On the fence about taking Citalopram

[YvonneBelle]

In other words... scared! :scared15:

I found this site via Wikipedia and read through (most of) PsychoPoet's great guide. In fact, I've spent the last few hours reading through that and some other posts here.

I'm currently signed off work and have been prescribed 20mg. I'm suffering with depression and the biggest issue I have at the moment is total lethargy. A big fat CBA or CBB depending on your preference. Loads I could be doing and want to do but my behind and the settee have become almost as one. And my behind is spreading with all the comfort eating I'm currently doing!

But this seems like a nice place to share and seek support, so here I am. :)

[nomorepanic]

Hi YvonneBelle

A huge warm welcome to nmp.

You'll get loads of advice and support here and make some lovely friends along the way.

Best wishes

[YvonneBelle]

Thanks Nicola,

Despite my doc prescribing 20mg I don't feel that bad. I'm not crying n stuff but my energy levels are really low. The only time I get really anxious is the thought of returning to work (sweaty palms). From what I've read so far, 20mg can zap your energy and make you feel really horrible.

I'm concerned about the dosage I've been given to start with, based on what I've read.

I'm scared of taking my first dose and not even sure that I want to take antidepressants at all. I don't like taking any form of medication, not even headache tablets.

Obviously, my doc isn't going to force me, but I'm resisting big time and wondering if I really need them. I keep thinking I can snap myself out of it or that I'm just being lazy. But really, I'm not normally lazy. Everyone has duvet days but I've had a duvet week and a half!

[Raindog]

Hi Yvonne,
Welcome to NMP, I think we find our way here eventually after following different paths. I can understand you being worried about taking the Cit, especially after reading some of the posts, which tend to be people going through the initial stages, something that can be difficult for some. This leads to a lot of negative sounding posts since those who end up feeling better may not return and post about the positive side of the medication.

If you feel that you'd prefer to start on 10mg, then consult with your doc and raise your concerns, some find it easier to ease themselves into using Cit by starting on 10mg and working up to higher doses as they progress.

Take some time read some more posts, there are some positive ones out there, I've tried to show some of the positive effects in my daily posts on my thread (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=75400) to try and help those taking that first step into using the medication. I have depression now coupled with some acute anxiety that the Citalopram has really helped with, but in the end it's up to you if you think you can get through without it.

I'm glad I got through that first tough week, going straight onto 20mg probably meant I had it harsher than if I'd taken it one step at a time and started on 10mg, but the initial stage only lasted a week and by the following Monday after first taking it I felt levelled out and ready to deal with getting back to work and sorting my life out, and if you keep looking you'll see other people who say it's helped them a lot too.

Better days Yvonne :)

Shaun

[YvonneBelle]

Take some time read some more posts, there are some positive ones out there, I've tried to show some of the positive effects in my daily posts on my thread (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=75400) to try and help those taking that first step into using the medication. I have depression now coupled with some acute anxiety that the Citalopram has really helped with, but in the end it's up to you if you think you can get through without it.Hi Shaun, thanks for this.

I did read through your thread and could identify with many of the things you were saying, especially about job changes. I've had a similar experience in that I've not been happy at work for years and have had some gaps in employment. I've also struggled with depression a few times before but have managed to pull myself through because each time it's been circumstances rather than feeling down for no apparent reason. This time is similar, a set of circumstances have built up and so I probably need help in breaking them down, facing them and dealing with them one by one rather than burying my head in the sand.

I've been thinking a lot today about my prescription and it remains untouched. I'm going to try talking it through via counselling and will let the doc know that I want to take a slower approach to this. I only want to start taking these meds if I feel absolutely nothing else is helping. I say this because a friend phoned me tonight and having spent the whole day moping about with no energy I suddenly found the energy to have a shower and go out to the 24hr garage for some groceries afterwards. And this was after just one phone call, but it wasn't just a phone call. This person's glass is always half full and after listening to me for around 30 mins I asked him how he was and it turns out he's got plenty of problems of his own, but he still found time for me. After going for a walk and getting some fresh air, I felt so much better. I'm not under the illusion that everything is okay now, but it made me realise that a little thing can make a big difference and that talking really does help.


