What is stopping me

[jaded jean]

Hello All.
Day 47 of cit and I think I am going in the right direction In as much as asking my team leader for meeting minutes of all meetings I have missed.

I visited the shop where I used to work and my ex boss has given me the opportunity of interacting with people again to help me get back to my current place of work Its only 1 afternoon a week on the till.
This only came about yesterday and now I'm feeling so anxious today because this is happening and I dont go in till next week!!
Can any of you give me an idea of what I can do to calm it a bit as I dont want to miss this as I know deep down it will get me to work quicker.
Thanks for reading.
Jean

[cymraig_chris]

Post removed by author

[jaded jean]

Morning Cymraig Chris.
Brilliant- but would they accept this at work? :D
Jean

[keta]

Hi Jean

I found that relaxation CD or tape can be good for this to try to teach you to relax, I got one from my psychiatric nurse when i was doing my CBT and 3 years on i'm still using it when i need to relax or remind myself how to relax my body.

But great news about the job, hope it will go well for you.

Marketa

[Raindog]

Hi Jean,
I know exactly what you mean about getting anxious in this situation. My initial anxiety really kicked into overdrive one morning a few weeks back when I signed up for Jobsite.co.uk and within minutes I had emails and even a phone call from an agency with some job opportunities. I felt overwhelmed and that's when I went to the docs to see about getting some meds.

I've been anxious about not only going back to work but any sort of commitment over the past few weeks. so don't feel alone in this. Chances are the first day will be getting back into the groove but most likely nothing you can't handle.

My anxiety has caused me to procrastinate over the smallest tasks in the past few weeks, my mind telling me it seemed like such a huge task when it was done in a few minutes. I'm feeling a lot less anxious this week and my concentration level has started to return so I hope I can dive into a new job in the next month or so and get over it.

At least you have people in the charity shop that you know and they'll help out if you need it. And as mentioned above, camomile tea and bananas are good for a bit of anxiety, I've been using both recently and they do seem to help.

Get that first day out of the way and you'll realise it's not so bad. :)

[jaded jean]

Hi Marketa.
That is so sweet of you. I think when its early morning I tend to think of all the negatives and any which way I can get out of it.I think i need someone to push me out the door!!
Jean

[jaded jean]

Hi Raindog.
This is an unusual situation with me tho. I am off sick from my current job( I work in Retirement Homes) but there is no allowance for me to visit my scheme.So I have to stumble along doing s much as I can. Going to the shop was providence yesterday though . As soon as I was asked my heart lifted and I felt useful to someone. By evening I was suffering with the dizzies and this morning the chatterbox was back -admittedly not as prominent as before but the cheeky little bugger was there. I have got to make that leap of faith I thnk or Iwill be joining the ranks of the unemployed and that scares the bejasus out of me as I have never been out of work. I have been fortunate just to slip out of one job into another.
So, shopping list today Bananas and lots of.
Thanks for your input, it helps me a lot
Jeanxx

[keta]

You know i was told by my poor suffering boyfriend i think too negative about stuff and need to stear my mind into more positive directions, so i know how hard it can be sometimes, especially with the anxiety to keep yourself motivated or get out of the house in the first place. But you took the right step by taking on that one afteroon a week.

So just be kind to yourself (words of wisdom from my counsellor)

Marketa

[diane07]

Jean,

Remember the thought is always worse than the deed.

You could sit for a whole week thinking "what if i panic".............."what if i can't do it".........."how will i cope"

We could spend our lives thinking "what if"

But "what if" you love it, What if you feel that chuffed with yourself that the anx feelings don't even come into it.

Whatever i do and have done in life, it is never anything as bad as i think its going to be, i would say you have actually faced the biggest challenge by making the decision to do this, i find whenever the negative thoughts come into my head, then they have to be challenged with positive ones.

If we constantly tell ourselves we can't do something, then we will actually believe it.

I have every faith that you will do it and it won't be as bad as you think.

best wishes

di xx

[Raindog]

Yes, the chatterbox, creeping in when you have had time to sit and think about what you've said you'll commit yourself to. I've had that same little devil working his way into my thoughts. I started volunteering at a local community radio station a few weeks back to get myself out and about, but when the anxiety hit I felt very unsure of myself and what I was capable of when it came time to actually start getting more involved with putting some of the content together, I was happy to be along for the ride with no responsibility but once it came to me taking on a bit more I felt scared and was finding ways to back out of it in my head.

