Constant anxiety, panic attacks, stuck in a rut

[ann88]

I'm 22 and have had panic attacks/anxiety for about 3-4 years now. I had CBT last year for my panic attacks which was helpful to a degree but ultimately it's down to me to sort them out, and that's where I came unstuck. No matter how much I read about accepting the panic attacks and not fighting them, when one comes on and I'm out of my comfort zone all logic goes out the window. My heart races, I feel short of breath and am absolutely terrified. I just want to get home asap.

A few weeks ago I was out walking the dog with my bf and I had a terrible panic attack. I don't go far anyway so we were only a few mins from the car, but I was scared witless and desperate to get home. Since then, my anxiety has been much worse. The next time I went to the same place, I had another panic attack, just as bad. Maybe it's also because the nice weather is here and I feel I can't stay in the house all the time. My bf is very supportive but I am holding him back from doing so much, I can't go anywhere far from home for fear of having a panic attack. Today my bf went fishing at 5am and I drove down there myself at about 9am, it was about a 15 minute drive a bit out into the countryside. I only managed about an hour before having to come home. I started having a bit of a panic attack, and did manage to control it to a degree but just felt so on-edge and anxious that I couldnt relax and had to come home.

I'm so fed up because I feel like even if I can make myself go places and do things, I can't enjoy anything because I spend the whole time worrying and just feeling awful. Feel as though I will never get through this and it's just going to get worse. I am trying to find a therapist to see privately (as i've already had CBT on NHS) so maybe that will help, I dont know, it just feels hopeless. I also have health anxiety (only heart related due to ectopics) and have seen several doctors and had many tests, all ok. I've tried exercising but after I go on the treadmill for only 10 mins or so, alternating between running and power walking, it takes ages for my heart to slow down and then all day I feel as though my heart is beating faster/stronger than usual. This just adds to my belief that something is wrong with me. I'm so jealous of people that dont have anxiety. Im depressed, and cant seem to get out of this rut. Sorry for the rant, i dont know what anybody can say to help me but just wanted to get it out. x

[jothenurse]

I think the more you go out and do things, as time goes by it'll be less anxiety. Whenever you challenge your fears, you are bound to feel the anxiety. I think you have done well by doing some of the things that you have done. I know how you feel about the palpitations. I have ended up in the ER a few times with my pulse in the 150's - all my EKG's were fine - just having a panic attack. But, the palpitations did scare me. I am supposed to exercise and at first I was afraid to go up the stairs in fear that I would get palpitations. I had to take a leave from work. Before the panic disorder, I was in great shape, exercised, ran, mowed the lawn. Now, I am just back into walking for a half an hour and I can go up steps as long as they aren't too steep. But, I still get panicky and it is something that I have to work on constantly. I did mow a little of the lawn last week. The other thing - you do finally work through things. I am 56, and 30 years ago I went through a panic disorder. It took me awhile, by I did work through it, got two college degrees and have a great career. This has been kind of depressing for me to have to take a leave from work and go through all this again. And sometimes I feel overwhelmed and wonder will I ever feel good and strong again? I have also lost 20 pounds, and even though I can eat a little better now, can't put any weight back on. Hang in there - and keep working on it. It will get better.

[Abs79]

You sound very similar to me! I have been suffering from panic/anxiety for about a year now, and I have had heart palpitations (ectopics) for 3 or 4 years before that. I had several ECGs but they never caught any "on camera" so I never felt it was fully resolved and I've been convinced I'm about to drop dead ever since... But it didn't really restrict my life until last June when I was driving to work one day and I had a really bad run of ectopics. I was terrified as I was on the motorway at the time and couldn't pull over, so I ended up having a major panic attack, and ever since that day I've had that awful feeling more or less continuously... won't go into detail but had to stop working and am now extremely restricted in what I can do (leaving the house etc). I too feel that whenever I do force myself out with my partner, I just spend the whole time feeling awful, either panicking or worrying about panicking and wanting to go home, therefore ruining it for both of us. I've got very depressed about not being able to work or see friends or do anything normal - not even simple things like going for a walk which I used to enjoy. I also had CBT at the beginning, but like you I just can't put it into practice when I'm feeling really bad. It seemed very focused on accepting that panic can't hurt or kill you, but that's not what really worries me. What worries me is the panic itself, the horrible out-of-control feeling of terror and not being able to get home quickly whilst out in public. I went to a private CBT therapist but he said I knew all the theory so they probably couldn't do much more with extra sessions... Not what I wanted to hear! You should be able to go back to your GP and get referred back to the mental health team - CBT isn't the only thing they do. That's what I've just done, after getting much worse when changing antidepressants. I have an appointment next week which I am dreading but I'm really hoping they will be able to suggest something else that might help!

[fairyclairy]

Hi Ann,
God your story is so similar to mine... im also 22, but have been having panic attacks since i was 11. I have a huge vomit phobia which is where my attacks stem from, but this has also turned into a health anxiety!
I had CBT when i was about 16 and it totally changed my life for the better... however, since starting my full time job after uni and various family matters, theyve come back.. with avengence!! Iv started hacing CBT again and im praying itl work again, however it is taking longer than last time to notice any dfference..
I too know all there is to know about panic attacks, iv read that many books, talked to so many people, i know exactly what they are.. why they happen... that theyre not harmful and i wont die from them! But still.... everytime i go out the house, BANG huge panic attack, or if it isnt a panic attack... its high anxiety! I generally feel like crap until the moment i walk back through my front door at night...
Its stupid... however, try not to let this stop you from going out and doing things.
The best thing that works for me is accepting that i have these... have u truly accepted you have panic attacks? Accepted that you may go places and you may have an attack but thats alright? ... cos until you truly believe and accept this, then theyre going to piss u off, which in tern.. stresses u out more!
Also, i know you say you know theyre not harmful etc, but do you actually deep down believe this? During a bad attack... can you believe yourself when you say nothing bad is going to happen? Or do you think that maybe, just this one time, your going to die.. or heart stop, or whatever you worry about durings yours?

I feel that until we've accepted these, then we cant move on and get better..

Also, i know its horrible making yourself go out, knowing full well that youll have a panic attack etc, but try and get out atleast once a day... you may feel awful to start with, but that will slowly decrease the longer you're out.
Have you tried staying out whilst you have a panic attack? Instead of running straight home when you have one?.... this was another test for me that i had to do, it was horrible, im not gona lie! But the panic and anxiety slowly decreased and i got to the point where i thought... whats the point in panicking anymore, im too tired for it all.. and it calmed down alot.

Hope iv helped and sorry if im rambled on lol.x