been denied access to first grandchild

[rooby]

I am so sad and upset, my son's ex girlf has told us we cannot have any contact with her baby, all we know is she was born 5 weeks ago, I have sent money and gifts but no reply. What can I do? this is eating me up and bringing on severe panic and anxiety whenever I think about it or get reminded. I am just staying in bed trying to sleep to not think about it. I have been on sertraline but gave it up because of the nightmares (side effects) so depressed

[Maj]

I'm so sorry to hear that. Could your son's partner be depressed? Has she given you a particular reason? It's such a shame because she could have your love and support as it's a tiring time when a baby is this young as we all know! I'd keep the line of communication open though and send the odd gift and card. I know that many of my friends who have grandchildren find that it keeps them going just to have them around, so I really do feel for you and hope that your son's partner comes to her senses. Things could change so please don't despair.
Myra x

[loveletter]

I am so very very sorry.

My son had a baby in Aug 07 my first grand child.
The girls family did not like this and put my family and me through hell.
They come to the house drunk late at night banging on windows and one night tried to break the front door down. Had to move out of the area as was so scared.
All this happened the same time as my husband died.

I have not seen my grand daughter since she was 8 weeks old.
She will be 3 in Aug and there is not one day I do not think about her.
I just do not know how I will ever get to see her again and it breaks my heart.
Does your son see the baby could he bring the baby to you.

[wotcanisay]

http://www.proudgrandparents.co.uk/GrandparentsWhoAreDeniedAccessGrandchildren.html

[amandaj]

i really feel for you i am pregnant atm and my husbands parents want nothing to do with any of us, its not my choice its theres, id never stop them seeing there grandchild, i hope your family come around to letting you see the baby id feel upset aswell if i was in your position ,hope it goes well and gets better for you good luck
amandaxxxxxxxxx

[joannap]

grandparents have rights to access now don't they? it is difficult to know the reasons why she is not allowing you to see the baby when we do not know the details of their relationship/why they split. i would advise to keep the lines of communication open at your end and hope she comes round. x

[Carys]

What reason is she giving for not allowing contact ? Has your relationship with your son and daught in law been ok to date ? This is so tragic.

[rooby]

thank you to all for your kind replys and I know I am not alone in this.
There is no specific reason, in fact, I met with the girl and her mother when she was pregnant and they gave me every reason to think that we could be involved. A different story since the birth, we weren't told anything only to stop texting or ringing and that they want no contact with us.

She split with my son when she got pregnant they were together about a year. My son has Asperger's and ADHD and is obsessed with cars, but is not evil and she knew all that while going out with him. But she won't even let him near.

I really thought after much stress and problems (eventually a breakdown), of bringing up a difficult child that there was going to be a possibility of joy with a grandchild. Instead this has put me back nearly to the verge again. Grandparents have no rights I have checked all that out. I don't even have a photo so don't know what she looks like and they live less than an hour away.

[Carys]

OH dear, I am so sorry to hear this, you must be feeling very low about it. I did not realise that your son had spilt with his girlfriend. Maybe over time she will rethink the situation - if your son is still involved in the life of the new baby then surely you could eventually become part of it too ?

[YvonneBelle]

Oh what a horrible situation! It must be terrible not to be able to see the baby. Maybe a bit of reverse psychology might help, like backing off completely? You could maybe send a note just to say you are there if she needs you but you understand she is busy as a new mum. Maybe she would agree to send you the occasional photo if you agree to give her the space and time to get used to the new baby. In time she might come round and might want you to see the baby but in the end it's her decision I suppose. If she doesn't want you to, you can't really press the issue any further without risking driving a further wedge between you.

It's hard but just try and think to yourself that if you are meant to see the baby you will when the time is right. For now it might be best just to let the situation be.

Hope she comes round eventually!

Yvonne :flowers:

[loveletter]

So very sorry for you and wish I had a answer to all this but I do not.
Like you say grand parents have no rights and I would not dare do anything if they did because my family where threatened with violence and had to move.

People keep telling me that on day my granddaughter will come and find me.
But how do I wait all them years when she is not quite 3 years old yet.

I have no answers for you but I can feel a part of your pain crying as I write this.
Will pray for us both that God will change our situations and help with the hurt in the meantime

[rooby]

My sincere sympathy for you, your situation sounds even worse than mine.
The fact that we care very much may well be rewarded in years to come if or when the child comes looking to find out about their parentage. What is upsetting is this waiting period.
My therapist and doctor have told me to give myself time to grieve for the baby and that I will experience a whole range of emotions as part of the process, at the moment I am very depressed and hurting and it helps to write on this forum and feel the support and understanding of others.
My faith in God is what keeps me going each day and I am blessed with a loving husband and 2 other well-balanced children.
Some of us just have lots of love to give and cannot understand it being rejected.

[loveletter]

Yes my Dr said I had to grieve over my grandchild because it is a loss.
I was stopped seeing my grandchild only months after my husbands death.

It has been 3 years soon that I last sew my granddaughter and it has got somewhat better and I do not cry over it every day any more but it never really goes away.

The only way I can deal with it is to give it to God totally trust him with it which I do and walk away.

I really feel your pain in this and so hope one day it will all work out for you x