View Full Version : Hello All.
Hello all.
I'm a 40 year old guy who in normal circumstances is outgoing and confident. Without wanting to appear to be moaning i'll give a potted history of how I came to be here. About 5 years ago my little boy got really ill (aged 20 months at the time ) and we nearly lost him to pneumonia, the whole episode really shook my confidence and I suppose that's when the seeds of my depression were sewn. 18 months later my normally healthy and very active Mum got ill and died 6 weeks later of pancreatic cancer. A few short years later my very active and upbeat Dad got ill and died 6 weeks later of liver cancer. Whilst I was helping to nurse my Dad through the early stages of his illness i found out my Wife of 9 years was having a fling with one of her collegues. This year has been relatively uneventful aside from some major financial problems. I went to see my GP about feeling down and panicstruck all the time about 3 weeks ago and he diagnosed me as Depressed and Anxious he has put me on citalopram which hasn't worked yet.
Any advice in getting back to normal would be much appreciated.
AK
nomorepanic
09-06-10, 15:26
Hi baddylan1
We just wanted to welcome you aboard to NMP. We hope you enjoy your stay here and get all the support and advice you need.
Please take some time to read the website articles on the left as well for loads of advice and tips.
Hi,
Firstly, my heart goes out to you...what alot you have had to deal with and no wonder you have ended up in a depressed and anxious way!! In a short time you have had to deal with what some would only deal with in a life-time. I hope you and your wife worked through the fling and are still together.
You do not say what dose of citalopram you are taking??? In any case 3 weeks is a very short time and it is not long enough to give the meds time to start working.
Please look through the threads on citalopram as there are many of them and there is a citalopram survival guide on there too which is enormously helpful!!
Rest assured there is light at the end of the tunnel...you will start to feel better and I hope that is real soon, you have been through so much...please do not think you are moaning as this is definatley not the case.
The support you will find on here from people who care is second to none and I for one was in a very dark place back in October last year, when I found this site it was a godsend!!!
I hope you feel better soon.
Take care.
Jo.xx
Vanilla Sky
09-06-10, 17:25
Hi , Sorry to hear about the awful time you have been through, you will find it supportive here. Come and see us in chat sometime :)
Welcome to NMP
:welcome: Love Paige x
Hi,
Firstly, my heart goes out to you...what alot you have had to deal with and no wonder you have ended up in a depressed and anxious way!! In a short time you have had to deal with what some would only deal with in a life-time. I hope you and your wife worked through the fling and are still together.
You do not say what dose of citalopram you are taking??? In any case 3 weeks is a very short time and it is not long enough to give the meds time to start working.
Please look through the threads on citalopram as there are many of them and there is a citalopram survival guide on there too which is enormously helpful!!
Rest assured there is light at the end of the tunnel...you will start to feel better and I hope that is real soon, you have been through so much...please do not think you are moaning as this is definatley not the case.
The support you will find on here from people who care is second to none and I for one was in a very dark place back in October last year, when I found this site it was a godsend!!!
I hope you feel better soon.
Take care.
Jo.xx
Hi Jo
Thank you for your kind words, my wife and I have remained together and things on that score are better. My GP prescribed me with 10 mg of Citalopram for the first two weeks then increased it to 20 mg which I couldn't handle so currently still taking 10 mg with the intention of upping it to 15 mg at the weekend. Do you know if it's normal for Citalopram to make things worse at first.
kind regards
Ak
happycamper
10-06-10, 11:52
Hi,
Having stumbled upon this site I feel quite relieved I'm not the only person in the world going through similar things.
Just want to say I can relate to you AK, 40 myself, both parents had 3 cancers between them in the last 6 years, although fortunately they are still here to tell the tale, I'm married with 2 young sons and increasingly over the last maybe 3 years I've become more and more anxious, mainly about developing cancer myself and leaving my boys without their mum, I guess the Jade Goody story has worsened matters. Oh and I'm a nurse too, double trouble!
Anyway, after suffering bouts of abdo pain etc etc, which I'm guessing is IBS rather than colon cancer like my dad had, I went to the GP very stressed indeed 2 weeks ago, she also prescribed citalopram, I plucked up the courage to start taking half a tablet 2 days a go (broke the 20mg in half), feel odd effects but early days I guess, but there's no way I could take the full 20mg. Having to work and care for my sons I can't afford to be out of control in any way.
