do you feel the same every time a blip occurs

[jaded jean]

Hi.
I am going through another blip at the moment and I feel so different to the first one.
the first time was feeling like the very begining very anxious and jittery sense of doom etc. This time I just seem to have a banging headache and feel sick. the mindchatter disappears quickly when I get up in the morning which is a saving grace, I just wanted to know if anyone experienced this.
Thanks Jean

[Jannie2948]

Hello Jean
Yep, I know what you mean. The first blip is the worst cos you think you are back at square one again. When they come further into your recovery you just think they are a blooming nuisance, well I do! I get the mind chatter but I seem to be able to get past that quickly. Headache and that lightheaded, dizzy feeling I still get and I hate them but I try my best to not let them get me down and I keep myself busy. I'm off work for a couple of days 'baby sitting' a colleagues dog and I love it, l so miss having a dog, and he is such a sweetie, it keeps my mind busy all the time. Just off for a brisk walk which always helps.

I think it is just an ongoing thing that we have to manage, I just can't wait for the day when I don't actually think about it at all. I have a niece who also suffered with anxiety/panic and she said there suddenly comes a day when you just don't think about it at all....! I hope to get to that day sometime :-)

All the best Jean

Jannie x x

[jaded jean]

Jannie
I am waiting for that day too but we have to be patient( which I might ad is not a thing I use very often) I have a dog she is a pure white akitita kishu inu and a big baby. When I was first off work she would lay on the bed with me all day keeping me company. she's a big girl though about 40kgs.lol. I just hope this feeling goes soon . I hope to keep the swiming up. I went with my eldest sister last night to give her support as she is a beginner, so I thnk I a heading in the right directien eh??
Jean xx

[Jannie2948]

Sounds good to me, I wanted to go swimming with my friend this week but she seems to have picked up a virus and feels blooming awful, poor thing. Your dog sounds beautiful. The one I'm looking after is a Patterdale terrier and he is quiet small but so blooming strong. Found out he doesn't like cats, nearly dragged me over trying to chase one!!! I'm sure that day will come when we wake up and feel 'normal' again, and I so can't wait. How are you with the citalopram?

Jannie x x

[jaded jean]

My daughter has a patterdale cross. her name is roxy.she is a baby as well!!
my dog has pulled my husband over a few times!!
I think the cit is working , my husband says there is a marked improvement but I tend to always doubt myself, for example if I dont feel as good 2 days running I start worrying thinkin I will have to change meds again and I really dont want to . Yes I am scared but it stems from the fact that my mum has dementia and I wonder if I will gat it as well . being a bit dramatic there sorry.
Jean xx

[Jannie2948]

My mum too suffered with dementia and for the last year of her life she came to live with me and the funny thing is she had never been happier. She used to tell me the same thing over and over again and I always had to let her think it was the first time she had told me, bless!! I know what you mean though, cos I too worry about that and as I get older I think because I forget things more easily I really start to worry. I work full time as a secretary and I have to write everything down just in case I forget something!! My 2 bosses are brilliant with me though, especially since I've been ill and the funny thing is, they have both suffered with anxiety/panic so they completely get me!!! My friend has a rottweiler called Roxy and she is such a beautiful sweet dog. I lost my dog Phoebe last year and I miss her so much. I won't get another dog now till I retire cos my Phoebe hated being home alone, and I will definitely get a Patterdale cos they are just the right size for me.

Jannie x x

[yvonne_uk_98]

Hi Jean,

Yes every blip is different, never the same way, though I have looked out for what is the same, blips begin to start a small bit simular to the last one, even though very different from the last one. I cant wait to be able to go through life without the blips, we all have our ups and downs, when you come to a blip, that is more than just being down for the day. Lasts longer, takes days to overcome. well mine do.

hope you have a good day today.

