Explaining anxiety and panic to your friends

[twilight]

How do you do it? How can you tell a good friend that by pushing you to do things they're making the actual event worse?

I'm being pushed by my best friend to learn to drive ( maybe when I'm passed I will reflect differently?) to the point where she has rung an instructor and booked lessons for me. An instructor she heard about where as I wanted to take my time and find a lady who understands anxiety etc. Now she's pushing me daily to book theory test and expects me to be driving by sept and is planning things to do where we will both need to be driving.

This is spiralling out of control and making my fear of failing magnify. But I'm so conscious of being nice and avoiding causing upset to others that I make myself feel worthless and unable to function rather than put some one else out.

They will want me to go out for drinks and food (biggest fear) and arrange a babysitter saying I've no excuses :(

how do u explain that a very irrational situation to them is very real to me?? Xxxx

[mumble]

I had to tell most of my class once when I had a panic attack during a presentation - it was a bit hard to avoid at that stage! I told my friends flat out that I had anxiety disorder and that I am getting therapy for it - with regards to situations such as going out, etc I'd tell them I appreciated the offer and thoughts, but I am not feeling up to it. I told them certain situations or events are too much for me to handle and make me anxious.

[Alison1]

I didn't tell my family and friends for a long time about what I was suffering with but I found that when I did, it felt like a weight had been lifted. I felt silly and first (and still do to be honest) but the more people know, the better, I find, as they know how to be with you and are more sensitive to your problems. I am sure they will understand and be supportive, as all real friends are.x

[Vixxy]

Ask her about something she really fears. Everyone has one. Then ask how she would feel if you pushed her into doing that daily. I find that by likening anxiety to their fears people tend to get it.

[twilight]

I think maybe she's not the friend I consider her to be. She knows I've a huge phobia of spiders for example and often plays pranks on me about this.

On our works Xmas party I couldn't face going last minute and pulled out and within minutes all over fb little digs-let down by my best mate again etc.

I wouldn't dream of doing this to someone let alone my best friend.

[mumble]

Once I told my closest friend, he slowly drifted and didn't understand it at all. We no longer talk. Some people just don't understand or deal with it poorly.

[Baggie]

Hey Twilight :)

In my mind, the definition of a best mate is someone who is there for you in times good and bad, someone to lean on when the going gets tough.

If your friend knows that you've a spider phobia, she shouldn't be playing pranks on you about it. Your fear is real and she should, as your best friend, realise how upsetting you find this. Also, the fb thing - that's a bit low. You didn't let her down, you genuinely couldn't face going. There is a distinct difference here.

With regard to the driving lessons, it's all very well to be encouraging and give someone a help in the right direction, but I think that she's now she's crossed the line here. When I learned to drive, I looked around for the instructor that I felt would be right for me and if you feel that way too, then that is perfectly okay. Go at your own pace and in your own time. You will do it and in a way that is right for YOU.

You take care. xx:hugs:

[tonystalloney]

pass your test, then run her over !

lol

[Anxious_gal]

well my main friends knows..... but she seems to think that I'm avoiding her rather than the situation, like on days I'm too anxious to meet up....
personally i feel like she wants me to be some really super fun person when i'm not...
your friend may be passive aggressive, winding you up on purpose.....
i really think my friend does it at times..... even though she gets panic attacks too.
all you can do is explain and then its up to them whether they chose to understand or not.
i feel bad for you because i know how it feels..... xx

[daydreamer]

if friends have to put you down to make themselves feel better, they arent true friends!

[Thinkingimmad85]

Its a good question but one I don't know the answer to really. I am keeping my problems a secret from my family other than my mum who has been through similar in the past so she understands and my partner knows. I just feel very ashamed I suppose to tell anyone else. Stupid really. Perhaps honesty is just the best policy if they are really your friends they will help you through it. xx