I'm glad I got through that first tough week, going straight onto 20mg probably meant I had it harsher than if I'd taken it one step at a time and started on 10mg, but the initial stage only lasted a week and by the following Monday after first taking it I felt levelled out and ready to deal with getting back to work and sorting my life out, and if you keep looking you'll see other people who say it's helped them a lot too.I'm glad you got through that first week and hope things continue to improve. Onwards and upwards! :)

I've read through a few more posts here and whilst some people are feeling so much better, the experience of others has made me think twice about whether I really want to take any drugs (not just citalopram) for this. I'm usually pretty strong and have dealt with some pretty low points (even worse than this one) but what's beating me at the moment is this lethargy. Look at the time, 1am and I am more alert now than I have been all day!! :shrug:

Thanks so much for responding to my first post. I'm not saying I'll never take these meds, but for now, I'm holding off because of a gut feeling. I'm just not sure. And that's a good enough reason for me to hold off for the time being. I'm going to make sure I go out tomorrow for at least a walk, but for now I'm going to try and get some shut eye.

[Deewobs]

Yvonne,
I have been taking 20mg of Citalopram for the best part of 9 months. It has really helped. I don't suffer from Depression, it's more on the anxiety with me (however I think the two are inseperable to a certain extent). I have had NO side effects, apart not being able to drink more than 2 glasses of wine without feeling like completely drunk. Citalopram has really helped settle everything, I'm actually just beginning the process of getting off it now, and I'm a little concerned about that.
What I would say generally is that medication is a good thing for the most part, if you don't take to it stop it, but If you're daily life is like fighting a war just to stay focussed ( like mine was ) I would say that it's worth it.
D.

[YvonneBelle]

What I would say generally is that medication is a good thing for the most part, if you don't take to it stop it, but If you're daily life is like fighting a war just to stay focussed ( like mine was ) I would say that it's worth it.
D.Thanks D.

Well, when I was at work (new job) then yes, every day was like fighting a war just to stay focussed. Noise distracted me, people distracted me, in fact, everything distracted me and I just couldn't concentrate. Added to that, what I was trying to concentrate on wasn't easy either. This has led me to the whole question of... am I in the right career?? (I already know the answer to that one... and the answer is no). It's just that having been in/out of work over the past few years due to unhappiness within some of the jobs, sometimes it just didn't work out (a bit like relationships) and yes, credit crunch bit me, etc. Added to this the need to earn to keep myself (no financial support) and it becomes a cycle of need a job, get a job, hate the job, leave the job.

Work aside, there are some life issues. Home not secure and not owned by me, debts have accrued, no partner, limited social life, not many friends, a bit of a loner, no kids (and regretting it) and well, just getting older. Nothing earth shattering, nothing unusual (I know I'm not alone with these issues) but still, sometimes they crowd in and all get on top of me. And that's what's happened this time. I've ignored letters, ignored my feelings, spent more time alone, basically ignored life and turned inwards. And now only a few months into my new job, my effort to keep on top of it all (and meet the pressures of a new job) has caused depression and this horrible fatigue. So the hardest battle is getting moving and stopping myself from eating myself out of house and home! :huh:

Saying that, today is definately an improvement on yesterday. Yesterday was pants and I practically wasted the whole day apart from suddenly getting a shower at 10pm last night and going for a walk. Thank God I did because I felt so much better this morning knowing that yesterday didn't defeat me completely.

It's been such a lovely day today that I thought 'how can I be depressed with all of this sunshine?'

I went for a loooonnnnnnng walk earlier (a bit longer than I meant to actually) but really enjoyed it. I felt like I had turned a corner, with yesterday being the lowest point. With the pressure of work currently off, my head is starting to clear and I'm starting to think of things that I can do about some of the bigger problems that I've been ignoring for too long.

My friend phoning last night was a significant turning point. He sort of gave me a kick up the butt but in a way that only a close friend can and get away with. :buttkick:

So - back to the meds. I'm still on the fence. This is because I feel better today and am feeling progress, so I'm thinking I can do without. I'm sure my doc won't agree and I may change my mind again, but the way I feel at the moment, I don't want them in my system. I keep thinking that as soon as my energy returns and I've talked things through and got some emotional and practical support then the need for the meds might not be as strong.