Oh and I also plucked up the courage to tell my husband a couple of days ago, he had no idea. Haven't told him I've actually started taking the tablets yet though, don't know about anyone else, but do worry about what people would think, because before now I did think I'd never be the type of person to ever need anti depressants.
Look forward to hearing how you get on,
C X
:welcome: Hi, welcome to the club!
There's a lot of good advice on offer here from a sincere group of fellow sufferers. This forum has helped me a lot.
Wishing you all the best.
Hi Jo
Thank you for your kind words, my wife and I have remained together and things on that score are better. My GP prescribed me with 10 mg of Citalopram for the first two weeks then increased it to 20 mg which I couldn't handle so currently still taking 10 mg with the intention of upping it to 15 mg at the weekend. Do you know if it's normal for Citalopram to make things worse at first.
kind regards
Ak
Hi again,
Yes citalopram can definately make you feel worse before you feel better...it is just those damm side effects that some of us experience. You have to just try hard to wether the storm and then you will reap the benefits. Upping to 15mg is a good idea as the less you do the less you are likely to suffer. I took this med on and off for 9 years and found the slower I increased the dosage the better I was....it does not mean you will be side effect free though unfortunatley. I had diazepam to help and also at times zopiclone to help me sleep as my worse side effects were: loss of appetite, increased anxiety and insomnia.
I am glad that things are o.k with your partner and I wish you well with the meds.
Hope you feel better soon.
Take care.
Jo.xx
Oh and just one other thing...check out the phoets citalopram survival guide...its in with the citalopram threads...will really help you. Take care. Jo.xx
Hi Happycamper
I know exactly what you mean. I manage a Joinery for a living and it's a fairly bloke orientated place, because i've always been so confident I don't think any one who knows me could relate to what i'm actually feeling, I feel quite low just having to revert to medication but i'm prepared to try anything just to feel normal again. Hope everthing goes well with you and that the meds help.
kind regards
Ak
Hello Folks
Increased dosage of Citalopram to 15mg last night and feel fairly Jittery this morning but it's bearable.
kind regards
AK
happycamper
11-06-10, 09:23
Hello Baddylan,
Yes I agree with you in that no-one who knows me has any idea what this anxiety rubbish feels like. Is there anyone you can discuss it with? Certainly I don't feel there is for me, still haven't told my husband I've started taking the citalpram, scared how he'll react, although the way they are making me feel at the moment I'd be surprised if he doesn't notice anything, gawd they make you feel rough...taken just 3 half tablets and today is bad.
I do wonder whether it's just worth putting up with the anxiety as it's not there all of the time?
Sorry, suppose I should start my own thread now...
C X
Hello Baddylan,
Yes I agree with you in that no-one who knows me has any idea what this anxiety rubbish feels like. Is there anyone you can discuss it with? Certainly I don't feel there is for me, still haven't told my husband I've started taking the citalpram, scared how he'll react, although the way they are making me feel at the moment I'd be surprised if he doesn't notice anything, gawd they make you feel rough...taken just 3 half tablets and today is bad.
I do wonder whether it's just worth putting up with the anxiety as it's not there all of the time?
Sorry, suppose I should start my own thread now...
C X
Hi Happy camper
I have been able to discuss quite frankly how I feel with my wife and it's helped. I have loads of really good mates but wouldn't know where to start in telling them how I feel, in my mind I feel almost weak for being like this. Try telling your husband as you do need support and you're doing something to try to make you feel better.
hope you start to feel better.
Ak x
happycamper
11-06-10, 14:07
Hey there AK,
Thanks, I have now told my husband I've started taking the tablets, not sure if he even remembers they are anti depressants, he just said oh, good, so you should if the GP prescribed them. That'll probably be it now, treated as normal and he'll put it to the back of his mind, even though it's right at the front of mine...
May I just ask, do you feel panic struck, as I do, that you'll experience another loss of someone close to you or yourself get a serious illness again? I can't really pin point anything else that gives me the anxiety, even money issues don't worry me any more than average.
