Our son got my husband arrested yesterday!!!!

[Granny Primark]

I know my son reads the posts on here. I just hope hes going read this one.
Sunday my hubby who is on holiday this week told my son that he would take his garden rubbish to the tipon Monday. My hubby has been doing up his back yard.

However due to to lovely weather we decided to go up to our caravan with our daughter who had the day off and our grandaughter.
My hubby phoned him and left a message on the answer machine saying he would do it tuesday.
Our son rang us about 20 times giving us abuse cus my hubby hadnt been and blaming me for wanting to go out with our daughter.
At 7pm we returned home and minutes later our son came up the road in his car shouting abuse.
He barged in went in the garden tried to set fire to the parasol, got a knife and tried to chop my kitchen work tops, got a pint glass and threw water on me.
My hubby was trying to calm him down but to no avail.
My son then head butted me. I ran upstairs with my mobile phone and locked myself in the bathroom. I rang my daughter who wanted to phone the police. To which I said no.
How could I have my son arrested?
He then came upstairs and broke our grandaughters 4 poster bed.
I got downstairs and he tried to head butt me again!
At this point my hubby grabbed him and restrained him telling him to leave.
Which he did but on his way out he broke my grandaughters potty and put her clothes in the bin.
He then let our little dog out on the road and then got in his car and deliberateley tried run over him!!!!
I should be used to his behaviour now after 35 years of it but what happened left me in a state of shock.
Tuesday we were still in shell shock.
Yesterday morning at 6am there was banging on the door.
It was the police.
The arrested my husband!
And for what? Assault on our son!.
My hubby was searched, had his watched taken off him, finger printed, had a dna test done, put in overalls and interviewed then put in a cell for over 6 hours while they came and interviewed me and took a statement.
Both our statements were exactly the same.
They then released my hubby and even said that it should have been our son who was in the cell.
My hubby was in floods of tears. He has been a brill dad to both our children and a brilliant caring, hardworking husband to me.
Hes so forgiving bless him and just wishes our son would get some kind of phyciatric help.
Ive got mixed emotions at the moment. One minute I want revenge the next I just want get hold of our son and give him a hug and plead with him to get help.
Please God soon he will get that.
When hes good and calm hes the most loving person ever but when hes bad I honestly think hes capable of doing something really serious.

[marie1974]

Oh hun, my heart broke hearing that, I hope you dont mind me saying this, cos i know he is your son and u love him to bits, but he really cannot b allowed to do those things to u, abuse u in that way, for what ever his reasons.

He obviously needs help badly for his anger and other probs going on, u r his mum and its vile what he done to u and head butting u, its unbeleavable.

If he does it again Lynn, please ring the police, otherwise next time he may seriously hurt on of u or even kill someone, then wot? for his own good as well he needs help and to b locked up if he does this, he is a grown up and responislbe for his own actions, no matter wot his feelings r for u or your hubby.

Please dont let him put you through that again, i know u feel so terrible, but u will help him in the long run by calling police for his violence, its totally unaceptable and he needs to learn.

If he has probs with you or hubby, then it needs to b spoken about but the way he is dealing with things will only cause terrible upset and hurt to all involved including himself.

big hugs xx

[london]

get rid of the nasty nasty son hes going drive your all mad
i keep telling you think of you and hubby first not nasty grassing things like him

[janni]

Big gentle hugs Lynn if your son reads this I hope he looks closely and then has a think about what he is really doing to himself and the ones he loves. Wishes for better days for you all xxx

[gypsywomen]

i agree your son needs help sounds like he has an anger problem ,whitch can be helped plus you need to be strong ,,for your granddaughter ,,

[Bluebelle]

My Dearest
I am so sorry for what has happened to you and your husband. This is a terrible thing for your whole family. It must have been so scary- especially for your husband being arrested. My heart goes out to you all- you're in my prayers and thoughts.

It is very positive of you to think that this may propel your son into receiving the help he needs.

Lots of love , hugs and strength

[pollyanna]

lynn,

i felt so sad reading your post, i know it must be so difficult knowing what to do because the person involved is your son, but sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind. If he cannot see that he has a problem and wont go for help, then you have a resposibilty to protect the rest of the family and yourself, but also to your son, which may mean reporting him to the police, and forcing him into taking responibilty for himself and his actions, and hopefully get some help for himself.
if he does see these posts, i hope he can see that his family care for him, but what he is doing is wrong, for whatever reason, and get himself some help before he loses everything..

take care

P x :hugs:

[PixieL]

Wow this is awful, i really felt for you and your family while reading this. Your son needs help badly, he can't be allowed to get away with the awful things he has done. Really you should have let the police deal with him, after all he could have hurt you and your husband alot more than he has done, and himself. I have had to call the police to deal with a family member who acted in the same sort of way. Best thing i ever did, the family member was sent for mental health help and is now a totally new person. I wish you and your husband and your other family all the best. Take care xxx

[ladybird64]

Dear Lynn

My words may seem harsh but they are written for your benefit.

