how do people keep working full time???

[bellab]

Hi all
i would appreciate some feedback / any experiences as I am getting more and more worried at the amount I am struggling with this...

I have suffered panic /anxiety on and off, but this year it has been brutal and really effecting what I can/cant do (or what I "let myself" do ) .....

work is, of course, my biggest commitment in terms of "having to " be there ( a lot of my panic centres around being anywhere outside my house really) ...and although I havent had any time off due to stress/panic....just getting through every day is more and more difficult...

At the moment my hours are only part time, but this is a temporary shift that wont last past probably the autumn....the idea of working full time right now seems an absoulte imposibilty...especially too as it would seem that a lot of my panic/stress gets translated into me being/feeling really very (physically) unwell - so a lot of the time I have been off has been due to this rather than panic per se

how on earth do people keep going to work whilst feeling like this? this last bout of anxiety etc has been going on since xmas, with almost daily panic attacks from feb or so.... I am having counselling and I think it is helping me to get things out and just deal with a lot of the things I have been so used to bottling up...but my temptation to just "quit everything" so I wouldnt have to be so afraid anymore, is sometimes really high...

I havent really told my GP how bad the anxiety is (tho I keep going back for the physical /pain issues...probably frustrating the hell out of him!) ....he isnt keen on medication and when I did mention how bad I felt when this all started said I "needed to learn to deal with the feelings" so I think sees medication as some kind of "cop out" from doing any of the real work

I am exhausted from all this, it is making me very low (I cry at the most random things, and most days now)...and is making me physically unwell....(Ive been out of action almost 2 weeks with some kind of virus thing....still not getting much better)

In terms of my actual job, the situation there is pretty stressful, wont go into it...but Im questioning would I cope any better at any job? my confidence in my ability to do anything is at an all time low at the moment ...a year ago I felt like I was on top of the world, in a similar position, I was managing/supervising people , i was on top of my game, giving training to others, I was confident in what I was going.....now I just feel like the tiniest task is too much .... even driving and getting into work every day is no small feat

I dont know whats wrong with me...well I guess "anxiety" is whats wrong with me, but I feel like I am being such a burden on everyone- my partner is amazing, but I feel I have placed so much pressure on him- financially by working less at the moment, but also emotionally in terms of my anxiety about doing almost anything, needing reassurance all the time , I just think surely he will get sick of all this...

everything feels like its hanging by a fine thread at the moment and I could be so close to just losing it all

how do others cope with this? I feel like Ive been treading water for the past 6-9 months, not getting anywhere...I feel I am barely holding onto my job as it is....

what to do...:shrug:

thanks

bella x

[Downsinthenorth]

You poor thing, you sound absolutely exhausted. :hugs:

My main piece of advice is to go back to your doctor, and this time be honest with him about what you are going through. You might want to write down everything that you wish to say to him, and take the notes in with you, perhaps even giving them to the doctor. You are used to "bottling things up", so I imagine it's not easy talking about mental health issues to anyone, but you must because I think you realise that you can't go on like this.

The other thing I would suggest, is that you get a copy of Dr Claire Weekes's "Self Help for Your Nerves" from your local library. She provides down-to-earth advice on how to tackle anxiety, and related issues, written so its easy for a lay-person to understand.

All the best.

[seeker-of-peace]

Just that you are working at all is incredible, you are so strong! I really admire you.

I agree to go to the GP and to be kinder to yourself, what an amazing spirit you have, you are stronger than you think.

I find writing down fears helps and then questioning whether they are valid or not.

You must realise that you always know the nature of anxiety, it always subsides, you know why it starts and that it stops. Inbetween learn a relaxation method, I cannot recommend this highly enough, once you learn it you can do it in bed, on the train, walking, anywhere and it is a real coping tool that is invaluable, all you need do it give it a go, and it's good for your confidence too as it'll be you learning then applying it.

[jothenurse]

You're doing great. I was working full-time in health care as a supervisor, also taking care of my Mom who broke her arm, and I finally ended up taking a medical leave because I just had such intense anxiety that I lost 20 pounds. Now I am on Ativan, and trying to get some weight back on and trying to learn how to deal with this tremendous anxiety. Plus my boyfriend had moved out right before all this and I am having trouble being by myself with all this anxiety. I get gaggy a lot, and that's why my psychiatrist wants me to take the ativan, at least temporarily so I can eat something.

[unspoken]

I totally understand your fears and problems.

I just don't seem to have the energy other people have. It really worries me what my long term prospects are. I have a degree, I graduated last year. I don't really know what I want to do. I worked full time in 2 short term jobs between August and December of last year but both involved long busy commutes across London and the last one was a particularly stressful environment. I was exhausted the whole time and existing on some kind of nervous energy, as I couldn't sleep on the weekends either. Depression hit me mid November and a few weeks later I stopped working because my boss and colleagues were being unhelpful and I didn't have the option to take sick leave.

Now, 5 months since I stopped working, I still feel so tired. I go to the gym a couple of times a week and I volunteer in a charity shop 3 afternoons a week but that is all I have the energy to do. I have IBS and GERD and I'm on 4 medications. I have to sleep 10-11 hours a night or else I feel sick, shivery, faint and feverish. I don't understand how anxiety and depression have made me this way.

