advic please

[minnie h]

i have a problem...ok so have a new boyfriend..but its making me so anxious and i dnt no y.iv noticed a few new symptoms since iv been with him,(i hav health anx).weve only been together a week n half n he is so lovely n makes me smile loads so i dnt no y its makin me so anxious?? My last bf really hurt me bad.and i no im not fully over him..i just dnt no if to end it with my new man or wil the anx calm down.any advice welcome..hope everybody is well x x

[Natalie x]

Hi Hanna. I think you are maybe feeling a little anxious because you were hurt in the past and now you're with a new guy who is lovely, this is what's making you anxious. Maybe you're scared of the same happening again? I was the exact same as you. I met my boyfriend over a year and a half ago and I was hurt by 2 boyfriends in the past, and I felt the exact same as you, and it was all because I was scared of the same thign happening to me. Please don't end your relationship with him through anxiety. Just have fun and enjoy spending time with him and it'll pass. But please don't let anxiety get in the way of your relationship. You are bigger and stronger than that so don't let it beat you! Feel free to pm me anytime x

[minnie h]

thanks for the reply nat,i just dnt feel like am gud enuf for any1..n i worry coz theres always girls txting him askin to go for a drink n stuf with him.hes lovely about it he tels them straight away that he has a gf n asks them not to txt again,so thats adding to my worry az i dnt want to start on the wrong foot,..i think also im anxious coz he keeps talking about going away 2getha,he no's about my anx but not everything.i cnt travel n i hate going to far away frm home n he wants me to go to france to meet his parents..i dnt no what to do.i do really like him but i do stil love my ex n i feel guilty about having a new bf evan tho my ex woz the one that ended things! HELP!! Lol x x

[John_Daryl]

Hey, why dont you try talking to him about these problems, let him know that your anxiety makes you worry about alot of stuff and your not comfortable away from home, im sure if he likes/loves you enough he'd try to be there for you and comfort you. Just give it a try, if not, then just try to let it pass.

[minnie h]

thanks daryl..i wil try and talk to him about it hes away wiv work now but comes home at the wkend.i also get anxious when teling ppl how i feel thats y iv not told him much,also hes not english(but does live in england.near me) so we sumtimes misread each otha wiv certain terms and words n it wears me out having to explain wot every word means, god how pathetic am i!! X x

[Natalie x]

Hi Hanna. Yeah Daryl's right. You should try and speak to him about how you feel and tell him that you find it hard to doe certain things due to your anxiety. I'm sure he'll understand and if he doesn't then he's not the right one for you. I was really scared to tell me boyfriend about how I was feeling, and literally forced myself to go places even though I did at times feel uncomfortable, but I one day plucked up the courage to tell him and he's been really understanding throughout everything. I think that sometimes he must be fed up listening to me wining on, but he's my rock and is always there when I need to talk. So try and talk it over with him and tell him exactly how you feel. Please don't bottle it all up - it just makes things worse. Believe me, I know. Good luck and let me know how you get on x

[minnie h]

thanks nat.i wil definatly talk to him.i mite phone him later.i mite find it eisier on the phone.but it is hard wiv him not understanding much english,bless him.what haz he got himself into lol x x

[Natalie x]

No problem. Just stay positive and try not to worry too much. I'm sure he'll understand completely. Feel free to pm me anytime if you need a chat. I know exactly what you mean x

[xfilme]

when you have been hurt in the past it takes time in new relationships to develop trust. Remember not to tar him with the same brush as past relationships as it is unfair on him and could effect your relationship if he senses your anxiety in being with him. Every day is a new day, and every relationship is a new relationship. Maybe tell him how you feel and say you are concerned because you have been hurt in the past. Im sure he has the same worries himself, as most people do. x

[minnie h]

hi xfilme.thanks for the reply...i no everybody haz been hurt at sum point so i am trying to be posative frm that point! I just think he deservs sum1 betta.sum1 that can giv him what he wants! So im 50/50 az wether to end it or just giv it a try..thanks again for the reply x x

[Natalie x]

Hanna please don;t end yuor relationship. Everyome thinks that - that the person they are going out with deserved someone else, but trust me, give it some time and talk it through with him and I'm sure he will be very understanding. Try to stay positive and give things a chance. You's have only been together for a week and a half, so just go with the flow and I'm sure things will be okay. Please though, give it a try and don't let the anxiety beat you. You are much better than that and deserve better than that too x

[xfilme]

feeling he deserves more is no more than insecurity on your part. i feel the same myself about most men so i remain single. but the truth is, none of us deserve less than happiness. if you did not provide him with the emotions and feelings he needed, you would not have got together in the first place. the first step with loving is to learn to love yourself fisrt. its easier said than done, i know. im proof of how hard it is. You are already together so you are over the first hurdle of finding one another. Let him be the one who decides if you are less than he needs... if he does not bring this issue to you without you prompting it, then you are obviously just afraid of losing him.... and expecting the worst. maybe, like me, you feel there is less pain from choosing to walk away than to hang about and wait for him to get rid of you. quit while you're ahead so to speak... that is foolish.... and that is driven by fear. most perceptions of ourselves are based on the way we feel people look at us... we have no evidence it is true... so your self worth may be low, but only to you. to him, you may be his world. Why else would he choose you when he has the rest of the female population to choose from. :) you obviously offer him something the rest of the world cant x

[minnie h]

well i spoke to him and told him all about my anx not wanting to travel or b far away from home,he woz gr8 about it.told me that he would do anythin he could to help me thru it and evan asked if i wanted to move in wiv him az he no's i dnt like being alone,i also told him how i woz very scared ov him hurting me,n he said he cnt say wot weatha wil b 2getha way in the future but promised that i dnt hav 2 worry about a thing.coz im his princess (aww) so feelin less anxious.just a few little niggles....thank u for the advice everybody.ur all so lovely! I woz very close to ending things wiv my new man but took all ur advice..mind u i stil think he deservs beta,thats the only thing worrying me,thanks again x x