What a F$%@^&G DAY!

[Ronster]

Today has to have been one of the worse days in two weeks. I stayed in bed till 12, got up to shower and hoped to get to work. My anxiety level was so hi about thinking of separating from my wife and tearing apart my 15 year old boys family. I could hardly take it. I ended up going to the local park and crying for two hours, called my dad and got him all upset. What a ****ing day! Never made it to work.
Been on Citalopram for 8 weeks from 20 to 30 mg's and still am not getting any major relief. I was hopefull that the meds would calm the mind and help me make a sound confident decision on my families future but instead I am a reck. I wonder if anti-anxiey tabs would be better than the citalopram??

Any takers out there on this one?

Thanks Ron

[Veronica H]

Hi Ron
It is a well known fact that one of the symptoms of oversensitised nerves and anxiety is the inability to make a decision. Furthermore it is likely that you are plagued by irrational negative thoughts about the situation you are in. You no doubt feel that you have let the family down and that they would be better off if you left. Many of us have been where you are now Ron and I would urge you to try your best to accept that your nerves are sensitised and that the feelings you have are as a result of that. In time as your nerves recover you will be able to make decisions again.

If you have not yet done so, I would recommend you read a brilliant book by Dr Claire Weekes;SELF HELP FOR YOUR NERVES published by Thorsens ISBN 0-7225-3155-9.This is available from the NMP shop. Dr Weekes was a physician and scientist. She was a fellow sufferer (nominated for the nobel prize for medicine) and really understood this illness. She took the mystery out of it, and devised a simple programme for recovery. I can't recommend this enough.( It is a bit old fashioned, but still so relevant).
Here is a link to her site;

http://www.drclaireweekes.co.uk/

Have you tried Cognitive Behavioural Therapy or Mindfulness? Both also good for us overthinkers. Another book which has really helped me is;

Matthieu Ricard ' Happiness...a guide to developing life's most important skill ' published by Atlantic ISBN 978-1-84354-558-3.He is a French Buddhist monk and a very accomplished man....here is a link to one of his talks.....

http://www.ted.com/talks/matthieu_ri...happiness.html (http://www.ted.com/talks/matthieu_ricard_on_the_habits_of_happiness.html)

This will get better. Veronicax:bighug1:

[StoneMonkey]

Hi Ronster,
Sorry mate thats all really tough.
I have no experience on meds so am no help there.
Some days when i feel like i have upset everyone and they have all had enough of me I have to have some private time with the punch bag, push some weights or go for a hard run.
Especially if you cant release the emotions and it is building up as anger.
Hope tomorrow is a better day.
Simon.

[barbn]

Well, I can tell you, I take both an anti-depressant (Celexa) & an anti-anxiety (BuSpar) and both have worked wonders! The medication doesn't take away the depression or anxiety entirely, but it does make it very managable. I'm not a Dr. but I would highly suggest looking into taking both...talk to your Dr. about it!!

[jothenurse]

I take a small amount of a benzodiazepine. I take .5mg when I get up and .5mg at noon. My psychiatrist states that at that low of dose, I will not have any trouble with rebound/withdrawal when I taper down. It doesn't get rid of the panic/anxiety, but it does make it a little more comfortable.

[Electric Blue]

My doctor put me on a med called "Frisium" I only use it when I absolutely have to, I try to avoid meds at all cost. However, when I do take it, it definitely calms me down...does make me slightly drowsy...but after a little while I get over it. It definitely helps me think a bit more rational when I'm feeling anxious.

[Ronster]

Thanks everyone for your responses, Still in the guttter today. Did make it to work today but not doing so well.

Thinking of going home soon, lucky for me I'm the boss here and I got great guys working for me, though a little embarrising the boss is in this shape emotionally. Makes it a bit hard to be a good leader. Going to se my GP tomorrow, not sure if I should switch or up the dosage of Citalopram. I hate the thought's of starting all over on another med or waste more time on this one by upping the dosage??? The big question???

