MidnightCalm
06-06-10, 15:31
I've decided to post my feelings in the hope of releasing some inner tension or anxiety, I'm not sure where it's coming from so i'm trying to use every release I can find so that maybe one day I'll feel better.
Atm my anxiety is at an all time high, I'm constantly alone, I have to seclude myself, if I'm around anybody else I get really panicky, I feel like they know what I'm experiencing and they're focusing on me, like there's no escape so at the moment I'm just sitting in my room day in day out, when my anxiety gets really high I go for a 30 minute walk around the field near my house which is usually quiet, it calms me down until I get back inside where my anxiety rises.
If I stay out any longer than 30 minutes then I start to get a bit more anxious.
I've been experiencing the occasional heart palpitation, I scare myself into thinking I'm dyiing of a heart attack or something, at the moment I can't eat either, it's like everything I put into my mouth is making me need to heave, I feel better when I just don't eat, it's been like this for about a week now and I can't wait for the moment I actually get hungry again.
I'm forcing the food down, forcing myself to eat as much breakfast, lunch and tea as I can, when night comes and everybody has gone to bed I feel more relaxed and feel like I could then eat something.
I feel like EVERYTHING makes my anxiety rise up, just watching the television spurs it on, I could be watching loose women, I'll start focusing on how cheery they are or on something they're talking about, I'll get edgy just about how one of them is moving , I just focus on tiny little things which make me feel sicker.
My panic attacks started with a tightening of the throat about 2 years ago, that happened about 4 nights a week and I convinced myself I had throat cancer, about 8 months ago they stopped and I was fine for about a week or two and then I started getting chest tightness, felt like every breath I was having I had to think about, I had to focus on how long I was breathing in and out.
2 weeks ago I had a few heart palpitations in a row and since then I've been having them quite often but now my chest tightness hardly ever happens, it's like one symptom changes to another and so on.
The thing that's stressing me the most out at the moment is my inability to eat.
I've had this once before, about 2 months ago I suddenly started feeling extremely stressed and I'll one night, I felt like I was dying, my chest and stomach were burning, I had a headache and I couldn't eat, went to the doctors and he did the usual tests and concluded that it was anxiety.
The next night I had the same intense sickness and feelings and went back to the doctors, had a different doctor who also said it sseems like anxiety.
I was ill for about a week after and then I was fine with the occasional breathing difficulty.
This time I'm not really ill, I can still go for my walks unlike the last time when I was bedridden.
I just can't eat.
I'm hoping this passes.
I feel really weak.
Does anybody understand? Can anybody relate to what I am experiencing?
Thank you.
one more thing, I feel like crying constatnly but I won't let myself cry, do you think I should?
I keep holding it back, do you think this could be making it worse?
I just won't allow myself to cry, should I let myself?
Atm my anxiety is at an all time high, I'm constantly alone, I have to seclude myself, if I'm around anybody else I get really panicky, I feel like they know what I'm experiencing and they're focusing on me, like there's no escape so at the moment I'm just sitting in my room day in day out, when my anxiety gets really high I go for a 30 minute walk around the field near my house which is usually quiet, it calms me down until I get back inside where my anxiety rises.
If I stay out any longer than 30 minutes then I start to get a bit more anxious.
I've been experiencing the occasional heart palpitation, I scare myself into thinking I'm dyiing of a heart attack or something, at the moment I can't eat either, it's like everything I put into my mouth is making me need to heave, I feel better when I just don't eat, it's been like this for about a week now and I can't wait for the moment I actually get hungry again.
I'm forcing the food down, forcing myself to eat as much breakfast, lunch and tea as I can, when night comes and everybody has gone to bed I feel more relaxed and feel like I could then eat something.
I feel like EVERYTHING makes my anxiety rise up, just watching the television spurs it on, I could be watching loose women, I'll start focusing on how cheery they are or on something they're talking about, I'll get edgy just about how one of them is moving , I just focus on tiny little things which make me feel sicker.
My panic attacks started with a tightening of the throat about 2 years ago, that happened about 4 nights a week and I convinced myself I had throat cancer, about 8 months ago they stopped and I was fine for about a week or two and then I started getting chest tightness, felt like every breath I was having I had to think about, I had to focus on how long I was breathing in and out.
2 weeks ago I had a few heart palpitations in a row and since then I've been having them quite often but now my chest tightness hardly ever happens, it's like one symptom changes to another and so on.
The thing that's stressing me the most out at the moment is my inability to eat.
I've had this once before, about 2 months ago I suddenly started feeling extremely stressed and I'll one night, I felt like I was dying, my chest and stomach were burning, I had a headache and I couldn't eat, went to the doctors and he did the usual tests and concluded that it was anxiety.
The next night I had the same intense sickness and feelings and went back to the doctors, had a different doctor who also said it sseems like anxiety.
I was ill for about a week after and then I was fine with the occasional breathing difficulty.
This time I'm not really ill, I can still go for my walks unlike the last time when I was bedridden.
I just can't eat.
I'm hoping this passes.
I feel really weak.
Does anybody understand? Can anybody relate to what I am experiencing?
Thank you.
one more thing, I feel like crying constatnly but I won't let myself cry, do you think I should?
I keep holding it back, do you think this could be making it worse?
I just won't allow myself to cry, should I let myself?