On the odd occasion I mentioned it to friends they just come back with well it can happen to any of us, you shouldn't worry about something that isn't there to worry about. How can we let this anxiety thing take such a hold of our minds, it's bonkers eh!
Hope you feel better soon too.
C x
Hiya Happy Camper
I think that the main problem that I have is that I've lost all my optimism, over the last few years all my crisis's have been really major and I'm flinching about what's coming next I know it's irrational and that there's no such thing as luck but I'm constantly thinking here we go again and that something else awful is about to happen. Oh just to be happy and stress free again ;)
take care
Anthony x
happycamper
11-06-10, 16:53
Hi again AK,
Yep, can relate to the flinching about what's coming next feeling very well. The fact that my mum hasn't coped well with all the cancers and my dad having a heart attack in Jan to top it off means I've shouldered her anxiety the last few years trying to be strong for her, living 300 miles away doesn't help either.
I'm wondering if some people get their coping mechanisms eroded more and more with each crisis to a point where they ran out of coping...? Trouble is, being a parent means you've just got to get on with it. How old is your son now? I was looking at my boys playing carefree earlier thinking thank goodness they have no idea of the turmoil going through their mummy's head right now.
Saying all that, having previously nursed on a PICU for a few years it has to be the absolute worst experience to have a child so ill on there, how parents keep sane I really don't know.
By the way, has the Citalopram affected your work? I'm thankfully off til Tues now but feel so crap with the side effects I don't think I could work very easily.
Clare X
:welcome:Hi, I am Isabel and also a sufferer. I am very sorry, you have had a hell of a bad time, I'm also on Citalopram,for depression and anxiety, following the sudden death of my husband, I resisted going to the doctor for months, but suddenly I didn't have any other choice, after the initial 2 weeks of adapting to it, I must say I'm improving, next Tuesday will be my complete 4th week. I had a bad time with it when I started because I was taken St John Worts herbal tablets, Citalopram reacted because it takes 2 weeks to clear the system, unfortunately nobody told me about it, so I took one dose of 20mg and my God I thought I was going insane, panic attacks, anxiety attacks, shakes, plus other unpleasant things not worth mention. I stopped and called my Doctor, he said to take 1/2 dose 10mg for two weeks and a Diazepam 2mg when in panic, I did that for two weeks and gradually eased off, went to see him and I am now on 20 mg and feeling much better and no need for Diazepam. I hope that my experience reassure you that there is light at the end of the tunnel.:hugs:
:welcome:Hi, I am Isabel and also a sufferer. I am very sorry, you have had a hell of a bad time, I'm also on Citalopram,for depression and anxiety, following the sudden death of my husband, I resisted going to the doctor for months, but suddenly I didn't have any other choice, after the initial 2 weeks of adapting to it, I must say I'm improving, next Tuesday will be my complete 4th week. I had a bad time with it when I started because I was taken St John Worts herbal tablets, Citalopram reacted because it takes 2 weeks to clear the system, unfortunately nobody told me about it, so I took one dose of 20mg and my God I thought I was going insane, panic attacks, anxiety attacks, shakes, plus other unpleasant things not worth mention. I stopped and called my Doctor, he said to take 1/2 dose 10mg for two weeks and a Diazepam 2mg when in panic, I did that for two weeks and gradually eased off, went to see him and I am now on 20 mg and feeling much better and no need for Diazepam. I hope that my experience reassure you that there is light at the end of the tunnel.:hugs:
Thank you Isabel that is reassuring.
regards
Anthony x
Hi again AK,
Yep, can relate to the flinching about what's coming next feeling very well. The fact that my mum hasn't coped well with all the cancers and my dad having a heart attack in Jan to top it off means I've shouldered her anxiety the last few years trying to be strong for her, living 300 miles away doesn't help either.
I'm wondering if some people get their coping mechanisms eroded more and more with each crisis to a point where they ran out of coping...? Trouble is, being a parent means you've just got to get on with it. How old is your son now? I was looking at my boys playing carefree earlier thinking thank goodness they have no idea of the turmoil going through their mummy's head right now.
Saying all that, having previously nursed on a PICU for a few years it has to be the absolute worst experience to have a child so ill on there, how parents keep sane I really don't know.