Thanks ROn

[guitarpants]

What you need to do is stop relying on the medication to fix the problem for you, it will never happen. At the most, the only benefit you will get from them is a crutch. You are still going to feel all of the same feelings you are experiencing now. You are in a tough situation and that is why you feel the way you do. It is not irrational and it is completely normal. There is nothing wrong with you for feeling the way you do right now. You'll get through this, you just need to find a new coping mechanism.

[Ronster]

Wow, Ninjaxero, that response was in your face. Interestingly, you've pretty much hit it on the head. I know this all ready, just having a hard time dealing with the pain associated with it. I am not looking for the meds to fix my problem I am simply lookng for a calming of my head and heart so that I can sort out the confusion. Thing is I have always had problems with relatoinships and just want to make sure I'm not bailiing for the wrong reasons. pretty sure I know what the reality is and just not facing it head on.
Thanks alot foe your views, very much appreciated!

Tony, been trying to fix it for years, getting very tired. Loosing the urge to fight the fight and try to keep it going.

Thanks Ron

[JT69]

Hi Ron,

Just wondered if you went to the GP and got some help?? In my experience with citalopram it does take some time to start working but when it does it is an excellent medication.

I hope that you sort out your issues with your partner...shame to lose something you have had for some time...take time to think this over before making any rash decisions.

I do hope you are feeling better.

Take care.
JO.xx

[guitarpants]

Ron, sorry, I tend to be kind of blunt and direct. I'm in sort of a similar situation, and I've found that meds only complicated things. I had thought maybe something might take the edge off, but nothing did.

[Mya]

I am in a similar situation as well, sorry to hear all you have been going through. I have had GAD for 2 years and just began medication which I am upset about, however, I will see how it works. I would like to hear the opinion of some others that are also having relationship problems due to their anxiety.

My spouse and I have been together 11 years and I always thought we had the best relationship as well as friendship. Since GAD has taken over, the distance between us is making my anxiety worse and we have also sought therapy together. Anyone in this, do you believe these are "distorted thoughts/feelings" or perhaps we really are not compatible with our partners? It is just so very confusing and add GAD on top of it, makes it a million times more! Please bear in mind I have always been an anxious/sensitive person and my spouse is the opposite. They say intitially "opposites attract" but over time not so much. This is all very disheartening and confusing and as a fellow GAD sufferer, the "need for reassurance" is much appreciated, as well as any thoughts that could help clarify.

To the OP, I wish you the best in these hard times, I think we need to take a deep look into ourselves, which is very hard, but once we are able to accomplish it, we will hopefully make the right decisions.

Thanks for any comments!

[Ronster]

Hi Ninjaxero, thanks for apoligizing but really no need. I respect the bluntness as so am I. Though sometimes gets me iin trouble as you are probably aware of. I truly appreciated your comments. Funny you saying about the meds, I had hoped for them to level me off and help but I'm also starting to get the feeling that they are just confusing things more. I hope your sorting yours out.

Tony, Searching the heart is exactly what I'm trying to do. Not letting my brain confuse me is the challenge. One day I think I got it sorted and the next I'm flipping and flopping. My employer is giving me no grief thus far. I have been there 27 years and have been loyal to them. So they owe me some space which they are giving. I usually make it to work 3 to 4 days a week these days. Missing 1 or 2. My key staff are aware and are covering my back. Great bunch of guys, though I had a meeting with them a couple of days ago to give them an update on me and broke down. The boys and I respect one another very much and they are very concerned and they hope I work this out soon.
JT and Mya, My GP and counsler both hit my up with the same question today, when you are in a 10 anxiety stage what is on your mind. I came to realize it's my marrage. They also asked me, having GAD for 20 years, have you or do you ever experience level 10 days with mega crying. My answer was absolutly not that I remember. So the point is do not confuse your GAD with a current situation if it is hitting you in the face. Again as Tony says " from the heart is the place to start!"

Oh also JT I have been suggested to increase to 40mg's I haven't done it yet because I'm not sure whether I'm going to continue them. I think I know how to get rid of this pain.

Guys thank you all again, keep in touch.

