I know where I CANNOT get help from

[StandFree1903]

and that is NMP chat......

after being disconnected (during a panic attack i may add), i came back in mentioned my PA, no one replied, so i went into help, stayed there for 5 mins or more and NO ONE came.

Some help. I have found more help in a brick wall than this.

I am seriously dissapointed that people (expect Baggs) didnt acknowledge my cry for help when needed. I am seriously thinking on giving up NMP again. unless someone can give me a explination

I explained why i was panicing, and went to help and nothing. I seriously hope new members are not treated like this.

[hopers]

haya hunny im sorry this happend you i also got ignored in caht last nigt wheni methioni had see my cpn

i think people just sometimes get wrapped up in there own converstions to realsie someone needs help i dontthink any one did this to youon purpos i think its one of those things that just happen and try not to take to much to heart i was ini would of helped maybe try pming some one who you trust ot ritting apost to exlapin in the furom whats happing

i hope yr ok today and hope your not to upset about what happend many people on here care for you an di know its hard when you need help and no ones there try andnot let it get you down to much

maybe righting this post wil bring to people s attenthion about the caht ruls and how it says that chit chat should be put to one side if some one needs help i think people just ned to rember what this site ia all about

hopers xxxxxx

[ElizabethJane]

Dear StandFree I'm sorry that you did not get the response that you wanted. I have only used the chat a couple of times. I went into the 'help' room and a moderator soon followed. I'm sure that this was a mistake that nobody followed you and no one intentionally ignored you. I hope that you are feeling better now. You could try pming one of the moderators to let them know how you are feeling. take care EJ.

[Raindog]

Hi Stand,
I find the chat can move too quickly when there are quite a few people all involved in their conversations. Once the numbers get into double figures it starts to feel crowded for me and I can find it difficult to keep up when the chat is in full flow.

It's highly possible that a lot of people missed what you were saying because they were trying to keep up with whatever convo they're involved in and end up scanning stuff written by the others they know are in that bit of their conversation.

This is why I tend not to come into chat if it looks too busy cos it can move so fast it's difficult to keep up with at times, and even if you do make a comment it just gets lost in the flow so I wouldn't take it personally Stand and don't leave NMP just because of this one incident. You could have had a private chat with Baggs for a while, but I can understand if you were in the midst of a panic attack that you felt like nobody wanted to know, the anxiety makes you feel alone even if someone is trying to help.

Better days Stand
Shaun

[Wolfie]

Hey Pammi,

I'm sorry to hear that this happened, I was away at the time, talking to my mum, etc. So I did not see the commotion in chat.

Although, I will say with other posters have said, if you feel as if you are being ignored, pm someone you trust if you aren't getting the response you require from the chatroom. Also, NMP has a forum which loads of people are on, regardless of whether chat is full or not. Maybe try posting a thread in the forum.

Also, when chat is full, sometimes people do get wrapped up in their conversations, we all do it. We all know the reality of that. Sometimes people slip through the radar simply because people are concentration on their conversation as there are loads of people in the chatroom talking/its going really fast, which can be very difficult for others to keep up with. Sometimes even I find it difficult!

[pammy1944]

stand ....last night was very hard to follow as there were so many people in .....I'm sorry i didnt notice your cry for help ..xxxxxxxxxx

[bluesparkle]

hi
am just going to repeat what the others have said really...
but im sorry you feel like giving up please dont.
im not sure if i was in chat or not at the time but chrissy is right ...if you cant get a reply pm someone you trust or a mod ...
it does go very quick sometimes and also ive realised since being a mod we can be caught up helping others in pm and trying to keep an eye on chat at the same time, and we like the others are sufferers and sometimes we dont feel up to going into help ourselves...
i myself on occasion have felt ignored but i know this isnt the case its just hard to keep up ...and pm`ing someone is a way of getting heard ...even if that particular person cant help you they will find someone who will.
hope you are feeling better today
rach
x

[ladybird64]

Hi Pammi

I'm not sure what time this happened yesterday but to be fair, I believe there was a much larger number of people in chat than normal.
I popped in during the evening and had to leave becuase it was moving too fast for me..there were 27 people in when I was there.

