Noise Sensitivity

[goldilockz]

Hi everyone,

I moved out of my mum's house and into a flat on my own 2 months ago, hoping to have some space and time to myself. Where I am staying is a relatively quiet area (considering I live in a big city) and there are a lot of older people in my block of flats. Despite this, I have experienced some extreme anxiety whenever someone slams their door (which is often). It makes me jump and then I start wondering why they could be so rude as to slam the door, especially in the morning/ late at night. I feel the anger and anxiety building and take it as a personal attack much of the time. In addition, my upstairs neighbour stomps about and has a TV which is pretty loud (it may not seem loud to her but the walls must be pretty thin because I can hear it as we speak. It'd be better if it were an old lady with hearing difficulties but the girl is in her mid-20s). Whenever I hear the TV, I have to stop what I'm doing to listen to it: I can't just ignore it. I have been sitting with earplugs in all day anticipating the next unwanted noise but decided, after speaking to my boyfriend, that sitting with my plugs in all the time will only make me more sensitive. I was wondering if anyone else has had similar experiences and how they learned to deal with such unwanted noises. I don't want to run away from the problem, I want to face it and I realise that the problem is down to my thoughts and reactions as opposed to the noise itself. Any help would be so much appreciated.

Many thanks,

Jenny xx

[goldilockz]

Hi Tony,

I appreciate your response and totally agree. Sometimes, it has made me so angry that I go out and slam my own door in retaliation! It's ridiculous and it's all in my mind. To be fair, the door slamming is generally before 11pm and occasionally afterwards. It's not all the time but still, like you, I am expecting it and sometimes can't get to sleep for fear it will wake me. I have thought about putting a notice on the wall saying please close doors quietly or words to that effect but then I don't know if that's acceptable or just overly sensitive on my part. Luckily, I am moving away to go to uni in September but I want to make the next few months as enjoyable (and peaceful) for myself as possible.

Thanks again x

[verity]

Hi there, wow you sound just like me! im the same slamming doors, tv's stomping etc all makes me really anxious and its my main anxiety at the moment.

Sometimes im so bad that I have to put my ipod on at home

Im trying to deal with it all within my cbt, accept that sum noise is a normal part living in a flat, not really loud noise cos if there was someone who was blasting music all the time then i would have to complain of course.

Just focus on the fact that you will be going away in Sept and if you find that you are sensitive to noise anyway then try to just bloke it out by keeping busy and not always stopping to check the noise. I know its easier said than done.

Take care hun
xxx

[goldilockz]

Hi guys,

Tony: the potato idea is a good one, but my neighbours downstairs don't bother me, it's the one upstairs that does. Sometimes she stomps about and it's like I have to live by when she gets up and goes to bed because otherwise, I can't relax. I'm sure she's not intentionally stomping and I'm thankful that I don't live on the ground floor with the front door constantly banging but it's still annoying. I don't think flat life is for me! I keep saying to myself that when I 'grow up' I'll be getting a detached house- the only way you can have complete peace and quiet!

Verity: I'd read some of your posts before and was going to PM you. I think this is a common problem: from typing noise sensitivity into google, so many people seem to suffer so we're by no means alone. I am trying, maybe just for an hour a day, to expose myself to the noise instead of running away from it. Yes, during that hour I feel anxious and annoyed but that lessens over time and I feel proud that I've managed to do it. That's great you're getting CBT: what kind of things has it taught you? I'm getting counselling but not CBT. The counsellor said something that made sense to me: take yourself away from the picture and view it objectively: these people aren't trying to get at you as it may seem sometimes, they're just trying to live their lives. When I hear the TV from upstairs I think 'Why is she playing it so loud? How inconsiderate.' But the reality is, she's just having a sit down watching TV and doesn't realise I can hear it. The walls are thin, it's not her fault, she's just trying to live her life like me. I don't know why I check the noise but I guess it's something to do with danger and scanning the environment. I feel better from chatting to you guys so thank you xxx

[Angelai]

I cannot STAND noisy neighbours! It's not that I think they're doing it to get at me, I just can't believe they have NO consideration for other people whatsoever. AND absolutely no self-awareness. The bloke upstairs from me shakes the whole house when he walks around (I'm really not exaggerating) and his music/radio can be heard 2 floors up. Selfish b*****d. I grew up acutely aware, constantly, of every sound and movement I made - and I guess because of that I can't understand how anyone else can have no idea at all of how their noise and movement affects others.

There are marks all over my ceiling from the broom handle(!), and chips in the paint from where I've thrown whatever I could get my hands on. I have screamed myself hoarse more times than I can remember, and even physically hurt myself in frustration. HOWEVER... I do understand that other people might not be bothered by it at all, and could quite happily live in my flat. My intolerance to noise is just one of many intolerances I have.

