World could come crashing down tomorrow

[Belfry1973]

I didnt know whether to put this here or in the health anxiety section, but that seemed to be, with respect, people posting they think they have, not ones they actually have. If that makes sense

My main anxiety is around epilepsy which I've had since I was 9, had no seizures for many years, but for some reason I've had 3 epilepsy-like episodes this year, I'm absolutely terrified of having one when I'm driving or out and about although thats never happened.

I'm basically stuck with constant fear, more so than anxiety, I'm just scared to death and can feel myself slipping again, although I do work full time, a couple of people are aware but I've managed to hide it so well I think they think I'm over it.

Tomorrow I'm going to bite the bullet and go see my G.P, admit the episodes and the fact that I'm slipping again, the implications are massive, I could lose my driving licence and then my job (I'm a community worker), have to rely on my partner to take me places, not be able to drive down and see my parents and my son,but I cant live like this anymore. I've only been driving for 6 years but managed to cope before that!

How do people cope when its a genuine, real issue that they are anxious about, rather than an irrational fear. This isnt the only thing I get anxious about, the others are irrational! I've already have 2 nervous breakdowns complete with alcoholism, valium abuse and self harming! Hopefully people can help me from going that way again.
So when I come back tomorrow I will either be chock-full of good drugs or waving a bottle of vodka!
Oh and sorry for rambling!

[JaneC]

Hi Belfry and :welcome:. Sorry to hear you are not in a good place at the moment. Don't give any details you don't want to give, but what do you mean by "epilepsy-like episodes" if you feel like saying?

Are they actually seizures or something else that wouldn't cause you to lose you driving licence? I don't know much about the law on this, just have a teenage daughter who has epilepsy :hugs:

[Belfry1973]

If I'm completely open, which knowing me I probably wont be but enough to get me the treatment I need, then yes I'll lose my licence :mad:
Slight hallucinations, not sure where I am, confusion, slight memory loss, muscle stiffness, etc

[JaneC]

I'm so sorry to hear that. You may not feel able to look at it this way, especially if your job is at risk, but you could hurt yourself badly if you are driving when not really well enough. As you said, you did manage before you had a licence, although I know it's not great to have to think about going back to not driving.

I'm probably not helping much here (I do know how horrible it is to lose a job through ill-health, life is very unfair at times) but I hope, first of all, you manage to get your epilepsy back under control. That really has to be the priority. I really wish you luck. x

[Vixxy]

Hi there.
Just a theory, but if you took away the worry about losing your license and accepted it was just going to happen, then your anxiety levels would probably drop. Which could mean your health issues would possibly get better too. I can only imagine the inpact that being anxious will have on your epilepsy.
I think a lot of the issues we all face is that we refuse to believe we can cope. When in reality we can. If you do lose your license then you'll evolve a new way to travel.
Maybe as a short term thing you could "forget" to send any of the paperwork to the DVLA and just not drive in the short term. If it looks like this is something you can manage, then theres no harm done.

[Belfry1973]

Well I did it, I went in and admitted the whole thing to the GP. It had to be done, I got in the car this morning to drive to work, just got so scared I couldnt drive any longer and had to be rescued from the side of the road by my partner :blush: Think I've stopped crying for about 2 hours today the rest of the time I'm in tears.

Has the anxiety lifted? Nope, yes I'm less worried about crashing the car now, but I'm still soooo scared of having a seizure, you would have thought after nearly 30 years I'd be reconciled to it now!
My GP has also given me mirtazapine which also increases the risk of seizures and must be used in caution with people with epilepsy, so now I'm scared about that but my life is so restricted and on the brink I have to take something and SSRI's are def out.

Ah well, its all over, its all done and now I have the joy tomorrow of going into work to see if they suspend me whilst they do a 'risk assessment'!

[JaneC]

Hi Belfry,

I'd say it's not surprising to fear having a seizure, no matter how long you have had epilepsy. It must be such a scary thing. Good luck with the mirtazapine, hope it helps and doesn't cause you any probs.

With regard to work, I'm wondering whether you might have some protection from the Disability Discrimination Act if you are unable to drive, whether your case might fall under the "reasonable adjustments" employers have, by law, to make. Have you ever had a look at the Epilepsy Action website? Also, are you in a trade union? Please get their help of you are.

Good luck tomorrow and I hope you have sympathetic employers. If not, make sure they don't try to do anything they are not allowed to do. :hugs:

[Belfry1973]

Hi chaps

Well its sinking in, but I still cant go and look at my car! I had my first and absolutely last dose of mirtazapine on Friday, gawd I've felt bad when they've tinkered with my seizure meds, but nothing like this! Didnt take last nights cos I slept from 6pm till 7.30 this morning, and woke up feeling like I had the worse hangover ever!
(I'm going to post in the appropriate place about that though!)

Work has been kinda ok, I've requested office duties for a week while I got used to the new Lamictal dose and the mirtazapine, they have said they will try and do this. However if they cant, they want a Fit note from my doc, who is of course going to say I am fit for work, but then I'll get sent home!

I am in a union, and I've had epilepsy for so long I know the DDA inside out so I know they can do this, but I'll be keeping an eye on it!

[Andromeda]

i don't know about seizures but i'd imagine they are terrifying just as panic attacks are .

Having said that this fear of having one is ruining your life , just as fears of panic attacks ruined my life . you are basically waiting for it to happen , in the mean time you're stressing over 'what if' and making it 10000000000x worse for yourself .

you have to ask yourself

am i doing everything i can to prevent a seizure ? (again i'm not sure how they work but you catch my drift) i.e. been to see the GP , taken my medication , eating the right things etc

If the answer is no , well then you know what you need to do ! If the answer is yes then you need to ask yourself ;

Is me worrying now going to change anything ? No , it isn't , if a seizure is on the cards then it's on the cards , getting yourself worried isn't going to prevent it from happening if it's going to happen , it's only going continue to make everything worse for you .

We only have control over what happens to a certain extent , other things we can't control , surely it would be better to stay calm , relax and try to enjoy the days that are seizure free rather than waste that time worrying ?

XX