Erasing the memory of fear

[Bill]

I hope this might help in some way....

Supposing you live in a flat and every morning you leave to go to work. As usual, you get in the lift and think nothing of it until one day the lift gets stuck and you're left there for what seems like hours feeling trapped. You panic thinking all the "what ifs" that could happen while you sit there waiting.

Eventually though help arrives but you feel so shaken up that the next morning you just can't face getting into the lift so instead you take the stairs.

You arrive at the office to start your day and everything feels ok but later you're called to a meeting and you suddenly get this overwhelming feeling of being trapped in what feels a tiny room with a crowd of people. You begin to panic and make an excuse to pop out to calm down.

After work though you feel well enough again to do some shopping but as you go around the shop, again you start feeling trapped which starts you off sweating, having palpitations and feelings as if you can't breathe. Everyone appears "alien" and everything feels "unreal". You finish the shopping as quickly so you can to get home to relax.

From that day on, you feel so afraid that you just can't face the lift, the office or even to go shopping because of the panicky feelings you felt that day. Each of these places now represent "feelings of fear" and of being "trapped" with no escape. What's happened is that a new memory has been left imprinted in your mind causing you to link these places with feelings of fear and yet you've been in these situations many times before without experiencing any problems....until now.

A bad experience in the lift is now being replayed in every situation that your memory now relates with feelings of being trapped. In other words, one bad day has affected your whole life because now you feel too afraid to even leave your home. Every time you think about leaving your home, all you feel is panic before you've even stepped out the door because in your mind you know you're going to have to face places where you experienced panicky feelings which now in themselves make you feel too afraid too feel because you now fear something will happen to you.

However, even in your flat you still can't relax and you feel anxious all the time. This is because once again your mind connects your flat with the bad memory of the experience in the lift being in a confined space making you feel trapped.

You now feel faced with a choice....

Give up and stay home in which case you feel anxious, depressed and a failure because you just can't control your feelings of fear OR force yourself to face these places again BUT you KNOW before you go out that you ARE going to feel terrified as a result.

However, there is a third option....

"The wrong preparation creates the wrong result but the right preparation creates the right result"

If you go out expecting to feel fear, you WILL feel fear and you will almost certainly fail. However, if you can learn BEFORE you attempt to go out how to be and remain calm, to Not focus on your feelings and remind yourself of the thoughts you once had before that bad day when you left for work, then with willpower and determination and most importantly when you feel well enough to attempt it, it IS possible to then erase these memories of fear and replace them with new memories of feeling relaxed in these situations again so that you can get on with your life.

What I would say, is try not to give in to fear because if you do, fear will follow you wherever you go that you think represents safety because in effect anywhere you think is safe will actually become your trap so fear will reside with you wherever you go.

It does take time but to defeat fear, you must in your mind feel free to roam with no chains to confine you or you'll always feel trapped with memories of fear.:hugs:

[jude uk]

I have said the very same thing many many many times bill.
If one is a smoker it takes a lot of will power even with all the patches and chewing gum etc. Its ones determination to overcome the addiction or fear that will enable them to be free.
A great piano player only became great with practise and practise does at least if not make perfect it enables us to at least get good at it.

The hardest journey begins with one step and I am all for taking that one "baby step".


As bill says "are we prepared to regain control of our life?"

Take that first step to freedom, cast off the chains, smile even when life is cruel, put a positive on every negative, change how we think. Start to talk to your own mind and tell your self that you are getting better.

[cathytink3rb3ll]

This is a good post Bill, We could all learn something from this when we are struggling,

Cathy :)

[hallam11]

Hello,

What a brilliant post. I have said in the past that I am going to print off some posts that will help me get through when I don't have the freedom to come on here. I think this si another post that I will print to keep me going. It makes complete sense and I can see it helping me in the future!

Thank you:bighug1:
Laura xx

[Downsinthenorth]

What I would say, is try not to give in to fear because if you do, fear will follow you wherever you go that you think represents safety because in effect anywhere you think is safe will actually become your trap so fear will reside with you wherever you go.