I have missed people in help before because I cannot type and watch the screen at the same time..someone goes into help and I don't see them, I'm sure the same thing happens to others too.

To be honest, I have seen this happen before, people have taken things personally and that's really not fair. We all have our own issues and may not be up to following someone into the help room..it is a sad fact but we have to remember that all forum users here, including mods are sufferers themselves and may not be up to dealing with a stressful situation.

I would echo what everyone else has said, if there are people there that you know and trust and you feel you need help and aren't getting it then give them a PM, see if they can help.

Whether you give up on NMP is up to you hun. I wouldn't want you to leave, in particular because I think you have friends here who think a lot of you and I doubt whether you would find the same kind of support elsewhere..however like I said it's your decision.

Maybe give yourself some time to think though. :hugs:

[bottleblond]

Pammii

I can't shaddow what Ladybird said enough, she has hit the nail right on the head.

I was a chat room moderator for a long time and now admin and not even i can keep up with chat at times. It has the highest volume i have ever seen in all my time here and of course people are going to slip through the net. It's not intentional i am sure but we have to remember that not everyone can be there for everyone else all of the time.

What we have to remember is NMP is a free site with a free chat facility. It's an extremely busy site and we can't stand guard on the chat room 24/7 to make sure no one is overlooked. As adults we need to see these situations for what they are and allow for these little mishaps.

Lisa

[StandFree1903]

The thing is, Baggs was the only person who responded to me, I feel that people only help who they want to help, not everyone. I don't think PMing anyone would have matter to be honest as people were so intrested in main room. I really think something has to be done on the chatroom so people can choose a room also, have other rooms, but I feel that until this is done (it can be, I have seen other sites managing it, and coping well). I think I'm going to have a break, but keep my account open, if anyone would like to speak to me outwith chat, pm me and will give you all my email address so can msn and my facebook so can chat there.

[bottleblond]

Pamii


Sorry you feel this way but we don't need additional chat rooms. We have a main chat area and a help room. You did say that Baggs spoke to you so i don't really see what the issue was. You were noticed and and i assume you had a conversation with this member. The chat room was very busy at the time and there was many conversations taking place which is the purpose of chat room.

I know myself that i don't always feel up to going into the help room when i see someone go in. Everyone has their own issues here and it's possible no one felt up to helping at that moment in time.

Lisa

[Wolfie]

Hi Pammi,

I don't think its really fair to say that people only help who they want to help, because I really don't think that that, is the case, as when it comes down to it, we are all sufferers and we know what it is like to suffer from anxiety, etc. Although, it is up to you whether or not you take it personally or not.

I'm sorry that Baggs was the only person who did see the fact that you were in need, would it not have been a good idea to pm him? Not to lay all this on Baggs of course, he's an amazing member and I'm more than sure he would have been more than willing to help - I've seen him helping not only myself, but others.

I'm not sure how the whole site works, but I have a niggle that it kinda costs money to put up stuff like chat, and maybe the whole chat room expansion idea would not be cost effective because lets face it, it's difficult to run a website on donations and out of your own pocket.

Also, I think that there is a valid point that maybe people weren't up to dealing with a situation because lets all remember - seeing someone else panic or bring up certain subjects CAN trigger others into the same downward spiral. No one is obliged to help if they cannot cope with the possible emotional and mental strains of helping others.

Pammi, it would be shame to see you go due to an incident like this. But ultimately, it is down to you on how you interpret and react to this sort of situation. You can choose to accept the fact that sometimes help can be difficult to find at times, it may not always be there. Or you can go on thinking people are ignoring you or choosing not to help you and therefore reinforcing your own issues.

Again, I apologize for not being there at the time. I hope you can move on from this.