I might be in a river in Egypt - but - I might be right too. I guess to an extent we know ourselves best. (Reminds me of BB Aisleyne - you'd better know yourself girl!).

I really do appreciate your comments though. And I'm sure many people will read this and think yup! Another one in Egypt. :winks:

[loopylou27]

hello!

i have been taking citalopram on and off for the last 2 years.

the first time i took it i was on 20mg and it did wonders for me, i was back to my old self i came off it in feb of this year but this last month i have been suffering with panic attacks and depression due to the panic attacks, i went back to the doctors last week after my manager at work pulled me into the office to say that people were worried about me and that my work hadnt been up to its usual standard, i was bascially a complete mess.

the doctor has put me back on citlopram but this time 10mg, i have been taking it for about a week not had a panic attack since but still feeling pretty low and suffering with bad headaches, hopefully they will start to work soon.

hope you start to feel better yvonne and make the choice that is the best one for you xxx

[happycamper]

Hey there,
I too sat on the fence for over 2 weeks after having them prescribed, which I though was don't quite easily considering how short the GP consultations are to make a true assessment of how you are. I guess a lot of tears do influence them!
Lots of reading this forum armed me with enough confidence to give them a go. Only been a week now and only take half the prescribed does of 20mg at the moment, but then got to still go out to work so can't afford to feel too crap with the side effects. Don't regret starting to take them but obviously too early to say how effective they are for me yet.
Best Wishes.
XXX

[YvonneBelle]

hello!

i have been taking citalopram on and off for the last 2 years.Hello loopylou! Thanks for replying. It sounds like you had some success when you were on, so to speak, so it might be a case of finding that sweet spot in terms of either staying on or reducing off.

I'm starting to think in terms of the whole process and not just how to get on the tablets and feel their effects, but also getting off once I'm back up and running.

Part of my resistance is wondering if I'll make a 'fake' recovery and then once I start to come off, I'll be back to feeling low again. At least if I can function and improve my energy levels with diet and exercise (if I can be bothered! lol) then when I do make a recovery, it will feel as if I've really made a recovery and haven't just been wheeling around all this time with stabilizers, not really learning how to ride the bike once they come off! :wacko:


the doctor has put me back on citlopram but this time 10mg, i have been taking it for about a week not had a panic attack since but still feeling pretty low and suffering with bad headaches, hopefully they will start to work soon.I hope so too. At least you know what to expect having been through this once before. I don't get the impression that citalopram is a case of one strike and you're out. It might take a few attempts and a few falls before you finally get back in the saddle properly. :)


hope you start to feel better yvonne and make the choice that is the best one for you xxxThank you! I'm starting to feel a bit better and I can feel my energy returning. Someone phoned me from occupational health today which caught me a bit off guard. I'm not used to speaking to those people and was unsure of how much to tell. It went okay I think, but let's just say I know who's side they are really on, which is fair enough I suppose.

[YvonneBelle]

Hey there,
I too sat on the fence for over 2 weeks after having them prescribedAhh, a fellow fence-sitter. :) Having browsed a little more, I'm now less worried about the side-effects than I am about making the 2 months commitment before finally figuring out (with doc's help) when to start trailing them off. Typical of me. I'm trying to think the whole process through from end to end instead of taking one step (literally) at a time.

Mind you, if I can take one thing from today's convo with OH, it's that I 'know myself'. I received a remark which went along the lines that I have good 'self-awareness' which means (theoretically) that I should respond well to counselling and/or CBT. Citalopram may/may not help. I guess I won't know until I try but I'm still resisting. Why am I resisting? Perhaps the counsellor can help me figure that one along with everything else I need to figure. :tongue:

The doc wants me to try them out, knowing that I have several (and not just one or two) life issues to deal with. But me being me (that little voice inside) says - you've never needed them before, and you've felt bad before, so why cave in and take them now? Even as I write this, it's becoming clear that I see taking tablets as some sort of weakness.

And yet (to quote the nice Mr NHS) if I broke my ankle, would I reject the idea of using crutches? Well, no - but, yeah but.... no but...

