I just don't fit in...

[Jingle]

Hi All, hope you are all well,

I've been doing my new job for a few months now and I still feel as though I don't fit in. Well, not just feel, I really don't fit in. I don't know what to talk about half the time, I'm awkward around my work mates. I can't relax which means I make mistakes. I think that what ever I do and where ever I work, I won't fit in. My husband thinks so too. He's just being honest with me which I appreciate. I'm lost, at a stand still. I have so many other worries, financial and a son with mild autism. I told my boss and then thought 'am I attention seeking??' so now all I can think about is 'does that sound like i'm attention seeking??'!! Bloody ridiculous!
Sorry for the ramble but thanks for reading.

J xx

[andrew]

Hi Jingle,

Not sure why this didnt get any replies but thought I'd give it a go.

It doesn't sound like your attention seeking, your anxiety is just over analysing what you said. And I say 'just', I do remember that the thoughts can be totally overwhelming. Your own voice will help you to stop this, it is bloody ridiculous, its your anxiety and thats what you need to be telling yourself. Distraction may help as well.

I kind of agree that 'you might not ever fit in', I know its the nature of me and my social anxiety. BUT it doesnt matter. And I say that because once you win the internal argument with your anxiety, you'll be more able to act and react how you choose to. SO you still might not feel you fit in but you'll be able to talk when you choose, not be awkward, not make mistakes, not over analyse everything. Are you doing any talking therapy, try and find your own voice and yourself, start moving forward again.

Hope that helps, you take care.

[Chem]

I find meeting people, especially in groups, very difficult. I don't want to be telling everyone about my problems, so I try to integrate but feel like the "anxious side" of me is stood just behind watching what's going on. I know anxiety sufferers are supposed to be sensitive people. I often say things that get a reaction as if what I have said is out of place or synch with everyone else. It's hard to continue trying when you always feel out of place, but I congratulate you in getting back to work. I hope all goes well for you.

[Desprate Dan]

I can relate to this aswell Jingle, i find so hard to "fit in" i often think what is so wrong with me????

I am so lonely, i have few freinds but i dont think any of them realise just how unhappy and lonely i am inside, i would never dream of burdening them with my problems so i keep them all inside, i avoid social situations because i feel awkward and out of place, i long to have someone to share my life with, but i dont think that will ever happen because what i want the most is the one thing that i fear, I have avoided getting to close to people in the past for fear of getting hurt, now it seems no one comes knocking at my door anymore, i often wonder in a world with so many people how can i feel so lonely and isolated.. I am sorry this has probably been no help what so ever.

Dan

[Jingle]

Hi All:D, thank you so much for your replies, I feel reassured from your posts. I have had 2 lots of therapy and am lined up for some more later this year. Am on meds too. You're absolutely right, it's a battle we fight from within, just a real bitch that we can't come face to face with it so we can kick its ass!!!!:lac:

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I can relate to this aswell Jingle, i find so hard to "fit in" i often think what is so wrong with me????

I am so lonely, i have few freinds but i dont think any of them realise just how unhappy and lonely i am inside, i would never dream of burdening them with my problems so i keep them all inside, i avoid social situations because i feel awkward and out of place, i long to have someone to share my life with, but i dont think that will ever happen because what i want the most is the one thing that i fear, I have avoided getting to close to people in the past for fear of getting hurt, now it seems no one comes knocking at my door anymore, i often wonder in a world with so many people how can i feel so lonely and isolated.. I am sorry this has probably been no help what so ever.

Dan

Dan, Hello mate :). I'm sorry you're feeling so low. How about you, have you tried any therapy? Could you maybe confide in one of your friends, that's what friends are there for. If you're really not comfortable telling someone, then that's where we come in. It's what's so good about this place, you can spill your heart out and people who are maybe in the same or similar position listen. Do you work or go out at all Dan? I don't know if telling my work mates will help my situation, that way they might understand why I'm the way I am, or maybe it will make it worse as I don't know them that well yet.

Hope you're feeling a little brighter. If not, we're here . J. :D

[Desprate Dan]

Hi Jingle, i am okay thanks, i have felt like this for along time so i guess i have just become use to it, but it does leave me feeling lonely and isolated. You see i dont know any reason why i feel the way i do or act the way, ever since i was a young child i was always very shy, wishing i was more like others, as i grew up i thought everything will eventually fall into place, but here i am still waiting, surely somewere out there, is someone just like me who wants to share happy times, i often ask myself what is so wrong with me! I guess its hard as a young man to say you are sensetive and easily get upset, i havent got a hard outer shell if only, so i guess to protect myself my natural instinct has been to withdraw from others to avoid getting hurt, but this has left me feeling lost and lonely, now most of my freinds have settled down and have a young family of there own, and i so envy them to feel loved and cared for must be such a wonderful feeling, maybe one day.

I am currently taking 45mg Mirtazapine and have had CBT therapy, which did help for awhile, you see i dont like to dissapoint and my boss was putting ever increasing pressure on me to work more and more overtime, the thing was i just couldnt say no, so i just kept digging myself into a deeper and deeper hole until i finally became very ill, my CBT therapist gave me the courage i needed and helped me to say NO it was something i found very difficult but it was something i really needed to do for the sake of my own health.. I dont go out very often, well not at all really, you see i have nobody to go with, like i said my freinds have now all settled down and are happy. I work in a male orientated work place with only a few women office staff who again are all married, so i dont come into contact with females much, so i dont know were or when if ever i will find someone to care for.. Sorry Jingle i suppose to be helping you not pouring my heart out.. Sorry

Dan

[Jingle]

Hi Dan,

I too always felt different from others since an early age. I've been a mixture of shy and quite outgoing at times. I feel my anxiety has become worse as I've gotten older. The last few years have been a complete nightmare. I now find myself not airing my views at all or even joining in conversation for fear of saying the wrong thing. i fear being shot down by people. I have everything - so why I'm like this I have no idea. It's affecting many areas of my life now. Could be hereditary as members of my family have always suffered mentally in one form or another. I do understand how you feel. How about trying a book club if you have one local, or look out for coffee mornings. Maybe even joining a library - if you go at the same time each week, you may see the same faces and start to say hi to people. Life is out there for the taking... I know it's five times as hard like this - but we have to battle through, or at least try to.

Hope you're okay today.

J.

[Desprate Dan]

Hi Jingle, thanks for caring, i wish i could help you.. At the moment i am feeling pressured at work to work overtime, the thing is my job is very boring i am working at a machine on my own in a hot and noisey enviroment 5 days a week, but they want me to work on the weekend aswell, i really dont want to but feel i cant say no anymore, i feel so trapped. I have never taken any time off with my illness but i feel i have nobody to turn to, i dont know what to do. Monday morning i walk into work and they have already asked me to work saturday.. I feel so anxious and annoyed with them and even more annoyed with myself for letting it happen. What can i do?