View Full Version : Well been to my first counselling session..
I have been for my first session today, quite good, did explain to me why i had a panic attack, apparently its been a build up of stress mainly regarding work, i have been sweeping resentment under the carpet. What i cant understand is why the panic attack i have been through MUCH, Much worse, does this make me weak? she said everything i have gone through in my life, i have not let go of and I am carrying it through my daily life. I have been very depressed before due to bereavment and post traumatic stress, and NEVER want to feel like that again, its like i have a phobia of feeling bad, my panic attack came out of the blue, no signs of depression, but because i felt like it was all too much for a split second, i have gradually over the weeks, convinced myself the depression has come back and i cant cope with anything, it comes over me in waves, a mad panic, my mind goes fuzzy, i am terrified, it like m y mind is chanting ITS BACK< ITS BACK, your depressed, its horrible, it like being terrified on something, but dont know what, i convinced myself i would never enjoy anything again, my life was ruined, because it was all BACK!! its sounds mad when i put it into words. I was a basket case last week, convinced i couldnt do anything, go to the gym, cook, look after the children, work, where as three weeks ago i running around quite happily in my normal life. It was like i was walking round with someone tapping me on the shoulder saying, you cant cope and a irrational fear everything is bad. Is this panic attacks? i turned a corner on monday because i went to the gym, it gave me a confidence boost, i am sleeping a bit better and the HORRIBLE knot of "something is wrong" is lessening in the mornings. I was advised by my gp to double my dose of anti depressents, i have been on 50mg of sertraline for 5 years, but havent, can i get through this without doing that? I have got 7 sessions of counselling through work, she said she will work on coping mechanisms (spell) and how to deal with stress, and deal with my feelings i felt 10 years ago. Just want to make sense of it all really.
thanks lynne
StoneMonkey
26-05-10, 20:28
Hi Lynne,Good Work. Each post you make sounds a little more relaxed. You are fighting it from all angles and using all the resources you can. See if you can now treat yourself to a little switch off every now and again. Let the counsellor do most of the work .A good film and a big bar of chocky works for me !!!!!Simon.
Hi Simon
Hope you have had a good day? or will it be morning? Yes going to take your advice, going to bed with a DVD, had a chinese tonight, and a bar of chocolate today, appeitite on its way back, went to bed with two bannanas and a mug of hot milk, woke up with two bananas and a mug of cold milk, must have feel straight asleep! thanks for you replies.
Lynne
Hi Lynne,
Had thought of you and wondered how you had got on at your session. It sounds like you are heading in the right direction and at least you have been able to identify the issues that have caused you to feel as you have been.
With regards to doubleing your dose of meds I would wait and see how you go and if you continue to improve (and your posts indicate you are) then you probably dont need them.
I hope you continue to improve hun.
Well done for getting this far and getting through today.:)
Take care and keep in touch.
Jo.xx
Hi Jo
yes fingers crossed it is getting a bit easier, cant believe the state i was in last week, i hate being out of control. I know its just one step at a time, even the counsellor said today i need to be patient with myself, the panic attack has really frightened me, and hopefully these sessions will teach me how to cope with them in the future and deal with stress to prevent getting myself in this state again. When i got into to work after, i was fuming with the place, so annoyed that management can cause so much stress for people, apparently the counselling service sees a lot of people from where i work and i am not surprised, with all the cost cutting and job losses!!! But i recognised the anger and i am going to speak to HR tomorrow.
By the way the counsellor gave me a good cd, "understanding Anxiety" it all made sense, going to try the relaxation CD. Hope you have had a good day.
take care lynne x
Hi Lynne,
Good to here are feeling better I'm glad to hear your tried the bananas and milk and from the sounds of things it helped you sleep? It didn't do anything for me last night, I've been up since 2 am and at work beat to a snot!!!
I had my second session with my counsler and it went pretty good, at this stage of the game I'm doing most of the talking and telling her my life history. She has given me instruction to keep a diary of my anxious times and bring them back to her next week. She also has given me some breathing exercises. 4 seconds inhale through the nose 4 seconds exhail through the mouth for 4 minutes. You should breath into the stomach so that it blows up like a balloon. This is supposd to balance the Carbon Dioxide and oxygen levels in the brain therefor balance the seritonin and something else. Releaving the anxiety. Tried it last night and it didn't seem to work very well though I think you are supposed to keep doing it for at least two weeks maybe before relief, not sure???