(and HC, it would be great to hear how you get along - fingers crossed and wishing you well) :)

[YvonneBelle]

Just thought I'd update this thread to say I'm getting my first counselling session today. Also, I talked to my sister yesterday and realised (having tried to hold back tears several times) that this time it isn't necessarily going to be a case of simply 'pulling myself together'. So in terms of being on the fence, I can feel myself wavering towards giving these meds a go.

[Raindog]

Hi Yvonne,
You will probably find the counselling session more productive if you don't hold back too much, even if you babble a bit like I do, you may well walk out thinking you've got an idea about what's going on with you, talking through things, even if they don't always make that much sense at the time can lead to you starting to figure things out a bit.

I find doing the same here on the forums can help get things out as well and help me see things a bit more clearly, when they're just rumbling around inside your head they get confused with all the other things going on in there too, but just talking about them or writing them down can separate things out a bit like a stream of consciousness, you don't know where it's going until you get there.

It may take a few sessions of counselling to feel comfortable enough to start letting those thoughts out, get into the groove of digging them up and giving them shape and form when you discuss them, but it can be helpful.

Keep us posted Yvonne, better days :)

Shaun

[steveo1980]

hope all went well today.

i too sat on the fence but caved in in the end because i felt so bad. i started on 10mg and did have increased anxiety because of the tablets. i am still on 10mg now and debating whether to up the does or try and reduce it as i am having good and bad days.

personally i would try other avenues first and then come back to the meds because you have to commit to them.

however, some would just say go for it.


Ahh, a fellow fence-sitter. :) Having browsed a little more, I'm now less worried about the side-effects than I am about making the 2 months commitment before finally figuring out (with doc's help) when to start trailing them off. Typical of me. I'm trying to think the whole process through from end to end instead of taking one step (literally) at a time.

Mind you, if I can take one thing from today's convo with OH, it's that I 'know myself'. I received a remark which went along the lines that I have good 'self-awareness' which means (theoretically) that I should respond well to counselling and/or CBT. Citalopram may/may not help. I guess I won't know until I try but I'm still resisting. Why am I resisting? Perhaps the counsellor can help me figure that one along with everything else I need to figure. :tongue:

The doc wants me to try them out, knowing that I have several (and not just one or two) life issues to deal with. But me being me (that little voice inside) says - you've never needed them before, and you've felt bad before, so why cave in and take them now? Even as I write this, it's becoming clear that I see taking tablets as some sort of weakness.

And yet (to quote the nice Mr NHS) if I broke my ankle, would I reject the idea of using crutches? Well, no - but, yeah but.... no but...

(and HC, it would be great to hear how you get along - fingers crossed and wishing you well) :)

[andrew]

Hi Yvonnebelle,

Seeing taking the meds as a sign of weakness, isn't a very good reason not to take them. Thinking that you can 'do it' without them Is a good reason. Why not give the counselling a good try and maybe some 'herbal' medications if you feel the need and see how that goes first.

Good luck...

[YvonneBelle]

Hi Yvonne,
You will probably find the counselling session more productive if you don't hold back too much, even if you babble a bit like I do, you may well walk out thinking you've got an idea about what's going on with you, talking through things, even if they don't always make that much sense at the time can lead to you starting to figure things out a bit.Hi there Shaun. Yes, I babbled a bit and kept trailing off. I've found that my speech patterns have altered recently and I struggle to find the right word. That doesn't normally happen with me. Lately I'm finding that I can write things down much better than say them. So for that reason I've started keeping notes in a pad each day. Just whatever comes to mind!

The counselling was not what I expected but very interesting. It felt a bit self-indulgent to start with, but once we got going it was very surprising. I definately got something out of it. :yesyes:


I find doing the same here on the forums can help get things out as well and help me see things a bit more clearly, when they're just rumbling around inside your head they get confused with all the other things going on in there too, but just talking about them or writing them down can separate things out a bit like a stream of consciousness, you don't know where it's going until you get there.I totally agree with that. Also, I kept going off at tangents today but the counsellor was very skilled at picking out the juicy bits. Well, juicy to her that is. To me, I didn't think much of some things I said in passing but a couple of things she reflected back came like a body blow. Hard to describe but when someone touches a nerve it can sometimes be felt physically (for me, anyway).


