View Full Version : can anyone explain what it is?
Hi,
Well after having a few down days, anxiety back a bit and feeling low. I have been out today for a lovely sunday lunch with all the family, enjoying it much more than i would have a few weeks ago, so why, when my mind drifts and i think about the next day i feel frightenend? there is no reason to be frightened, when iam in the actual day it is okish, but the thought of it frightens me, if i keep busy and dont think about what i have to do in the future iam fine, its like my mind having a panic attack, its driving me mad, thought i was improving every day, but had one bad day and i sometimes feel like iam going backwards, though it reality i am, iam doing all my everyday things no problem, its just the thought of them, does this make sense? I know logically there is nothing wrong and life is good (fingers crossed) so what is it, how can i work through it, any tips.
thanks lynne x
alwaysanxious
13-06-10, 18:33
i too do that your not on your own,, ive had 2 weeks off due to taking my medication and had an awfull time really but the past 2 days have been nice with very little anxiety but like you last night i lay in bed thinking what am i going to tom what will the weather be like cos i hate it when it goes rainy i think its anticipated anxiety thats all about weather we'll be busy the next day and hope to take our minds of stuff about ourselves, thats the only way i can explain it.. but i will tell you also ive been learning deep relaxation of my whole body working from the toes up to the head and it has helped me and my anxiety alot as ive not been so tense so if you do have time go through each part of your body and clentch each muscle for a hold of 4 then relax it ,, it does help i promise
take care lisa x
Hi Lynne,
You and me both...thats how I feel. It's like you are scared and anxious about something but you dont know what....its just general anxiety!!
I have just had a week off and have had an awful day today and I think its because I am due back tommorow at work and for some stupid reason the anxiety kicks in!! I love my job so I dont know why it happens it just does!!!
I am going to try the deep relaxation that Lisa has suggested (thanks for that Lisa!!) and see if that helps!!
In time it will disappear....we just have to go through the motions until that happens.
At least you are not alone in it hun.
Take care.
JO.xx
AnniePlacebo
13-06-10, 19:21
i think i've been ruining every day for a while thinking this way.
I start thinking about things that make me feel terrible right before bed, which tenses me up, sometimes i wake up in the middle of the night panicky, then I wake up in the morning tired, which immediately triggers a while new day of anxiety.
It's quite crushing today. Does anyone have any tips for avoiding or stopping this cycle?
I haven't been able to leave the house in days because I'm so dizzy and sad.
Hi Jo and lisa
thank you so much for the replies.
Lisa, you are probably right, what is so infuriating is that there is nothing wrong, I have been well for a few years, but had a panic attack a few weeks ago due to work stress and giving up smoking didnt help either, so set me back years, or so it feels. when i get up i have to be busy, busy, busy, so the anxiety doesnt get a grip, i then relax late afternoon when i realise that actually it hasnt been a bad day after all and i can cope. I had a bad day yesterday and the day before so think it has set me back a bit, time of the month etc.. so low mood, it was quite bad yesterday, spent the day at my sisters who had friends round for her birthday, sat there with a smile on my face, but at times it was a struggle, but couldnt pin point what was wrong, didnt relax until all the kids put a show on !
Then today out for the meal laughing, eating etc.. then my sis mentioned about kids going back to school tomorrow and just the thought of tomorrow made my stomach turn, why, i dont know? its so stupid.. I have got a relaxtion cd from my counsellor, which i have been using and like you find it a great help, even tried it while iam out.
Hi Jo,
you have hit the nail on the head, i am exactly the same, you know rationally that work will be fine next week, but your irrational thoughts sometimes take over, its maddening isnt it, dont know about you, but then i feel low, because i just so want it to go and get my life back. Youre right its gone before it will go again.. not increased my lustral yet, just trying to see if i can work through it, had a few tears this week, but think that is the low mood because of hormones and frustration in myself.
