View Full Version : Stuggling Tonight
I knew it wouldn't just be my imagination one of these days and K really would be ill. Well now she is and I'm so terribly bad and selfish that all I can think about is how upset I am that I haven't got contact with her.
I am so BAD.
Feeling really low tonight and don't know when I'll next have contact with her.
:(:(:(:(:(:(
Karen
"I love you in a place where there's no space or time
I love you for in my life you are a friend of mine
And when my life is over remember when we were together
We were alone and I was singing this song for you."
Karen,
I admire your honesty in saying whay you feel.
When our anxieties are severe, I think we are liable to get full of self pity and concentrate on our needs , sometimes at the expense of others.
So in saying that you are selfish here is a refelction of the state you are in, and is no way a true refelction of your true caring personality.
I'm sorry K is unwell, and I hope she soon gets over it. We all have to face what life throws at us, and in coping with the adversity we become stronger.
I know its not the same, but I know you have some special friends here, so please take comfort in that.
Ray
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance, I hope you dance.
~Mark Sanders and Tia Sillers
Thanks for your reply Ray. I can admit my faults because I've already acknowledge what a bad person I am.
I value my friends here but the fact that I am so distressed about K being ill is another example of how despicable I am.
Was almost in tears just now. It is all happening at once and I don't want to feel like this anymore.
Just want to go to sleep and not wake up.
Karen
"I love you in a place where there's no space or time
I love you for in my life you are a friend of mine
And when my life is over remember when we were together
We were alone and I was singing this song for you."
(((((KAREN)))))
YOU ARE NOT BAD! YOU JUST FEEL BAD!
Sorry didn't mean to shout.....
I hope it is nothing serious with K. Try and tell us the positives about today - I know you had the Shiatsue - well done for trying it.... That must have been a huge step for you.
I hope this evening improves for you - I'm here if you want to pm or anything xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
fee
xx
Hi Karen,
Aww big (((((hugs))))) mate. I'm sorry you're struggling.
You're not bad though, it's perfectly natural to feel the way you do, I agree with Nigel most of us think how things would affect us if we're honest, it's quite natural.
I hope K is ok, I'm sure she'll be in touch when she can and at least she was able to let you know she was ill rather than just disappering for how ever long with no message. That would have been even worse.
Thinking of you,
Lisa x
Thanks Fee, Nigel and Lisa.
Fee: Yes I had shiatsu this afternoon. I'll try to write something about it when I've managed to calm down a bit. I'm trying to stop myself from crying at the moment.
Nigel: No, I wouldn't pester K while she is ill. I've just sent a brief reply saying I hope she feels better soon. BUT I've still had these thoughts, and I've expressed them here so they are not private and everyone knows what I am thinking.
Lisa: I don't want to be selfishly thinking about myself and concentrating on how upset I feel. I wish I could put K's needs before my own for a change.
<b id="quote">quote:</b id="quote"><table border="0" id="quote"><tr id="quote"><td class="quote" id="quote">at least she was able to let you know she was ill rather than just disappering for how ever long with no message. That would have been even worse.<div align="right">Originally posted by LJ - 14 February 2006 : 18:45:14</div id="right">
</td id="quote"></tr id="quote"></table id="quote">
Yes I know and is another reason I feel so bad. She dragged herself from her sick bed to let me know and still I want more from her. This proves how bad I am.
Karen
"I love you in a place where there's no space or time
I love you for in my life you are a friend of mine
And when my life is over remember when we were together
We were alone and I was singing this song for you."
Hi Karen,
You're not bad ok, you're having perfectly normal reactions, it's only human to think this way.
She told you she was ill as she cares about you and didn't want you to worry about her.
I know you will miss her but she'll be back soon I'm sure, it may even be sooner than you think if she managed to send a message today even while ill.
Hugs,
Lisa x
I appreciate what you've said Lisa and Nigel.
But I still think it is wrong to have these thoughts and feelings. Funnily enough the group CBT session this morning was about emotions. All I know is that I am ashamed of myself.
Karen
"I love you in a place where there's no space or time
I love you for in my life you are a friend of mine
And when my life is over remember when we were together
We were alone and I was singing this song for you."
Don't know anymore. I'm just fed up of doing and thinking things I feel ashamed of and which make me feel worse about myself.