By the way, has the Citalopram affected your work? I'm thankfully off til Tues now but feel so crap with the side effects I don't think I could work very easily.
Clare X
Hiya Clare
My GP described what I'm going through as "no longer having coping strategies" which is kind of how I feel, that I'm not kitted out to deal with any more stress. I have two kids Sam who's now 7 and Jessica who's 5 and they are the ones who motivate me to keep going everyday. Work has been increasingly difficult over the past few weeks while on Citalopram mainly struggling to concentrate but I think it's slowly getting better. I'm okay when I'm out and about with kids, we went to Whitby last weekend and had a couple of days on the beach and I almost forgot the side effects, maybe that's the secret to dealing with it keeping active and upbeat.
Have a nice weekend
Anthony x
Thank you Isabel that is reassuring.
regards
Anthony x
Hi Isabel
It would appear that you're depression and anxiety is similar to mine in so much as it was triggered by an event. I am so sorry to hear about the untimely death of your husband. Did the Diazapan help with your increased anxiety due to Citalopram ? I ask because i'm supposed to be getting my dose up to 20mg and I'm wary of the side effects being overwhelming (tried 20 mg about 2 weeks ago and couldn't handle it )
any advice or comments would be appreciated.
kind regards
Anthony x
happycamper
12-06-10, 20:31
Hi there Anthony,
Funny you should say that, I went on a lovely 12 mile walk today on the coast with my husband and some friends and felt fabulous, the best therapy you can get, although did only take a quarter tablet last night - 5mg, didn't want it to spoil something I'd been looking forward to, hence less side effects.
Just taken a 10mg again and dreading how I'll feel tonight and tomorrow. So close to quitting apart from the fact I had an anxious spell yesterday and remembered just what I want to get rid of.
Got my boys to look after all day tomorrow cos hubbie working, how can you manage to keep up energy and enthusiasm with children on these things? My two are 4 and 5 years old, just madly full of energy, but when I had to fill out the questionaire at the docs when she prescribed the citalopram the last question was about contemplating suicide which is absolutely a no, not having those fabulous boys in my life...
Thanks Isabel for sharing your experience about how taking citalopram does improve.
Has anything like CBT/psychotherapy etc that I've read about been offered or suggested to either of you? It hasn't me, but wondering if it's something that would be worth asking for, a bit worried that taking the meds will help the anxiety rubbish, but when the time comes to stop taking it, will it all come back again...?
Hope you're having nice weekends,
C'mon England.....
Clare X
Hello all.
I'm a 40 year old guy who in normal circumstances is outgoing and confident. Without wanting to appear to be moaning i'll give a potted history of how I came to be here. About 5 years ago my little boy got really ill (aged 20 months at the time ) and we nearly lost him to pneumonia, the whole episode really shook my confidence and I suppose that's when the seeds of my depression were sewn. 18 months later my normally healthy and very active Mum got ill and died 6 weeks later of pancreatic cancer. A few short years later my very active and upbeat Dad got ill and died 6 weeks later of liver cancer. Whilst I was helping to nurse my Dad through the early stages of his illness i found out my Wife of 9 years was having a fling with one of her collegues. This year has been relatively uneventful aside from some major financial problems. I went to see my GP about feeling down and panicstruck all the time about 3 weeks ago and he diagnosed me as Depressed and Anxious he has put me on citalopram which hasn't worked yet.
Any advice in getting back to normal would be much appreciated.
AK
Hi All,
Firstly what great courage you have by telling your story, it might be of no comfort but there are alot of reasons that your feeling anxious and depressed.... in time im sure everything will come together.
This is a wonderful site..... something like this in Australia would be fantastic..... i got put onto this site via a panic disorder support group i attend called aceda...... they have support group sessions weekly..... check it out if you like....www.aceda.org.au .... look forward to chatting to you all.
Regards Jarrod:)
Hi there Anthony,
Funny you should say that, I went on a lovely 12 mile walk today on the coast with my husband and some friends and felt fabulous, the best therapy you can get, although did only take a quarter tablet last night - 5mg, didn't want it to spoil something I'd been looking forward to, hence less side effects.