It's nice to feel needed and a part of something, but when you have a quiet moment later in the day or maybe the next morning, your anxiety starts making you question whether you can really do what is being asked of you. I've never felt so unsure of myself before and I'm only just starting to not get those horrible little rushes of doubt and panic when I think about doing even the simplest things.

Have a banana and a cup of nice camomile tea and they might help you push that little anxiety monkey off his perch. Another thing that was suggested to me was having a bowl of porridge on a morning for breakfast. I'm not normally a big breakfast sort of person but I'm finding it's become a part of my morning routine and I kind of look forward to my bowl of porridge with a squirt of honey for a bit of taste. The pharmacist said that honey is a bit better than normal sugar since it's unprocessed.

I've thought of backing out of a few things over the past week because I just felt so unsure, but I found when I bit the bullet and got on with them, it wasn't anywhere near as difficult or stressful as I'd imagined in my anxious little funk.

[jaded jean]

Hello Di thankyou for those wise words.
I did actually go back to the shop this morning -felt fine chatted to people-no problem. I go to another shop and I start panicking it really is silly,Iknow that it can be done.Hvae now settled but that is because I am in my comfort zone I suppose. I will mdo the same ting again tomorrow and keep pushing myself.
Thanks.

Raindog.
Porridge is so good for you , its a stress buster and a slow release meal so it should last through till lunch.'
Biting the bullet is going to have to be the theme I think and yes 'anxiety rules ok 'is gonna bite the dust very soon. I have things offered to help me now so I DO NOT WANT TO LET PEOPLE DOWN!!:buttkick:

[Raindog]

Talking about comfort zones, I found I was hugging my duvet over the weekend for some kind of comfort when I was feeling lousy and the weather was too hot to let me sleep :D I felt like a kid with a security blanket, not something I think I've ever done but it did make me feel a bit more relaxed so enjoy the comfort zone and use it to get yourself used to being out and about.

I've often been dropped in the deep end when I've started jobs in the past, had to learn things I've never done before or figure the job out as I went, so this anxiety I'm getting over trying to find a job is irrational to some extent. Think of all the times you've done the things you're feeling anxious about and it didn't bother you one bit, then eat a banana and laugh like a drain :roflmao:

[jaded jean]

Hi Raindog.
Our sense of humour becomes more cynical I believe!! I know I have started saying things that I would generally just think and yes admittedly I do smile to myself:)
I will do that, I am one of these people tho that cannot keep a diary or whatever as I get bored sooooo quickly, and I used to keep it all in my head and just refer to it when needed. Now I have to get my husband to finish my sentances or prompt me:doh:
sometimes.Duh!!
Bananas and drains.........
Jean x

[Raindog]

That dark sense of humour is often referred to as Gallows humour, and it often scares people who've never seen the dark side of things and come out of the other side. Joking about things that other people find morbid is usually a sign that the person has been through those times and can now look back and inject that dose of cynicism into their humour.

I'm really terrible at keeping things like diaries, blogs, all that. I think that's why this forum is such a help to some of us, we can let it out without any commitment to keeping it up, we can just post as we feel like it. Having a conversation about something with others is often far easier than just speaking to yourself, and it's much better than keeping it in, to yourself.

Chances are, with the prompting thing, you're having a bit of short term memory loss from the anxiety, it's affected my concentration and made me forget things that I've been talking about. I think that will get better as the condition improves so just let it ride until you hopefully find it's no longer a problem.

[jaded jean]

Raindog
I hope you are right there with the short term memory thing. In my wisest (Ithink) moment I bought myself a digital recorder for when I do eventually go back to work as I thought if I forget things this could be dire so I will record any important info regarding my residents whilst I am on the move.Sorted. I still havent opened it!! Some days -take yesterday for example I post a new thread and keep refreshing the page to see if anyone has answered- bit sad I know. But like you also say coming onto this site you can just let it all go- within reason of course. I have an abysmal support system where I live regarding mental health support groups. Its non existant. So the other day I found No Panic and have subscribed to them for a course of group telephone cbt sessions so that should help me too,
Jean

[Raindog]

I'm feeling more confident that my memory and concentration are getting back towards more normal levels now that the anxiety isn't in control. Knowing I was having that problem made me more anxious, especially about looking for work, which just acted as another one of those horrible feedback loops like you get with physical symptoms, where worrying about it makes you more prone to being swallowed up by the anxiety.