You know that your son reads the posts here and I'm sorry hun, but I don't think that going into detail here about what happened is going to do anyone any favours..it will probably only antagonise him.

I know how much you love your family, you may remember that I have grandkids too and that we have had problems in our family as well.

What I can say without any doubt is that there is no way on this earth one of my kids could hit me and get away with it, regardless of anger issues, mental health issues..it just wouldn't happen.

To me it's the same thing as saying that a bloke who beats his wife to a pulp needs psychiatric help for his anger issues. He may well need help to stop but if there is no consequence for his actions, then do you think he will ask for that help alone?

If he thinks he is getting away with it then he will keep doing the same thing, why should he stop, nobody makes an attempt to show him how wrong it is by getting police involved.

While you continue to shield him Lynn he's not going to make any attempt to change and after all this time, change is what's necessary..this just isn't healthy for any of you.

I hope you think this through and look at it from another angle, because he is your son and you love him you WILL take action the next time something happens, it could well be the kindest thing you could do for him.

Thinking of you :hugs:

[margaret jones]

Lynn so sorry that you have had this problem with your son i imagine you are devestated that he could treat you so badly , those of us who are parents will understand the delemia you are in he is your son , but Lynn please dont let him abuse you again ,it seems he needs help with his anger problems .

Take Care Maggie :hugs:

[london]

you all say he needs help rubbish he needs a slap
and i would love to give it to him hes a big bully

[Going home]

He'll go on doing things like this lynne, because he gets away with it every time, and that was exactly my situation with one of my sons a few years ago. He'd caused trouble with his anger for many years and had lashed out at all of us at some point over that time.

The final straw came for us when he punched his younger sister in the face after having a few drinks and we decided to press charges this time. He went to court and was given a 12 month suspended sentence. None of us has spoken to him since and he's made no attempt to contact any of us either.

It breaks my heart every day when I think of him and the good side of him like your son has too, because he was one of my babies, but as an angry adult he was unpredictable and we lived in fear of what he might do next. So we know its better not to have him in our lives...we had to let him go. He keeps in touch with my ex husband, his father, and through him we sometimes get to hear about him and he us, but that's all. He knows he is missing out on our lives as we all move on and his sisters and brother gets married and have children, but I live with it lynne because i know its the best way for the rest of the family.

You have to think about the rest of your family, your lovely hubby, your daughter and the grandchildren. His violence is not worth the risk to them or yourself. Its his choice to seek help or not, but you can't go on protecting him if he refuses to get help. You can only go on loving him quietly but if he carries on with this out of control dangerous behaviour, you have to let him go.

Take care
Anna xxx :hugs:

[eeyorelover]

Oh Lynn,
I'm so sorry hun that you and your husband were put thru that!
I know how much you love your son Lynn but he could have REALLY hurt you!
No one who is in a rage spiral like that can be talked to logically and calmed down regardless of who it is that is trying to help him!

I know you want your son to get help and perhaps the first step may have to be to get the law involved. Maybe then he would be ordered to get some counseling or something!
You can't put yourself and your husband in harms way, even for your son!
He's an adult now and has to be responsible for his own actions!

I hope everything works out for you and your fam Lynn!
Sending (((((HUGS))))) to you and your hubby!
xxx
Sandy

[KK77]

It's so sad reading this. This is such a difficult situation to be in. A mother's love is unconditional but that doesn't mean abuse. This situation is out of control and you can't be expected to deal with it Lynn. For the sake of your family, your son and yourself you must break all contact with him. If necessary (and I know this may be heartbreaking for you all) to take legal action, ie a restraining order/injunction.

It's not as simple as "slapping" sense into him or sitting down to talk to him. Help is something he must ask for. No one can force it on him. If he were to assault a stranger he would be bundled to court and be locked up for GBH. He shouldn't be allowed to get away with it just because you're "family".

I hope you find the strength and determination to move forward with this - for all your sakes.

[xBettyBoopx]

Dear Lynne

I am so sorry for you and your hubby. I have no kids so no advice from me but some hugs I think would be okay?

http://images.paraorkut.com/img/pics/glitters/h/hugs_to_you-1786.gif

http://www.commentsyard.com/graphics/angel/angel66.jpg
Love
Els
xxx

[hallam11]

Hello Granny,

I was so shocked to read your post. I am so sorry that you had to go through that. I am sure it came as such a shock also to you which doesn't make it any easier at all.
I don't know much about your family so forgive me but I would say that you do need to get your son some type of help, I know it must be difficult for you but it does seem to me that something needs to be done before something even more serious happens.
It sounds as though he does have really bad fits of rage and I would hate for the next post to be even worse. Headbutting your mum is really no laughing matter and warrants serious consequesnces. I can imagine you are quietly seething about it as I would be and anyone else I would imagine! Do what you think is best between yourself and family.

