Any monophobics here? (I'm new)

[Reece]

I've had monophobia now for almost 5 months. The phobia is a fear of being alone. Basically, my family and friends are my "safety zone" so when they go away, even for a 30 minute drive, I experience overwhelming panic and anxiety until they return.

When they return I feel safe and "normal" again and function at a rational level.

It has been hardest of all on my girlfriend of 8 years because she's just not used to me being this way and has a very demanding career and social life.

Before developing this phobia, I was a very, very independant person that loved his own company. I've never experienced clingyness or possessiveness towards people, its not in my nature to be like that. I used to be so happy when I had time alone to myself. I NEEDED it.

I swear to god, what I'm going through is crazy because it's just not like me to be so fearful of loneliness!!! It doesn't make any sense at all why I've developed this unusual phobia.

My girlfriend has suffered incredibly as a result. Before I got this way, she'd go away for weekends, sometimes even weeks with absolutely no interference from me whatsoever.

Our relationship was perfect because we could both do our own thing with no fear of facing any kind of possessiveness or interference from one another.

We both led seperate social lives only to cherish our time alone together deeply.

She broke up with me 3 days ago and I'm finding it impossible to deal with that pain, especially at a time like this. However, I appreciate her reasons for doing so and she's still offering to help me through this. She almost lost her job because of the demanding nature of this situation and that just wont do at all.

She's being a wonderful and very supportive friend right now but I can't deny that I'm emotionally devastated as a result of being dumped while in the middle of trying to deal with the god-awful symptoms of monophobia.

I'm suicidal and scared for my future.

I've pursued professional help but so far, all I have faced is inexperienced and highly insensitive members of the so called NHS "mental health team" that have done more harm than good.

The only thing that enables me to address my phobia is knowing that if things get too much for me I can make a phone-call and have someone I consider a "safety zone" return to save the day. Having this helps me fight through the symptoms of monophobia until they return from work or wherever they are at the time without them having to constantly be around me 24/7.

Its my life-line and the fuel I use to address my fear in a way that makes me feel safe. Constantly re-traumatising myself is impractical and makes my irrational fear appear legitmate and more threatening. Flooding DOES NOT work for me.

I'm looking forward to meeting you all and I'll be here for you all no matter what.

Reece.

[chucklehound]

Hi Reece and welcome to the forum!:D

I too suffer from monophobia and in the past have found it allmost impossible to get through even the smallest amount of time alone.
Me and my husband split up in November and he moved 2 weeks ago. I had him back because of my monophobia. After a few days I realised that although I would be anxious on my own it was for the best because there was no love between me and him. He went again on Saturday and okay I have thought about having him back but again this would be the wrong thing to do. Over the passed few days I have come to realise that the monophobia subsides and I can start to enjoy being on my own again.
By being in alone and trying to keep busy will, given time help you in overcoming it little by little.
I hope that you start to get better soon.

Feel free to PM me
All the best

Take Care

Chucklehound

xxxx

[marie257]

hi reece and welcome. i'd like to say that i know what youre going through but i cant. you are having a rough time of it but it has to get better at some point. i think everyone needs their family and friends around them at some point and its good that your family understands. as for your girlfriend i think that she obviously loves you very much but finds it all to much to handle. i have a vomit phobia and my husband cant deal with it.there will be some help out there you just have to find the right therapist. i wish you all the luck and if you want to chat then pm me and i will be more than happy to chat. love marie

[bobsy]

hi reece

sorry your feeling not too good at the moment. people on here are all very nice and im sure you will find some good help and advice. i did slightly suffer from this and its not very nice. I struggle going out on my own and like you i like people i trust round me. slowly though things are progressing for me and i am sure in time they will for you too.

take care

bobsy

[trac67]

Hi Reece,

Welcome to the forum, you will get a lot of good advice here and make some new friends.

Take care

Trac xx


'Live your life with arms wide open, today is where your book begins, the rest is still unwritten'

[jill]

Hi Reece,

WELCOME TO THE SITE.

There are lots of nice people her who will help and support you.

TAKE CARE

LOVE JILLXX

[Reece]

I can't thank ya enough guys for making me feel welcome and less "crazy" and I will be here for you all no matter what.

