Zingara
19-05-10, 17:06
Hi... I've been very quiet for a bit... I did feel I was getting better, (a little, anyway, though my anxiety seems totally intractable) at least I was feeling less intensely distressed all the time. Now, almost out of the blue, I feel worse than ever. Tearful, very anxious, unable to concentrate or enjoy anything, panicky (though not having panic attacks as such, more just severe anxiety that makes it very hard to relax at all). I'm alternately very very tired and so agitated that I can't sit still.
I haven't been on here for a long time and when I look back over my old posts I feel so profoundly sad I just want to cry and cry... in a way I feel nostalgic for those days... although I was so ill and suffering so much I had a kind of hope that it wouldn't last, that time would heal. Now I just feel defeated, and I could weep for the 'Samira' who joined here two years ago, so full of pain, but still hoping the pain would lift. Well, today it's as bad as ever... I don't know where to turn.
I still have my 'problem' - the very specific issue of being unable to move on emotionally from an intense experience - a total thyroidectomy - two and a half years ago now. I'm going to see my doctor next week and beg for a referral to a psychologist because I think I need real proper therapy for it, to address underlying emotional problems. I'm really scared that I won't ever get better. I'm 31 - what if this haunts me for the rest of my life? I don't know how I'll cope, I don't know how I'm coping now.
I also have associated anxiety issues - I've been diagnosed with GAD and I also have OCD. I have some health issues associated with having no thyroid, and I suffer badly with anxiety related health problems - heart palpitations, sleep problems and IBS.
I wish I could get some respite - I'm used to suffering, but I just want to take a break from it. I wish I could just enjoy the days instead of being pierced with melancholy and distress, so that I'm in tears all the time, or so hamstrung with anxiety I can hardly get out of the house. I feel so lost - like an alien, as though my time has passed, and I'm living on like a ghost. It's so frightening when I feel like that, and I don't know how to describe it. I am also very emotionally fragile - I cry several times a day, and once I start it's very hard to stop.
Anyway, thanks for taking the time to read this. xx
I haven't been on here for a long time and when I look back over my old posts I feel so profoundly sad I just want to cry and cry... in a way I feel nostalgic for those days... although I was so ill and suffering so much I had a kind of hope that it wouldn't last, that time would heal. Now I just feel defeated, and I could weep for the 'Samira' who joined here two years ago, so full of pain, but still hoping the pain would lift. Well, today it's as bad as ever... I don't know where to turn.
I still have my 'problem' - the very specific issue of being unable to move on emotionally from an intense experience - a total thyroidectomy - two and a half years ago now. I'm going to see my doctor next week and beg for a referral to a psychologist because I think I need real proper therapy for it, to address underlying emotional problems. I'm really scared that I won't ever get better. I'm 31 - what if this haunts me for the rest of my life? I don't know how I'll cope, I don't know how I'm coping now.
I also have associated anxiety issues - I've been diagnosed with GAD and I also have OCD. I have some health issues associated with having no thyroid, and I suffer badly with anxiety related health problems - heart palpitations, sleep problems and IBS.
I wish I could get some respite - I'm used to suffering, but I just want to take a break from it. I wish I could just enjoy the days instead of being pierced with melancholy and distress, so that I'm in tears all the time, or so hamstrung with anxiety I can hardly get out of the house. I feel so lost - like an alien, as though my time has passed, and I'm living on like a ghost. It's so frightening when I feel like that, and I don't know how to describe it. I am also very emotionally fragile - I cry several times a day, and once I start it's very hard to stop.
Anyway, thanks for taking the time to read this. xx