How else can I calm down?

[jaded jean]

I am writing this as I am due to get the go ahead to go back to work after my employers have looked at my OT report.
I was fine whenI went to the doctors and he was really pleased with me , he even said No more regular appointments now. we are here if you need us. That was fine. Even talking about the return to work didnt make me flinch.
Again the similar feelings are coming back when all this happened a couple of months ago when I was taking mirtazapine and it prompted the change of my a/d. I am on 20mg cit now and I think it is better , I have not got a problem going outside. I drive my car the very short distance to the shops which I think is ok. I hope-really hope that a change is not needed . I could be over anaylising it. I just get really worked up about going back-what am I going to be like -how will I react physically. I might be just thinking too much. Can someone tell me or reassure me that it will be ok.
I have bought myself through this journey as there are no support groups in my town and sometimes it has been really grim. But the little optimist in me comes through.
Thanks for reading.
Jean:blush:

[alicegreen]

I know how hard it can be Jean, I recently went back and I almost couldn't go in the door!

In the end I sat in the car, did some deep breathing and took some rescue remedy and out loud said to myself "you are fine, you can do it, there is nothing to be frightened of"

I still felt trembly so I made myself get out of the car and start walking in. I almost bottled it but I did do it in the end and found that a good distraction for me was to keep very busy for the first few hours.

I did have moments of anxiety but I coped and to be honest nobody that I worked with even noticed that anything was amiss so I pulled it off!

It has helped me a lot doing daily meditation every single day though.

[allergyphobia]

hi alice, what sort of meditation do you do? im really interested in trying to start doing it daily.

[Raindog]

I've noticed, like alice, that you may feel tense as hell inside but we seem to develop a way to not show it outwardly. A few people that I spoke to over the past few weeks have said that I didn't seem particularly nervous or anxious when I felt very much so on the inside.

You've done the job before Jean, so you know you can do it ok, it's just you turning up the dial and making it bigger than it will feel once you've gotten through your first day or so, and even less after your first week. We blow things out of proportion which sends our anxious little minds running round in circles like spooked horses.

I had to help another volunteer at the community radio station cover for the regular DJ yesterday. I felt a bit landed in it and was a bit anxious the night before but once we got sat in the studio yesterday and started playing some music, it felt like 'what's the big deal?'

Just make sure you get plenty of sleep the night before and you should be able to push your anxiety down, but it will be fine. I bet by the time you finish your first day back, you'll feel tired, but in that good way, and wonder why you fussed so much :)

[jaded jean]

Thanks Raindog
I think what I need is someone reminding me every two mintues that it will be ok!!:wacko:
Jean

[Raindog]

I was the same last week and the week before, just constantly seeking reassurance from any source. It's the nature of anxiety. Just print out a few of these response and have them folded up in your pocket when you start Monday. You can sit down for a couple of mins over breakfast or at your desk and read them if you need to .

It might just do the trick.

[jaded jean]

Hi Raindog.
Have just sent it to my main computer so will be ready as Itype
Thankyou for the continuing support,
Jean:blush:

[Jannie2948]

Hi Jean
That's a good idea that Raindog has said, I done that when I first went back to work, different things that I found on here that used to help me and books that I find helpful and I keep them at work or in my bag and just go to them when I'm having a bit of an 'iffy' time. I'm sure you will be fine, I can always give you my email address at work and feel free to email me there if you need any help at all during the day. If you want it just let me know and I'll pm it to you. All the best to you Jean.

Jannie x x

[jothenurse]

I'd be interested in some of the meditation you do, also.
I am starting back to work next week - two weeks part-time, and then back to full time. I have been on a leave for two and a half months. Am very scared. I do take Ativan, .5mg in the morning and .5 at noon. My doctor said that is a very small amount and just use it as needed. I can always stop taking it after I get settled back in work. I did go in to work today - just to check my office over - went over some emails - talked to a couple of people. Stayed for a couple of hours. I was hoping that that would get me over the initial shock. I was pretty shakey though, even though I had taken my ativan in the morning. My counselor says he isn't concerned with how hard it is, but that a person challenges the anxiety, because that is what will help get you through it quicker. I am nervous though.

[jaded jean]

Jothenurse.

I have tried to go to the office and chat to my team leader/line manager but I wiould time it wrong an no-one would be there or they would be in a meetin. I cannot visit my scheme- for insurance purposes so a bit of a catch22 situation there.My doctor said the same as your counsellor you got to face it head on and yes it is scarey. It will be scarey but once we get over that threshold it will be great. I work on my own generally. I have my 2 community wardens who base theirselves in my office but hey are not there all the time.You are not alone tho. you will be starteing back before I do so you must let me know how you get on.x
Keep strong.
Jean x

[jothenurse]

Thanks.