Take care,

Chrissy xx

[KK77]

I personally think that if you have a serious problem you'd be better off PMing someone or posting on the forum. I find it difficult to give well thought out advice in chat where there are multiple conversations taking place, many of them superficial and not related to anxiety/depression. People have the right to have a bit of banter and someone coming along that's very depressed/anxious will obviously kill the party. This is a fact of life and I really don't think it's different in chat. That's why posting on the forum where there are far more members than in chat will give you a much better chance of receiving the time and attention your problem deserves. I know it may not be immediate as in chat but a little patience goes a long way in my opinion.

[margaret jones]

Hi I took a look in chat last night but there where so many people in the room that i just stayed for a little while and observed .

Certainly would have been very hard if you where feeling low and needed some support . Take Care Maggie :hugs:

[nomorepanic]

Oh my good old friend the chat room :whistles:

Please try and see chat for what it is. It is sometimes not the best place to go and get instant advice and support as there can be so many conversations going on at once that it is impossible to keep up in there.

A quick post on the forum sometimes yields more replies and advice than chat ever will and I am usually on the forum until 12pm ish so I am around to help others.

The help room can be used for more one-to-one support but please don't feel offended if you are not followed in there as like others have said sometimes people don't feel up to helping others at that time or potentially going into a conversation that would stress them out further.

No-one wants you to leave and I am sure no-one deliberately ignored you.

[jessy]

hi stand, i know how you feel cos i was feeling really bad last night too, so i went on chat and asked anyone to help me....they did put "are you ok" but when i put "no im feeling really ill" no one replied.....i also went to the help room and no one came in, i really needed some help last night, i have to say it did suprise me that no one answered but there was alot going on in there.......so i just came out.... :weep:

[annette1]

Hi Jessy

Sorry to hear you had a bad experience in the chat room but in fairness to everyone there last night it was extremely busy & very hard to keep up with conversations. I'm sure that if next time you say 'I need some help, can some one PM or come to the help room please' you would get a response.

I've only been using the chat room a short while but have been made very welcome & had good advice too. Don't give up on chat it takes a while to get used to how it works.

[Belfry1973]

The chat room, without a doubt is one of the busiest ones I have ever seen and it is difficult to keep track of conversations. Sometimes you just have to try and concentrate on the current conversation that you are having.
There have also been a couple of people who prefer to chat about their issues in the open room rather than in Help or via PM, and they have dominated the chat. But you cant turn that peron away or ask them to stop hogging the chat.

It could also seem like someone is ignoring you, however you dont know if that person is in a PM, sometimes its difficult to follow one chat, let alone 2. I know a couple of times now when people have been talking about their feelings but I'm PM'ing with someone else and it wouldnt be fair to stop the convo.
TBH its been so busy recently that the only time someone is noticed is when they shout and leave the room.
I've only been going in the room a short time, and I'm absolutely convinced that someone wouldnt be deliberately ignored by people.

[ladybird64]

Ive read about the chat room problems alot since joining and when people keep saying they were in the middle of conversations so they didn't notice that someone needed help i'm very confused, or that they may not have felt up to helping...what does that mean exactly?

Is the chat room like MSN then where people go just to have ordinary conversations with each other that have nothing to do with mental health issues? I always thought it was an extension of the forum where people who needed an instant answer to a problem went for help, so they didn't have to wait for a reply on the forum? I don't use chat so not familiar with how it works.

Anna xxx

Hi Anna

As someone who uses chat on a fairly regular basis perhaps I can help anwer your questions.

The chat room is primarily for people to speak about any issues they may have that is troubling them but it is not restricted to this, general chit chat is aslo welcomed as long as it stays within chat rules (we have to tick that we agree to follow the rules before we enter chat).

There is also a "help" room for matters of a more urgent nature, people generally get an instant response there.

Because of the way chat works, as people type, their messages appear instantly on the screen, similar to MSN.
As I mentioned earlier I cannot type and look at the screen at the same time and may miss someone who has asked for help.
Regarding not being up to helping, yes people may not be up to answering another person who may be feeling very bad if they are going through an extrememly difficult time themselves, I think this is completely appropriate as there should not be pressure to take on more than we can handle and it can actually be triggering.

I have on occasion come into chat and just sat there to calm myself down..I have neither wanted nor been forced to join in conversations.

