Struggling with a re-lapse, support welcomed

[Hollie]

Hey everyone, new to this kind of thing, don't know if it will help at all but what the hell, i've give everything else a go!!
On a downer at the mo, a big one. Driving husband up the wall. So tired, anxious, worried, stressed out. Massive feeling of guilt hanging over me because of my two small children who watch thier mummy paint her smile on every morning and who also watch her sometimes turn into "she devil" overnight. Embarrased to be feeling this way when I have no reason to be. Embarrassed to go back to my doctor, he must think I'm some kind of nutjob by now!! The painted on smile is starting to become more transparent and people are beginning to ask me whats wrong. Too ashamed to dare even speak of it really. I am on meds for this, not that I want to be. I ask myself sometimes if there really is anything wrong with me or is it just me being the self obsessed selfish idiot that I am??
I feel like i'm dying inside my own head and i'm screaming inside to get out of my own body. I look at others and wish I could be like them. Good wives, good mothers, happy people that like their life.:weep:

[diane07]

Hi Hollie

We just wanted to welcome you aboard to NMP. We hope you enjoy your stay here and get all the support and advice you need.

Please take some time to read the website articles on the left as well for loads of advice and tips.

[Hollie]

Thankyou, lets hope this helps x

[ASH65]

hollie,
welcome to nmp.lots of very caring people here.it seems that,by your description of yourself you have a very low self-esteem and that possibly needs addressing.dont feel embarrassed or ashamed to open up,no-one here will see you as selfish honey.
wishing you lots of love and support
ASH X:welcome:

[sandy35]

Hi Hollie! Welcome to NMP. I have had a relapse as well after 3 and half years when I was progressing really well. I am just feeling very unwell in the last two weeks. Symptoms including shaking and rapid heartbeat and pressure on the head. I have even been to the doctors 3 times in the last week and they have had to reassure me that there is nothing seriously wrong with me but I am not convinced and I can't help worrying. I am on meds at the moment but just had my citalopram increased and having side effects. I definitely know what you are going through at the moment. Anyway hope you enjoy NMP

[margaret jones]

Hi Hollie welcome to this g8 site you will find lots of people here that will listen and advice you please stick around and you will soon be more positive , we are all here to help each other

Take Care Maggie

[snowy]

hi hollie..welcome to this site.i suffer with severe depression and anxiety..and finding it totally crippling and exhausting.i live with my 17 year old son..who recently was attacked quite badly..and is also on anti depressants..i want to help him and advise..but finding it hard to know what to say to him.I also see people all around me looking so happy and at ease with themselves..living life to the full..oh to be like them....