View Full Version : The racehorse and the vet
A racehorse stands at the starting gates before a big race with 30 other horses. He watches as one by one all the other horses walk into their stalls until it comes to his turn. He takes one look at his stall and thinks to himself "No way am I going in there!". He digs his hooves in and refuses to budge. The men push and pull but he resists even harder and kicks out to be free.
The poor racehorse thinks to himself "I'm terrified...if I go into that starting gate there's no escape and I'll be trapped!" He then starts worrying further "Even when the race starts, I could get boxed in by all these other horses. I might fall! I might get trampled! I might get injured...or worse!"
He stands there worrying and worrying about all the bad things that could happen. He thinks about these worries So much that he becomes even more terrified about going into the gate. All he can see is danger!
His anxiety gets So bad that he starts sweating, shaking, he feels he can't breathe and that he's going to panic. He feels absolutely terrified as to what's happening to him and worries he's going to collapse. His fear is now So great that he says to himself "That's it! I give up! I'm So terrified and So anxious that there's no way I'm going to start this race! They can do what they like but I'm not moving! I just want to get back to my stable so I can feel safe so I can relax!
However, he also thinks to himself "I'm So fed up with this. I Really wanted to win that race! I'm useless, pathetic, worthless! Will I ever recover from this? Can I ever be cured?
The men see him sweating so much that they call a vet. When the vet arrives..........(and you'll need to put your Dr. Doolittle hat on now!:scared15:).....the horse says to the vet, "I'm Terrified! I Can't do this. Can you please give me a cure so I can race?" The vet replies "I can give you something to take but it'll sedate you". The horse then thinks "That's no good! How will I be able to run if my anxious feelings are just eased?" The vet says "Well, that's all I can do." So the horse then says "I want to be cured!!!" The vet replies with a question "Of what? and the horse says "Of these terrifying feelings I've got". The vet then says "Oh....you mean you want a cure for your fear! Sorry, I've got nothing on me that I can give you to stop you being afraid".
The horse then thinks about it and then says "But these feeling are So Terrifying! I might collapse if you don't do something!" The vet replies "Well, stop being afraid then!" The horse says though "I AM afraid and that's why I want you to cure me!":mad:
They then go round in circles and in the end the vet says "Ok, I'll give you these sedatives but it will mean you won't be able to run!"
The horse is resigned. He takes the sedatives and is taken back to the stables. While he's in the safety of his stable he starts worrying. "What if those terrifying feelings come back next time? How am I ever going to race again? Will I always be stuck in my stable having to take sedatives?"
The time flies by but he's been worrying So much that by the time the next meeting arrives, once again he starts panicking and once again he's taken back to his stables with more meds!
"This is hopeless" he says to himself. "I'm an absolute failure!" "I just can't face these feelings ever again". "I'm just TOO terrified of feeling afraid!"
One day, to his amazement, a woman turns up at his stable. He's never seen her before but she seems nice so he feels safe to walk out of his stable with her.
She takes him into a field and there in that field he sees a dreaded starting gate! He thinks to himself "Oh no, here we go again! She's going to try and force me into that stall and get me to race!"
But as he looks around he suddenly realises there's no other horses around and there's only ONE stall. "That's odd" he thinks. "How can I race myself?!" However, he then realises it can't be a race and so as he approaches the stall, he doesn't feel so stressed so casually walks into the stall with no trouble at all! "Wow" he says to himself "I walked into this stall with no feelings of fear. How can that be?"
He then hears the woman talking to the owner and the horse hears her saying "Yes, it was the stress of all those 30 horses around him that made him feel too afraid to walk into his stall. That stress caused him to worry he'd feel trapped in his stall and that he'd be in danger. His fear scared him SO much that it made him feel ill and then he started worrying about collapsing or being trampled etc etc etc"
The woman then tells the owner that she will build him up gradually. She would add more stalls and then gradually add more horses so the horse gradually gets used to the added pressure.
Over a long period of time, the horse gradually rebuilds his confidence and eventually he no longer feels afraid of being closed in with so many horses around him.