[JT69]

Hi Ronster,

I think that you may benefit from an anti-anxiety med....When I crashed in October last year I went right up to 40mg in citalopram and they seemed to help but then all the anxiety crept back in...my gp changed me to Mirtazipine which has got me back to work but now I am still suffering anxiety we are going down routes of anti-anxiety drugs to get the better of this. I just get up every morning and feel total crap, then as the day wears on it eases but I cannot live my life like this...it is putting a strain on my relationship too. My husband is so understanding and supportive but I know its effecting him too, its bound to. I just hope that these new meds I have been given do the trick and give me my life back as I just cannot remember what normal feels like anymore.

Have a chat with your GP about anti=anxiety meds and see what he/she suggests.

Take care.
Jo.xx

[Ronster]

Hi again,

I have been weaning myself off and anti-anxiety med Lorazopam ( Ativan) it was good relief for the anxiety at the time, a quick acting med that is a tolorence drug. Only to be used for short term. I've been on them for 8 weeks daily. After thinkng I was starting to feel the effects of Citalopram I dropped the anxiety med cold turkey. That was a mistake. Stopped sleeping and anxiety was a 10 for two days solid. Back on the Ativan and weaning off now. I have uppd the Cit from 30 to 40 three days ago and I cautiously say it seems to getting better.
This morning low that everyone is having it seems to be a common event for most members and then feel better through out the day. I wonder what this is.
Is it the lack of sleep?
The anti anxiety med wearing off from the day before?
The citalpram from the night before wearing off.
If and when the Citalopram starts working doe the morning lows go away???

Does this drug actually work, It seems to me a lot of our members have been on these for years and still suffer. Or can someone correct me?

still waiting for relief?

Ron

[jothenurse]

Ron -
I am on ativan also. The SSRI's I just couldn't take. I am presently taking .5mg in the morning and a .5mg at noon. Then I don't usually need to take any for the rest of the day or evening. I want to taper off of these because they do at times I think make me feel a little spacey ( though, how do you tell the different between the ativan and the anxiety that causes the spacey/unreal feelings?) My psychiatrist and a pharmacist I spoke to said that I was on a low enough dose that I could just stop taking it and use it prn whenever I wanted to. She said that I should not have any rebound/withdrawal effect but there is so much literature on this. The doctor said it's people who have been on it for a long time with high doses that have the problem.
If I do taper, I probably will start with putting my noon dose to .25 mg, and then after awhile my morning to .25 mg. Then I would probably drop the noon dose and then eventually the morning dose. I can be nervous anytime of the day, but the mornings do seem to be the hardest.
How much do you take and how are you tapering?

[joannap]

it could be that the ssris aren't helping because its more of an emotional problem within you although if you change your mind on pretty much a daily basis regarding your marriage then you can pretty much guarantee you don't feel leaving is right for you otherwise you would have just done it already. i had relationship ocd where i worried i did not love my husband - tormented me for years - now when i look back - its scary that i could have left and destroyed it because i love him very much!

basically - you need to stop trying to make a decision overnight! why do you have to? do you see how much pressure you are putting yourself under? its become an obsession and anything that you cannot stop thinking about and feels like its driving you insane is being fuelled by anxiety. many people go through marriage break ups every day and do not torment themselves to this degree - that is why i think a lot of your problem is anxiety/emotional based.

i can tell you right now that you have no chance of making a well informed, rational decision when your nerves are so sensitised and so you must give yourself a break - let your mind ramble on but don't interact with it. it may take a few weeks of this but you will find that you can suddenly see the situation more clearly for several minutes and then hours at a time.

i would also think that some other stress has led up to this and that you are fuelling all your anxiety into your marriage - kind of using it as a scapegoat. one question that helped me was to think - will my anxiety end if i leave my marriage? many people think they will be happier if they take a certain course of action and yes - if you are genuinely unhappy and in a loveless or abusive marriage - then you will be but it could be that you will then find something else to focus your anxiety on.

hope this helps - i know what torments the mind can produce xx