I had a great time in bournemouth, and you were right, couple of days anxious, then slowly it disappeared, We enjoyed so much we have booked two weeks in August. Have a good week at work and speak soon
take care lynne x
Hi annie
Just read your reply, i just keep busy, or try the relaxation techniques, are u on any meds? its awful when its crushing isnt it? i always try and think of the good times when i felt ok and let that wash over me.
take care x
You know that feeling when you wake in the morning and feel so anxious but don't know why? It's the fear of getting through the day ahead because you know you're going to get stressed and feel anxious which sometimes leads to panics.
Well, I always regard Sundays as the day when we fear the week ahead because Sundays are like bank holidays. They are normally quiet, give us lots of time to think and we feel out of routine. I feel Sundays are like the minutes before an athlete starts a race waiting to run to Friday to get the week over with.
I think what happens is if we feel stressed in our jobs or in our daily lives, or have consecutive or even just one bad day, our subconscious remembers it so that we then fear each day because we're afraid of the anxious feelings we fear that will come back to haunt us.
I feel there are two things that can help. Firstly, wipe the slate clean. Try to forget yesterday and think of tomorrow as a new day. In remembering bad days, we focus on them and so make tomorrow a bad day too. By trying to forget, you also ignore anxiety and so you starve it of the attention it needs.
Secondly, it's that case of finding ways of easing your stresses and also introducing things to look forward to so that instead of waking dreading the day ahead, we wake up looking forward to home time because we've got something exciting to focus on. Life can be like a hamster wheel. We can just go through life constantly running but never getting anywhere, just feeling stressed with no outlet to let off steam.
Try not to get frustrated with yourself because frustration creates tension and will make you more anxious. Just say to yourself "Oh well, never mind". In that way you don't allow bad days to affect tomorrow. Remember, any emotions that create tension will make your anxiety worse. For instance, when.... my sis mentioned about kids going back to school tomorrow and just the thought of tomorrow made my stomach turn, why, i dont know? The thought made you tense up because of your fear of the day and week ahead. Immediately yo thought of work, the school run...stress...anxiety...panic. A learnt response based on how you've felt previous days. You need to learn a new way of thinking by not allowing tomorrow bother you so that you wake looking forward to getting up but that will only happen once changes to your life begin so that stresses are eased and you've introduced things to look forward to.
Remember that word?....Patience. Don't get frustrated, don't allow yourself to tense up and don't worry about tomorrow. Focus on the here and now, find enjoyment in each moment and plan good things to think about. Let things go through you as much as possible and keep calm. I know it's not possible to avoid stress but we can make life more bearable if we're prepared to make the changes in our lives and not let fear hold us back.
You'll get there...I know you will. It'll take time but just think of today and let tomorrow take care of itself.:hugs:
Another wonderfull post Bill:D
Rhonda xx
Hi bill
just read your reply this morning, and it has set me up for the day, you are right, its the what if things are bad today like they were a few weeks ago, when in reality they are not. Its like today, day off work, was going to the gym, but circumstances mean i cant, so there is the panic of, oh no, what i am going to do today to keep myself busy, where as normally when i am well, i would think great, kids at school, chill out, watch tv, do a bit of housework, it is def negative thinking. You are right i will get there, and i will use the "forget yesterday" which once again is great, calming advice. And yes i must remember "PATIENCE" and focus on how much i have improved. I cant thank you enough for your posts Bill.
have a good day Lynne x
so there is the panic of, oh no, what i am going to do today to keep myself busy,
Just a thought but you know all those jobs we put off for tomorrow but tomorrow never comes? Have a back up plan for days when you're thrown so that instead of thinking panic!, you can think to yourself "ah yes, I've got an opportunity to get "that" done today while its quiet". If there are more than one non-urgent jobs you can then decide which one you feel like doing rather than working out how you're going to panic.
Personally, I find doing every day mundane jobs like cooking, cleaning, washing, ironing etc can be tedious so it helps to fill in opportunities with something you enjoy doing. That's where having a hobby can help because when you've nothing else that needs doing, you can then spend that time doing something you really enjoy even while you're just sitting at home or working in the garden. It's a good way to unwind, makes you feel good, satisfying, stops you thinking about worries and makes the time fly by.