I don't exactly know how to advise about your sitation because I am fortunate enough to be able to live with my parents so working is not a total necessity right now however I know that in the long term I need to support myself. I think I will try to find a job with relatively little responsibility, maybe in retail, if I can. I seem to have developed a phobia of office environments and I also get very anxious on the phone. At the moment I am dealing with it by not thinking about the future.

Tell your GP about your anxiety. Write it down if it is easier. It may help you when you are there to get your problems across without missing anything important. If he still doesn't take you seriously, go to another GP at the same practice, or change to another practice. You deserve to be taken seriously. I hope you do manage to find ways to deal with the stress.

[bellab]

downsinthenorth- thank you , and yes I am knackered with all of this!!!
I know I need to be honest with my GP about this, as I cant do this on my own...my partner is always suggesting I write things down so I dont forget to say things, I just feel stupid as I mustve been to the dr maybe 4 or 5 times since feb and havent even mentioned any of this ....I guess I worry he will think I am making this up or just pulling something else out of the bag!....but I do need to be honest becuase I fear that I am just approaching burn out at the moment...I will look into the book, I do have one on panic attacks written by someone who has been thru them...good advice, but you know, the idea that I can actually get better from them just seems out of reach for me..

seeker-of-peace- thank you, I dont feel very strong at the moment....
I am not the best at being kind to myself..I do know, and others have commented that I can be really harsh with myself sometimes...I think I am my own worst enemy really!...I know the anxiety subsides but when in the midst of it I want to run away and escape from wherever I am..so I find the waiting till it subsides really difficult if not impossible sometimes... some relaxation would be good, as I need some things to cope in the meantime...I think I try and understand what has triggered the anxiety as it just makes no sense to me sometimes....all these situatiosn I wouldve done without a second thought suddenly feel overwhelming

jothenurse- thank you. Gosh what a lot you have on your plate...Im not surprised it has been hard to cope....is your dr/work supportive of you being off? or are you still off? (if you dont mind me asking) ....I work in a similar environment, but the org is really quite harsh with sick leave...and especially anything to do with mental health I fear for being able to go back into the job if I was off with stress for example....its ironic as working in a caring profession, you think theyd be more "caring" to staff!


unspoken
I couldve written your post!! I also suffer similar problems and constantly feel weak, shakey, fluey...... I cant believe either this could be "just" caused by stress/depression but it very likely is....I have never had stress effect me so physically and for such a long time (several years now with the health issues)....
I need to make some kind of change becuase I cant go on like this....maybe the dr is the first port of call...yes I think writing things down is a good idea
I hope things feel better/settle down for you soon...it is good not to have the pressure of work, but at the same time I can understand the worry of "what next"

thank you all for your support , it means a lot from people who I know "get it" ...bless them my friends and partner are great...but explaining how limiting this can be at times or all the time, is really hard as they havent experienced it so find it hard to make sense of it!

thank you
bella x

[TheWolf]

You know I am currently on a holiday at the moment, and going back to a high paced investment banking environment at the end of the month, and I intend to go all the way. I am sure that I can find a way to control these problems and won't let it hinder my career.

[TheWolf]

Anyone can shed some light on working whilst having panic disorder?

[jothenurse]

My boss/company has been very supportive with my medical leave. By law, they do have to let me have the 12 weeks of the FMLA. But, they want me back as soon as possible. I am nervous about going back because it is a very stressful job and I want to make sure that I have gained some weight back before I return. Even before I took the leave people were asking "Are you eating?", etc. They knew about the stress of the job (not many people want to be a Director of Nursing), they knew about my boyfriend moving out and his health issue and my Mom's health issue, so they were surprised that I stayed and worked full time as long as I did. My boss said I could come back half days for the first couple of weeks if that would help. But my job does include meetings that I need to go to out of town and lots of stress. I'm not sure how well I would do driving out of town with the panic disorder. I'm wondering sometimes if this is the job I should stay with. My counselors feel it would be good to go back and then later if I decide I want to do something different, then switch then. They don't want me to not think I can do the job. I'm still on the ativan, but I guess that is no big deal. My assistant is on an anti-depressant and I have other nurses on medications. I can always eventually taper off the ativan. Right now it bothers me that I need to take it.

[dannibarbie2009]

Hi Bella,

You poor thing I do feel your upset and pain.
I have been struggerling with anxiety/panic attacks for the last 3/4 years on and off. I have really struggerled to work full time but I think working has helped me.
My safe zone where I dont have panic attacks and feel safe is my home. Because I work 5 days a week 9-5pm this again creates another safe zone because I am used to it and the people.
Maybe an idea would be talking to your colleagues,boss to let them know your situation and how you feel. This will take a weight off your shoulder by letting other people aware of how you feel. I know it made me feel alot better.
Your doing so well and strong not giving up work! Keep going!!

