Mental health worries

[martin1976]

For years I have suffered on and off with a fear of losing my mind from one degree to another and this absolutley terrifies me. It is awful as I type this I just can't seem to lose this fear. I have suffered from the age of around 10 -11 with anxiety related illness but as I grew older I foolishly experimented with drugs and at age 19 I had a major breakdown but also had a distorted view on reality, it was at this point this fear became an issue. It has been a long and difficult road but I'm 33 now and feel like I have regained some control back over the years. But this fear of becoming like a schizophrenic leaves me frozen on the spot. ( Even reading the word back sends a shiver down my spine).
I've seen councelors about this and it has helped but as soon as the anxiety returns it comes with this fear. I try to keep busy and moving as I feel like this will distract me from hearing things..
I know it sounds silly but I just wish i could move past this.:weep:
I am confident this will ease in time but its a very scary and lonely road we walk..
All the best to you all..
Martin

[randomworry]

highly unlikely you will become schizophrenic at 33 its too old. plus people who are psychotic dont question it they believe what they see or here etc

[martin1976]

I have always tried to tell myself that someone who is crazy would not question it, and I didn't know age was a factor..
Thanks for the reply,
all the best.
Martin

[randomworry]

yeah its the reason you dont get schizophrenic children or people suddenly becoming schizophrenic as adults something to do with brain chemistry!

[puppyskin]

i can understand this totally,i took lsd and weed age 18 and flipped,suffer anxiety as a kid but after the drugs it was a distorted reality for me i ended up in hospital,i still have a slightly alternate reality but im accepting its anxiety,its always the what ifs that get me(what if i go mad and end up killing people..what if i jump in front of that bus.i think being aware of these thoughts means its not psychosis,but i know what you mean it sucks.

[randomworry]

the what if stuff is ocd i think puppyskin

[anthrokid]

Martin, I understand your fear, and it is actually a very common one. If you take a look in the 'phobias' section you'll see that there are other sufferers online that fear becoming psychotic or developing schizophrenia. There's a lot of support in these threads too that may help you :)

Personally, I study psychology and know schizophrenics, and I'll share my thoughts with you. Schizophrenia is very genetically linked, so if it runs in your family you are more likely to develop it, but even if it does there is still a very high chance that you will not. The common onset of schizophrenia is adolescence and young adults, so between the ages of 15 and 23. People with schizophrenia don't tend to believe that there is something wrong with them either, it is usually other people that notice the effects they show. Their symptoms are so believable to themselves that they know something is 'wrong' but they believe that 'wrong' thing to be something real, and not created by the disorder itself. From what you've said I would definitely say that you don't sound like one to suffer from psychotic illnesses and schizophrenia.

You mentioned a distorted veiw of reality. I've had a breakdown myself and had the same thing. The distorted view often occurs with anxiety disorders though and doesn't mean that you are 'psychotic'. It is a normal occurance for sufferers of anxiety.

I hope that was helpful for you :)

Also puppyskin/randomworry - the 'what ifs' are often a form of OCD called intrusive thoughts. They just happen even when you don't want to think it. One way to rtry and reduce these thoughts is to have answers for the 'what ifs' that are positive and continually repeat the answers every time you get a thought.

[martin1976]

Thanks everyone for your replies it helps a lot knowing other people can relate to this. I'll definetly check the phobias section out. I think being out of control on the drugs had led to this intense fear of being out of control again, I know this isn't going to happen but I'm always so tense thinking I'm gonna start. Also there was frequent violence in my home growing up between my parents I think this had an impact too.
Thanks again for the support guys.
All the best.
Martin