Feel like a failure!

[Joellie]

Im so upset with myself.

I seemed to be able to get a hold on my anxiety and it hadn't bothered me for months and now Its back and I feel like ive learnt nothing!

Im finding it hard to go out and do things. I have a two jobs and thats not hard, but i cant even bring myself to go to see my mum I just get a bad stomach over it. My stomach is getting increasily worse the last week. I had a sick bug and then was fine.

At the weekend i had planned to stay with a friend on the friday night but i was really worried about it and i felt ill the entire time i was there just wanting to go home. Now Ive just texted my mum saying i dont want to come over because i have a bad stomach. And i just feel so guilty about it and i feel bad because I feel like im letting myself slip back.

I forced myself friday and ended up regretting going there and so i feel bad if i try and i feel bad if i dont.

Ive just come off antidepressants the last month and a half and already i need them again. Im going to have to go on thursday to my councellers and make another appointment.

Im just so annoyed with myself.

[Joellie]

Ive made a decision, im going to go to the doctors tomorrow and see what they say and then get more councelling for thursday.

I feel like such an idiot!!

[Vixxy]

Youre not an idiot. Ive done the same. Came off my meds because I thought I was ok, then within 6 weeks I was worse than I was before.
You'll be ok. Youre aware of where the problems lie and youre being proactive. This is just a setback, please dont worry^^

[Lion King]

Don't feel like an idiot or a failure, you have probably lived with anxiety all your life and the meds calmed that down enough to help you cope with life.

Did you have counselling at any point? If not can you see your doc and request them? If so, what did you learn to make you feel better? I had CBT and felt well, but at times like now (a year on) I still have to keep my mind fresh and positive otherwise I know I will more than likely relapse. The problem with meds is that they give you a false sense of security which can make you a bit lazy with your methods of stopping the anxiety, when they do re-emerge its a scary feeling as you have forgotten how you coped before!

Anyway, hope your visit to the docs goes ok!

LK

[Bill]

I believe there's always an underlying cause which triggers our anxiety and unless we've suddenly stopped taken meds without reducing gradually which can cause an increased feeling of anxiety, the cause is nearly always created by an increase in stress and/or a new worry that has surfaced which we're dwelling on because it frightens us.

Therefore, my guess is that your previous post which I've copied below and highlighted in certain areas is connected to your increased anxiety....

Its been a while since ive been around but something just sprung to my mind!

Basically, Ive been sick the last day and a half with a sick bug, though today ive been able to eat again. My dad just made dinner, those frozen chicken pies and veg, however when he got it out, the pastry under it clearly wasnt cooked so i said "Just give me the top and filling" as i knew i wouldnt eat much anyway. But When i tried the chicken, it didnt taste right, it didnt taste like nasty or anything just it wasnt right and it wasnt warm enough for me to think that its "piping" etc. And now im super worried im going to get food poisening!

I have this wierd thing with raw chicken, like if i prepare it i wash my hands about 3 times during the prep and then after. And I always over cook it to make sure its done and check it over loads. I think its my anxiety but now i cant shake the feeling that im gonna be sick again for the next few days. I hate being ill and its so hot at the moment it was horrible yesterday I dont want to go through it again!

Now i might have eaten bad chicken! (even though it was a tiny bit and the expiration was in date)#

My dad thinks it might have been because a month or so ago the freezer went a bit funny and some stuff defrosted a bit but it worked again shortly and we forgot about it. But im just sitting here with a heavy stomach (as its been all day) and im just worried now that im going to be ill. :(

I could be wrong as I don't know the full story but my guess is this....

You became ill for a day or so with a sick bug.
Just as you were feeling better, your dad made dinner but the chicken didn't taste right.
This caused a worry of getting food poisoning.
You then dwelt on this worry fearing that you were going to be sick AGAIN for the next few days because you connected your fear with how you felt with the sick bug.

Therefore, as we know, anxious feelings created by worry can make us feel sick but now you're connecting these sick feelings with your fear of being ill and the more you dwell on fearing being sick again, the more you feel ill and the more your stomach feels sick.

Perhaps also you now fear going for another meal elsewhere because of a feeling it might not be safe to eat?

The main thing though is that I feel the meal has created a new worry which you've connected with your sick bug creating a fear of being ill again and this fear is now making you worry so much that you're now actually feeling sick due to your new worry of being sick.

What I feel you need to do is reassure yourself that if the chicken was bad you'd be violently sick by now and so would your dad but if he's fine then your sick feeling must be being caused purely by your fear and new worry. Remember how to relax and switch your worry off and then see how you feel. I'm sure your stomach will then calm down without the need of new meds to ease your anxious feelings.:hugs:

[JT69]

Hi Joellie,

Please dont think yourself a failure or an idiot you are neither. Some of us just suffer with this illness and it makes you feel that way....it is easy to think that you are in a strong enough position to manage without meds but then we can relapse and I think thats all that has happened to you.

I hope you get on o.k at the GP's and perhaps you will begin your meds again, they will help you become stronger again...please dont think of it as a sign of weakness as it isn't and I dont agree that we "rely" on our meds they are there to help us, the same as if you had heart trouble etc and take meds.

Let us know how you get on.

TC
Jo.xx

[simona57]

Hi Joellie,

I quite agree with MB and as he advised to interact with your colleagues, so this way you will be empowered with the latest happenings around you. The more you get involved with people around, its sure that you will be courageous.

Good luck1

:emot-blahblah:

[gypsywomen]

:hugs:your not an idiot ,if you are then all of us who suffer with anxiety must be ,,its just a condition that makes us fine one min down the next ,,you go out visit your mum ,you can do it ,you have come far and done very well be proud of how far you have come