I do recommend you speaking to your doctor, but I agree with your doctor not going on medication.
I would recommend seeing a hypnotherapist because I have been seing one and they really help retrain your brain into new ways of thinking. Stop the anxiety and triggers which set them off.
See website www.sich.co.uk (http://www.sich.co.uk)

If you need anymore help or talk please do not hesitate.

Danielle x

[Belfry1973]

Sheer determination and propanolol, bach rescue remedy, some aromatherapy thing I rub on my temples and wrists, and constant visits to the loo to practice my breathing!
I dont know how I manage, I just do, I'm the only one with a regular wage in the house and it just has to be done, I'm aware I could be heading for a complete exhaustation period so I've finally been to the doctors and am having counselling and different medication, work also know what is happening and have been very supportive.

Go to the doctors and really let them know whats happening, I didnt before and like me in the past you could end up with complete burn out, when that happened I ended up having problems with alcohol and valium, and you really dont want to go there!

:bighug1:
Emma

[bellab]

Thank you all for your replies
Jo- Im glad your work is being supportive
thewolf- when I figure out a good way of coping Ill let you know! ;o)
Danielle- thanks for the support, I may look into hypnotherapy, I am having counselling which is useful I think but the panic continues...
Emma- thank you, I think your right I need to be honest with the dr, the alternative is I feel like Im just heading for a total breakdown

for those that suggested telling the boss/work team.... I work in a lovley team in terms of colleagues, but the boss is an issue....she has made several quite hefty accusations against staff team which just arent true...she can be nice as anything sometimes and the next minute you feel like your defending yourself to her and she is acting like you do the shittest job in the world...I know another worker is struggling with feeling anxious most days (not necessarily in the same league as she is at least admitting her anxiety about work) ...and is also considering making a formal complaint!

much of my anxiety ...though not all of it...is about work.....I have just been off sick a week with a virus that caused constant vertigo and nausea, I couldnt drive...tried to drag myself in one day and left after half an hour, and even then the boss seemed to be questioning my sick leave! my partner has offered to drive me in today...I have no idea if I am well enough to last the whole day and I just want to cry at the thought of going in becuase if I mess it up and have to go home again that will just make things worse....

I feel like I am having a total breakdown here...I have never cried so much in my life...it is 7.30am and I am holding back tears, 3 times at least yesterday I was in tears and winding myself up all day thinking "will I be ok enough to go back to work tomorrow, I have to go, but what if Im ill?" ....

I dont know what else to do except try and keep on going, even if my GP did sign me off, to be signed off with stress would be the final nail in the coffin as far as work are concerned...

:unsure: I have never ever been like this in my life about work.....like most others I have financial responsibiltys which mean I cannot just up and leave...but it all just feels overwhelming right now

any thoughts or messages or hope to get thru today would be much appreciated....

[jothenurse]

Do you quality for a family medical leave?

[doktorjohn]

Hi Bella
Can you see a different doctor? My old doctor could not care less about anxiety and he always has appointments open because nobody likes him.

My new doctor could not be more caring. A whole world of difference.

dj

[bellab]

Hi guys
Jo- not sure what family medical leave is...Im in the UK so dont know if that makes a difference....I do get a certain amount of paid sick leave ...but work arent keen on giving it if they dont have to! (they have been known to make ppl take unpaid leave when a close family member was seriously ill!)

drjohn- Im glad you found a new dr that is good!! my GP is okay he does try I think I probably confuse the pic by going a lot for phsyical issues (which are there) and tending to downplay the anxiety...I havent gone back this time and told him about how bad the panic attacks are...the physical illness seems to come when they have calmed down and normally I focus on that...hmmm...maybe a pattern there....

well...I made it in today , felt sick to my stomach (still actually ill) most of the day ....but I made it...felt kinda proud , but I do need to make some changes...I think maybe the anxiety and ill health has been telling me for a while that maybe I need to make some big changes (lifestyle and career wise) .... but maybe not to make massive life changes in the midst of feeling so all over the place...

i dont know if my job suits me...I always thought and the little ole age of 18 that this is what I wanted to do, I climbed the career ladder pretty fast so to speak! and 10 years later have now been doing for several years, a job that would usually take many more years to get into....the truth is at the moment anyway, the core business of my work I hate....I dread it at worst (and this is before the panic) and persevere/tolerate it at best.....i think I always told myself (and believed to an extent) that it is what I wanted to do ....and now it appears my body and mind may well be telling me a different story

trouble being I have no idea what else I would do ...my qualifications and experience are pretty specific and its always been easier to move "sideways" rather than "out" if that makes any sense....

i was reading a book written by someone who'd had panic attacks saying it was a kick up the butt for them to start seeing that the way theyd been living thier life wasnt okay for them ,.......maybe there is something too that..I dont know....

Im glad this place is here, I think even my bf seeing me go off to work this morning was shocked by the sheer dread ...

thanks guys :bighug1:

[jothenurse]

FMLA in America means that if you have worked for at least a year in your present job (with so many hours) if you or a family member has a major medical issue and the doctor is willing to fill out the papers then you are alllowed by law to take up to 12 weeks off and you get your job back. If you have vacation or sick time you need to use that. Otherwise, it is unpaid. It's the law in the U.S.