Is this ok?

[jen2503]

I dont want to post anything that isnt ok to post and as im new im still unsure but i need to talk, maybe air a few things and i dont know where else to post it.

As some of you may have read in my other thread baout how our anxiety started, i mentioned my mother and having my baby was the cause/trigger. i honestly believe if id had my baby and then the family fall out had happened at a different time i would have dealt with it better and the anxiety may not have taken hold. but because it happened at the same time the mixture of stress and post labour hormones was just too much to deal with in one go.

i think im doing ok with my anxiety and my hormones are starting to settle but everytime my mother comes knocking or phones me i feel anxious again. i dont know how to deal with her. i dont ever want to see her again. after everything she has done i could never forgive her even if i wanted to and if i ever did see her again i know i would break down and let her walk all over me like she always has done which i dont want. so how do i get past this if i cant face her? i have explained to her how she has made me feel and how what she has done is wrong and how i cant forgive her but all she did was blame me and say how she wishes i wasnt her daughter so no amount of talking to her would help anyway!

i dont want her being the cause of this or being the one that stops me overcoming it. avoiding her forever will be hard as she lives five minutes away and keeps turning up abusing me but we cant afford to move so i feel a little trapped. i really dont want to see her and so i cant work out how to get over her and move past this.

im in a pickle! im sorry i just needed to write this down instead of it swimming around in my head.

[lisa12]

Hi there...are thing really so bad that u cant talk through this together ? if so n there is no goin back al i can suggest if she is cumin round abusin u is to get an injunction on her so she wont be able to....But i do hope 1 day you n u mum cud maybe be freinds again ..i lost my mum in july last year and i wud do anythin for 1 more day with her . hope u get through this x

[jen2503]

Not really. she kidnapped my son. told me many times she hated me. said i wasnt her daughter. took the pee out of me for crying at my nans funeral in front of the whole family who all laughed (i now dont cry infront of anyone) she picked on me for years about my eating (i eat left handed even though im right handed) i have a phobia of eating infront of people. she told my husband to leave me because im a liar even though the thing she said i was lying about he knew i wasnt because he was with me at the time. shes turned all my family against me. and thats just a small amount of what shes done!

i just dont think i will ever trust her again not to hurt me or turn on me like she has done already many times. i have always given in to her and she always hurts me.

[Bill]

I don't know enough about your background to know what to say but when we have difficulties such as these sometimes talking to a counsellor can help us come to terms with bad experiences because often when we keep things bottled they cause anger and frustrations which then cause anxiety. By talking it can help to release these negative emotions and therefore also release anxious feelings.

It doesn't always work but maybe it'll be worth a go. Ask your doctor if they have a counsellor at the surgery. If not, charities and churches often provide them free of charge so it wouldn't cost you anything to give it a go.

Regarding your mother, all I can suggest is that you don't open the door to her if she's always abusing you and unwilling to to be amicable towards you.:hugs:

[Anxious_gal]

your mum sounds like she has some emotional, personality issues.... she seems a bit unstable.
if you honestly feel that you would rather never see her again then you do have that right
you do have the right to live your life in peace.

[jessicalittler79]

do u have ur child back now hun

[jen2503]

Yes i have my son back now but we are having a few behavoural issues with him now. she told him so many bad things for example that she loves him and we dont, so we are having to work through a few things now which is added stress.

i agree she does seem unstable. shes been like this for as long as i can remember but she got worse when my nan died five years ago. my nan was always like a mum to me, i stayed with her an awful lot and i was with her when she died so her death hit me quite hard but i got through it while trying to support my mother and arrange the funeral yet all she could do was take the pee about me being upset! ive tried all i can to be there for her since nan died so she knew she had someone if she needed it but it didnt seem to help her. she suddenly turned on me and told me how she hates me.

she has an obsession with my son and the only thing i can think caused it is because she has told me many times i was suppose to be a boy and when i was born as a girl she didnt want me. so when i had a son (the only boy in our family) she went a little odd and decided he should be hers!!

she needs help and ive tried many times to help her but she refuses to believe theres anything wrong and the rest of the family are too scared to go against her but because i have gone against her i have now been outcast by them all and they all think her abusing me is deserved!!

im fighting a losing battle but the other problem is, even if i were to ever meet up with her again and try to sort things out, i know i could never forgive and forget and also i would never ever trust her nea my children again. and neither would my husband.

its a horrible situation, one i hate to be in. i dont miss her at all but sometimes i do miss having someone i can call 'mum', someone that would be there if i needed them as all i have now is my husband and children which is fine by me but sometimes i wish things werent this way. but they are and too much has happened to just ignore it.

i did ask my gp about councilling but he said there is a waiting list of upto two years so i decided not to bother. i could try my church though i suppose.

i have given her many chances, i even rang social services to try and help us organise a mediation where me and her could talk with someone nuetral in the room to help but she declined so there isnt anything else i can do. i told her we could try to correct things and try to make a mends if she got help for her problems but she declined that too. theres nothing else i can do and to be honest i dont want to even try anymore. just the thought of her makes me feel sick to the stomach with panic.