[Meg]

Hello Reece

It is fairly normal in an anxiety state to either fiercely want to be alone or need to be with others. I had to have company but learnt over time to find being around anyone was ok too so 24 hr Tescos was a lifeline just to sit in the cafe or sit in a park and watch people going about their business and be terribly jealous.

Then I weaned it down to just knowing there was someone within a walkof me at home and so forth

Common Symptoms of Panic Attacks, Anxiety, Phobias and OCD. (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/NMPcms.php?nmppage=symptoms)

First Steps to overcoming Panic and Anxiety (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=942)


Meg
www.anxietymanagementltd.com

Your anxiety is the human representation of the pictures that you paint using your many vivid colours of revolving and reoccurring thoughts.
How big is your gallery ?

[Piglet]

A big welcome to the site :)

I am fine on my own if I am at home but <s>like</s> have to have company if I go out, which I am working on.

Meg I hadn't thought about it like that, about any people would do, so you liked Tesco 24hr. Weren't you scared of having a panic attack in front of them???

I like that Meg - I would like to see the general public as comforting rather than people to embarass myself in front of. How do I do that :D

Piglet xx

"Supposing a tree fell down, Pooh, when we were underneath it?" said Piglet.
"Supposing it didn't," said Pooh after careful thought.

[nomorepanic]

Hi Reece

A big welcome aboard the forum.

Sorry to hear about the recent split up between you and the partner and I hope that she continues to support you for now.


Nicola

[Meg]

Piglet

To me the biggest ( one of ) fear was about collapsing in a heap and if were to happen at home in the morning noone would find me till that night - if boyfriend came round or even later that week if he didn't, so being out with Joe Public was preferable to being home alone.

Of course being embarrassed did come into it but I did figure out fairly early on that if I hadn't really gone wild when I was at my worst it was not likely to happen as I was starting to recover, so it was a secondary fear.

Besides, I still have the inherent belief that the vast majority of the public are lovely and would come to my aid and I knew that in Tescos they would have to have a 1st aider hanging around somewhere who would have to if none else did !!

Love
Meg

[Piglet]

Meg thanks hun.

You have sown a seed tonight that is just sort of in there and its giving me a glimpse of something that hadn't occured to me.

It's soooo opposite of how I have been looking at it (not that I mean I hate the general public, more that I am embarassed in front of them).

You have just turned that on its head and really given me some food for thought.

I am gonna print off what you first said to Reece and ponder on it.

Not exactly a 100 watt light bulb moment but definately a 40 watt and getting brighter.

I need to go away and think:D:D:D

Oh and by the way you are taking my A&P exam for me soon it's all arranged :D:D:D[}:)][}:)] Gotta dash love ya[}:)]

Pig xx

[tara]

Hi Reece, I suffered for quite a while with the fear of being alone this was during my anixety/panic stage. It didn't matter who it was i just needed to be around people knowing that if any thing happened to me that i would be "sorted out" or so to speak.
I will say that this lasted for a little while then i came accross this site which was a wonderful distraction to it all, then i learned that i could use other ways of distracting myself from this, my thing was cleaning and let me tell you that my house had never been so clean during this time. Anyway it did pass with time and knowledge and support from people, hope things get better for you soon. Tara x

[alexis]

Hi Reece, welcome to the forum, hope you have had a good look around and get some comfort from the posts.xx

Most of lifes battles are won, by looking beyond the clouds to the sun:
and having the patience to wait for the day,when the sun comes out and the clouds go away.


love from Alexisxx

[seh1980]

Welcome aboard!! :D

"If life were simple, word would have got around"

[henri]

Hi Reece,
Welcome to the site. It's so true what Meg said about anxiety sufferers either needing to be totally alone or with people all the time.
I hope you find all the stuff on the site useful.
take care
Henri

[Karen]

<b id="quote">quote:</b id="quote"><table border="0" id="quote"><tr id="quote"><td class="quote" id="quote">Oh and by the way you are taking my A&P exam for me soon it's all arranged :D:D:D[}:)][}:)] Gotta dash love ya[}:)]
<div align="right">Originally posted by Piglet - 09 February 2006 : 21:32:19</div id="right">
</td id="quote"></tr id="quote"></table id="quote">
After all that studying you've been doing Piglet!! Are you still trying to get out of the exam?!? :D[^]

Karen x

[Karen]

Hi Reece

Welcome to the forum.