I feel there are deliberate distractions where we find something just to stop ourselves thinking about worries and there are enjoyable things that we do Because we enjoy them and I find the latter type of distraction much more beneficial when we're alone with too much time to think.
The trouble with chilling out, watching tv and doing housework is that they can be boring or not stimulating enough to occup the mind so we wander onto negative thoughts.
When chilling out, make sure you play your favourite music, watch an interesting programme, read a good book or use a relaxation exercise to train the mind. Chilling out doing nothing or watching tv that isn't stimulating can easily allow time for the mind to wander.
Housework is neverending and it can be tedious and mundane allowing time to think too much. Remember to mix in things you enjoy to break the monotony so that your mind is then thinking it's got something to look forward to. I find if you're working in a dark tunnel, you always need a light at the end to keep your mind focused to help keep you going just as during a hard days work you need something to look forward to when you get home, and make it an enjoyable habit.
Life without enjoyment can be very depressing and when we get low we dwell on negative thoughts making us anxious. We all need a variety of things to stimulate our minds to make life worth living.
By the way, as you improve, most probably others will notice first and not you until they suddenly say something to make you think "Have I really?"....and then they'll point out how you've changed. I think improvements are so gradual we don't realise ourselves because you have to be on the outside looking in to appreciate....so don't be surprised when people comment!
Forget what's happend in the past and focus on the future. Ignore any bad days and always remember the good days because there will be a mixture at first until there become more good than bad providing you don't focus on the bad. Its a gradual process and like I say, you probably won't even be aware yourself, and that's why you need patience, and with patience you'll gradually feel much happier and more content with things.:hugs:
Veronica H
15-06-10, 14:12
Thanks Bill:bighug1::bighug1::yesyes: Veronicax
Just a very small saying I like
YESTERDAY IS HISTORY
TOMORROW A MYSTERY
TODAY IS THE PRESENT
THAT'S WHY WE CALL IT A GIFT
HAVE A NICE DAY
Hi Bill
just want to add my thanks again! i re-read your posts when i am feeling down or a bit jittery, i know i will get there, have done before, will do again, just want to let u know what i have done to ease the stress so far:
Rang HR at work and told them i am under counselling due to work stress and i need an answer on whether i will be getting a contract;
Told work i will not do extra hours this week while someone is off or take on their work, as mine is never done when i am off.
Cancelled our holiday abroad, and told friends who we were going with and booked two weeks in bournemouth instead, which reduces financial pressure and we really enjoyed it when we went the other week.
Started learning relaxation techniques and taking time out for myself and saying NO.
Talked to my husband more, who has been a bit more supportive this time, and the petty rows has stopped (for now lol).
Phew that makes me feel better just typing it out. i have read you second reply and plan to do what u have advised, your a great help Bill.
Hi lady j,
thanks for the verse, iam going to write that down, hope you have had a nice day
take care lynne x
Hi Lynne......Bill has a lot of good posts,maybe track them down and print out,I did he has helped me more than my doc's and also I am not paying big dollars to see them.He is a wonderfull writer and sounds like a lovely,caring human being,Hope you start to feel better and all the best.
Rhonda x:flowers:
Rhonda:hugs:
That's Such a sweet thing to say.:blush:xxx Yes, I do care. I think sometimes that's my role in life but I must admit I do enjoy trying to help people feel happier when they're low and in need of support.
I often think to myself that all we see are typed words in peoples posts but there is actually a human being behind them who has written those words, and that person is often in distress, suffering and in need of help. I just wish I could do more for people like yourself who time again show how very kind and caring you are.
