In the night I fear I'm losing .....

[greeneyes]

OK, so this is me -

Struggling to hold things together during the day - with varying results !

However - in bed - when the lights go off, my crazy brain starts tormenting me...

I have two beautiful dogs that are pretty much the only reason I want to get out of bed in the morning. Unfortunately, bith suffer from chronic conditions that literally require me to fight to keep them healthy - this leaves me with little strength to fight for myself.

As I lie in bed my brain plays me the same flippin' video in my head, over & over & over again - that is of me having to have my dog put to sleep. Though I try to stop this damned film playing out in all it's excruciating detail, I usually feel the tears trickling down my cheeks while the dogs sleep blissfully unaware at my feet.

The dogs are in no danger of leaving me yet - but that's obviously my worst fear at present and so this cycle continues until - like today - I'm so knackered through lack of a decent nights sleep, everything seems pointless.

I guess I'm not the only who hates it when the lights go off eh?

Anyone else tormented by unwanted thoughts of losing something / someone precious at night ?

Anyone know how to turn this internal video off - or at least change the damned tape.

Oh, I've just realised how old this makes me sound - videos ???? of course I mean Blu- ray or dvds at the very least ....heh heh.

[Vixxy]

Hi there. What a horrible image to have in your head. I can totally understand why youre exhausted.
CBT should be really helpful for you as it gets you to deal with those intrusive thoughts that come into your head.
For now, some things Ive picked up over the years:
Take the video thats playing in your head and put a border around it, as if its a video postcard. Then visualise yourself turning it over and sticking a stamp on it, then post it! Watch yourself post that image to someone else.
Try writing down exactly what upsets you about that video. Then write next to it what is actually happening in real life, ie the dogs may be ill, but theyre ok. So they dont need to be put to sleep.

Maybe take some comfort in the fact that although putting an animal to sleep is a painful thing for us to deal with, you would only be doing it if you thought it was for the best. You wont take that decision lightly and its not something that you would do just because.

[greeneyes]

Thanks for your help Vixxy - I will be sure to try your idea tonight or whenever my brain decides to misbehave.

Thanks for listening & taking the time to respond,

xx

[Vixxy]

No problems. I hope it goes away soon. Ive got 2 cats and I rely on them a lot to keep me going. I went through a stage of being convinced one of them was going to be ran over. It wasnt nice and it upset me a lot.
I totally understand your pain.

[micheal88]

listen ive been through it last year i lost my dog the feelings are horrible.. but its life it goes on.. it really is heartbreaking but we all go through it your not alone... so enjoy them while you can gthen grieve after if you no what i mean

[Vanilla Sky]

Maybe try sleeping with a dim light on , i do this when i feel anxious and thinking to much x

[worrywoman]

OK, so this is me -

Struggling to hold things together during the day - with varying results !

However - in bed - when the lights go off, my crazy brain starts tormenting me...

I have two beautiful dogs that are pretty much the only reason I want to get out of bed in the morning. Unfortunately, bith suffer from chronic conditions that literally require me to fight to keep them healthy - this leaves me with little strength to fight for myself.

As I lie in bed my brain plays me the same flippin' video in my head, over & over & over again - that is of me having to have my dog put to sleep. Though I try to stop this damned film playing out in all it's excruciating detail, I usually feel the tears trickling down my cheeks while the dogs sleep blissfully unaware at my feet.

The dogs are in no danger of leaving me yet - but that's obviously my worst fear at present and so this cycle continues until - like today - I'm so knackered through lack of a decent nights sleep, everything seems pointless.

I guess I'm not the only who hates it when the lights go off eh?

Anyone else tormented by unwanted thoughts of losing something / someone precious at night ?

Anyone know how to turn this internal video off - or at least change the damned tape.

Oh, I've just realised how old this makes me sound - videos ???? of course I mean Blu- ray or dvds at the very least ....heh heh.


FINALLY !!!! I found someone who feels how I feel !!!
I have just posted a thread 5 mins ago... Take a look ! .. Your not alone !!!! Xx

[Speranza]

I have spent the last few years on and off looking fondly at my cat and then starting to weep quietly as I picture her body on the vet's table...

I can laugh at myself for it but not at the time.

This is one thing which Prozac seems to have totally changed. The vet had got used to me having tears in my eyes whenever I took her (she is 18 and does have things wrong) but now I can go in and discuss the future without crying. I am very grateful!

But yes - I DO know how it feels. Much love to you. xxxx

[worrywoman]

It's so scary.. Did you ever feel like you wanted to distance yourself from your cat ? Like preventing yourself from loving ? It's the only true fear I really have ? I suppose it boils down to "scared of losing something you truly love in any way" ? Sorry for all the questions, I'm just trying to make sense if my feelings and how I can make myself feel better and get back to enjoying my pets again rather than trying to rom a distatchment "just in case" ? I'm so unhappy :'(