Newbie, anxiety and depression..

[me*]

Hi, this is quite strange, to actually write something that people will read and i dont need to worry about it! Ive always had a problem with sharing my real feelings with people and so i keep them all in..i think this maybe a big factor in my anxiety problems...
Anyway..I have always worried more than i should about most aspects of my life, boyfriends, work and social. I have been in long relationships my whole life (im 26 now). I feel like i have been weak in my decisions in life and this has had an impact on my confidence. My biggest fear is that i am wasting my life and by worrying about this i have been wasting my life! I would say my biggest worry currently is whether my boyfriend is the right one for me and this is causing me to be depressed and this has now led to social anxiety problems..(but thats another story)
I find myself thinking, if i was to be single, would i be happy?..but because i am not sure of this i cannot take the plunge! I would have to know 100%! I also suffer from OCD so i do find myself getting obsessive about thoughts...because of this, i also think that maybe i am actually happy with my boyfriend but i just dont realise it because i have become obsessed with the negative's!! So its a problem of being so unsure and totally changing my mind constantly!!! I would really appreciate any help..x

[KK77]

Welcome to NMP.

You'll find lots of useful help and advice here. I hope you resolve your relationship worries and enjoy your stay with us.

[Vanilla Sky]

Hi and welcome to NMP :welcome: Paige x

[Alicat]

Hiya :welcome:

[daybyday]

:welcome: Stay and join us, all have understanding and rational helps when we are overwhelmed with never a judgment on our concerns.

[crazyhayz]

Welcome to NMP :welcome: :D xx

U can always feel at home here, we are a lovely bunch, and always try and help as many people as we can with any issues they may have. We are a very understanding and non-judgemental lot, so dont worry about that.

I would say, reading your post, that you could do with some counselling. I had it, and they are realllllllly good at digging out what is underlying and what the actual problems are that are causing these thoughts. They will help you untangle the knots with your confusion etc within your relationship too. But in my personal opinion, if you have a thought that your partner is no good for you, then thats usually an alarm bell...

Good luck and again, welcome to NMP!! :)

[nursey4]

I can relate a bit to you, I think. I got married at 25- had very cold feet. I met him at 19 and, because we lived in different countries, we had a long distance relationship for much of our "dating" years. I am 32 years old now and my husband and I do love each other but are very, very different. I find myself ruminating about whether we should have gotten married or not. Even now, I think, how can I commit for the rest of my life?! I know that sounds awful but I often think that I am young enough to start over and meet someone with more common interests. I feel terrible just even writing that because my husband is truly an amazing person!!! And who else would put up with all my craziness!
Anyways, I am starting to hijack your thread- sorry. Basically, I just want to say, I get it. You'll never know if he's the "right one" for you or not imo and you may even question if he's the right one after you get married. Of course, I wouldn't rush into anything. And some girls are sure. Maybe you'll be one of those. In the meantime, I know how anxiety provoking this can be.
Hope you feel better soon. XOXO

[nursey4]

Oooooh, also I wanted to tell you that I get obsessed that I am wasting my life and I have been that way since I was about 25 when I got severe anxiety disorder and my world became so small. You are not alone.

[me*]

Thanks so much for all your kind messages (:
Thank nursey for your message, its so helpful to know im not the only one having these worries. I know what you mean about writing your husband may not be the right one, its makes you feel so bad and think god, what would they say if they read this!! If everyone could say love isnt how you expect and if you get on with someone and can see yourself living comfortably with that person then its right, i would be content (well i think i would!). On one hand it seems like you grow up thinking more about love and the person you should be with so much that its probably never going to live quite up to your expectations? In some way i always hope this is the case as i want to think that im with the right person but im not sure if thats because i dont want any upset or because deep down under my worries i know ive got a gooden? who knows...):. Please dont worry about hijacking my post i love to here other peoples situations, its a great way to learn! (: thanks again x

[helluvafella]

I loved my husband very much when we married 18 years ago but I was very unsure if it would last. I was 29 and he was 19. We have had years and years of happiness.
I can remember my parents going mad as they said he was too young, people laughing at us in the pub etc.

I can remember asking the girls at work whether I was doing the right thing by marrying him as he was so young. I had been really hurt before. They told me to go for it and I thought to myself, even if we only have a few years of happiness its worth a gamble.

Nothing is ever perfect and I have wanted to leave a couple of times - but we are still together and I wouldnt have changed any of it.

[satsang8]

Hi,
I relate with you on the not sharing feelings and being weak in decisions. I also have been in long relationships since i was 17.
My first was 5 yrs,bad relationship. 3 mths later I met my wife and we have been married for coming up on 7yrs. We have had our problems, being we both had trust issues and suffered addictions. A lot of the same type of wondering has happened for me too. It is only natural.
I like this site and this is new for me too, because people are like King Solomon when it comes to everyone elses problems, because they are not identified with the others thinking. They are identified with their own. Thats another story, but is the root of all of this suffering. So there is a lot of good advice to be found.
You will never be 100% certain, because you dont have a time machine.
We should not use our minds as one either, the mind has no answers to these problems, let the answers come. chek out this video if you want. it is about relationships. youtube Papaji rarity of satsang. good luck