I must admit that sometimes when I go quiet I have serious doubts as to whether I'm actually doing any good for anyone by being on here but when I read such a kind post as yours it makes it feel all worthwhile because maybe I am being of some help after all....so thank you. I may well not always be right and I know I don't know everything but my only hope is maybe something I say does help someone to move on with their lives. I'm just glad I've been of help to you sweet Rhonda.:hugs:
Lynne:hugs:
You're sounding much more assertive and positive today. From the beginning I've had this feeling that you have alot of inner strength which maybe you're not aware of and in this latest post of yours that inner strength appears to be showing itself. I believe we all much stronger than we realise. Often we just don't know it exists because it feels anxiety shrouds all our thoughts and behaviour but often when you sit down and think of what people have been though and how they've survived, even if they're suffering with anxiety, it does take alot of strength and courage just to keep going. This is why I believe there is always hope because with courage and knowledge it is always possible to learn how to lead a happier life.
Rang HR at work and told them i am under counselling due to work stress and i need an answer on whether i will be getting a contract;
Told work i will not do extra hours this week while someone is off or take on their work, as mine is never done when i am off.
I'm glad you're being assertive with them. You're being positive and directing your frustrations on them pushing them into giving you an answer. Once you get an answer you can then plan a way forward because you'll know where you stand with less worry and uncertainty. It's a hurdle that needs tackling to take some pressure off you.
Cancelled our holiday abroad, and told friends who we were going with and booked two weeks in bournemouth instead, which reduces financial pressure and we really enjoyed it when we went the other week.
It's good that you're deciding what's right for you. You're doing what You want rather than feeling you have to do what others expect of you. It also takes more pressure off you so you should enjoy the holiday even more as well.
Started learning relaxation techniques and taking time out for myself and saying NO.
Just what you need! The techiques wil help you to be calmer and it's So important that we remember to say NO because so often we give in to others to avoid upsets and arguments. We have to remember to think of US and what makes us feel happiest regardless of what we might think others will think of us. What's important is our own happiness and finding compromises so that everyone is happy including us.
Talked to my husband more, who has been a bit more supportive this time, and the petty rows has stopped (for now lol).
Good! Be open and share because it should all be about teamwork, trust and supporting each other in a relationship. Arguing serves no purpose other than to increase anxiety. I think it's best to make your point and if they don't like what you say, walk away rather than engage in a shouting match. When they calm down use diplomacy, subtleness and tact. There are always ways to get your own way and avoid arguments without engaging head on because once an argument starts both parties dig their heels in.
Those are just my thoughts Lynne.
By the sound of it though you're putting your plan into action and with each hurdle you pass, the light at the end of the tunnel will get brighter. You probably will have bad days and feel low but keep your focus on your goals and you'll be fine. As I said at the beginning, you're sounding much more assertive today and if you can keep focusing on easing your pressures you'll feel much better and happier as a result. Remember, keep focused, be patient and take one day at a time no matter what frustrations or challenges you might encounter.
I'm really pleased to hear you're making progress.:hugs:
Bill,
Not only are you such a beautiful writer, but a fantastic listener and adviser. You really have some hidden gems within you! Honestly and this is only my personal opinion, but I think you would be a wonderful therapist or adviser. It is never too late to find your passion and with these gems you behold, you could really make an impact in the world.
Hope you are doing well :)
Hello Mya:hugs:
That's Very sweet of you.:blush::hugs: I think I would enjoy doing as you say. It's just that I feel I wouldn't be able to stay detached as professionals do because I would feel others pain too much.
I feel that I cope ok with my own anxieties so that it doesn't affect me in my double caring role but I have trouble fitting everything in such as housework, cooking etc as I don't get much support and of course I have trouble with tiredness. People say I should think of myself more and do more things that I would actually enjoy but I find I struggle with time and energy to fit too much more in so I don't get much opportunity to enjoy myself which is also partly why I'm on here so late as I often enjoy trying to help others. I do often think "what about me" but then that's always been the case for the last 20 years especially during my bad spell when I felt totally alone. However, I think those experiences have actually helped me to understand things more so I feel sometimes I know better how people are feeling. I came here because I wanted to reach out to others in the hope that maybe I could help a little to prevent others falling so far to show that people are not alone in their suffering.