I hope you find some help and support here.

Karen

[Piglet]

Karen :D:D:D:D:D:D but Meg would do it soooo well, are we sure this isn't an option????

Piglet xx

"Supposing a tree fell down, Pooh, when we were underneath it?" said Piglet.
"Supposing it didn't," said Pooh after careful thought.

[Meg]

I'm happy to do some practice sometime if you feel it would help.

I helped people during my biology O'level- oooohh are we going to be clandestine about it.

Love

Meg xx

[Piglet]

:D:D:D:D:D Meg.

I have never been clandestine in my whole life - furtive occassionally but never clandestine!!! That looks like a pretty name doesn't it, perhaps I will change Piglet to Clandestine :D

This subject is really hard going and I have limped through respiration (mainly because its a bit boring) lol I like that, "limped through respiration" nearly as wrong as me saying I am like a bird going from flower to flower spreading honey.[:I]:D

Now you can see why I am finding it difficult.

I have decided to ask you immeditately with the next section when I get to that part rather than get so frustrated with it.

Piglet xx

[rabbit25]

Hi Reece. You are not alone on this. I am in my late twenties and live at home with parents. I hate it when they go on holiday. Makes me so angry along time in advance. I do like being on my own, but only for a couple of days. If I know I can contact my parents, I feel a bit better. I phone ppl and must really annoy them by taslking too much, just cos I'm lonely. My parents are going on holiday in a few months.

[Tomimo]

Welcome to the forum.

I don't think you are alone in needing that safety net to get through the fear and the rough times.

This site is great for support and advice and you will certainly never be alone if you are here :)

Annie x

[jos]

reece
this time last year i needed company so much - i thought i wasn't safe alone - that i would do something like burn the house down or my mood would slip so much i would harm myself - i was suffering from acute anxiety and depression and friends and family were with me most of the time for about 5 weeks - it wasn't until i took the risk of staying alone in my flat that i foungd that my fears were just that and the challenge of coping on my own was what i needed -

i think it is natural to want company - we are are naturally gregarious - but when emotions are at extremes in anxiety state - any downs, such as being alone when you prefer company, are magnified to those extremes -

i would find a good therapist/ psycologist privately if you can afford it - thew nhs is pitifully under resourced in this area - try a few to see which you get on best with.

good luck - you can regain your old self - or at least the parts you want to regain - i have regained so much of the old me in the last year that i thought was lost forever - it does take time and acceptance of the situation and my psycologist helped so much in that

take care, trust yourself, be kind to yourself - with the kind of support you have described you will get better - slowly slowly , baby steps as my friends used to say to me -

cheers jos

[Iona]

My name is Iona, I'm 18 years old.
I've always had a really low fear setting. Even trailers for scary movies would give me nightmares for months, and I always found it hard going to sleep without someone there. My boyfriend and I have been together for 16 months. After maybe 6 months of being together my parents told me they were going to have a trial separation. At about the same time I started taking in extra hormones through the contraceptive patch. Then everything just switched. If my boyfriend and I couldn't spend the night together, I would break down in floods of tears. I wasn't actually sad that he wanted a night on his own or whatever, but the thought of saying goodbye, or trying to sleep alone made me completely panicked. This has led to countless fights about me being too clingy, and has nearly caused us to break up more times than I want to count. We're supposed to be moving in together this year, with a couple of other friends, which I think is the perfect solution, because then if he has to be somewhere overnight I have two other friends to help me feel safe. I recently stumbled accross the phrase 'monophobia' and realised that I'm not just a psycho, that other people have similar symptoms to myself (fear of eating in front of people, never being alone in public without headphones in, constant self criticism). When I showed my findings to my boyfriend, he was happy that we'd got to the root of the problem, but now he's threatening to leave me on my own all the itme to try and 'help me get better' and says he won't move in with me till we've 'sorted it out' and I'm really scared of how that's going to affect me. Any advice on how to talk to him? He really doesn't seem to understand how vulnerable I am, he only sees me trying to take away his freedom. I should mention that this only affects me at night, or when it's dark. I'm 100% fine during the day...