spudgun1208
04-07-10, 22:40
Hi everyone,
I am a 21 year old male medical student. I already have a degree in pharmacology and am scoring very high grades in my current med school exams well on my way to qualifying as a doctor. I am physically healthy, have a great family, girlfriend and a great set of friends. Others say have a brilliant life and that i must feel top of the world, but its far from it................
When I was 15/16 i started feeling very strange. I felt depressed, anxious and felt completely out of myself, like everything around me seemed unfamiliar. I was so scared and felt like i was going mad and was developing schizophrenia or that there was something seriously physically wrong with me??? I had blood tests and nothing showed up so i was referred to a psycologist. After a few session they said that i was far from having anything seriously wrong with me and that i was suffering from anxiety. They said the symptoms I was having were very common with anxiety and high adrenaline. After having some CBT (which didnt seem to help much), a psychiatrist prescribed 40mg fluoxetine to take. After a long year or so of struggling i started to feel much better, nearly to back to 100%. Continuing on the fluoxetine the next 4 years were very good, i went to university and got on with my life. At times I had my lows (especially the after effects of alcohol) but times were good. 2010 has taken a turn for the worst however :(
After returning home from uni i started to feel bad again. Completely out of myself, like i did when i was 15. I felt like everything around me was unfamiliar and unreal, i felt anxious and depressed once again. Although it sounds crazy i felt like I didnt understand the world, questioning things, existance etc I got myself in an absolute state and layed in bed all day just thinking and thinking over and over. Every thought i had just scared, worried and depressed me more and more. Luckily through the support of my family I managed to pull myself together and get back to a functioning level.
I started searching the internet and textbooks trying to find an explanation as to what i was going through. Although almost adamant i was going mad, i meet none of the criteria for having a serious mental illness; schizophrenia etc. I dont hear voices, i dont see anything thats not there and dont have any weird or strange beliefs. My behavior and personality is the same as it has always been. Everyone around me thinks i am completly normal!!! That in itself is frustrating enough, lol. Although i feel absolutely detached from everything mentally and physicall i know everything is real, it is such a strange feeling/experience. When typing in my symptoms, the words derealization came up immediatly. I have done much research and this phenomenon/condition explains my current state. Finding out that there were thousand of others experiencing this and that i was not going mad gave some relief but did not help the way i was feeling.
So where am i now?? Although i have got on as normal and have not avoided anything my life has almost become a living nightmare!! I am derealized/depersonalized almost 100% of the time and it is depressing and scaring me beyond measure!! I have read a few self help books to little avail. I have frequently seen my very supportive doctor and he prescribed me mitrazipine a week ago. The drug felt me feel like crap for the first few days but now the side effects are starting to go.
I am hoping that the meds will start to make me feel better in a couple of weeks but i am not feeling positive. I have never been suicidal or thought the derealization so bad yet that i cannot go on but i am so scared that this is gonna get worse or that i will never be better again. I just want more than anything to be back to my old self and know that i am not losing my mind (which is seeming further and further away) and enjoy life like i should be.
I know i have massivly rambled on but i needed let it all out to people who might understand. Any advice, support, help on gettin through this would be MUCH appreciated!! much love to anyone else suffering from this!
I am a 21 year old male medical student. I already have a degree in pharmacology and am scoring very high grades in my current med school exams well on my way to qualifying as a doctor. I am physically healthy, have a great family, girlfriend and a great set of friends. Others say have a brilliant life and that i must feel top of the world, but its far from it................
When I was 15/16 i started feeling very strange. I felt depressed, anxious and felt completely out of myself, like everything around me seemed unfamiliar. I was so scared and felt like i was going mad and was developing schizophrenia or that there was something seriously physically wrong with me??? I had blood tests and nothing showed up so i was referred to a psycologist. After a few session they said that i was far from having anything seriously wrong with me and that i was suffering from anxiety. They said the symptoms I was having were very common with anxiety and high adrenaline. After having some CBT (which didnt seem to help much), a psychiatrist prescribed 40mg fluoxetine to take. After a long year or so of struggling i started to feel much better, nearly to back to 100%. Continuing on the fluoxetine the next 4 years were very good, i went to university and got on with my life. At times I had my lows (especially the after effects of alcohol) but times were good. 2010 has taken a turn for the worst however :(
After returning home from uni i started to feel bad again. Completely out of myself, like i did when i was 15. I felt like everything around me was unfamiliar and unreal, i felt anxious and depressed once again. Although it sounds crazy i felt like I didnt understand the world, questioning things, existance etc I got myself in an absolute state and layed in bed all day just thinking and thinking over and over. Every thought i had just scared, worried and depressed me more and more. Luckily through the support of my family I managed to pull myself together and get back to a functioning level.
I started searching the internet and textbooks trying to find an explanation as to what i was going through. Although almost adamant i was going mad, i meet none of the criteria for having a serious mental illness; schizophrenia etc. I dont hear voices, i dont see anything thats not there and dont have any weird or strange beliefs. My behavior and personality is the same as it has always been. Everyone around me thinks i am completly normal!!! That in itself is frustrating enough, lol. Although i feel absolutely detached from everything mentally and physicall i know everything is real, it is such a strange feeling/experience. When typing in my symptoms, the words derealization came up immediatly. I have done much research and this phenomenon/condition explains my current state. Finding out that there were thousand of others experiencing this and that i was not going mad gave some relief but did not help the way i was feeling.
So where am i now?? Although i have got on as normal and have not avoided anything my life has almost become a living nightmare!! I am derealized/depersonalized almost 100% of the time and it is depressing and scaring me beyond measure!! I have read a few self help books to little avail. I have frequently seen my very supportive doctor and he prescribed me mitrazipine a week ago. The drug felt me feel like crap for the first few days but now the side effects are starting to go.
I am hoping that the meds will start to make me feel better in a couple of weeks but i am not feeling positive. I have never been suicidal or thought the derealization so bad yet that i cannot go on but i am so scared that this is gonna get worse or that i will never be better again. I just want more than anything to be back to my old self and know that i am not losing my mind (which is seeming further and further away) and enjoy life like i should be.
I know i have massivly rambled on but i needed let it all out to people who might understand. Any advice, support, help on gettin through this would be MUCH appreciated!! much love to anyone else suffering from this!