View Full Version : Anxiety getting pretty rough lately
Hello, my anxiety has been getting pretty rough lately and i think theres a number of things that are causing it. I try to separate my thoughts and the worry comes from several things. I think the main thing causing my anxiety is the fact i really like a great girl, but she doesnt feel the same way. I hate being around her simply because i find it painful that ill never be with her or someone like her. I hate it when i dont have anything to say to her, or she doesnt reply to a text, it just makes me feel so rotten. I also have no job and due to start Uni in September so im under a huge amount of pressure, from myself but also friends and family. Ive also had another irrational worry lately that i am going to become/ already am an alcoholic which is scary. My CBT is also ending next week which im not looking forward to being without.
And to top all that off my Grandad has taken a turn for the worst and my parents have had to drive down to my grand parents house. I dont know if ill be able to cope with his loss, ive been doing fairly well lately but now all this. How do i cope with the loss of a loved one?
thanks for any replies.
How do i cope with the loss of a loved one?
One of the questions that also troubles me every day.
5 years ago I lost my father. Last year I lost my dog and now my mother has an illness they can't cure. It never seems to get any easier.
They say counselling helps because talking helps you come to terms but I feel talking can never bring them back.
My mother says there's no point dwelling on the bad times but remember the good times and enjoy the times you have, and yet when you miss someone special it's very hard not to feel low.
The only thing I've found that has helped me is to make sure you have something to look forward to each day so that you enjoy life so don't dwell too much on the past but there wil always be times when you'll miss them.
Other than that there's one perfect cure!...the trouble is I've always found it very difficult to acquire..........the HUG!:bighug1:....Sometimes when all we see is a great girl who can't see us, there is an even greater girl we cannot see ourselves who is waiting for us to notice them and the sooner you see her and woo her, the sooner you'll get the hugs you need.:)
Thank you Bill, sadly my Grandfather past away today. Not sure how well im coping yet, i feel as though it hasnt hit me fully yet, im also feeling a lot of guilt for thinking about my other problems such as this girl and not my grandad.
Any tips about what i should be doing now? i feel as though i just want to carry on my normal activities like playing games but again i feel this guilt.
Thanks
georgina20
07-07-10, 00:19
hi willyb, you got alot going on in one go ! you head must be all over the place . this going t sound so harsh if this girl doesnt feel the same nothing you can do the feelings will subside but not right away it aches right at the pit of your stomach! ring the aa talk to them .as for uni my friends son has no job either but he keep on looking thats all you can do . i feel for you about losing your grandad time can only make that better . unfortuanltly we all have to go through grieving you seem a bright person hang in there a door will open ! take care x
I'm So sorry to hear about your grandfather. I know how it feels to lose someone special so my heart goes out to you.
The only thing I can think of to suggest is to ask yourself this..."What would your grandfather want you to do?" My guess is that he would say that he would want you to live your life and be happy. Therefore, don't feel guilt for enjoying yourself playing games and for thinking about your future with a girl because I reckon he would be happy seeing you enjoying yourself. I know that's how I'd feel.
Take care.
jaded jean
07-07-10, 06:45
Willyb hugs for you hun .:bighug1:
Jean
loosing someone is hard for everyone but is amplified if you suffer with anxiety... you will get through it it gets worse before it gets better but you get through it chin up mate
I am in a similar situation, my friend, as my anxiety seems to be getting worse as well......
I'm always sad & crying from the pain deep inside me & when I think I'm getting better, I get that sinking feeling again....I've never been suicidal before, but lately I have been wondering why I have to live my life feeling so miserable, & sometimes it feels like I'm barely existing...
