Anyone else scared to feel relaxed and not worry??

[fairyclairy]

Im so sick of this now.. All day, everyday, im anxious!
My heart races every second of the day and night, i feel constantly sick to my stomach, i think about how anxious i am 24/7, i feel shaky, weak and tired all rolled into one, I feel so drained and hate the fact that every smile or laugh i make is just one big lie..

I hate the fact that iv had CBT, councelling etc and nothing works! I know this is just anxiety.. and i know anxiety can not harm me... but i am still anxious!!

I try to take my mind off it and focus on other things but the feelings just dont go away, i feel so drained every second of the day!

I love my job so much and i dont want to loose it.. iv already gone down part time because of this stupid illness! The people i work with are amazing and know all about my anxiety/phobias/panics etc so surely i should feel relaxed around them.... but nope!

I just dont know what else to do... i try and relax, but then i find that so strange that i have to feel my heart race again because that feeling is normal to me?! Id give anything to feel relaxed and not worry and i do try and tell myself 'theres nothing to worry about' 'im alright' 'panic doesnt harm u' .. but nothing works, and if anything.. it makes it worse because i get angry in the fact that i cant calm myself down!

I worry about everything... every little illness i can get, every feeling my body gives me, whether its a tingly finger or little headache etc... i just cant see an end to it all and im really struggling!

The doctor wanted to put me on medication, but because i have a huge vomit phobia, i looked at the leaflet that comes with the meds and it said you can feel nauseous etc so i wont take them! I am so angry at myself for not being able to control this on my own and i am so angry at the fact that i keep letting myself get so worked up and into a panic state when there really is nothing to worry about!

Im so sorry for the rant, im just really fed up now - i try and be all positive around people and have a laugh and joke at work but inside i feel awful and so lonely.. even though there could be loads of people around me!

Think its just been one of those weeks and im so tired so its all coming out tonight lol.

Has anyone else felt this way or is feeling this way? Constantly, and i mean CONSTANTLY in an anxious state?? I somehow wonder whether il ever relax... my poor heart is working so hard! xx

[Natalie x]

Hi fairyclairy. I'm sorry you are having such a bad time at the moment. I am exactly the same as you so I totally know where you are coming from and it's so hard to tell yourself that it's just anxiety. Every little ailment I get I think it's somethign worse and do the worst thing - google my symptoms. My latest obsession has been with my head and I had a headaches for a few days. Obviously I have convinced myself of all sorts and I constantly look to others for comfort and re-assurance as you will see from my previous posts. My boyfriend always tries to calm me down, but I always feel like I'm hassling everyione with my problems and keep them all bottled up whch then leads to making matters worse. I have a great job which I love also, and I don't wanna lose that through anxiety. It's just so hard sometimes when an idea has been planted in your head and you can't seem to get it out. I just want you to know that you are not alone. As far as medication goes, why don't you try some homeopathic remedies from your doctor? I am currently on Argent Nitricum which are completely homeopathic and cannot harm you. Why don't you speak to your doctor? I completely know how you feel and it's taking over my life, so if you ever need a chat then feel free to pm me xx

[sad1]

Once acquired, the habit of worrying seems hard to stop. Worrying tends to make us build a giant mountain of fear and anxiety in our minds, and eventually we lose sight of what our original worry was! Taking some time to break down and list the things that are troubling you is a great way to get a handle on things, and allows you to make several smaller plans of action, rather than being crippled by having to climb a mountain.

Try this book preview (http://books.google.co.uk/books?id=dRomUH8z70sC&printsec=frontcover&dq=anxiety+sufferer+stories&source=bl&ots=SFFOLDydlE&sig=6kwqFVFwCs4xLrQqt0_xb_-wH_E&hl=en&ei=kT8NTO3VHI-U4gbRquSYAQ&sa=X&oi=book_result&ct=result&resnum=10&ved=0CEwQ6AEwCTjwAQ#v=onepage&q&f=false), implement some of the steps and see if they help you (wishing you all the best!)

[Zee]

I can relate to all of that fairyclairy. Its a horrible continuous cycle.

I had a first HA episode 10 years ago and it was so scary . I had illnesses before that and dealt with them without batting an eyelid, so there must have been a trigger which pushed me into anxiety mode.. I got over that in 7 months and then nothing more for 10 years until 3 months ago and its almost identical to the first bout!. Every day, heightened anxiety about every single twinge !.. I have though identified a pattern from looking back through my diaries.. Morning I wake hot faced, shakey, very anxious..I eat a little and calm down for a while.. Mid morning and mid afternoon are other peaks of anxiety and then after about 7pm evenings I am much better, almost normal..so, from what ive read. the times I have peak anxiety match with times that cortisol levels are known to rise. They also settle down evening time and are lowest towards midnight.
Wonder if you have found any pattern to your anxiety levels ?

[fairyclairy]

Thanks for your replies guys xx

I too keep things bottled up Natalie, my bf has been so supportive through it all but i never want to drag him down with me so i never talk about things, which frustrates him even more! I supose its hard for someone to deal with someone who has anxiety/panic etc because they never know exactly how we feel :weep:
Thank you for reassuring me im not the only one feeling like this - i read posts on here where people are scared about certain things, but iv not read one where people say they feel like this constantly, every single second.. so its nice to know im kind of normal (whatever that is!) and not as weird as i thought i was.lol.

Thankyou Sad1, i think i will start to write down my fears and how im going to conquer them etc, so i can see them as little steps rather than a big blur i have to tackle.... things have got so mixed up and all rolled into one big mess so i think it might help if i break things down and try and take little steps rather than huge ones which results in me failing and feeling worse!

Im also going to look for a pattern Zee, iv never thought to do that before! But thinking about it now there could be a pattern! I am very anxious when i wake up as i know what iv got to do during the day etc which can panic me.. i also get anxious after dinner... i might start writing down when i have a panic attack and when i feel heightened anxiety and see if there is a clearer pattern! Thank you for that advice!

Thanks again everyone, and i apologise for my rant the other day .lol. but it did make me feel better getting it all out! This is such a horrible thing to fight through and i respect every single of you on this site.... we can all do this, i know we can... but we might have to work hard for abit longer to then finally see a light at the end of this very long, very dark tunnel xx