[goldilockz]

Angelai,
You sound quite similar to me! I have decided that it's good I'm only renting my flat just now because when I buy a house, it'll be detached and in the countryside, 5 miles from any neighbours! I think detached houses are the only way you can ensure peace and quiet from noisy neighbours as so many people seem to suffer like we do. I, like you, am very aware of every sound I make. I close my door very gently and make sure my radio is lower than I can hear sometimes because I don't want to disturb the neighbours. Other people aren't so thoughtful, but then why should they be unless they're playing loud music at all hours? I'm learning that the noise sensitivity is my problem: not theirs. I do think the guy who lives upstairs from you is a bit excessive though, but is it worth getting yourself worked up over? I think there are 2 options: do something about it or acceptance. Getting yourself worked up is only going to affect you: he'll still play his loud TV quite happily. Have you considered earplugs? I don't want to rely on them but they're useful for when you just want to get away from the noise! Also, I have industrial ear muffs that block out sound (what people who work in factories use). They both make it a lot easier sometimes. I also have a white noise machine which I put on in the mornings to drown out the sound of people going out and banging their doors (yes, I've considered every option!) xx

[Caz 47]

Hi i too know how you all feel for many years i have had to put up with inconsiderate neighbours i live in complete fear now a fear of noise my husband thinks im just going mad but it is something that i cant explain for nineteen years we had sets of neighbours who did DIY late at night played elvis presley records till three in the morning and the last couple rowed so much it was frightening ... i live in a city we moved from our first house to the one i live in now i was fine to start with then little things started to niggle television on loud i couldnt hear myself think sometimes music thumping out then it changed my neighbour became a widow on her own it was perfect peace until the neighbours moved in next door although they are not attached they are so so noisy i ask myself why are folks so inconsiderate to others i cant answer it at all im not a young person and i have just retired along with my husband but i have to admit im not enjoying my retirement im always fearful wondering what is going to happen what i will awake too and how my day will plan out every day i try to be different i try not to care about it and every day the panic gets worse until late at night when i get a bit of peace ..

Im sorry this is so long but i really do know how you feel my life has become one long panic attack from morning to night and the worse feeling of all is FEAR .. it sticks in your gut like a monster making you feel trapped ...i just wished there was a cure for it all the mind is a powerful tool it can go in but its getting it out that is the problem .....

Thankyou for letting me ramble ......Cal

[goldilockz]

Hi Cal,

I'm so sorry to hear what you've been through and really hope it doesn't get to that stage for me. Is there no way you could move? Perhaps to a little bungalow? I am hoping that I'll be able to afford renting a detached house (regardless of how small) when I finish my studies: living in a flat is unbearable for someone who is anxious. I agree: it does make you feel trapped. Earlier, the sound of the neighbour's TV was so loud and I kept hearing bangs and cars outside: just normal noises in a flat. However, I got so worked up about it that I had to lye down, otherwise I'd smash something! I'm now playing my radio fairly loudly to drown out the neighbour's TV; why should I have to wear earplugs constantly? I don't find it so hard when I'm out and about doing things, but it is a lot worse when I decide to have a 'relaxing' day in the flat, which very soon turns into a stressful day. Perhaps removing yourself from the situation might help? I would also consider moving. I know in a way it is running away from the situation but it sounds like you've suffered for long enough: you deserve to enjoy your retirement. I hope things improve for you and you know I'm here whenever you want a rant! xx

[MidnightCalm]

Oh my god! You sound just like me!

I live with somebody I am extremely uncomfortable with living with but for reasons out of my control so I have to put up with it until I get my own place.
EVERY night at at 6.30pm he comes home, his car is the loudest car, it vibrates the house and there's no way to escape it, he comes in and he is the angriest person who talks about things I just cannot bear to hear so whenever I'm in the house I'm constantly waiting to hear that roar of the engine, my anxiety rises rapidly from this point.

[goldilockz]

That sounds awful MidnightCalm, is there no way you can move or move in with someone else? I have discovered a kind of solution. I have been playing my radio fairly loud in my flat to drown out the noise of the neighbour's TV. I've put the radio as high up as it will go so that it doesn't disturb the neighbours below me (I hope) but covers the noise of the people above. It seems to be working. I only hope I don't disturb anyone else because that's not my intention at all and I don't want anyone to experience the anxiety I've been going through. It doesn't quite drown out the hum of the TV above but I'm scared to put it any louder (especially at night) in case it bothers anyone else. This way, I feel more in control.

[goldilockz]

A quick amendment to my last post: they obviously cottoned on to what I was doing and my radio, even at its comparatively low volume, was impinging on their ridiculously loud TV time so they've since put the volume even higher on their TV. Can I get no relief?! I am very conscious of affecting other neighbours so will be putting my radio off soon but earlier in the evening, I'm prepared to put it higher to drown out the drone of their TV. Just totally unfair of them.