Mind over matter? Claiming back our lives.

[The Raven]

Hi there,

I put something on another thread - my diary of takling or not taking tablets - http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=74763 - but thought I may share it on a more general site in case it helps anyone.

Bascially I have had a really tough time with anxiety/depression and panic in recent weeks/months and what is depressing is I have been here before a couple of times.

So, I did what I usually do - went to the docs and got my prescription for Lexapro/Cipralex (which has always helped) but then after a week or so of taking them something stopped me and said - are you sure you can't beat this on your own this time? That is basically what my diary is about.

Anyhow, something happened at the weekend which I will share in case anyone else thinks a bit of mind over matter may help them. I have copied this (the bit in italics) from my other thread...

'While out walking my dog at the weekend I loudly declared to the field I was in (!) that I had 'given' anxiety, depression and painic the month of May - and I was hereby claiming June back for myself. It was a strange thing to do but it sort of lifted me and made me feel I was taking control. The way I reationalised it was I had 'conceded' May to the 'beast without' and as a reward had asked for June in exchange.

And guess what? Bizarrely yesterday (June 1) was the least anxious/depressive day I have had for weeks!

I woke up with the distinct lack of the gnawing self-doubt and knotted stomach that has characertised my recent weeks and went on to have my most productive upbeat work day for ages. I felt good - and felt others around me must have seen a difference in me too. I went to bed last night with that rare thing - a smile on my face. Had I 'cracked it' with my claiming of the month I dared to ask myself?

Well, not exactly...

Today has been a bit of a disappointment after the relative high of yesterday. Although I have not hit the floor I am certainly not up in the sky as I was yesterday and I always think it is cruel when anxiety lets you 'off' for a little while and then, just as you start to believe, hits back aagin. Cruel, very cruel.

But, but, but.....importantly, I saw something yesterday.

I saw that whether it was a one-off or I had conned myself, I can have whole days that are good - something I had doubted could happen at all a few weeks ago. I had a genuinely good day - and I now want to find ways of having other good days too.

So, I am going to stay off the meds a bit longer if I can. They are still there in my draw like a lovely big comfort blanket but yesterday gave me that smidgen of hope and belief that maybe, just maybe, it is worth trying a bit longer on my own.

As I have said before I have nothing but respect for the power of Cipralex because they have helped me two/three times before. I just need to be sure I haven't exhausted the power of ME before I begin that fascinating journey again.

Thanks for reading - and good luck to everyone else in their various battles.

Hope that helps someone , somewhere at sometime!

Sam (The Raven)

[nursey4]

Hi Sam,
I can totally relate and I love your "'While out walking my dog at the weekend I loudly declared to the field I was in (!) that I had 'given' anxiety, depression and painic the month of May - and I was hereby claiming June back for myself. It was a strange thing to do but it sort of lifted me and made me feel I was taking control." That's awesome!
I have been off meds since the beginning of April. I was on Prozac (which takes many weeks to completely leave your system) and I was doing very well. I was still on Clonazepam but very slowly starting to wean myself off that as well. I was maybe a bit more tearful, but nothing to be concerned about. I felt some things more deeply, including anger which I find is absent when I am on meds. But I was doing really well actually. So about a week ago, I fell hard! I had a dream where I couldn't breathe and I truly couldn't breathe and it woke me up. I went back to sleep and then worried hugely about it when I woke up again. For some reason, that has seemed to trigger me being completely anxious all the time again. My stomach is in constant knots and I fear my body cannot handle this anymore. I can't believe how fast I went downhill after doing so well!! I have had this before and normally I notice that I'm getting a bit more nervous before I actually fully crash!! So here I am now, getting out of my house rarely and with extreme anxiety despite the clonazepam. I have a dog so I try to get him out. I am also depressed- extremely new feeling for me- totally hopeless and all that. I started back on the prozac yesterday- I just can't wait to have some peace in my mind and body again!
I do wish you luck without meds. My story was not meant to say you can't do it. I don't know how severe your anxiety is. Apparently mine is just too severe to go without meds. While I hate the mind-numbing effect and the loss of libido they give you, I will take that any day over feeling like this.
Feel free to pm me anytime:)