Yvonne

[jaded jean]

Hi Yvonne yes , my blip is day 3 now or the headache could mean I am coming out of it -god knows, but onwards and upwards
Jean

[jaded jean]

Hi Jannie.
Yes we lost our first akita 2 years ago . my, the grief was terrible it was a member of the family going. terrible time -I even had a candle burning for the day as I could send my thoughts to her . awful.
My boss seems to have a different approach. she really needs educating a bit more . I work in retirement homes as Scheme manager so I know about the dementia side . but tey scratch their heads and say can you give us an approximate time as to when you will be back? I dont know!! its just over 6 months , but... I am menopausal as well so I have a myriad of things going on in my body at the moment!!
arent you glad you are a woman>:doh: Jean xx

[Jannie2948]

Lovely being a woman!! I am hopefully through the worst of the menopause, still get the occasional hot flush but think that is more to do with my anxiety than the menopause. I think it is so nice if people get what you are going though with this illness rather than think 'oh no it's all in the mind', well actually it is all in the mind and it is a blooming nuisance!! No one has actually ever said to me 'pull yourself together' cos I think I would throw a fit, that's the last thing we need to hear. It is a pain getting old though, inside my head I'm still young but oh the body doesn't believe it!! I work with mainly younger people and I love it, never ever make me feel older, they are really good to work with. I miss the social side though since I've been ill, don't go out so much with them, don't drink alcohol any more cos I'm worried about mixing it whilst taking citalopram.

Jannie x x

[jaded jean]

I know where you are coming from. I dont smoke any more . stopped drinking. gave up caffeine a month ago and now .........CHOCOLATE!!!!. Purely because the caffeine and anxiety related thing .I have not been out socially for years. wedding funerals christenings would be about it. The family dont ask me to go out with them, would I be a burden who knows?? but I do what I can and wat am appy with and thats progress to me. I have a mammogram today and docs tomoz and will discuss as to whettherI should up the cit dose. Or is it too early? I am on day 34. any ideas Jannie??
Jeanx

[Jannie2948]

I had mine increased after 3 months went from 20mg to 40mg and feel so much better, occasional anxious moments but not very many. I also gave up caffeine 6 months ago, only ever drink de-caffeinated and never been a chocolate fan anyway so that's not so bad for me!! I used to love a glass of red wine or a coffee with a brandy, miss those but frightened to try them! Do you have any diazepam to get you through those bad days? My dr gave me 2mg and they helped in the first few weeks. Some people go up to 30mg citalopram for a while but I went straight up to 40mg and apart from feeling a bit spaced out for a while, I was fine and feel so much better now. A mammogram and the dr's, oh how lucky you are :-) The worse thing I've noticed is my weight!! I lost about 2 stone when I first was ill but now its creeping back on and I hate it, have to definitely start that swimming soon and now I've got the dog I'll be walking my legs off!!!

Jannie x x

[jaded jean]

I am still on the 'oh I have lost weight ' part which is a bonus as am over weight anyway.Re the diazepam my dr was on hols so spoke to another -asked for repeat script and she said 'no they are too addictive I will let you have 1 strip@ so....looking in my pack I have...3 left so 6 days on 1mg. thats why I am waking up early. I came off thrm easily before tho. at the start of this I was 5mg x2 a day. stopped them after 3 days as I thought they were too strong and asker for lower dose . I have had the on and off for 6 months .At one stage I refused to take them because I thought I might get dependant and I really suffered. I told my doc and he said but thats why you ave got them just in case. who do you listen too . I m concerned that I will be anxious after I stop tem but this is not refering to withdrawal, its whether the cit has started to work fully hence the request to see if I need to up to 30mg ,
Jean x

[Jannie2948]

I was only ever on 2mg of diazepam and my Dr who totally understands me said just to take them when I needed them, which I did. Now don't take them at all but when I went to the Dr's last week my Dr was on holiday so had to see different one and oh what a pig!! Straight away put me on the scales and took blood pressure without even saying hello, I told him my blood pressure always goes up at the Dr's 'white coat syndrome' and that it is normal at home. Took it 3 times with a painful look on his face which made me feel really anxious so blood pressure went up even more!! He saw that I had had diazepam in the past and told me not to take them and why am I anxious, and to cut back to 20mg of citalopram why do I take 40mg!!! By the time I came out of their I felt like I was back to square one again, had a really bad couple of days but then my sons and my friend gave me a talking to and told me to take no notice of him that my other Dr really understands my illness and is always so very kind to me. So I'm doing ok now. I will go back to see my usual Dr next time not the other one, even when I was sitting there at an open surgery no one wanted to see this Dr, I wonder why!!!