Just taken a 10mg again and dreading how I'll feel tonight and tomorrow. So close to quitting apart from the fact I had an anxious spell yesterday and remembered just what I want to get rid of.
Got my boys to look after all day tomorrow cos hubbie working, how can you manage to keep up energy and enthusiasm with children on these things? My two are 4 and 5 years old, Oscar and Barney, just madly full of energy, but when I had to fill out the questionaire at the docs when she prescribed the citalopram the last question was about contemplating suicide which is absolutely a no, not having those fabulous boys in my life...
Thanks Isabel for sharing your experience about how taking citalopram does improve.
Has anything like CBT/psychotherapy etc that I've read about been offered or suggested to either of you? It hasn't me, but wondering if it's something that would be worth asking for, a bit worried that taking the meds will help the anxiety rubbish, but when the time comes to stop taking it, will it all come back again...?
Hope you're having nice weekends,
C'mon England.....
Clare X
Hi Clare
I'm glad you've had a nice weekend (aside from the rubbish football result). Some more positive news the Citalopram seems to be working for me, it's fairly subtle but I do feel a little bit brighter (mondays have been fairly dreadful of late). I,m going to try and increase dose up to 20 mg this week so will keep you posted.
hope you have a better week :)
Anthony x
Hi Anthony,
You might find that upping to 20mg may not be that big a shift now that you've progressed up from the 10mg to 15mg, your system is getting used to the Cit and you should be able to handle the shift if you do get much in the way of side effects, and chances are it will only last a few days since you have the Cit working away already.
I was put straight onto 20mg and had a really tough first week, but thankful that it's over now and I'm feeling much improved, though I still have days where I feel a bit down, but that feels normal compared to how I was before I reached this stage.
Glad to hear you're feeling an improvement, any light at the end of the tunnel can give you enough hope to keep going. Anyone that has recently joined, I suggest you give the chat room a try after you've been signed up on NMP for 6 days, I think you'll be able to get in there tomorrow Anthony. I usually drop in on a morning to chat to a few people and it can be good for a bit of support and advice when you need it.
Better days to you and Clare and anyone else going through this, see you on the flip side peeps :)
Shaun
happycamper
14-06-10, 10:38
Hey there Anthony,
Glad the citalopram is starting to work for you, bet it's a big relief....
Wish I could say the same, got hospital appt this pm to see a consultant about hopefullly just IBS, I'm a wreck right now.
Roll on next week....have a good one yourself, a better result on Friday eh!
Trouble is drink and drug don't mix well do they, going to find that a bit hard....
Clare X
Hey there Anthony,
Glad the citalopram is starting to work for you, bet it's a big relief....
Wish I could say the same, got hospital appt this pm to see a consultant about hopefullly just IBS, I'm a wreck right now.
Roll on next week....have a good one yourself, a better result on Friday eh!
Trouble is drink and drug don't mix well do they, going to find that a bit hard....
Clare X
Hiya Clare
Tell me about it (the drink and drugs that is) had 5 pints on Saturday night and had the hangover from hell yesterday morning ;)
good luck this afternoon kiddo
Anthony x
happycamper
14-06-10, 11:11
Ta chuck!
Oh gawd, are the hangovers really that much worse? I'm going to Glasto festival next week - 1st one I've been to, terrible timing...
C X
Ta chuck!
Oh gawd, are the hangovers really that much worse? I'm going to Glasto festival next week - 1st one I've been to, terrible timing...
C X
Hiya Clare
Wow Glasto. I wouldn't worry about it too much as long as you keep things fairly sensible and in moderation you should be ok as there'll be too much going on for you to be worried about any damned side effects. I've never done Glastonbury but normally go to the Carling Festival at Leeds which is always a real blast ;0) always knackered from all the dancing and such malarky for at least two days afterwards................
Anthony x
Hi Anthony,
You might find that upping to 20mg may not be that big a shift now that you've progressed up from the 10mg to 15mg, your system is getting used to the Cit and you should be able to handle the shift if you do get much in the way of side effects, and chances are it will only last a few days since you have the Cit working away already.
I was put straight onto 20mg and had a really tough first week, but thankful that it's over now and I'm feeling much improved, though I still have days where I feel a bit down, but that feels normal compared to how I was before I reached this stage.