That's so true. I started off avoiding certain situations that triggered my anxiety attacks, but over time both my anxiety increased AND the types of situation that triggered it. In the end I had to start to do something about it because my life was becoming so restricted.

[Vixxy]

Yup its my biggest regret. The more you avoid life the more your anxiety finds other things to focus on.

[fairyclairy]

I love this post.. im also going to print this off! So positive.. and could do with reading this every morning before i go to work! Thankyou :bighug1:

[alicegreen]

I feel like you just looked in my head there Bill!

I have become exactly like this - bloody terrified of being terrified and it is restricting me form living a life that I want to live!

[blue moon]

Hello,You right very true things I look at your other posts and I think you sound like very kind person,I have read all your posts.Thankyou.:)

[Bill]

Just another little thought to consider....

I've often talked about a parrot in a cage and this is another take on it...

Picture a parrot in a cage deprived of toys to play with, no food, no drink, no freedom and no company. Every day will feel the same and although he cannot think like us, he will still feel trapped but he will also feel very stressed. They say that sometimes when a parrot feels stressed, they begin to pull their feathers out and I reckon they would also panic.

Now picture yourself as that parrot going to work in a job that stresses you with no enjoyment and nothing to feed to stimulate your mind. The stress would raise your anxiety and if you then felt trapped and bored, you could then turn in on yourself triggering health worries.

Every day could make you feel stressed and because you feel you can't change jobs, you could then feel trapped which would then result in panics in situations where you feel confined such as in the lift, the office, shops etc.

What I'm saying is, sometimes panic attacks can surface due to a specific trauma such as a lift breaking down but also panics can result after a gradual build up of stresses, both physical and emotional. However, often we only see the symptoms (panic attacks) making us think we're "ill" and overlook the actual underlying causes that created the panics.

When I write my posts they are mostly based on experience so I do realise how very difficult it can be to overcome fears.

My feeling is that there are 2 types of stress- Emotional and Daily.

When I say Emotional, I mean bad experiences in our past that have left us with scars that we constantly replay in the present that cause enormous anxiety. Also though, break ups, grief, abandonments etc can I feel also create emotional stress which could trigger anxiety and panics. Perhaps these types are best dealt with through therapy and counselling to help us come to terms with events beyond our control that we cannot change.

The Daily stress though I feel we have more control over because we can make changes in our lives to help us break free. For instance, if you're in a job that you find boring or very stressful, of course you could consider changing jobs because often if you're in a job you enjoy, you feel less anxious or depressed so you feel "happier" andmore "confident" in yourself which then makes panics easier to tackle.

However, it's not always possible to change jobs so if we go back to the example of the parrot in a cage, if you don't have "toys to play with", there is no enjoyment in life. In other words, finding hobbies and interests to look forward to can help you cope with a stressful job you dislike. Also, if these interests stimulate your mind, your mind is then more likely to focus on these things rather than focusing on illnesses and panics.

One other thing is that often because we are conscientious and like things done "properly", we like to take responsibility rather than allow others to do for us because we like to be in "control". We also feel that if we say "no", it will affect our careers. However, unless we accept our limitations, the added stress we gradually load on ourselves will eventually cause us to break and we then get "ill" with anxiety.

I realise in this modern world it's very stressful and it's very difficult to avoid it but try to remember your limitations and remember the value of "enjoyment" before you burn yourself out. Of course we all need money to live on but I also feel health should come before wealth because if you don't stay within your limitations and keep well, you end up not being able to enjoy life with the finances you've worked so hard to build.

Anyway, panics are a symptom of stress whether it's emotional or in your daily lives and I've found that if you lessen your stresses and bring enjoyable things into your life to look forward to, you then feel happier, stronger and more confident and these are useful allies you need to combat panics. Don't allow yourself to become a parrot in a cage by remembering your limits and the most important things in life. They helped me back from the brink.

I'm just glad my previous post was of help.:hugs: