how did all this start?

[minnie h]

woz just wondering how everybodys h/a started? Mine started a few months afta i had my daughter,wen she woz about 2mnths old she woy aslp in her cot n i woz laid in my bed staring at her n she look soo beautiful n i just sudenly thort omg 1 day am going 2 die n am going 2 hav 2 leave her, anyway neva thort anymore ov it,then about 4 mnths later i started havin panic attacks n h/a,my daughter is 5yrs old now lol hope every1s gud hanna x x

[gina p]

mine started when I had my first child almost 3 years ago but I think this was partly because I developed thyroid problems and became anemic after her birth . I now also have an 8 month old son and its goes worse since he was born . I've always been more aware of body sensations etc but never to this degree . As my doc put it - when you have kids there is more at stake if anything happened to you and thats why you are having these worries - I just hope it all goes away as I'm fed up worrying .

[Tinkrebel]

Hi, mine started just after my 40th birthday in December last year. I've had IBS for the last few years and because I was stressed about going out for a meal with my family for my birthday, I took immodium before going out (something I used to do on a regular basis I'd take immodium a few times a week, but I had been to private counselling and had been able to deal with it better so hadn't taken any for a few months). My birthday was on the 20th and I'd had constipation since then due to the immodium. I'd tried to go to the loo several times over the last few days as I was feeling really uncomfortable, anyway on the 26th I was putting on my make up and noticed my eye had a big bloodshot patch on it, straight away for some reason I started to worry, I googled it, and saw it could be a sign of high blood pressure!! (logically it was probably from straining to go to the loo and bursting a blood vessel that way!)

From that point on I was convinced I was about to have a stroke. I spent all day panicking and feeling like I was about to die, worried that it would happen in front of my 3 children. Then I remembered as a child I would quite often think I wouldn't live past my 40th birthday, so I became increasing anxious about that thought. I went to bed that night and couldn't sleep, my partner was downstairs watching tv and I actually went downstairs and asked him to come and lie in bed with me because I didn't want to die alone. This feeling carried on for weeks, butI started to have chest pains, shortness of breath, tingling face (lips & tip of nose especially) pains in my left arm, numb hands and pins and needles in my feet. I couldn't shake the feeling that I was about to die, and everyday I'd want to go to bed as soon as possible, because I figured it was better to die in bed in my sleep, rather than drop down dead in Sainsburys in front of my kids. Every morning I'd wake up and feel disheartened that I had another day of wondering when I was about to die. I saw the doctor at the end of January as I was getting married in February and hoped it would sort things out. I had blood tests taken, ECG and chest x-ray, they all came back fine, so the doctor didn't give me anything to help, it was only when I googled some of the symptons I came across this site, and realised that all of my symptons were signs of anxiety. I went back to see the doctor in March and was then diagosed with anxiety and prescribed sertraline, this then triggered panic attacks about 8 days after starting to take it, and I was then prescribed diazepam when I felt an attack coming on. My sertraline was increased to 100mg a day and I was also referred to a counseller/psychotherapist who specialises in HA.

It seems crazy that know exactly what triggered it, but can't seem to stop the down hill snowball its now creating. I've also since found out from my mum that my dad used to always say he was going to die before he was 40 (he's now 60) and if he didn't he wanted my mum to shoot him as he didn't want to be old, so whether that's where the seed was planted, I'll never know.

Amanda x

[minnie h]

iv always been a worrier.evan when i woz a little girl.i remember wen i woz about 13 n sum boys at school said theyd heard on the radio that the world woz guna end that same day! I woz so upset my mum had 2 cum fetch me frm school,it woz awful. X

[Zee]

My first bout started 10 years ago from shoulder/neck tension and dizziness. It took 7 months to get it under control after so many different symptoms had kicked in.

Then again almost 3 months ago, I had a sudden dizzy turn followed by neck/shoulder tension and it started all over again from there. Ive had so many symptoms come and go.

