twilight
18-06-10, 13:32
Im sure everyone who reads this will feel the same as the heading too so hugs to you all also. :hugs:
I am sick of feeling the way I do and unable to relax and enjoy life. I feel I am purely existing than living.
Panic is taking over my life and preventing me from doing things which other people do without a second thought. I can no longer go out for a meal, I cant cope with being in public if its busy. I have written a lot of my background in my intro post so ill link (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=76652) it rather than post it all out again.
Every morning I am waking up filled with dread at the thought of the day ahead of me, even when there is nothing major to do. I get a very fast heart beat and sick and dizziness kicks in. I get very hot too and will need to go to the loo there and then, sometimes I am actually sick. I feel myself walking to work jelly legged and gagging. :weep: Once I am at work I am ok, it tails off but for some reason I am striken up until that point. Every day its the same. I must point out I am a carer for the elderly.
Now if I have something important on that day, for example I am learning to drive after my friend ringing up and booking it for me after trying to get me to do it for 2 years! I feel totally forced into it but I know I do need to learn as well not only for work but I have various health problems with my knees-will need a knee replacement in the next 15-20 years, im 29. Then I am just totally scared beyond belief and cant stop shaking and throwing up and going to the loo.
No one understands and thinks im just being daft. But to me its a real fear yet I dont know what of. My son asked me on saturday as I was on my way to london for a charity walk and im stood at the side of the road being sick I was so panicked and he said whats scaring you mum? and I replied I dont know. His answer was why are you scared of something you dont even know?? And yes to him and others it is THAT simple but to me its overwhelming.
I did just about make it to the walk but only after being very ill on the train and needing the loo every few mins. Mortifiying.
Ive read the article on panic attacks and it could of been written by myself. A month ago I was adament I had ms through constant shakes and twitchings, I had labyrithitus (vertigo) which knocked me sideways and I think made my anxiety worse. I am waking up in the night with leg cramps and hot sweats, I am always tired and just fed up of the thought of waking up to a new day with the same old feelings. Im sick of having a unhappy life and thinking this is it for the next 40 years upsets me deeply.
I am terrified of seeing my gp, who is a lovely lady but just the thought of sitting there and talking feels me with dread. I am scared it will affect my job and son admitting how I am feeling. I took my son to the school counsellor as he wasnt coping following the death of my step brother amongst his childhood with a nightmare of a dad. She suggested we both have PTSD and she helped him alot and Ive yet to face my demons. I feel I have let him down for not protecting him and he is my life and I feel I have failed him.
Sorry I cant anymore right now xx
I am sick of feeling the way I do and unable to relax and enjoy life. I feel I am purely existing than living.
Panic is taking over my life and preventing me from doing things which other people do without a second thought. I can no longer go out for a meal, I cant cope with being in public if its busy. I have written a lot of my background in my intro post so ill link (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=76652) it rather than post it all out again.
Every morning I am waking up filled with dread at the thought of the day ahead of me, even when there is nothing major to do. I get a very fast heart beat and sick and dizziness kicks in. I get very hot too and will need to go to the loo there and then, sometimes I am actually sick. I feel myself walking to work jelly legged and gagging. :weep: Once I am at work I am ok, it tails off but for some reason I am striken up until that point. Every day its the same. I must point out I am a carer for the elderly.
Now if I have something important on that day, for example I am learning to drive after my friend ringing up and booking it for me after trying to get me to do it for 2 years! I feel totally forced into it but I know I do need to learn as well not only for work but I have various health problems with my knees-will need a knee replacement in the next 15-20 years, im 29. Then I am just totally scared beyond belief and cant stop shaking and throwing up and going to the loo.
No one understands and thinks im just being daft. But to me its a real fear yet I dont know what of. My son asked me on saturday as I was on my way to london for a charity walk and im stood at the side of the road being sick I was so panicked and he said whats scaring you mum? and I replied I dont know. His answer was why are you scared of something you dont even know?? And yes to him and others it is THAT simple but to me its overwhelming.
I did just about make it to the walk but only after being very ill on the train and needing the loo every few mins. Mortifiying.
Ive read the article on panic attacks and it could of been written by myself. A month ago I was adament I had ms through constant shakes and twitchings, I had labyrithitus (vertigo) which knocked me sideways and I think made my anxiety worse. I am waking up in the night with leg cramps and hot sweats, I am always tired and just fed up of the thought of waking up to a new day with the same old feelings. Im sick of having a unhappy life and thinking this is it for the next 40 years upsets me deeply.
I am terrified of seeing my gp, who is a lovely lady but just the thought of sitting there and talking feels me with dread. I am scared it will affect my job and son admitting how I am feeling. I took my son to the school counsellor as he wasnt coping following the death of my step brother amongst his childhood with a nightmare of a dad. She suggested we both have PTSD and she helped him alot and Ive yet to face my demons. I feel I have let him down for not protecting him and he is my life and I feel I have failed him.
Sorry I cant anymore right now xx