Mart
03-02-06, 03:46
The last couple of years have been pretty bad for me.
I have been on and off medication (zispin being the most helpful, when the only one I really stuck at). But it got to the point where I felt that I could not carry on anymore where I was. I was living in an area where after several years the only people I knew vaguely were my work colleagues and I wouldn't really describe any of them as friends. At least not close friends. I think I was reasonably well liked, hell I know I was, but i could never seem to connect with any of them past the surface level.
And the more secluded I felt the worse the anxiety problems became (I thought I had managed to kick them) so it was a bit of a catch-22 situation as far as social headway went.
So I made a plan to go back to Zimbabwe for a couple of years, which is where I grew up. It was the only real available option with availablity of work etc.
I've sold my house, quit my job and I should be preparing to go. But since quitting I've got into a routine where I can't sleep at night (my symptoms were always worse in the evening) and I sleep during the day, not achieveing anything at all. And because of this I'm getting no social contact at all. Apart from the odd trip to the 24-hour supermarket.
I have actually booked my flight and everything but there are million little things that I need to sort out before I go. I'm not even sure that going is the right thing to do. I have got a contract lined up there and I do know people there but it feels as if I am running away because I can't cope. The question is will it be any better over there and if it isn't, what do I do then? I already feel like I'm half way (if not more) to becoming a total basket case.
I feel as if there's a vice squeezing my brain and I can't focus on anything.
I have been on and off medication (zispin being the most helpful, when the only one I really stuck at). But it got to the point where I felt that I could not carry on anymore where I was. I was living in an area where after several years the only people I knew vaguely were my work colleagues and I wouldn't really describe any of them as friends. At least not close friends. I think I was reasonably well liked, hell I know I was, but i could never seem to connect with any of them past the surface level.
And the more secluded I felt the worse the anxiety problems became (I thought I had managed to kick them) so it was a bit of a catch-22 situation as far as social headway went.
So I made a plan to go back to Zimbabwe for a couple of years, which is where I grew up. It was the only real available option with availablity of work etc.
I've sold my house, quit my job and I should be preparing to go. But since quitting I've got into a routine where I can't sleep at night (my symptoms were always worse in the evening) and I sleep during the day, not achieveing anything at all. And because of this I'm getting no social contact at all. Apart from the odd trip to the 24-hour supermarket.
I have actually booked my flight and everything but there are million little things that I need to sort out before I go. I'm not even sure that going is the right thing to do. I have got a contract lined up there and I do know people there but it feels as if I am running away because I can't cope. The question is will it be any better over there and if it isn't, what do I do then? I already feel like I'm half way (if not more) to becoming a total basket case.
I feel as if there's a vice squeezing my brain and I can't focus on anything.