Good luck
Thanks for the replies everyone, feeling a little better today, my mother and grandma seem to be coping well. I do keep asking myself what would my grandad want me to do/feel, and i know he would want me to try to be happy and carry on my life and not be too sad for losing him. I have been remembering all the good things about him which has made me laugh, ill miss the nights when we'd both sit down and watch a film together, he enjoyed films.
georgina20
07-07-10, 21:25
your alot stronger than what you think life has its ups n downs . i think of all the things that made me laugh with my mum .you are on the right track good luck sometimes life tests us to make us stronger to deal with life as we get older .georgina20
georgina20
09-07-10, 23:28
Hiya just wondering how you doing hope things are getting better for you take care:hugs:
Hi georgina thank you for asking :) Im doing Ok i suppose, still finding it hard thinking he's gone. My parents get back tomorrow for a bit, im sure it will be another sad day. Just finding everything a bit overwhelming though, theres so many things wrong with me and my life at the moment sometimes i just think whats the point in trying to get better? Ive just lost my Grandad, i cant stop thinking about some damn girl who i have no chance with, my health sucks, i have no job, no money, my obsessive thinking to deal with and i start uni in a few months.
i start uni in a few months.
And when you start uni you'll be working towards a degree which will stop you dwelling on your thoughts and health, which in time will help you find a job which will earn you money, and you'll be meeting lots of new girls too!!!.......Now aren't they good reasons to get better?:):winks:
georgina20
10-07-10, 03:58
hiya up again another night cant sleep properly !you beating you self up to much you got alot going on !anyone would feel the strain ,something will give you cant do anything about you grandad them thoughts only take time to heal a little .you said when you think of yougrandad you laugh there the thoughts which will help you . when you feel positive about life things will seemvery different but its a BLOODY hard job getting there !! sometimes easier to give up to much of a struggle to tryin to get there ! maybeyou also have to much time on u hands to think about all of whats happening it must go over and over in your mind which would exhaust you ! JOB HUNTING got be a must put all you energys in to that .that will start the ballrolling n open many doors for so cum on completly naker yourself out go round to shops give cvs out see how you can improve your cv also on line .you can do this !!!!!!!! what harm can it do !!! oh my god can hear the birds twittering outside im still awake thats gonna really naff me up for tomorrow now lol!!!!!!!!! take care x sorry whay are you going to studying at uni?
Thanks Bill, that made me see a little bit more sense :)
Georgina ill be studying video games design at Uni (geeky i know but i love it!). As for knackering myself with job hunting, sadly already done, ive been around my whole town and the town next to me :( I also know how bad it is to be awake until the early hours of the morning with the damn birds tweeting and the sun rising, its terrible. Also trying to get back into a decent sleep pattern is very hard. Managing to get up early often makes me feel a little bit proud of myself lol.
supersezza
10-07-10, 20:30
video games design sounds great! what's your fav games? as a girl i have to say it's the Sims for me! lol, but i also love black and white and strategy games like age of empires, theme park and hosital things like that!
hope u r good,
Sarah
video games design sounds great! what's your fav games? as a girl i have to say it's the Sims for me! lol, but i also love black and white and strategy games like age of empires, theme park and hosital things like that!
hope u r good,
Sarah
My favourite game is called 'Red Orchestra'. Its a realistic multiplayer game based on the eastern front during world war 2, im quite the history geek too hehe.
Today has been sad but ok, my parents got back and i had a good talk and cry with my mum. I think we're both dreading the funeral because it will be so sad.
i had a good talk and cry with my mum. I think we're both dreading the funeral because it will be so sad.
Something to share with you that might help you through it and it seems appropriate as today would have been my fathers birthday. I realise this will make sad reading but there is a reason for sharing with you.
After I lost my father, I went with my mother and older brother to see him for the last time in the hospital chapel. I had never seen a body in real life before, let alone of someone so very close to me who I regarded as not only my father but also my best friend who understood me and was always there for me.
My older brother took my mother into see him and I'll always remember hearing how upset she was. They had been married for nearly 60 years so I found it impossible to imagine how taumatic it must have been for her. I had decided that there was no way I could go through it myself and I fully intended to leave with them but when they came out, there was something inside me that told me I just couldn't leave without saying a final goodbye.