Take care xxxx

[SAMKIRMAN]

hi my special mate
i hate to say it m8 but you need to listen to what everyone are advising you and get the police involved or just a solicitor for a restraining order it may shock him in to getting the help he needs . He does not deserve to be part of your family . You and h deserve a peaceful and happy life not walking on eggshells with him .
always here for you
love
sam

[Granny Primark]

Thanks for your messages and thanks sam for the support youve given me over these last 3 years.
I know that my son loves me and his dad. He has told his partner about the childhood he had and that he is trying to do for his girls what me and his dad did for him.
Hes always had such a wicked uncontrollable temper but he is also very loving and caring.
My mum used to tell him off when he was young. She used to say "she might be your mum but shes my daughter and I wont have her treated like this, cus I love her too"
My hubby spoke to his partner Tuesday and he told her that she shouldnt believe what hed told her cus unless shed witnessed his behaviour she couldnt understand.
4 years ago while his dad was at work he held me hostage, spat on me and threated me with the iron and trashed my garden.
5 years ago he filled my car with dirty cat litter.
I could go on and on and on.
A few weeks ago I reached rock bottom and I went down the docs with my hubby. She was so understanding and told me for the time being to walk away. I did that and was feeling so much better and now all this has started.
I love him dearly. Hes not a bad person he just needs help.

[marie1974]

Lynne, i totally understand the love u have for your son, but please next time let the police deal with him, holding u hostage, dirty cat litter, its vile and absolutely wrong, u have to b strong and put a stop to him doing this, no matter how u feel, its for his own good as well as yours, its shocking and i'm sure he can b lovely, but the other side to him is very dangerous and he has total disrepect for u, thats not love, please make the decision to never have to go through that again, he seriously needs alot of help, if the police deal with him, then he prob will get help for anger etc, he may hate you for it, for awhile, but it cant get any worse can it? in long run if it helps him, mayb he may see that wot he is doing is wrong, huge hugs xx

[StandFree1903]

Lynn love, I hope he reads this and realises how much of a PRICK he is being to you, your hubby and rest of family!!! if not then time to cut the rope to him!!

lovageeeee for you all
xxxxxxxxxxxxx <3

[penedawn]

Mental health goes from o to 100. It is not something that one person has and another never gets. We all suffer in our ways. Health problems can be like alcohol though. Keep trying to help them and you can make them worse by allowing bad behaviour. Eventually you no longer know what is right or wrong. You see to step back and allow those who have experience with this to help you and him. It will help you all. You need to keep yourself safe, kicking something relating to a small child, using a car as a weapon and a knife as a weapon needs immediate action on someones part. It may not be his fault but he is a danger to you. You care about him, but one way is to say 'no' and get the authorities involved immediately. Frankly if he can get away with what he did the next time the knife might be much closer to all those people you mentioned and I get the feeling that you are well aware of it. His life will not be as you planned but you can still plan you, your husband, child and dogs. You must.:weep:

[MyNameIsTerry]

Mental health goes from o to 100. It is not something that one person has and another never gets. We all suffer in our ways. Health problems can be like alcohol though. Keep trying to help them and you can make them worse by allowing bad behaviour. Eventually you no longer know what is right or wrong. You see to step back and allow those who have experience with this to help you and him. It will help you all. You need to keep yourself safe, kicking something relating to a small child, using a car as a weapon and a knife as a weapon needs immediate action on someones part. It may not be his fault but he is a danger to you. You care about him, but one way is to say 'no' and get the authorities involved immediately. Frankly if he can get away with what he did the next time the knife might be much closer to all those people you mentioned and I get the feeling that you are well aware of it. His life will not be as you planned but you can still plan you, your husband, child and dogs. You must.:weep:

Sadly the OP is no longer here:

http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=148900

[Catherine S]

Penedawn, this lady was a very well loved and respected member...who has passed away. I have tried to tell you that you are reviving dormant threads, I even sent you a PM which you have ignored, but this is a little upsetting. I realise that you have just joined in the last day or two, but can you please be careful about commenting on old threads. Thank you.

ISB

[help me 21]

And I hope he reads this nasty vile man! That's wrong u don't hit your mother regardless.. U should of phoned the police straight away! What if your granddaughter was there and witness that. Poor thing he needs help stay strong and think of u and your husband

[Catherine S]

Please is it possible to have this thread put back into the archives? I'm not asking for it to be taken away altogether, it should be there for people to read, but not to bring it back to life and have a go at Lyn's family on it. She was a friend to alot of us back then, and she died, so please show some respect ok?

Thank you.

[MyNameIsTerry]

And I hope he reads this nasty vile man! That's wrong u don't hit your mother regardless.. U should of phoned the police straight away! What if your granddaughter was there and witness that. Poor thing he needs help stay strong and think of u and your husband

Did you read Cath's post or mine? The OP is decreased!

Agreed. This thread needs closing to stop further opinion which is now irrelevant.

[Catherine S]

Thank you Terry.

[nomorepanic]

Thread closed now