It may take a few sessions of counselling to feel comfortable enough to start letting those thoughts out, get into the groove of digging them up and giving them shape and form when you discuss them, but it can be helpful.I know what you mean there. I've got a feeling it's going to be very revealing and probably will really help. :)

[PoppyC]

I was totally against medication and went through a hellish breakdown refusing to take it, but eventually I went onto it and it has given me my life back. I am now on 40mg a day and I am so much better than on 10, 20 or 30mg. I have been on it for a year and looking back I have found the longer you take it for, the lesser the side effects are, and the greater the benefits. You need to give it real time for it to work - not weeks - but months.
I tried evey herbal remedy there is, but it wasnt enough for how bad my anxiety was. There is no shame to be had in taking meds, just the same as if you had a bad toothache and took painkillers for it, taking medication for mental disorders is just the same as if you would for a physical disorder.
Wishing you all the best.

[YvonneBelle]

personally i would try other avenues first and then come back to the meds because you have to commit to them.

however, some would just say go for it.Hi Steve,

I'm having real trouble making up my mind about this! One minute I think yes, the next no. I even told my sister today that I was going to try them starting tomorrow but now I'm not sure again. I think the counselling will really help, but at the same time, I'm totally aware of how vulnerable and fragile I feel at the moment and wonder if counselling will actually be enough. I'm meant to be trying them both together but I must admit I am really scared of the possible side effects. I've got another doc's app't on Monday so may leave it until speaking with her again about my concerns.

[YvonneBelle]

Hi Yvonnebelle,

Seeing taking the meds as a sign of weakness, isn't a very good reason not to take them. Thinking that you can 'do it' without them Is a good reason. Why not give the counselling a good try and maybe some 'herbal' medications if you feel the need and see how that goes first.

Good luck...Hi Andrew, I've wondered about that too. I'm much more inclined towards natural remedies so perhaps that approach + counselling might be better for me.

The reason I'm on the fence is because I was getting my hair cut today and looking at myself in the mirror I realised my face didn't look right... like the muscles in my face were making me look drawn. It's things like that that make me feel that perhaps I would benefit from the anti-depressants, because I know something isn't right about the way I look and the way I feel, way beyond feeling a just a bit down. But I will think about it some more because I'm not having panic attacks or really stressing - I'm just feeling extremely 'lost'.

[YvonneBelle]

I was totally against medication and went through a hellish breakdown refusing to take it, but eventually I went onto it and it has given me my life back.Wow Poppy, I'm so sorry to hear you had a breakdown, but really glad the meds helped you to get your life back! :)


I am now on 40mg a day and I am so much better than on 10, 20 or 30mg. I have been on it for a year and looking back I have found the longer you take it for, the lesser the side effects are, and the greater the benefits. You need to give it real time for it to work - not weeks - but months.I think that's why I'm finding it so hard to decide. I don't want to try and give up too soon. I'd have to give it a proper go.


I tried evey herbal remedy there is, but it wasnt enough for how bad my anxiety was. There is no shame to be had in taking meds, just the same as if you had a bad toothache and took painkillers for it, taking medication for mental disorders is just the same as if you would for a physical disorder.
Wishing you all the best.Thanks Poppy. You're right, there should be no shame in it - it's just me and how I feel. It's not that I feel ashamed as such, it's mainly a general dislike of taking drugs. For example, I was totally bricking it the last time I had a general anaesthetic. It's the thought of being out of control I suppose and not knowing what's happening to your body. Especially with all these side effects. And I sort of blame myself for letting myself get so low before seeking help. The signs were there, but I ignored them until it got bad.

I've spoken to a couple more people that I know that have been taking anti-depressants unknown to me for months. They are on the side that I should give it a go because they identify with my symptoms and it has worked for them.