I told them I had to go in which I did alone except for the hospital assistant. I didn't know what to expect or what I would do or say and all I could think of was to touch his shoulder and simply say "I'm Sorry" at which point I broke down. My legs felt like jelly. I couldn't breathe and my heart felt like it was cracking in two as the pain felt too much to cope with. All I could feel was this loneliness knowing that when I came home I would have no hug to comfort me and no one to share my feelings with. I felt I couldn't even share my emotions with my mother because she was suffering too much herself.
I was escorted back into the other room and I sat and sobbed. I'll always remember looking at the floor and seeing the assistants shoes which were so pointed it made me wonder how she got her toes in! It made me smile for a moment.
Afterwards I walked back to join my mother and brother, and as they sat talking I just sat in silence. My brother then left and I drove my mother home but as I drove I let her do all the talking as I knew she must come first just as she has ever since.
Between that time and the funeral I was worried how I'd be on the day, and as the day drew near I became even more anxious. However, when I arrived at the famly home, it seemed to me that everyone else was much more upset than me. I think it was because I'd previously supported my mother through my fathers illness and after letting go of my emotions, I was left feeling calmer inside.
When we arrived at the crematorium I was standing by my nephew. I'll always remember him breaking down and offering my hand as support to comfort him. Strangely I felt quite relaxed. Almost as if I was still with my father and being close to him even then seemed to give me comfort. In fact I felt so relaxed and at home with him, I didn't even feel like leaving.
Throughout this period there was one thought that kept coming into my mind - "Think of my mother". I believe that this one thought stopped me thinking about how I felt because whatever I felt, my mother must have been feeling a million times worse. I felt I Had to think of her as she needed me.
I later returned alone to watch his ashes scattered. It didn't make me feel sad though because again I felt I was with him and he was still beside me.
That was nearly 5 years ago and every day since I've rung my mother to make sure she's ok. Also at every opportunity I pop in to see her and I also invite her round regularly so I can cook for her. It's my way of looking after her but it also helps me to cope with the loss I still feel just as I'm sure she still feels too.
Anyway, it's good that you talked to your mother and my suggestion to help you cope on the day is to try and focus and support your mother as it will help you to cope with your own feelings. I'm sure that's what she'll be doing by thinking of you too. It certainly helped me...and I guess in truth it's partly why I enjoy posting here too because trying to help others helps me to forget my own feelings.
Hope that wasn't too upsetting to read and it was of some comfort. I'll be thinking of you both.
Thank you Bill that was very nice. Ill try follow your advice and support my mother as best i can. Im just worried how My grandmother will cope, also my Uncle is taking it very bad, he seems to be drinking himself to sleep every night according to my mother.
To lose someone we felt close to who we very much loved is always an extremely difficult time. The grieving process can take a long time but gradually we do normally come to terms with our loss and move on with our lives. I've found that with time it does get easier but there will always be moments when you hear their favourite music or see something that reminds you of them and for a while the pain and sadness returns. My mother says even now she will hear some music that makes her cry because it reminds her of my father. She honestly never thought she would still be around after the pain she went through but as my father used to say, she has more strength than my father ever had or I have for that matter. The way she views life is life must go on and we just have to keep going...somehow....because there will always be times that will make us smile that makes life worth living.
Last spring I created a rosebed in the garden and I found a rose with my fathers name so I decided to plant it in the front of the circle closest to the house. In that way it almost feels I'm keeping his memory close to me and that somehow gives me comfort. Since losing him my caring responsibilities have doubled but my closest support was lost. I feel it most days and wish he was still here to turn to but life moves on and we have to find a way to adjust with it.
Although my mother got through her loss, she is also now ill and they say they can't do anything but let it take its course. It is always there in the back of mind that one day I may have to expereince that pain all over again but I try hard not to think about it because I just don't know how I'll cope or even what life will be like afterwards. However, hopefully it won't be for a long time yet so there's no point worrying about it because who knows what fate has in store.