[crazyhayz]

my anxiety disorder started after undiagnosed post natal depression that wasnt treated/noticed by my doctor... i also used to take alot of class A drugs when i was younger, and i blame them too.

[minnie h]

i had postnatal depression azwel. X

[pigtailplaits]

When I look back now I realise mine started not long after my first daughter was born- I was very clingy and posessive with her and I would not let anyone look after her-she had to be with me 24/7. I must of been like a mad crazed woman but I didnt want anyone to touch my baby then it suddenly dawned on me that one day I would die and leave this beautiful beautiful person all alone in the world (not the case at all as I have a loving husband and 2 excellent sisters, all nannas and grandads and lots of cousins) however I could not/cannot rationalise this fear- I then had to return to work and leave her with family and that really broke me, I would sit at work clockwatching desperate to get back home. I did that for 3 months and eventually after torturing myself I became really ill. I had lost lots of weight and began to have lots of headaches and blurred vision. I googled it and became convinced I had a brain tumor. I took myself to AE in hysterics and demanded an MRI scan and lucky for me I got one then and there which came back fine. I should of left then happy that it was fine, but I didnt- I was sure something was making me feel this dreadful. Over the next two years that followed I spent lots of time at the doctors, hospitalised for 2 weeks, a full battery of medical tests, counselling, private hypnotherapy but nothing made me feel better. My daughter was not getting the best of me-I felt like I was failing as a mum coz I could not/cannot get a grip. I had around 3 mts off sick from work coz I could hardly function and was sure I was about to drop down dead in front of my beautiful girl. I began to do spontaneous things incase I never got the chance such as last minute holidays, even booked and paid for my wedding in 2weeks cos I was convinced I was running out of time. Then I got pregnant with my son (who is now 7mts) while I was pregnant the anxiety subsided a little but not wholly. However, I felt better than had previously. Lo and behold it hit me again with a ton force the second he was born. I began frantically crying at his birth that I wanted him naked and to lie on my chest incase he didnt know I was his mam, he mite not bond with me etc etc. A couple of hours later I was told he had congenital pnuemonia and they kept asking me if I had any infections (more worry for me) I was then told my blood pressure had raised (still high but docs are saying its stress related) Since my son has been born I have had 7 infections, my lymph node in my neck is swollen and again I feel like I am at deaths door. I dont know why I am like this but I would love to go back to a time and place when I wasnt. I have been offered more counselling but not sure its for me. I constantly think about what illness I am dying from and my poor little babies are missing out on the best of me. My fears at the moment are brain tumors, lymphona and stroke. I want to get to 40, thats all I ask-see my babies get to adults. If someone told me that right now for a fact I think my anxiety would disappear-its something out of my control and thats part of my personality I am a control freak!

[Lauz]

Mine is similar to Zee, shoulder and neck issues from a fall I had. It was taking forever to get under control and in my life work was crazy I moved out of home for the 1st time and I had 3 close people around my pass away within 4 months all young and suddenly. So when my neck etc didn't get better (from all the stress etc) my body just shut down and thats when the panic started and thats when i got it stuck in my mind that I too was just going to drop dead like the others ...
I am much better now, I dont think like this, I get the panicky days every now and again but it doesn't amount to anything. My neck & shoulder still aches on a daily basis but I deal with it now after having treatment etc on it. The acceptance of all of this has definately helped me through this battle. It does feel like a light switch has gone off and gone back to normal mode :)

[LittleMissPanicky]

I had it a bit before I had my son, but after suffering postnatal depression it has got alot worse. xx

[pd]

Had my first panic attack just after leaving the funeral director's where we had gone to see my grandad's body (though I've had various other mental health issues since my early teens). Felt dizzy and out of breath and thought I was dying too. Had a couple of years with only minor panic/anxiety, but two years later, just before I went to university I became convinced I had a brain tumour. From there, I've gone on to just about every type of cancer one can have, brain anyeurisms, strokes, just about every heart condition one can have, MS, ME, etc, etc.