who will support you when you ain't feeling too great. My husbad supports me with this but i support him for alot of other things aswell so it balances out.

I hope you start feeling better soon - keep in the forum.

Regards
Joanne

[trac67]

Hi Nicki,

Welcome to the forum, you will get a lot of good advice here and make some new friends.

Is it just when you start to come off of the meds that your anxiety levels increase again?

Sometimes it is a subconsious thing, we tend to rely on the meds to make us feel better, so as soon as we stop them, we think we cannot cope without them and let the anxiety take over.

When I came off of my meds my anxiety hit big time, but I have battled on without them and it is beginning to gradually ease off and I have begun to learn to cope without them, it is all to do with staying positive and focused and not allowing the anxiety to control us, then we are able to start to control the anxiety.

Take care
Trac Xx

'Live your life with arms wide open, today is where your book begins, the rest is still unwritten'

[Bubbles1978]

Thank you for your kind words. I know what you mean about the psychology of the medication. But i dont feel strong enough to come off them now. Besides I was suffering from huge withdrawral - head shocks etc. I was coping 'ok' on a low dose. But i began getting pressure at work and then panicing about finances, work, boyfriend etc and then boom back to this 'episode'. So, the only way forward for me I feel is the meds at the moment. I feel like I am living in a ground hog day. Its hellish. I feel like my whole personality has been erased leaving a blank space and i feel really cold and want to hide under my blanket. In fact i feel so scared I feel about 2 !! But even when i was 2 I could cope better than I am now. I am having this hypnotherapy but i really dont know whether that is going to work. I just have to have an open mind. I try to keep positive by telling myself that i have got better before and i will do again. But to be honest I can never remember how I got better it just went away and i dont know how ?x

[Meg]

Nicki

4 months is actually not long at all to come off meds and if you're having head zaps it does seem it may be too fast for you.

It might be helpful to have concurrent CBT so as you ease off the meds you have some therapy to help you learn to cope without the med cushion.

Meg
www.anxietymanagementltd.com

Your anxiety is the human representation of the pictures that you paint using your many vivid colours of revolving and reoccurring thoughts.
How big is your gallery ?

[Sue K with 5]

Hi Bubbles

I am so sorry your having such a rough time. Its hard when you cannot control the feelings you have and trying to understand this makes it an impossible task !

Medication can work but for short periods of time. Upping the dosage will be a short term solution but I think your heading in the right direction in terms of alternative therapy. Have you ever heard of CBT! this could help you immensly and could help with the longer term issues.

Let us know how you get on with the hypnotherapy and keep going this will improve for you.


sometimes alternatives to the medication can be a solution my GP has recentl prescibed me some homeopathic remedies which help with anxiety , maybe you could try alternative homeopathy during those periods


Good luck and take care


Sue with 5

scknight

[nomorepanic]

Hi Bubbles

A warm welcome aboard.

You may like to consider the No Panic CBT telephone recovery course as well. Check out www.nopanic.org.uk

It costs £10 to join per year.

Hope you get some help and support on here too.

Nicola

[Bubbles1978]

Thanks once again for sending me your replies. It feels like your the only person going through this. But, reading the forum it appears there are millions of people going through this throughout the world. Which is awful as its a real debilitating thing to have to go through. I feel sorry for those people who dont seek help. I did go to see a local support team in my area who are now hoping to get me on a course of CBT and also see a councillor. To know help is out there is an enormous relief as I cant help myself. I am now taking 150 mg of venlaflaxine and to be honest i dont care if i am on it for the rest of my life if it makes me feel better. I am too scared to come off meds at the moment. But perhaps in a few years I could do this again.
I will keep you updated on my progress. x
Nicki x

[Floozie]

Hello Bubbles, I read you story feeling that you were writing for me at times. It all seems so useless at times and we cannot see an end to it. I know I can't, but there is an end if not an answer. Just hang on in there and know that this system is here to help and support, even the very new members like myself. Floozie

[Bubbles1978]

Hello

I am having the worst days of my life. I am reading lots about depression and anxiety. I am now scaring myself with thoughts that I may never get better and that I am going to be stuck with this for the rest of my life. The thought of this is making me soo scared that I have thought that I should end it all. I do not feel any different to a week or two ago. I feel exactly the same. I have reupped my dose of venlaflaxine to 150 mg a day from the 150mg i was taking twice a week as I began feeling poorly again. But i feel no better. I feel scared about this CBT because i dont understand how me talking differently to myself is going to make myself feel better. I have tried telling myself that the world is rosy and I must go on. But. I really feel like climbing into bed and hiding under the duvet for eternity. Sorry this sounds so rotten but its how I feel.....when will I ever feel better.

[Meg]

Think you've just answered your own question there !