I think the main things I'm bothered about are chemically changing my body and not knowing how this will affect me in the long term, possible weight gain, and loss of libido. I don't currently have a partner - but hey, having one's libido is still important, isn't it? Feeling crap and not feeling very sexy... hmmm, doesn't sound like a lot of fun? But then again, things are not very fun now are they? :shrug:

[happycamper]

Talking about taking anti depressants and no-one knowing, the only people who know that I am and I intend knowing are my husband - took a few days before I told him, one good female friend who lives miles away and you guys!
At least then I feel no-one can judge me and I can just get on with feeling better and living my life happily again.

To be honest these side effects have been a little tough the 1st few days but seem to be settling although still not on the full 20mg prescribed dose yet. But I found the side effects of the contraceptive pill aren't great either and I still take that!
Still remain open minded as early days - 10 days now.

Clare X

[YvonneBelle]

Hi Clare,

Yes, this is a very personal issue and not telling folks is probably better. I'd hate for someone I didn't know that well to suddenly nudge me one day and say 'you still on the meds?'. Especially if I was long past needing them!

The reason I know about a couple of people and they know about me is because two of them are very close family members and the other two are very close friends. The only other two people that know are my doc and counsellor and that's the way I intend to keep it (if in fact I do decide to go on them).

As for the pill - I didn't like the way it seemed to alter my body shape (and I did gain some weight on that) so I haven't taken it for years plus the age factor now that I'm over 40. The last thing I need at the moment is weight gain - I'm already half a stone heavier than I was last month since feeling so low through lethargy and recent food cravings.

It's a bit of a catch 22 at the moment.

[lizzie29]

Hi

I have to agree with PoppyC. I too was determined to do it without medication, thought I didn't need them, but after a while I gave in and it was the best thing I did! I feel more in control, I'm doing stuff that even a month ago the thought of was horrible, and I feel like I'm getting a bit of the old me back. I've only been on the medication for a few months, and obviously they're not a magic cure, but they certainly make things seem a lot less daunting, and make the horrible feelings a lot less. In terms of side effects, I had a couple of days of being more anxious, some sweaty palms, loss of appetite... but nothing major at all, and they only lasted on and off for about a week and were easily bearable. I started on 10mg and my doctor said that should have reduced the chance of any side effects , so maybe you could try this. I then went up to 20mg after a month and had no side effects, due to my body already being used to it.
I hope whatever you decide works for you - if you take the meds, you need to give them chance to work and not be disheartened if after a couple of weeks there's no major change. But for me, and I know for many others, they are worth it! :)

[YvonneBelle]

(Thanks kenny - reading that makes me feel less daunted by it)

Well, I thought about breaking my first tablet in half this lunchtime but in the end I just swallowed it. :ohmy:

The reason is because I thought if I don't try, I'll never know.

I thought if my doc wanted to break me in gently, then presumably she would have prescribed 10mg but I remember her saying I think we need to just go for it.

My decision today came after talking with both parents (separately) with different results.

My dad (who I was dreading talking to) was of the opinion trust the doc, take the course and I'll phone you next week to see how you're doing.

My mum was silent and then confessed she didn't think I was a 'tablets person' and was worried about them 'propping me up' and me then becoming reliant on them. They are a drug... was her mantra. Your poor body won't know what's hit it. (arghhhh, is all I'm saying to that).

I think both parents are slightly misguided here. My dad thinks I'm taking a course of antibiotics and my mum thinks I'm going to become zombified and make a fake recovery only to be ill again once I come off them.

I feel sorry for both parents because they are both over 60 and worried sick no doubt. My mom is the worst though. She's sufferered with her nerves for most of her life, has anxiety and can't go anywhere on her own, but she has never really tried to deal with it or seek proper help. It therefore annoys me that in trying to face and deal with my own problems, she is making me wonder if I'm doing the right thing. Because mum's are supposed to know best, aren't they? She's made it not-so-subtly clear that she is scared of me taking 'these tablets'.

I'm glad I spoke to both parents but in the end the decision is still mine and I decided to go ahead and take the first one today.

At first I panicked a bit because I felt sick and had a horrible taste in my mouth but 4 hours later and the sick feeling has subsided a bit. My stomach went into a knot and at one point I thought I was actually going to be sick, but I had a cup of herbal tea with honey and it went off a bit. My mouth is incredibly dry but apart from that I don't actually feel too bad.

It's day one. That's about as far forward as I'm planning at this point!