psychoticness and sexual abuse

[scaredandlost]

i keep going into brief states of psychoticness because i cant handle what my father has and does to me. ive been told its not real psychosis its just my way of coping and blocking it out. i dont really know what im trying to say.......i guess i wonder if anyone else not on purpose uses psychosis as a self defence mechanism? i seem to be using it more and more, its like there is another person in my head who controls me and all my focus is taken away from reality during those times. its pretty scary.

[Going home]

From the age of 7 until now at age 21 your father has been abusing you, is that right? and nobody in your family has ever known this? I'm just trying to understand how it can still be happening, and if you can't bring yourself to report this abuse, then can't you move out of the house? I know you're only a student but there are plenty of places, you can get a room in a student house or something, and what does your boyfriend say about it...assuming he knows of course.

Anna xxx

[scaredandlost]

its been on and off. im not currently at home, im away for university in student accomidation. its when i go home in the holidays and get left alone with my dad it problem arisies. its complicated, my mums a very emotional person and makes me feel like shit if i dont go home to visist them, i feel i cant say no. the police are aware of wats happening but they wont arrest him until my say so. ive not had it done yet because im confused over what i want and im to scared of shattering my family with this dirt. my boyfriend is aware i was abused until 12 but i couldnt bare telling him everything after that.why would he want to go out with someone who is abused my there father in a sexual way? it makes me feel physicaly sick, i cant imagine how my boyf would feel.

[Lynnann]

Hi

I think you are refering to depersonalization rather than psychosis, please see the link below;

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Depersonalization

As for your home situation; it has to stop, I know it is difficult after a lifetime of grooming and manipulation. If things are still occurring when your father is alone with you then you need to stand up to him and tell him you will contact the police if he continues. I only hope there are no younger siblings in your home that are also subject to his unwanted attentions.

I hope that you are in counselling and recieving help and support to deal with the aftermath of what has been done to you, there is hopefully a specialist centre near you that will have people qualified to help you through the confusion that you must be going through, when there is incest involved there is a lot of guilt felt by the victim, you need to understand that you were the victim and you still are. "It was not your fault, you are not to blame"

I wish you the very best in your recovery and hope that your situation improves soon.

Lynnann:flowers:

[Antipodes]

Hello Scaredandlost. I read your post with empathy and compassion. I am sorry you experienced this. I recently was juror (forperson too) on a case identical to what you describe.

If you have not mentioned this to your doctor, I urge you to. There is a lot of literature on the effects of what you describe but I have provided a URL that has a slightly different causer but it describes very well how some people are affected in circumstances you describe. You might like to take a few minutes and if you can relate to the symptoms / effects shown, I urge you to write the ones down that are meaningful to you and tell your GP. If he/she is worth their salt then you can start your journey towards recovery.

http://bullyonline.org/stress/ptsd.htm

If you want some more specific links you might relate to more closely, feel free to pm me.

I hope everything works out for you.