**I am now scaring myself with thoughts that I may never get better and that I am going to be stuck with this for the rest of my life. The thought of this is making me soo scared**

If the thoughts and your current way of talking to yourself is powerful enough to make you feel this rubbish then give it stands to reason and its totally true so yourself a chance and just try to prove to yourself how equally powerful positive thoiughts and talk can be

*because i dont understand how me talking differently to myself is going to make myself feel better.*

You can get through it ..

Meg
www.anxietymanagementltd.com

Your anxiety is the human representation of the pictures that you paint using your many vivid colours of revolving and reoccurring thoughts.
How big is your gallery ?

[Bubbles1978]

Meg

Thanks for pointing this out. My thoughts are making me feel worse. I dont know how to change them. I feel rubbish so I tell myself I must be rubbish and then its like a never ending spiral. I am going on this CBT course to hopefully help myself as the current way I talk to myself is really quite bad and I would not talk to my best friend like this so why do I do it to myself.
I dont know. I guess I must of done it for so long no wonder I suffer from anxiety and depression.
I hope that it works and I will try my hardest with it and let you know my progress.....anyone else reading this and feeling the same.....please no matter how bad you feel seek help and believe there is light as that is what is helping me.

[Meg]

* My thoughts are making me feel worse.*

Yes they are !

Negative self talk is at the base of most of our anxiety worries , not exclusively but present in some state.

Thoughts : Lets try to keep our thoughts in perspective (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=283)
Mind Games (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=1789)
obsessive thoughts & anxiety (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=3096)
Still suffering this damn "suggestive" thing.. (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=4288)
How to CURE yourself ! The definitive guide here.. (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=5357)
Its happening again ! (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=6094)
Things to consider for success! (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=6165)
[Link removed as post deleted]
Thoughts (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=7187)
image projection in my mind (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=7358)

Improvement patterns : worried to get better!?!? (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=3419)
home truths (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=2398)
why me. this ruins my life. (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=4957)
Shocks in head (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=5897)
How to CURE yourself ! The definitive guide here.. (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=5357)
THE FINAL STEP TO RECOVERY (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=7120)


CBT : Maxine's cbt progress. (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=2308)
CBT (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=5287)
Starting CBT (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=5323)
Does CBT work? (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=6671)
FW: I am getting there! (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=7478)


Meg
www.anxietymanagementltd.com

Your anxiety is the human representation of the pictures that you paint using your many vivid colours of revolving and reoccurring thoughts.
How big is your gallery ?

[seh1980]

Welcome aboard!! :D

"If life were simple, word would have got around"

[Bubbles1978]

Well just giving you an update really. Its week four of this anxiety/depression episode and after some really tough few days I actually called a help line as I was beside myself - i felt like ripping my hair out or taking an O/D ! Fortunately, I spoke to this really nice chap who calmed me down and didnt make me feel like i was going mad. I am having these panic attacks 24/7 and the NHS seem to take forever in seeing you....Please can anyone tell me if they get really scary thoughts like you are going to end up in a mental hospital or an overwhelming urge to jump on the floor and scream or throw up. I feel constantly on edge and I cant seem to motivate myself to do anything. I can only concerntrate on one thing at a time and it is taking me a long time to do something. And I am worrying about absolutely everything. Then I tell myself to stop worrying but i cant seem to stop it. I am worrying about anything you can think of. I am also feeling extremely guilty about things. I feel ugly and worthless and useless. I am on week 3 of taking the venlaflaxine 150 mg a day and at the moment I feel worse. Anyone else experienced this ? Or am I all alone ?

[Ammeg]

Hey bubbles!!
I am new here!!! Firstly I gave up on meds a year ago they were making me feel ugly and useless and unworthy of everyone and I put on 3 stone through my year of different meds!!! I could scream at the top of my voice when I feel myself panicing sometimes I could throttle myself, I use to think my parents and boyfriend would get fed up and cart me of to a mental ward!!! So i know how you feel!!! I only panic when I go out and cant go out alone, I throw up everytime I go out and sometimes get so worked up I actually faint!!! I have learn to just get on with it- my method is to laugh at myself!!! Hope your doing ok!!
Ammegxx

[Bubbles1978]

Ammeg - the thing is some months I am fine and very little panics me then I get these episodes everytime i reduce my medication. What do you do for work if you cant go out alone ? and how long have you had this you poor thing ?

[Ammeg]

I would say you need your meds- maybe you should try having a smaller dose instead of a big one? I dont work! I was 16 when I had my first panic attack- my first day of college- unfortunatly my first attack triggered agrophobia, i had it for 6 months and got over it!! I am studying to be a nurse with the open uni i am hoping to get into mental health care because when I was first diagnosed there was no 1 to hep me because I wasnt a child and not an adult so I had to cope alone!!! I am 19 now so 3yrs and 6 months!!! I get on fine, me boyfriend is brill and very understanding!!!
Ammegxxx:D