BoderlinePersonalityDisorder,Unfaithful,Irrational ,Nausea.

[sam_1]

Hey,

Um well kinda after some sort of help or confession or advice, i dont really know what im after...

I was diagnosed with chronic depression and ptsd from being an abused chilid, newly rediagnosed wwith boderline personality disorder after a very honest conversation with a duty nurse. Currently signed off sick from work, have been for approx 2months, however aware that the time to make a choice is upon whether to return (how do i know when im ready??Am takin meds hav been for yrs with no relief.

In a 2yr relationship but hav got involved with an ex recently who is leaving uni in a month and i hav developed feelings for him again but dont know whethr its the chronic fear of emptiness or the sex drive that has returned with a vengence that is driving this affaair. Feel like a complete bitch cheating on partner (who i live with) but we havnt had sex in months and im only 20 (he is 33), not sure if spark has gone, my head is cluttered with too many thoughts. If partner leaves not sure if i can afford to eat, cant move to smaller place as i have 2dogs.

Am incredibly emotional and irrational at the moment, cannot think straight at all, its all getting a bit too much and once again i have made this situation myself, i dont sleep anymore and feel sick constantly, apetite gone, slef harming and drinking more, cant rly talk to anyone. dont know what to do. feel a spiral coming on and dont know how ill get out of it this time.

Any advice or thoughts would be very much apppreciated, please dont reply with hurtful comments about me cheating, i do feel awful and sick about it :(

Thank you xx

[staypositive]

I think you should speak to your GP and mention all this to them, obviously keep taking your medication as this will be a massive help and will help see you through this current hard time.

EDIT: Removed the comments I made previously as I read your post through again

Dan

[micheal88]

if anything depression teaches you a lot about life.. by doing that to your partner it would appear you have not learned to much.. my advice would be not to make your life more complicated than it is hope you sort things out

[anthrokid]

Heya,

You mentioned that you're on meds and you haven't improved, have you been seeing a a therapist or psychiatrist and had follow ups about how your medication is working?

You can get through this, everyone can. You just need a lot of support. If you haven't got much check in with your gp and there might be some free groups that you can go to for support.

Have you read the book 'Girl, Interrupted'? I would recommend hiring it if you haven't. It's about a girl our age who develops depression and borderline personality disorder. It's her real story about her experience in the 60s. It's amazing. Makes you realise that you are never alone. There's also a movie adaptation that is excellent, but not as brilliant as the book.