Admitting the problem and taking steps to deal with it are a good sign, shows you recognize how to get around it at least. Like someone else said on this forum in one post I read, when you can differentiate between the good days and bad days, then you have started to make progress, otherwise there wouldn't be anything to compare between the two. In the depths of depression/anxiety all you can see if your current situation with no way out, when you can think today is a bad one but I might have another good day tomorrow, it's a start.

I have no support system in the way of family and only a few friends, but at least I've found some reasonable help from Mind where I live, I can go to their listening support counselling drop in center on a Monday or Friday if I need to. At least you have your hubby to help out and you don't feel quite as alone as I did the first week I was struggling to get through this, which is why I've been finding ways to get out of the house and socialise a bit more, doing the voluntary work and visiting the Mind center when they run the open social periods.

This site is helping me when I'm at home on my own, it's nice to know there are a few people out there I can relate to. I'm considering doing some CBT myself, just interested to find out if I'm bipolar or not as I've never bothered to get a proper diagnosis.

[jaded jean]

Raindog
When I read your first post I was amazed how you managed to keep going. Inner strength isnt it? Its surprising what we can draw on when we need it.
As I live in a small market town Iwould have to travel 13 miles to go to any groups,
But as I have been offered this 1/2 day at the shop its all good.Iwill just ask my doctor to not extend my fit to work cert but be realistic about my return then I can get the socialisng part dealt with .
I do have hope.
Jean

[Raindog]

Hi Jean,
Some times I wonder how I get through, but we all have reserves of inner strength when we need them, and each time we put them to the test they tend to get a little bit stronger. I've battled with depression for years now, since my late 20's, possibly with a slow lead up to it hitting me hard that I didn't recognize at the time. This time was a real test for me with having the anxiety levels with the depression too, it made everything much more urgent and desperate whereas before I've managed to crawl my way through without feeling such a great need to get the help I'm getting now.

I think a lot of the scare stories I heard about meds when I first realised I had depression put me off seeking help, but eventually it's reached a point where I need to try and deal with the underlying issues and not just cope until it goes away.

It's pretty tough you being so far from your nearest groups that could offer any help, but at least you have found NMP so not a complete loss there and hopefully helping in the shop will help keep you occupied and take your mind off feeling down. I found my last bout of depression 3 years ago faded when I found a job and I've not had any since that time, it was only when I got out of winter with no job this year that it started to creep up on me.

I've been through some desperate phases in the past few weeks, felt like I just wanted someone to take me away and take care of it all so I wouldn't have to worry about any of it, but like you said, you need to be realistic, and even though I still would like a magic wand to sort everything out I know I need to do it myself in the end.

You sound like you've got a handle on things are approaching the situation with the right attitude, get in the mix and let it happen so that's good to hear. It's not easy when you've gone through this but it's either that or go curl up in a corner and feel sorry for yourself :D

Hope is good so keep going.

[jaded jean]

Raindog.
Up until I started citalopram Iwas exactly doing the curl up and feel sorry for myself.
I was in bed for a month- did not even have the motivation to turn over,let alone anything else.But yes the inner strength was there. Its taken nearly 7 months but I am here and its sill going in the right direction yes?
I might have that word hope tattood so I can look at it every day.
Thankyou for your replies today they have been really helpful.
stay strong yourself :footy: I think this emoticon is appropriate
Jean

[Raindog]

At least you can look back over those 7 months and see how you were and where you are now, instead of seeing yourself in just the same situation. That's one thing that's kept me going, even in the darkest of my times, is that things never stay the same, they're always changing so there is every chance that something good might be waiting around the corner.

You never know what's out there, even when it looks completely bleak and not worth getting up in the morning, hopefully there will be a time for everybody who feels like this when they can look back and be glad of where they are and that they've moved on.

I've had my times like that, so hopefully I will again, it's just difficult to look at things that way when you're in the deepest pits of your own depression.

[Faethra]

Jean,

If you get nervous about your additional day at the shop, just remember;
1) You've done it before - it's nothing new
2) It's just one day. :P You can handle one day, for sure. :)

Moreover, you're working the counter right? You'll be chatting with people all day long and it should go by so fast, and you'll look back at all the conversation and smile. You can do it! :D Besides, if you get the tingles it's not like you're going to drop a huge box on your foot. :P