Feeling really down about work

[BunnyMazonas]

I feel really listless and down today. I just feel like I don't want to care about anything, that I can't bring myself to care about anything. I feel like I'm just running on automatic, waiting for the day to end.

I want out of my current job. Just being here in the office is horrible, Our department has been cut in size to a fifth its original headcount; no other department in the company has been cut by more than 2-3 heads maximum. Our budget has been slashed to 10% of its original amount, and the targets we are required to meet get more and more unattainable. It feels like the company doesn't care about the department and actively wants us to quit or go elsewhere. I really don't feel like the work I do is valued, although obviously I am expected to still work hard.

It doesn't help that the department has changed so much - one of the dept heads (the dept heads and HR know about my issues) was always really nice - it was important to her that I feel like I was being supported at work while going through problems so she would just take 5 minutes every few days to say hi and check if I was okay, etc. She left and was replaced. My main manager for the dept has barely spoken to me about my issues, except to take me to HR to discuss how much time off I'd had - I've tried to keep him and HR in the loop as to what is going on but they never reply when I contact them - he told me, after I chased twice, that the replacement for the woman who left has been told about my issues (at my request) but she hasn't even come up to me once, and he barely even speaks to me.

As part of the added pressure to work to our historical levels despite the shrinking department, we are now really tightly monitored on productivity - I was pulled up a couple of weeks ago because my productivity dropped below par for a few days, which I was fine with, but I've since found out that, despite several people failingto hit target, I was the only one who was criticised and given disciplinary action. And this really grates because historically, even when I have beenhaving issues, my productivity has been almost the highest in the department.

I just wonder, why am I here? Aside from the basic need for employment, why do I bother coming in and working hard, giving my all to try and do my job well? What is the point? I am not valued here, they probably wouldn't even notice if I quit, aside from suddenly having more work spread amongst even fewer people. I have looked for work elsewhere but have had noluck yet, and the job market here is really awful. Just... why do I bother? If it really is just for me to survive, then why should I push myself? Why work hard, try to improve, work to benefit the company when other people do far less than me and no one bats an eyelid?

:weep::weep::weep::weep::weep:

[Kerry B]

At least your have been to work and seen the day through, which is really good I havent been able to go to work since Monday I had a terrible day at work on Monday the Panics where really servere. I find I feel quite isolated at work especially working in a large plan Office it seem everyone is working and I am sitting there having dizzy spells and all tense, and need someone to speak to.

[BunnyMazonas]

See, now I think about it, isolated is exactly how I feel. The person who sat next to me, who knew my issues and helped keep an eye on me when my meds were playing up, has left. The senior who cared and listened and helped has left. The manager seems perfectly happy to completely ignore me - if I didn't have to walk up to him to give him my work for proofreading he'd never even say hello, although he spends plenty of time walking about and chatting/joking with everyone else in the department. I can't tell anyone else I work with about my issues because the department is awful - one lady had longterm sick following domestic violence, abuse and serious illness, and so many people turned nasty towards her - I couldn't dare lt them know my issues, not least because these are the sort of people that think "depression and anxiety" are fob-offs - they really don't get it.

All the people I am friends with, I became friends with through work, and they are all moving to other jobs. I find social situations really difficult and stressful, so without having the regular encounters in the office I don't see them any more.

I think I'm feeling too isolated. I went home for the weekend - back to Essex - for a memorial picnic for my best friend's little sister who passed away. Seeing people I hadn't seen for so long, and with whom I was so intimate (sort of somewhere between friends and something more, a lot of us - that sort of group) and finding we were still so close and intimate and what have you... and then coming back here and being without them again.

Bleh.

[YvonneBelle]

Hi, I too felt isolated at work recently.

It's a large open plan office and yes, other people seemed to have their heads down or laughing and chatting and being new and under pressure I found myself struggling socially and the more I tried to concentrate, the less I seemed to be able to. This set my mind racing and I couldn't focus on one thing at a time, without my brain going off at a tangent which meant I couldn't seem to do a single thing through to completion, adding to the pressure. To make matters worse, I was the only person doing my kind of job, so it wasn't as if I had much support either. :( Also, I had the feeling of being constantly observed, but from a distance.

I've been off for a couple of weeks now and I'm seriously considering not going back and taking this opportunity to make a complete career change. Sounds drastic, but I'd rather just about get by and be reasonably happy than constantly suffer from corporate clap trap. Offices can be hadardous places for people who suffer info overload or are in any way susceptible to other people's moods or their environment. Sometimes work can feel like a den of vipers - people talking behind your back but nice to your face. Especially when you are low and feeling more paranoid than normal.

I don't mean to put you off your job completely but can totally understand where you're coming from. It's sometimes to do with the vibes we give off unwittingly. Without realising it, feeling down and isolated can serve as a barrier to others and they instinctively keep away.

People with lighter, brighter energy tend to attract attention from others more readily. It's just human nature and nothing to do with you personally!

I'm an empath (a tendency to pick up other people's feelings) so if others around me are less than positive, then it tends to drain me. A similar thing could be happening to you - sort of negative vibes affecting you when you're already down.

It's hard to try and raise your energy levels when you are feeling off balance or depressed but visualisations might work.

I need to follow my own advice actually because I have quite a few CD's that guide me through cleansing my body from negative energies and sometimes this makes me feel lighter and brighter. The effect sometimes makes me less accident prone and I feel like a weight has been lifted.

Anything is worth a try!

Best of luck. Try not to take things too personally at work. Sometimes other people just don't know what to do/how to approach things and much of what goes on is on a subconscious level. Try observing people's interactions. You can often tell a lot from non-verbal cues and I can usually tell who likes who and who doesn't.

Yvonne :)