I would reiterate that it is very unusual for someone to be totally overlooked but it is possible if the chat room is very busy.

I do think that sometimes it is forgotten that use of the chat room here is not an automatic right..it is all well and good saying that it's useless and no help is given..I don't know of anywhere that provides this same kind of service for free as well as the use of the forums and all the advice within.

Most of us do our best to give time and help whoever needs it when we can, we shouldn't be made to feel guilty if we can't.

I'm sure you would be made very welcome Anna if you decided to drop in for a natter. :hugs:

[ASH65]

i understand that someone may need to express distress to a room,and to be acknowledged and helped,and that is the structure and ethos of the chat room here,but as some have said it is possible to be overlooked for totally innocent reasons.i find that if i need immediate help,i pm a mod or trusted friend and ask for a chat.and that tends to work very well for me.
i have to stand up for the people in the room as the other nite i grabbed a mod to disclose something awful,using the method i describe,and she was so very kind and patient and helped me a great deal(cheers nat)
so i am so sorry you felt so awful standfree honey,i really wish you had been noticed and helped,maybe forgive the frantic moving screen nature of any live chat,heres wishing you well xxxx ASH

[Going home]

Thank you for explaining how chat works ladybird :)

Anna xx

[Ronny]

Howdy,Pammi.......My opinion is to stay away from chat,just hang in with us in The forum.I have met some wonderfull,caring and sincere people who have taken the time to Pm me and help me when I am feeling down.Thankyou to them.:flowers:
Rhonda xx:D

[Bill]

I did try chat once or twice but I found by the time I'd thought of what I thought might help, the original question had disappeared off the page amongst all the others so I just couldn't keep up but I wish I could do more to help people when they need it most. Besides that, I can only type with one finger!:blush: After that I felt I'd be of more use on the forum or in pm.:shrug:

[Neo]

Hi Stand,

I don't think I was in Chat on the evening in question, but please just remember that anxiety mostly affects us all, and all of the time too and for some that affects our confidence in giving others advice. We are also not all experienced in the many triggers such as alcohol, drugs, abuse, etc.

I for one have GAD and panic disorder, and that is bad enough. On joining NMP I have learned that just about everyone is more worse off, and really only just coping. How they do it - and so admirably - is beyond me.

The NMP chat room is a release for every one of us to vent, air our feelings, chat normally, make friends or, in your case, seek help. We're all sorry that you didn't get the help you needed at such a critical time, but we are only human and aiming anything but constructive criticism at us is likely to make us feel worse.

I hope you were alright after the incident, and that you do come back into Chat. I would like to see you there. If you see me, drop me a PM straight away and I will gladly talk to you, whether you're anxious, PA'ing or not.

All the best for now, and we hope to hear from you again soon.

Regards and best wishes,

Neo :blush:

[Antonio2301]

i`ll hold my hand up .. i was in that night but wasnt to clever so going in to help room triggers me off ... i wasnt that bad that i needed to go in myself ..just having a bit of a laugh in main takes the edge off it.. go back pamii you got some good friends in there .. to be honest id much prefer to pm .. if im having a pa and someone else comes in having a pa .. well that aint gonna help matters for me but make it worse as with prob most .. go back pamii dont let it uspset you anymore .. Tony

[calm]

i went on it for the 1st time last night.....and the communication is very speedy....be patient......i wrote that i am going to read and take it all in and will contibute when ready.
i will go on the link tonight and if i feel i cannot keep up then i will do the same.
dont let this one experience put you off.....if i see you tonight i will say "hi" xxxxx
keep strong xxxxxx

[anthrokid]

Heya,

I find that I cannot keep up witht he chat room. Especially if I'm trying to do something else at the same time. If you look away for 5 seconds you may have missed something important someone has written, it moves so quickly! I've only been in there once or twice, but I feel much more comfortable posting int he forum. I find that I usually get more detailed and helpful responses from the forum too as opposed to being in the chat room. I think the chat room is better used for catching up and general conversation, it's difficult to talk about problems in such a fast-paced and busy environment.