Take care,
Ron
Hi Ron
think i am losing the Plot !!! lol, keep getting you mixed up with siram (simon) god i bet you are tired, hope your day is good. Do you think you will sleep tonight? Have the side effects of upping your dose died down? I have been in work today, but felt really depressed, URRGH, come home to screaming children, and can feel it physically in my chest. Seriously thinking of upping my dose, just dont think i can take the side effects. I wouldnt mind i have been fine on this dose for 5 years, might just have to be patient. slept ok last night, but got woken up at 6.15 by a text ! but i am grateful as like you said you have had hardly any sleep. I reckon once your system gets used to the increased dose, sleep will come back, you will be more relaxed. Each time i have started meds, (twice in the last ten years) it has been made everything worse to begin with but after a month or more, things have settled down, i found i couldnt relax at all. Are you at work now? i have finished for a week off, we are going down to bournemouth for a week, to stay with family, so i am hoping my mood will lift, if i can just shake this off, i will be fine. Its just i panic when i feel low, and that makes it worse, I have been give a relaxation CD, going to listen to it later, also a list of books and a work book on panic attacks, i felt so much more positive yesterday, now it seems like a big long struggle, although i am able to do my normal daily things at least and also back to eating a bit more now. My counsellor just asked a few questions about my life, and then moved on, felt like saying "hey ive not finished". think its because she will be working on techniques, rather than the problems that caused them in the first place. Anyway off to have a cup of tea and water the plants. lol
take care lynne
Reading some of your other posts, my feeling is that maybe past events have been left undealt with and been left "trapped" inside with no release. These issues then create tension, anger, frustration etc because your emotions have never been dealt with and therefore these trapped emotions cause alot of anxiety.
However, I think they have been left dormant but have come to the surface again recently because they've been tapped by the amount of stress you're feeling at work but Also at home. Again, when you have alot of stress at work and come home to even more stress, you have no way of finding time to yourself to relax.
All these pressures then build up and because you also have past issues left undealt with, panics result which then add to your fears creating more worries and anxiety.
I think there are more than one issue you need to address...
The counsellor will help you deal with your past events that have caused your emotional stress by helping you to release these feelings so you can heal inside.
However, you also need to address the present stresses. I realise it's very difficult to change jobs in the current climate but that's one possibility you could think about by just looking in the papers to see if anything takes your fancy that you think you'll enjoy.
You certainly also need to find time to yourself whether in the home or doing things you enjoy going out. You need to find relaxation time for You and find ways to delegate your responsibilities or you could face burn out.
It will take time but when we have too many stresses in our lives, we have to devise a plan to find "me time" for our own sake but also to help us cope for those who rely on "us".
At the moment you feel trapped both emotionally and in your daily life and this trapped feeling is causing your panics.
I hope when you go away, you find time to relax but also it will give you time to think what YOU need to change in your daily life to bring relaxation, happiness and time for YOU so that you have less pressures and you will find it will help you greatly when you return because then you'll have a plan and not feel so trapped in a situation that at the moment you feel is beyond your control.:hugs:
HI Bill
Thank you so much for your reply, it all makes a lot of sense, i do think that i have not dealt with my feelings from the time of my bereavement, i lost a baby late in pregnancy. I didnt deal with it very well at the time and subsequently became depressed, and as i had never been depressed before, i felt like i was going mad, it was awful. Whereas i think if at the time someone could have explained all the feelings i felt were natural and the grieving process, it wouldnt have traumatised me so much, as was constantly told to pick myself up and get on with it, so was made to feel a freak of nature for being so upset. Funnily enough my counsellor has said we are going to say goodbye and close that part of my life and others and move on, as she has said i am carrying it all around with me, right at the back of my mind.
Regarding work, i have rang the HR dept, explained i am having counselling due to stress and insisted they give me a decision if i am going to get a contract or not, been there two years and no sign, which means no holiday pay, no sickness pay etc, can change my hours when they want, which is also very hard as my husband is self employed, so feel like we have no security, if the answer is no, i am out of there that day!! Things have settled a bit at home, my other half is a very negative person, which can grind me down over time and take the fun out of things, which i have tried to explain to him, so being extra nice at the moment, how long it will last i dont know lol! Once again thank you for you good advice, hope you have had a good day Lynne
I think when we suffer such a loss, if we don't have the right support and are able to open up and share our feelings, it can be very easy to bottle and store them which means they're left undealt with like a wound with a plaster but never laid open to allow healing.
I feel we all tend to deal with hurt and pain in our own way, and often we feel we have no choice because what we feel we need just isn't there such as a listening ear, the comfort, hugs and compassionate understanding. If we feel we can't share, we bottle and that leads to anxiety.
What comes to mind is the stiff upper lip approach when people say you've just got to get on with life which is actually true but Only after you've dealt with all the emotions and come to terms with what's happened so that you do feel able to move on. I also feel that as we're sensitive people we feel things more than others so we need that extra support to help us through traumatic periods.
I think the common Hug has become very rare in todays society and yet it has such an ability to relieve pain.
so feel like we have no security
We're often insecure by nature so if we're made to feel insecure in our work or at home, it will certainly increase doubt and worry making us much more anxious. If you can feel as secure as possible in this or another job, it would I'm sure help you. It's added pressure when you live with increased uncertainty.
my other half is a very negative person,
I'm afraid to say that if we're surrounded by negativity, it will bring us down because it's more difficult to remain positive ourselves when we already lack self confidence in our own abilities. It also means of course that you may feel you can't share feelings so easily because they rebound back on you with their negativity making you feel more depressed. This would also mean that you might tend to store things which again would cause anxiety. I think as you say, you need to point out to him when what he says isn't helping. We all need friends who can be uplifting who we feel we can open up to.
I'm Sure things will get easier for you but just focus on one thing and one day at a time on the things you feel you can do something about to ease your pressures and in time with patience you'll feel much better.:hugs:
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