I wish I could be a better person. I wish K could like me and want to be in contact rather than feeling she has to because I'll fall apart without her. I wish I could stop hating myself.
Karen
"I love you in a place where there's no space or time
I love you for in my life you are a friend of mine
And when my life is over remember when we were together
We were alone and I was singing this song for you."
<b id="quote">quote:</b id="quote"><table border="0" id="quote"><tr id="quote"><td class="quote" id="quote">what about allowing for the possibility that you could be wrong, and that what we’re saying might just be right after all? Would that be a good compromise for now [^]
<div align="right">Originally posted by Nigel - 14 February 2006 : 19:46:37</div id="right">
</td id="quote"></tr id="quote"></table id="quote">
I guess so. It is very very hard to do though.
nomorepanic
14-02-06, 21:24
Can't you send her an online get well card?
Nicola
Hi Nic
<b id="quote">quote:</b id="quote"><table border="0" id="quote"><tr id="quote"><td class="quote" id="quote">Can't you send her an online get well card?
<div align="right">Originally posted by nomorepanic - 14 February 2006 : 21:24:22</div id="right">
</td id="quote"></tr id="quote"></table id="quote">
Yes, I've already done that!
I know the best thing I can do for her now is to cope while she recouperates. I don't want her worrying about me on top of being ill.
Karen
Hi Karen hun
You are coping while she's ill, you're not hassling her, and you're coming here in order to get support in dealing with your feelings...
None of us would be here if we didn't have some irrational thoughts but that doesn't make us all bad does it? Yours are to do with attachment to someone, irrational fear and dependence, but that doesn't make you bad. The fact that you challenge these thoughts and control your actions makes you very very good!! And we love you for it!!! We can hear the battle you have with yourself and respect and admire your determination and the way you care about people.... we KNOW you're a good, kind, loving, intelligent person!
I hope you manage to relax - maybe crying's not such a bad thing - I've done a fair bit today too and it seems to have helped.....
No more hating yourself tonight hun - you're allowed to feel sorry for yourself for a while lol[8D]
We are all struggling to GET better rather than BE better... although of course we could all be better people, that's a lifetime's ambition!
Hope you are ok hun xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
fee
xx
Hi Karen,
Very good points from Aunty Fee there :)
You have nothing to feel bad or ashamed of, I would feel exactly the same if it was me, it's only human to feel that way.
It's not wrong to have these thoughts and feelings it's normal and nothing to be ashamed about.
K did contact you because she likes you, she didn't have to did she. Ok so she knows you might worry but she still didn't have to bother to let you know, the only reason she did was because she wanted to.
I know it will be hard if you don't hear from her much for a day or two but you can cope, I know you can.
So try instead to think that your feelings are normal and everyone here will help you through it.
I hope you sleep well,
Night,
Lisa x
Thank you Fee and Lisa.
Fee: Thanks Aunty! K keeps trying to convince me that I'm not a bad person for having this attachment and that I'm no worse than anyone else but actually believing it is very difficult.
I do battle with myself constantly to stop myself from using my attachment as an excuse to demand attention from her and I know that wouldn't work anyway, as she is always telling me that she doesn't do anything she doesn't want to do.
I didn't cry and allowing myself to show or express emotion is one of my big problems. I protect myself (in my eyes) by not showing emotion and definitely not by crying. The emotion builds and builds and I avoid dealing with it.
Lisa: I know I've coped without her for a few days before but this is a particularly difficult time for a number of reasons. I guess I'll get through it somehow.
I'm shattered tonight so I hope I can sleep.
Karen xx
Hi Karen,
You're right you will get through it, and we'll all be here to help you :)
I hope you sleep too, night sis.
Lisa x
Hi Karen,
hope you do manage to sleep, thinkin of you hun,
kairen x
Thank you Lisa and Kairen. I appreciate your support.
Karen xx
Nigel I love that about only we judge ourselves on our thoughts whereas other people only judge us on our actions [Wow!]
Everybody knows I love affirmation cards and that would make top affirmation card - may have to do a blue peter one of that - nice one mate. Some things really click and that one did for me. Thanks.
Karen flower I am sorry K's not well and hope she feels better very soon.
Piglet xx
Powered by vBulletin® Version 4.2.5 Copyright © 2024 vBulletin Solutions Inc. All rights reserved.