I never ever got dependent on diazepam and only ever took them when I needed to, and I was like you, always checking the pack to make sure I had some for certain things that I was doing. Now I don't need them at all, haven't had any for a few months. I would definitely ask about increasing the citalopram, 30mg might work for you, hopefully I can come down some time but whilst I feel ok my Dr said I can stay on them as long as I need them, and he said some people have been on them for years!!

My next worry will be if I did come off of them, what the withdrawal would be like, but I'll cross that bridge when I come to it :-)

Hope you get on ok today with your mammogram and at the Dr's tomorrow.

All the best

Jannie x x

[jaded jean]

:bighug1:Cheers Jannie I have enjoyed chatting to you today it has given me a lot more reassurance regarding this state of mine. Its better if you ave what I call 'continuation ' with the same Gp - even the ones I get on well with have different opnions.. re the blood pressure situation mine was I think about 180/156 and my gp said nah thats not too bad you will be fine and it has come down so... what do you do,
speak soon and have a good rest of the day
Jean

[JT69]

Hi Jannie,

What a pig of a doctor!!! I was just reading your posts and it makes my blood boil how they can be so insensitive!!! Obviously never had a dose of anxeity/depression then?? You almost wish it upon them so they can really find out what if feels like!!! Wierd how GP's are so different with their oppinions around these subjects.

I am lucky as my GP (like your regular one) is so understanding. I went again on Monday as I have been having a "blip" again and had almost run out of diazepam, he did not hestiate in giving me 2x28 2mg's as he knows like you I only ever take them when I really have to and at the moment that is just first thing to help get me to work as I know as the day wears off I begin to pick up and am at my best in the afternoons and evenings.

I just wanted to say to you that I took citalopram for around 9 years on and off because I had to, I would reduce myself right down to 10mg when I had periods of feeling really well and then increase up when I went through a bad spell. The fact that I kept 10mg (a very low dose according to my GP) in my system meant I did not have to go through all the awful side effects when increasing again. So dont worry (and I am sure you are not) the length of time you have to take them for. It is so much better to have that re-assurance than not. I came off my meds Jan 09 and crashed in October 09 big time, and this past time citalopram even at 40mg did not do the job for me, hence the reason I am on Mirtazipine. I am still not convinced it is as good as cit as it leaves me feeling alot more slower etc and I am a bit of a whippit!!! But then that perhaps a good thing as I just whizz around too much and at 46 need to slow down a bit....but the meds has got me back to work and given me my life back.

Sorry have rambled on a bit........hope you o.k.
Jo.xx

[jaded jean]

Jo I am 52 I have what I call 'round bum syndrome 'where I cannot sit still and like to see how many jobs I can do at once. On starting the cit after 3 days I was back at the docs saying I hate these I cant do it. But here I am. My eldest sister is on them and she says if she can live a normal existence with this 1 little tablet so be it. I am trying to take her attitude but after finding out I have been anxious all my life and I was covering it with something else I want to be the same - I want normality.
will keep you posted on my visit to he docs.