Glad to hear you're feeling an improvement, any light at the end of the tunnel can give you enough hope to keep going. Anyone that has recently joined, I suggest you give the chat room a try after you've been signed up on NMP for 6 days, I think you'll be able to get in there tomorrow Anthony. I usually drop in on a morning to chat to a few people and it can be good for a bit of support and advice when you need it.
Better days to you and Clare and anyone else going through this, see you on the flip side peeps :)
Shaun
Hi Shaun
Thanks for your words of encouragement this site is the best thing that's happened to me in ages, for months I'd almost convinced myself that I was totally losing the plot but reading how so many others have symptoms identical to mine is strangely comforting, in so much as I can now see my problem as an illness that can be treated. How long have you been on Citalopram ?
kind regards
Anthony
Hi all,
Sorry you guys have had such bad times - big hugs to all. Definitely read some of the other threads as you will get encouragement that you are not alone in getting side effects. I don't know a single person who has had no side effects of one form or another on this drug, but in my 5th week I am feeling an improvement (only on 15mg as 20 was too much for me). Obviously it can never solve your problems, but it has helped me feel more calm and reasonable to be able to think about facing the issues.
All the best
Rachel
happycamper
14-06-10, 21:06
Hey Anthony,
I think your thread is the most replied to, it's always nearly at the top!
Just wondering, as I'm back in work tomorrow and just coming up to a week of taking the citalopram, do you find it's better taking it morning or evening for the groggyness factor?
Dancing and malarky at your age...? Won't be doing too much of that at Glasto with a 4 and 5 year old we'll be trying not to lose!
Good to chat,
Clare X
Hiya Clare
I've been taking Citalopram at tea time (about 7ish) and been fine in morning. However upped dosage to 20mg last night and don't feel too good this morning.
will keep you posted
Anthony x
happycamper
15-06-10, 17:32
How's it been today chuck?
Tough day in work for me, this had better get easier eh..?!
Clare X
Hiya Clare
tell me about it, last couple of days bad anxiety going through roof can't wait for weekend.
keep strong it'll get better (hopefully)
Anthony x
ps where you from it must be somewhere near my neck of the woods using phrases like "chuck"
happycamper
16-06-10, 17:42
Hey Anthony,
Please let me know if it's gets better for you, I need motivation to continue and know it's worth it...
P.S See PM
Clare X
Hi Anthony, I just wanted to say your inital post struck a chord with me and I just wanted to say hi.
x sarah
Hi Anthony, I just wanted to say your inital post struck a chord with me and I just wanted to say hi.
x sarah
Hi Sarah
Thanks for getting in touch.
Anthony x
Hey Anthony,
Please let me know if it's gets better for you, I need motivation to continue and know it's worth it...
P.S See PM
Clare X
Hi Clare
Far better day today, see PM.
Anthony x
happycamper
17-06-10, 10:36
Morning Anthony,
Is progress being made finally? You still on the 20mg?
I'm really rough today but partly cos been up much of the night with an ill son, temp 40!
Just about to take him to docs now.
Speak soon,
Clare X
Morning Anthony,
Is progress being made finally? You still on the 20mg?
I'm really rough today but partly cos been up much of the night with an ill son, temp 40!
Just about to take him to docs now.
Speak soon,
Clare X
oh no, it's awful when they're poorly can't have done you anxiety much good either, hope he gets better soon.
keep going kiddo
Anthony x
happycamper
17-06-10, 13:41
Actually anxiety all ok, it's not like a crisis of previous and focusing on him getting better takes my mind of my stuff.
He's bacterial tonsillitis and on antibiotics. Just having such little sleep makes it worse, but quiet day at home with my poorly boy...doing Glasto homework!
By the way, no PM from you?
ClareX
Actually anxiety all ok, it's not like a crisis of previous and focusing on him getting better takes my mind of my stuff.
He's bacterial tonsillitis and on antibiotics. Just having such little sleep makes it worse, but quiet day at home with my poorly boy...doing Glasto homework!
By the way, no PM from you?
ClareX
Just re-sent it check your mail... aww tonsillitis isn't nice. Both mine have had bouts of it, hope you get some sleep tonight.
Anthony x
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