Girls - the root problem

[Piscian Daydreamer]

Hello everyone,

Sorry i havent been on for a while, i hope you are all doing okay.

Was wandering if you could just please give me some confidence.

I seem to have really built up an anxiety of clubbing, its horrible and i can't escape. I have become totally obsessed by pulling girls in night clubs, even though i am not that successful. If i never went clubbing, i would never see my friends so its the 'done thing'. I'd like to think i was good looking and shouldnt have such insecurity, but i do.

When i'm in clubs i feel 'desperate to pull' due to all my mates being around eyeing up the girls. I pull very occasionally, and this desperation makes me feel lonely. I don't even like the system, standing there, picking targets, chatting them up... 9 times out of 10 its just demoralising and leads nowhere, but because i havent had a proper girlfriend, i feel that this is the only way to ever meet girls, because of my lack of experience (im nearly 20) i am so insecure.

Due to this desperation, i am unable to enjoy nights out anymore, i try to pull girls i don't even fancy, just to try and relieve the curse of feeling so inexperienced with girs.

I know your all going to turn around and say 'there are other ways to meet girls other than clubs' but for me that has never been the case. I am active, sociable, go to many clubs, university but have never met a girl i can get to know well and make my move, clubs seem the only way with the LADS.

Its a horrible feeling it really is, this is strongly linked to my natural anxiety for which i am on medication, but i feel my mental and emotional problems will never be cured.

Please, just say anything to make me feel better,

Thanks so much for your time.

[Ma Larkin]

Hi there, there seems to be a stigma "being one of the lads/being one of the girls". We are all different & there is someone out there for everyone. You are only young & should be enjoying yourself, not punishing and pushing yourself into finding a girl that will probably turn out to be the wrong one. You have to be sensible about this. Relationships take up a lot of each others time. You're at uni & now is not the best time to be thinking about relationships. Yes, you should be having a good time, but could you cope with the emotions of a relationship as well as studying, or is it just one night stands you're looking for? Don't feel that its some kind of competition between you and your mates to see who can pull & who can't. Maybe if you didn't try as much you might be more successful. I always find that the more I try the harder it gets and i'm 40 this year! You will meet someone, but don't you think its best to wait til she meets you half way rather than go steam-rolling in there with anything. My mum always says "good things come to those who wait". I'm a single mum of 3, married twice, 1 relationship just over but I never give up hope & I never will. If you "go" with anything, you'll end up with a reputation & its then when things will get tough for you because girls won't wanna know. If I was you i'd chill out a bit & enjoy your mates while you can. When you meet a woman who you want to share your life with you won't be able to see your mates as much. Make the most of it while you can!! Les.