Jean:D


Jean

[JT69]

Hi Jean,

Good for you hun!!! We all just seek "normality" whatever that is for us!! Yes let me know how you get on...its great to chat to you. Jo.xx

[Jannie2948]

Hi Jo and Jean, well I'm even older than you, say it quietly (62 in 2 weeks!!!). People tell me its only a number, but what a high blooming number mine is!!! The trouble with me is I feel so much younger, and no one ever believes my age so one day it will probably hit me, but I'll wait for that day!!! Dr's, meds, worrying, anxiety, panic, one day we will all be free of this and 'normality' will come back into our lives and we won't know what to do with it!!! Well I'm sure we will, just want to wake up and not have it on my mind and not to think about it during the day. I'm lucky in that I do feel so much better than 6 months ago. Jean you will get there I am sure on the citalopram and Jo I so hope you start to feel better soon on the new meds. These blips are sent to try us and they are so blooming trying some days. Just been for a brisk walk with my friends dog and it was lovely.

Hope you both have a really good day, and as you both start to feel better in the afternoon, have a good afternoon and evening. My way is that I wake in the morning and I start thinking happy thoughts straight away and saying to myself that I am strong, I can and I will get better, get on the train, read my book, go to work, have a laugh:0)

Hope you both feel much better soon.

Jannie x x

[jaded jean]

Hi Jannie .
Yes I am looking forward to getting back to work. I hope the pooch behaved on walkies!! I believe that age is just a number . If you dont look it thats a bonus. I just dont act it!! I have faith in my doctor so onwards :yesyes: and upwards
Jeanxx

[mollymoo]

Hi Jaded Jean. I just wanted to add my contribution! I have been having blips for over 6 years.....medicated the whole time. I was on 60mg of cymbalta and 60mg of citalopram and xanax( all at the same time lol), I have just recently come off the cital as it is no longer working. Just started on Mirtazipine and it has not been agreeing with me at all. BUT the last 2 days I think I may be on the up so my advice to you is to only surround yourself with people who 'get' you and as your sister said its only a tablet and if you have to be on them for life....well so be it. I know that with all my issues I will never be off medication. Just as a side note, I was taking the cymbalta in the morning and cital at night so there are definately combinations you can try. All the very best and I truely hope you start to feel better soon. Bianca xx

[jaded jean]

Hi Bianca .
My word so many that would terrify me as I am a wuss with medication. what is the cymbalta for can I ask. I do want this cit to work. as it is my third change- although I was on prozac for ten years- mirtazapine for four months and now citalopram but getting the feedback and support from everyone on here keeps me going, sometimes I did not think I would make it through the days sometimes. I dont care if I dont come off it either. I f I just get a break thats good enough for me!!
Jean:)

[mollymoo]

Jean - Yeah the funny thing is I used to HATE swallowing any pills lol :) Cymbalta is for depression too (ssri). I found the citalopram did work well for me (on it for 5 years) but I had to keep increasing it as I seemed to plateau and it would stop being effective. It is bizzare I think how medicines work so differently between people. You keep up with the positive attitude! I know it's harder than anything but all I have learned over the years is just to try and be kind to yourself. If you have a bad day, then so be it, a good day....enjoy it. I have had all kinds of horrible nasty things happen to me in life and I am only just starting to realise that we DO only get one shot at this :hugs:

[jaded jean]

you are so right.
I am still trying to treat each day accordngly as you say if ts good -good if not dont worry.
I give you only live once mantra to my daughters as I use to be a very sponaneous person - never thought of consequences just jumped in and did it, now well I went into child mode and hid behind my husband . Slowley emerging tho:D.
Jean

[mollymoo]

you are so right.
I am still trying to treat each day accordngly as you say if ts good -good if not dont worry.
I give you only live once mantra to my daughters as I use to be a very sponaneous person - never thought of consequences just jumped in and did it, now well I went into child mode and hid behind my husband . Slowley emerging tho:D.
Jean

Well at least you still have a sense of humor lol! Love it! One day at a time! :D

[jaded jean]

Hi
its strange I sort of retained it most of the way through this horrid journey- or it was just me being cynical. I dont know about one day at a time more like' one step beyond' !!:D
Jeanx

[mollymoo]

Yeah I retained my sick sense of humour too! Cynical...I don't think it really matters! I find as long as I think something is funny...well so be it lol!