Too anxious to just introduce myself!

[redorblonde41]

Hi,have been sat here for ages trying to get the courage to write a few words! I have been suffering with depression on and off for years. This time it has been different, because with it has come anxiety. I have tried a number of antidepressants that made the anxiety worse! I am now on venlafaxine and also have a low dose of diazepam.I also suffer from OCD, trying to leave the house some days is an ordeal with the constant checking and "circuit" I have to complete! I was off work for 4 months trying to deal with it all, have recently tried returning to work, for 2 hours a day which is to be gradually increased, however that was 4 weeks ago and I still cant do more than 2 hours, it takes me ages to calm myself once I get in work, then I am very anxious having to interact with colleagues that I have known for years! Everyday things are also a huge deal for me, such as going to the shops,picking my daughter up from school, talking to almost anybody, I feel like I am trembling all the way through my body and my hands visibly shake. Constant lump in my throat! Pounding heart and the urge to do everything quickly! My mind is constantly racing. Taking the doctors advice I am exercising and enjoying running, but feel like I want to run the anxiety off everyday!! I feel like I am doing everything I can to get better.I dont hide myself away and force myself to do things however uncomfortable they are for me.I am waiting for CBT counselling, however I am quite low on the list. I am 41, single, have a daughter, unfortunately have no family support as both parents passed away and there are no other living relatives. Am trying my best to cope but finding it hard. I dont really know what to do about work, I'm trying so hard to get it together but feel my progress has halted and obviously work cannot keep me on 2 hours forever!
I seem to have rambled on quite alot considering I was nervous when I started! I joined this site because it's nice to know I am not the only one that suffers. Thanks for reading.

[diane07]

Hi redorblonde41

A huge warm welcome to nmp.

You'll get loads of advice and support here and make some lovely friends along the way.

Best wishes

[gypsywomen]

Hi it sounds like your realy trying and thats good ,,, many people cant work with this hell ,,good for you ,,but i agree we do have hard times and we get sick of it ,but all we can do is try are best to get by,,, at least you are good for you be stron:hugs:g

[linworth]

Hi

you will get better, it just takes time, i am in the same boat, what seemed like simple things a month, now feel like mountains, getting anxious about everything. You are doing really going to work, doesnt matter how long you are there. I was last ill about 5 years ago, and had hardly any symptoms until last month, when i had a panic attack, which has really set me back, but i have been really enjoying life for the past 4 1/2 years, so it does get better, and i know i will be better again soon, it just takes time, after my anxiety 5 years ago, i never thought i would enjoy life again, how wrong was I ? it just takes time. And remember you dont have a support network around you, and look how well you are doing, at least you are picking your daughter up from school, ok you might feel bad, but you are there, and gradually you will relax into normal daily life. I am actually going for my first counselling session tom, arranged through work, so i am hoping for advice on coping with these feelings.
take care lynne

[Vanilla Sky]

Hi and welcome to NMP :welcome: Paige x

[redorblonde41]

Hi all and thanks for your replies, just knowing people understand helps. I know it takes time to get better but some days you just feel like you are never going to get there. Still, one day at a time and with all this nervous energy at least my house is really clean!! Take care all xxx