nursey4
27-05-10, 00:52
Hi all,
Just feeling really crappy, worried and alone today. I haven't posted on here all that much but here's a brief history.
32 years old, panic disorder started at 24 while traveling overseas, major health anxiety but also have chronic physical anxiety. My anxiety revolves mainly around my heart as I have thuds, skips, flutters and pain on (usually) a daily basis.
Anyways, last night I had a dream that I could not breathe and I woke up gasping, relieved that I could breathe. My anxiety generally does not involve not being able to breathe. I truly believe that for some reason, I could not breathe and that it was not just the dream because the feeling was so incredibly strong. I am now thinking I may have central sleep apnea (different than obstructive sleep apnea which happens more often to overweight people and they seem to snore a lot- I do not meet that criteria).
Central sleep apnea can have no cause or it can happen to people with brain stem issues or heart failure- great, now I have heart failure!!! I am joking in a way, but that is how my mind works! Now I am scared to sleep tonight because I am afraid it will happen again and I may not wake up. It is weird because I have been complaining that I have been so unbelievably tired lately. It is almost as though I could fall asleep standing up. I take naps in the day. And then this happens and now I am convinced that I have central sleep apnea which can cause strokes, heart attacks (ugh!!) and high blood pressure. I tried to go to 2 clinics today but there was such a long wait at both I decided to forget it. I may try to go again tonight- not that the doc will be able to diagnose me without a sleep study but maybe I can get enough reassurance to sleep tonight.
I am just soooo sick of this. My family is also sick of this. My husband just called and I said I felt anxious and depressed today and he didn't say much. What can he say really- I mean I feel this way so often. I asked my mom if she could come over but she couldn't. I know she is sick of my issues as well and I don't want to make my family unhappy. I am not particularly suicidal but I just don't want to hurt and burden other people anymore and today I feel like I have very little to live for. I realize that I feel this way and then the next day I may feel better but today I just feel so desperate.
The things I want to do most in the world- travel and have kids- are not possible for me right now on account of the severity of my anxiety.
I'm sorry, I'm really just venting hoping to find someone who can relate as I'm sure many of can. Not that I would wish this upon anyone!! I just feel like I have dealt with this for so long and I've been to different kinds of therapy and taken many different meds and nothing works for any length of time. I wish there were more help and support out there. I just don't know where to go or who to talk to.
OK, that's all for this rant! I hope you are having a better day than I, but if you're not, feel free to commiserate!
Sarah
Just feeling really crappy, worried and alone today. I haven't posted on here all that much but here's a brief history.
32 years old, panic disorder started at 24 while traveling overseas, major health anxiety but also have chronic physical anxiety. My anxiety revolves mainly around my heart as I have thuds, skips, flutters and pain on (usually) a daily basis.
Anyways, last night I had a dream that I could not breathe and I woke up gasping, relieved that I could breathe. My anxiety generally does not involve not being able to breathe. I truly believe that for some reason, I could not breathe and that it was not just the dream because the feeling was so incredibly strong. I am now thinking I may have central sleep apnea (different than obstructive sleep apnea which happens more often to overweight people and they seem to snore a lot- I do not meet that criteria).
Central sleep apnea can have no cause or it can happen to people with brain stem issues or heart failure- great, now I have heart failure!!! I am joking in a way, but that is how my mind works! Now I am scared to sleep tonight because I am afraid it will happen again and I may not wake up. It is weird because I have been complaining that I have been so unbelievably tired lately. It is almost as though I could fall asleep standing up. I take naps in the day. And then this happens and now I am convinced that I have central sleep apnea which can cause strokes, heart attacks (ugh!!) and high blood pressure. I tried to go to 2 clinics today but there was such a long wait at both I decided to forget it. I may try to go again tonight- not that the doc will be able to diagnose me without a sleep study but maybe I can get enough reassurance to sleep tonight.
I am just soooo sick of this. My family is also sick of this. My husband just called and I said I felt anxious and depressed today and he didn't say much. What can he say really- I mean I feel this way so often. I asked my mom if she could come over but she couldn't. I know she is sick of my issues as well and I don't want to make my family unhappy. I am not particularly suicidal but I just don't want to hurt and burden other people anymore and today I feel like I have very little to live for. I realize that I feel this way and then the next day I may feel better but today I just feel so desperate.
The things I want to do most in the world- travel and have kids- are not possible for me right now on account of the severity of my anxiety.
I'm sorry, I'm really just venting hoping to find someone who can relate as I'm sure many of can. Not that I would wish this upon anyone!! I just feel like I have dealt with this for so long and I've been to different kinds of therapy and taken many different meds and nothing works for any length of time. I wish there were more help and support out there. I just don't know where to go or who to talk to.
OK, that's all for this rant! I hope you are having a better day than I, but if you're not, feel free to commiserate!
Sarah