Loleestyrene
11-05-10, 20:39
Hello everyone!
I am new to this forum so not totally sure where to start with this one, it's a bit of a long story to be honest! sorry! haha
Well I suffer from anxiety disorder and depression and have done for a few years, but it's only recently that I have decided to do something about it.
What prompted me to get help was that a 3 year relationship with a guy who I believe to be my soulmate broke down because of my anxiety (I would do stupid things and accuse him of wanting someone else better etc) and because he felt like (in his words) 'my carer' as I had lost my independance due to the anxiety issues.
He ended things and quite frankly I hit rock bottom...I was having constant panic attacks and suicidal thoughts and one day I woke up and made the conscious decision to go to the doctors.
I was put on 75g of Dosulepin and put on a waiting list for CBT/Counselling.
In the weeks that followed, the medication did lighten my mood slightly and the beta blockers stopped my panic attacks but I still spent every day in tears!
Then, after a few long and upsetting phone conversations, my ex asked me to meet up with him for a cup of tea and a chat....
The long and short of it is that what I thought would be a couple of hours of awkwardness and pain, turned into 3 lovely days spent together.
He told me he 'felt like a giddy school boy' again.
I left him (we live in different cities), blissfully happy but not knowing what was going to happen.
I have seen him nearly every weekend since but am again having extreme anxiety over what is going on.
The only thing that's been said is that we are just going to 'hang out and have fun'
I'm not totally sure what this means....I want us to get back together but i'm too scared to bring it up for fear of pushing him away and getting hurt all over again.
I've started the counselling and now feel like i'm slowly but surely getting better BUT this thing with my ex is making my anxiety bad again.
I'm scared i'm going to lose him again and get seperation anxiety when I leave him after a weekend together.
I don't want to be his back up plan or (for want of a better term) his 'friend with benefits'
Is he just waiting to see that I am getting better and making progress? (protecting himself)
And should I bring it up soon??
I should add that I do believe that we should take things slowly BUT I need to know where I stand at all times right?
Any advice would be very, very welcome!
Thanks in advance X
I am new to this forum so not totally sure where to start with this one, it's a bit of a long story to be honest! sorry! haha
Well I suffer from anxiety disorder and depression and have done for a few years, but it's only recently that I have decided to do something about it.
What prompted me to get help was that a 3 year relationship with a guy who I believe to be my soulmate broke down because of my anxiety (I would do stupid things and accuse him of wanting someone else better etc) and because he felt like (in his words) 'my carer' as I had lost my independance due to the anxiety issues.
He ended things and quite frankly I hit rock bottom...I was having constant panic attacks and suicidal thoughts and one day I woke up and made the conscious decision to go to the doctors.
I was put on 75g of Dosulepin and put on a waiting list for CBT/Counselling.
In the weeks that followed, the medication did lighten my mood slightly and the beta blockers stopped my panic attacks but I still spent every day in tears!
Then, after a few long and upsetting phone conversations, my ex asked me to meet up with him for a cup of tea and a chat....
The long and short of it is that what I thought would be a couple of hours of awkwardness and pain, turned into 3 lovely days spent together.
He told me he 'felt like a giddy school boy' again.
I left him (we live in different cities), blissfully happy but not knowing what was going to happen.
I have seen him nearly every weekend since but am again having extreme anxiety over what is going on.
The only thing that's been said is that we are just going to 'hang out and have fun'
I'm not totally sure what this means....I want us to get back together but i'm too scared to bring it up for fear of pushing him away and getting hurt all over again.
I've started the counselling and now feel like i'm slowly but surely getting better BUT this thing with my ex is making my anxiety bad again.
I'm scared i'm going to lose him again and get seperation anxiety when I leave him after a weekend together.
I don't want to be his back up plan or (for want of a better term) his 'friend with benefits'
Is he just waiting to see that I am getting better and making progress? (protecting himself)
And should I bring it up soon??
I should add that I do believe that we should take things slowly BUT I need to know where I stand at all times right?
Any advice would be very, very welcome!
Thanks in advance X