Teenage daughter pregnant

[jannnne]

My 17 year old daughter has just told us she is pregnant. My anxiety levels are rising sky high. I am going to pieces inside. We have told her it is her choice but we think she should not have it. If she does have it we have offered to love and support her and her baby and help her become independent. Neither myself or my husband want to raise anymore babies. Her relationship is not stable with her boyfriend yet they want to try to work things out. They have no money although he does work he does not earn anywhere near enough to support a family. I am so worried, I just want her to have a nice easy life and be happy. I just keep playing through scenarios in my head and feeling awful cant eat cant sleep just cry.

[oneofus]

Jannnne,

Your daughter's not the first nor the last and just because she's starting a family earlier than you might have liked need not mean that your wanting her to have a nice easy life and be happy can't happen. Though I'd doubt that anyone ever achieves such a life in total.

I would advise very strongly against saying "we think she should not have it". It might seem the right thing to you to do now, but it may have catastrophic effects of your daughters physical and psychological health in the future and maybe taint your relationship with your daughter in the future.

Take care

[jannnne]

We have also said we will support her whatever she decides. I am sure she could have a happy life but unforunately financial situations coupled with an unstable relationship and baby do not bode well. We all need money to live. We have made it clear that she will have our unlimited love and support, we will help her become independent. But we will not financially support her child but will give her all the love and support she needs. We will help her on a practical level and have said she can stay at home until her training is finished which would give her at least a year at home after baby. She has refused to finish her training. She is going to rent somewhere with her boyfriend. We have offered to support her emotionally but we do not want a baby in the house full time we can see that we would end up being full time parents to it. If she decides to have this baby then if must be her decision and her baby.

[shell24]

If she is old enough to get pregnant then she is old enough to deal with it! I know your probably thinking in your head she doesnt realise the seriousness of raising a child but she will eventually and probably only when the baby arrives! I think you have given her the options and now she has to deal with it! She is extremely foolish for not finishing her training in whatever she is doing it in as it will be much more difficult to finish it when the baby is here! Remember this is her choice, you can only guide.......sometimes people dont take the guidance but they will later regret. I think you have been a fabulous mum and given her all the options that you will support her in.

[jannnne]

thank you shell xxxx

[ASH65]

just to offer a bit of hope if she does have the baby.i got my teenage girlfriend pregnant at 18.we have married together 11 years,have two very special girls and are devoted to one another.i wish you and her all the very best.good luck and take care.:flowers:

[bomberbeamish]

i think wot ever age she has a baby , the time might not be right , no money ect? you think there a right time but something is allways thrown in the pipe works,, she allways be ya baby girl and like i said what ever age she is you would still be anixious, i had my first at 17 and was the making of me and brought me and my parents much closer togeather as they were worride just like you,,,, good luck xx

[sarah jayne]

I was a teenage mum and i had to grow up fast. I dont regret it, i had my daughter and went to college when she was 3 months old. Ive never been on benefits, ive always worked. Her dad is an idiot who used to treat me badly but its made me a stronger person. Theres plenty of teenage mums, she wont be the first one.
Sarah x

[georgey]

just to let u know, im 48yrs old.. i too got pregnant at 17... i kept the baby, and jsut want you to know that my 29yrs daughter has been the joy of my life..xxxxx my mum and dad were lke u, but they helped and guided me.. i wouldnt change a single thing.... xxxxxxxxxxx

[Granny Primark]

I really feel for you but at 17 shes not a baby herself. Someone who my daughter went school with had a baby at the age of 12.
She got loads of support from her parents even tho they were devastated at the time and now she is back doing full time education and has ambitions to be a nurse and shes a brill mum.
Im sure whatever she decides you and her dad will give her every support.
Good Luck

P.S. Im a nanny to 3 adorable grandaughters age 5,2 and 2 and I absolutely adore it.:D

[Anxious_gal]

you know she could give the baby up for adoption.....
also there is the chance of miscarriage too.
I know in the early stages you can take a pill to induce miscarriage.
she's 17 so the chances of her and this boyfriend being together forever is quite slim, but then they say divorce rates are high nowadays.
has she said if she wants to keep the baby?

[Going home]

With your love and support I'm sure things will work for them if they decide to go ahead with the baby. Don't forget, helping our kids out financially doesn't change, whether its a daughter with a baby or a daughter going through uni...as parents we still help where we can, and that doesn't stop whatever life they choose. I think your reaction is normal given her age, but it can and does work, with loving families supporting them.

Best wishes
Anna xxx

[sb001f8994]

Hi,
I was a little older when fell pregnant at eighteen with my son. I did it all the right way, so to speak, got married and had my son all before leaving my teens. The more my parents were against it the harder I fought for it! I did alright! My parents were right though my husband was no good but everything else was ok. I made a home for me and my son, met a much better bloke married him (when I was much older and wiser!) and went on to have two more lovely kids.
I know a great many young mums who manage to bring up there babies and get a full education too, with help and support its all possible.
Alls you can do is be there for your daughter whatever she decides. We try so hard to steer our kids in the right direction but sometimes its not always the right road we hope for and have to make a few detours long the way.
Best wishes to you and take care,

[jannnne]

It is a little more complicated for us financially. I have just stopped work to enjoy my youngest daughter before she goes to high school. My pregnant daughters dad will stop paying maintenance when she is 18 and has already said we will not give her any money if she goes ahead with this. Her step dad to who she is very close has said he loves her and he has loved and supported her all her life and will continue to do and and her baby. He will not financially support her baby. She knew how we felt about pregnancy she has know since she was 14. She admitted unprotected sex and just didnt bother with the morning after pill and she did not think she would get pregnant. Her step dad feels why should he pay for this when she has let this happen with out any regard for the consequences. She can stay home until she is able to cofidently look after her baby but after that she will have to become independent of us. I disagree about supporting whether it is uni or a baby...My son has never given us a moments trouble, never asks for money or anything just want to go to uni. Our pregnant daughter has been problematic since she was 13 and is financially very demanding. If she has this baby this is her choice and I agree with my husband if she cannot support it she should not have it. I am if I am honest I am ashamed that she would choose a life of benefits...she has been brought up to expect more. I did not enjoy my children as babies for me it took a lot of getting through..I have enjoyed them as children and the post part teenagers. Not all parents make all giving grandparents. Is it so wrong to want a life with my husband? If she keeps this baby I know I will either look after it while she works or be forced back to work full time to help support her. either way it is not what I want for me, how much of myself do you have to keep giving.