Anyway, I wish I could do more but I just feel at present this is my limitation unless other opportunities arise. I doubt very much that I could ever be a professional though simply because I care Too much as a fellow sufferer and I think I will always have a vulneribilty due to my own situation.
If I can help some people lead a happier life then I'll be happy too! That's All I'd like!!! I'm much happier thinking of others than thinking about the things I miss. Oh...and I Do enjoy listening or reading on here as the case may be!
Thank you Mya.:hugs: It's always a lovely boost to my morale to hear such sweet compliments but the real satisfaction is knowing I've helped someone to smile again because when people smile, I smile too because then I feel I've achieved my objective!:):bighug1:
Hello Bill......I have printed most of your posts,and have shown my Therapist and a friend of mine and they both agree that I am wasting time and money on professional help.I Have YOU.I have put your posts in a lovely folder and it is on my bedside table,I read them daily:DLike Mya said,You have a special gift.I wish you love and once again THANKYOU.
Your friend Rhonda xx:bighug1:
I'm speechless Rhonda!:blush: That's the first time I've ever had approval from a qualified therapist!
The only time I've come close to it was when I knew someone a few years ago who was going through a bad time. They were seeing a therapist at a time and I was often told he was repeating what I'd said which just made me feel I was on the right track! Anyway, I lost touch with this friend but when I first knew them they were an agoraphobic but when we lost touch, they were working full time and going on holidays abroad with the family. However, they had a good therapist and he was the one who got them better. For me, it was just satisfying to hear they'd managed to move on with their lives and were feeling happy once more.
All I can say Rhonda is that I will Always Try to help Anyone who thinks I can be of help to them and if I do manage to help them find their smiles again, then I'd just be happy and smiling too!......and that applies to you too sweet Rhonda:bighug1:
By the way...I think I ought to print yours and Myas posts to cheer me up when I feel low! xxx
Aww how sweet! I think I am going to ditch my dr and just send you guys my psychiatric fees :D
I wish I could fly to give you guys a real life hug! So nice to have the support on here and Bill, I know how you feel about possibly not being able to handle the emotional pain of being a therapist. I struggle with that too. Everyone tells me to pursue it, but I get so emotional and sensitive that I PHYSICALLY feel others' pain. It is awful trying to find a healthy balance. I just wish we all lived closer so we could support one another in real life. Maybe one day we can all be neighbors! That would be so nice and I know I would be happy!
Ronny - so nice to hear from you! How are you doing and how are things in Australia? Sorry I have been away for a while. Been quite the year for sure. I hope things are going well for you, your hubby and your daughter.
Keep up the nice posts everyone!
xoxoxoxox
Hi everyone,
I was thinking exactly the same about Bill being a therapist, the posts of so calming and reassuring and make complete sense. Just wanted to add i REALLY appreciate ;your time Bill i think you are amazing and cant thank you enough.
Take care lynne x
Hi Mya....I did not know if I had the right person or not,how are you going,hope you and hubby are well,everyone here is ok.I hope we can all be neighbours one day too.
Love Rhonda xx:flowers::bighug1:
It's just a pleasure trying to help such lovely people as yourselves but I'm really no different from you. I feel I've just learnt how to cope better than I ever used to. I too wish we were all neighbours. Can you imagine a more happier town to live?:):bighug1:
Wow, I have reallly enjoyed reading this thread
I can really relate to those general feellings of anxiety & never knowing exactly what the anxiety is. For me though I wake up positive and those nagging anxious thoughts are not there & I feel normal and believe that my fears are not there. My anxiety usuallly kicks in at dusk for some strange reason. I become a quivering wreck full of negativity and fears and feeling like I can't cope ect.
