why does my boyfriend do this??

[alwaysanxious]

hi in the panic attack mode again and nhave been for 4 hours .. my 4th week on 5mg cipralex and nthis week had 3 full blown rows with my other half, i cant cope anymore im getting that angry and upset having violent panics racing heart my blood pressure goes up i can feelm it in my face im so scared its not doing my body anygood or my mind, ive asked him not to argue and shout because im not well already and this makes ir worse hes surpposed to be helping me not making me feel more ill. i know ive got to go up to 10mg as the 5 aint doing nothing im so tired of this and crying feel really poorly now its me suffering not him, tryed to pack my bags to leave tonight but panic got the better of me and he just thinks its no big deal, i just want to get better and stronger to cope and maybe get out . when will i get better and will the 10mg be alot better for me?????????????? cant stop crying im so weak i hate me .hes not violent or anything but i think my illness is too much for him and he thinks i should be better by now but im not and im so sad we r just having the normal arguments couples have but i cant even cope with that


lisa

[jude uk]

Knowledge is important for the other half. For those who have not experienced panic attacks etc it is difficult for them to understand what it is like. I would suggest getting him to read about what you suffer from and maybe he will be more understanding

[shotokansho]

Yes I agree. Try giving him something to read about, or maybe you could ask him to attend to any groups you could possibly find? Maybe that will be a clearer idea of what your going through xxxx

[gypsywomen]

he has to know that anxiety is AN ILLNESS like anyother ,,just the symtoms cant be seen ,so its hard for people close to us to understand one min we are going about our daily routine the next bang we spirel its awfull,, try to sit down and tell him calmly how you feel inside xxx

[alwaysanxious]

thank you to all who posted, but i have sat up for hours trying to explain to him about how im feeling whats caused it and so on and i think hes just really not that bothered and wants me to get better quick,, he says he worries about me but when i tell him it makes it worse when we fall out he just wont accept that so i told him if it carries on im leaving i will take myself out of the situation and go... only i can make me better and i need less drama around me to do that... thank u every 1

lisa xx

[alwaysanxious]

ps ive tryed to get him to read stuff and even look at the post on here what other people suffer from he just looks and then says well there you go your not going to die from it!!!!!!!! arrogant person.. i just think some people are good to have around and others r not.
x

[Anxious_gal]

I do truly believe it's a choice wether he wants to understand or not.
a lotf of people are narrow minded and only see the world from their point of view.
my family is like your boyfriend in the sense they think I'm over dramatic and i should just get over it.

is there anything your man is afraid of? like heights? take him to a high bridge and obviously if he doesn't like heights he will FEEL anxious.
ask him what is there to be afraid of?
he'll say well nothing.
then tell him that's how you feel when you panic.

[notfeelingconfident]

mishel makes a good point. I have a mate who didn't understand what I was going on about when talking about my problems (and to me came across really arrogant and ignorant). Eventually he understood better by likening his fear of heights to the feeling I get in social circumstances. Then he was like 'you really are just *****d'! :)


Anyway, if you can't get him to properly understand then maybe the relationship can't progress.:weep:

[xJust_Sarahx]

Hi,
I know where you coming from. My x who i was with for over 5 years was great at first in understanding me, and would do his little things to help such as rub my shoulders, hug me to relax me etc, he would do almost anything for me which obviously i started expecting it and relying on him too much i think, but when we argued i felt like i couldnt shout too much because it would get me worked up and i would get upset and not be able to breathe, and i couldnt just get out the house for air or walk off type thing like he could because of my anxiety, so i was trapped!
He started telling me he thought i was playing on it type thing and that i shouold of been better by now and just really turned on me, so i think it got too much for him. Anyway we have split up now but in touch because of the kids, and my boyfriend now who i have been with for a while just does not get this at all, he doesnt understand how i can get so upset or how my breathing can be affected, and how to comfort me or anything. He has his car to just get out and drive where i cant do that!
So yes i i know where you mean, but i think its hard for them too but i am glad of this site and been able to talk to people who do understand!

[evil monkey]

some of this actually sounds like how a friend (male) of mine was when I was trying to explain stuff to him..

i dont speak to any of them now because they arent interested in 'this s**t'

my other question is. is it wierd for a guy (me) to be thinking the same thing about guys.....lol (is it girls only territory) :shrug:

[notfeelingconfident]

Mr Evil Monkey

I suppose you could say that I have become 'a right woman' in discussing my issues hahaha. Perhaps I have become more in-touch with my feminine side over the years hahaha no I don't think it is weird. Maybe you are just sensitive and intelligent? It is not a macho thing, discussing social anxiety with fellow males usually, but to hell with them, we are probably more manly for being honest and deep about it. I think many guys have issues but they suppress it for coming across more masculine.

[evil monkey]

could be Ally.x (about the bread winner thing)

there is a bit more to it than that as well