You sound very caring because you already appear to be thinking of your mother, and now also your uncle and grandmother. It's a quality you have which should be admired and they are lucky to have you. I think people cope with loss in different ways. Some need comfort while others like to be left alone. However, some who say they want to be alone don't feel they can or should seek comfort from others because they feel they can't show their grief to others. I don't know which applies to your uncle but it sounds as though he's taken it very badly and I feel sure I know how he's feeling because it's the way I felt too. If you are close to your uncle, it could help both of you if you attempted to reach out to him by just saying "hello". Sometimes when we are in so much pain, we don't want to be reminded of it by people asking if we're ok when it's obvious we're not. Sometimes just by sitting quietly talking about other things can be of more comfort because if the person wants to talk, they are then given the opportunity to open up without being asked or forced. It could also help you just to spend a few minutes with him if you get on well together but like I say, avoid the subject unless he opens up or asks how You are. It might help.
The same could apply with your grandmother. My mother still says to me that she feels she can't cope with others asking if she's ok or talking about their hurt at their loss because it hurts and depresses her too much. When I see my mother I never raise subjects that I know will upset her even if I wish I could talk about how I'm hurting. I let her do the talking or talk about daily things with just a quck mention about my father, for instance how we used to enjoy ourselves.
If people want to be left alone, they will say so and others must respect their wishes but if being alone is the worst possible thing for them, I feel there are other ways to make sure they are ok by avoiding the subjects that are causing their pain and just providing them with company and an opportunity to open up if they want to.
Having said all that, if you are not that close to either your uncle or grandmother, leave them for your mother to support them as she will know how to handle them. You have enough to cope with yourself and in looking after your mother as she will certainly need your support.
I'm glad my previous post didn't upset you.
Take care.:)
Thanks again bill, you offer some great solid advice. Ive been coping ok I think, i seem to be getting on with life pretty normal but i havent seen my friends much since i feel guilty, i also feel guilty for not grieving more. My mother is doing ok, we've had a laugh together about my grandad, we have so many funny memories of him. I am very close to my uncle and grandmother, even though we live so far apart. The funeral is this friday and im down with them from thursday to sunday, it will be a painful time for me and my family.
georgina20
14-07-10, 00:04
hiya thinking of you n you family on friday .all kinds of emotions hit you go with it theres no right or wrong way of grieving. you have a close family that so helps look after yourself .:bighug1:
There's no need to feel guilty as I'm sure he will know how fond you were of him and he would just want you to get on with your life and find happiness for yourself. Of course it will be a very sad time though and it will take a little while to come to terms. Sometimes after a funeral it can feel like closure which then enables us to move on. Coming to terms though does take longer and it can be a long time before things feel easier so don't be impatient. Give yourself time and be kind to yourself. Things will turn out ok and remember he will want to see you happy and smiling...always.:)
Thanks for your support! :)
Tonight ive been hit with something else (again..). A girl i really like who has a sort of boyfriend I think, and so do others, is seeing someone she claims to hate behind everyone's back. It makes me feel terrible, i think this girl is awesome, past few months i havent been able to stop thinking about her even though her 'sort of' boyfriend is my best friend. And now this, yet i dont want to fall out with her because of it because i love her company, but at the same time i feel i must stay or drift away from her.
So much stuff going on at once its overwhelming. I just wish i could get to Uni quicker so i could perhaps get away from her (even though i dont want too...) and meet new people :(
I think I'd mention to your best friend that it would appear she's someone else so that he doesn't get hurt if he's not aware and since he's your best friend you should be able to trust him not to mention your name.
Without knowing her I shouldn't judge but she sounds very popular with the lads and it appears as if she's using her "qualities" to her advantage. I feel though that you should find a girl you know you will be loyal that you can trust otherwise you could run the risk of being hurt too.
When we're cold, a warm fire can appear very warm and attractive but if we get too close we can end up getting burnt so be careful when you get tempted to what might appear to be an unreliable fire because you never know when the wind might change again leaving you in pain!
One good thing though...at least thinking about her is helping to distract you from sad thoughts until you can escape to uni.:winks:
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