I have been like this for 12 years now. When I am anxious I beat myself up & believe that I will never be normal, I am pathetic, etc. Recently, however, I have started to realise something. This is who I am. I am a positive confident, totally capable person..... but I am also a scared, anxious, negative person. I am all these things, and that's okay. It really is ok. I have also realised that when I am in my anxious mode, as terrible as it feels, I know now, (because it always happens), I will feel positive again within a few hours. So now, when I feel anxious, it does not get as bad or lasts as long because I know it will be okay later. Does that make sense?
It's like the whole going on holiday thing. We book flights a couple of weeks ago to fly to spain at the end of June. For weeks I went through agony of feeling yes I can do this, it will be ok, to no no no, I can't do this. So the alternative was to have a holiday in the UK again. Which we love, but I realised that I get anxious about this too. Travelling on the motorway and being away from home is the same whether I am here or abroad. Only diff is when we holiday here, I know that If I really wanted to get home, we could get home far more easier than if abroad. But my point is I came to the realisation that I will have the anxiety no matter which holiday we go, and if we stayed at home, I would still have anxiety (but would feel awful for giving in to it and depriving us all of some great family time together).
So, I thought, okay, the anxiety is going to be with me whatever I do. So, I asked myself, where would you & your anxiety really like to go? The answer was, we really want to go to Spain, cause kids never been & my 16yr old son is doing his higher Spanish & really wants to practise his spanish & I want to be able to give him that opportunity. Plus, my Uncle has asked us to stay with him & it would be great to see him & my aunt. So, my husband, my anxiety & myself booked the flights!!!!
I felt great, then that night.....BANG, OMG, the anxiety & fear was crippling. I thought, OMG what have I done. I was ill, could not eat my dinner ect.
But, I can honestly say, since then, I have been okay. Yes, I still have anxiety & yes I still have moments when the thought of being shut in that plane with no escape fills me with horrible fear. But, I just keep thinking, it will pass, you know it will. And it does. I even find myself quietely looking forward to going!!!!
So, what I am trying to say is, if it is of any help at all, is that it is not bad to have anxiety, you are not bad, and if you are out with your family enjoying a meal & suddenly you feel anxious at the thought of the next day, my advice is, just let the thought come and the feellings that go with it. Accept it as part of who you are, shrug your shoulders & say, oh well, I'm still enjoying myself right now. Don't get hung up on beating yourself up about having the anxiety, cause you know in your heart of hearts that you would not beat up your friend, your sister, or anyone else for that matter for having those anxious thoughts.
You have anxiety, and do you know what? That's okay. Your ok, we are all ok.:yesyes:
This is the perfect attitude to have because as you say, if you allow fear to control your life you'll always stay at home living with fear.
I was thinking today about a famous tennis star who said he never walks on the lines of the court. I think due to superstition but it made me think how close superstition is to fear and anxiety because fear sometimes makes us feel compelled to do things for no reason other than in an attempt to avoid bad luck.
This made me think about "walking on lines". Sometimes people will actually walk on pavements avoiding every line to make them feel "safe". However, if they then find themselves in a situation whereby they cannot avoid walking on a line because there's no way round it or they walk on a line by mistake, they immediately feel anxious because they then feel "in danger". They've been forced out of their "safe zone".
Living means risk but when we live in fear of living we try to keep in control of ourselves, everyone and everything around us to keep living "safe". However, life will always present events which will be beyond our control that will force us out of our safe zone which will then make us feel anxious because we feel we've lost control.
We also feel that everything has to be "perfect" because often we're very consciencious so walking on a line is making a mistake which we don't allow ourselves.
Attempting to avoid lines, keeping to a safe path and trying to always be perfect to avoid feeling fear creates tension and this stress causes us to feel panicky.
We should therefore allow ourselves to walk on lines, walk off our safe path and make mistakes that don't matter so that we develop a less intense and more carefree attitude towards life. Just as panicdiva says, just let the thought come and the feellings that go with it. Accept it as part of who you are, shrug your shoulders & say, oh well, I'm still enjoying myself...and don't try to avoid walking on lines because then you'll feel much more relaxed about living and enjoying the good things in life.:hugs:
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