One day the big race arrives and once more he's surrounded by 30 other horses. However, this time he's not even aware of them or even that he's going into his stall. He's become so used to it that it's just become routine except with one small change. He now thinks to himself "I'm going to win this race. They won't see me for dust! I can't wait to get to that finishing line and receiving all the applause for being the best!"......and he duly does!
Now imagine a human being stuck in an office doing a stressful job with 30 other colleagues around him or the person who goes into a shop and leaves feeling terrified to go back.
Then I'd ask "What are we wanting to recover from?"
In every post you read, the same words appear "I'm SO afraid. I'm SO Terrified. I'm SO scared."
Insecurity. Lack of confidence. Bad experiences. Worry. Stress. Pressure.....and what do they cause? Fear.
So what was that question again? "How do I recover from constantly feeling afraid and of the frightening feelings it creates?"
Then I'd say, identify your underlying causes, look at ways to ease your pressures and work on building on the causes that hold you back....plus a bit of distraction to stop you worrying and learning how to keep relaxed.....and that's where you'll find your "cure".......although we never look to cure sneezes, we just accept them as "normal".......and, well, feeling fear is normal too!....it's just that sneezing doesn't frighten us.....oh, we're back to that word again....fear!:winks:
Great post Bill. Did your horse not leave the stalls today? :D
enjoyed reading this Bill, thank you again for the insight, your posts always make so much sense x
margaret jones
05-07-10, 12:36
Thanks for that Bill really makes you think i will not be a scared person for ever i want to live .:D
Maggiexxxxxxxx
Brilliant - I enjoyed that post so much. Been feeling much better of late so haven't been on NMP for quite a while. Was just having a little wobble so logged in and found this ... that's why I love this site so much ... thanks Bill you've made my day!!
It's funny how you wrote this post bill a few hours after i had come back from the racecourse.
I went to this racecourse last year, being agoraphobic, this was a real push and a big thing for me, but i coped, however i was taking my little girl and her newly found two year old friend yesterday and do you know it was a doddle, i was miles from the car and then surrounded by loads of people, i queued up for over half an hour to get there faces painted, they had a lovely time.
Now, just for a split second i realised what i had achieved and where i was, and very quickly i dismissed it again and thought you're not agoraphobic anymore di so stop waiting for something to happen or it will.
It has taken some hard work to get through the last few years but as i have kept on going out, things are so much easier now, i actually feel like the horse you've just written about lol!!
So thanks for the post bill, i find them inspiring as always.
di xx
gypsywomen
05-07-10, 13:45
very good post bill your a star x
Its very true. Even though Im still struggling with my anxiety I see so many posts daily asking the same things as you mention. In fact a lot of the posts are from the same people asking the same question and seeking reassurance that noone can give them, but themselves by finding their inner peace. It saddens me tbh.
jothenurse
05-07-10, 17:27
Nice post.
I am trying to work through my anxiety. Am back at work full-time. The last couple of weeks though my stomach has been bothering me and up to this point I have lost a lot of weight. So, now I am ruminating on the weight loss. I try to eat, but I feel gaggy a lot. Not sure if it has a lot to do with increasing my anxiety level because I am out there challenging things now, or if it's partly to do with some vitamins I have to take and with my med phobia, I worry that they will upset my stomach. It just seems to be holding me back though, which is frustrating.
I like reading your posts.
supersezza
05-07-10, 19:12
great post bill...make u think dont run before you can walk a bit!
be gentle on ourselves!
Fantastic post Bill, really enjoyed Reading this, thank you
I wrote that on the spur of the moment so I'm glad you enjoyed it and that it came across ok.
Even though Im still struggling with my anxiety I see so many posts daily asking the same things as you mention.
This is where the thought came from. As Vixxy says, you see the same things being repeated in different forms in most posts so I wanted to try and cover all of the issues in one story but in a fun way to try and get the message across how anxiety can deceive us into looking for a cure for what "feels" like an illness when really the symptoms are created by pressure, fear and worry.
Hope you don't mind me using your post as an example Jo but it shows how our minds worry which then creates fear leading to anxious feelings creating more worry, more fear...in a cycle...(I've edited it to try and demonstrate what happens.)
my stomach has been bothering me...Not sure if it has a lot to do with increasing my anxiety level because I am out there challenging things now,
Firstly, the Pressure aspect. Pressure makes us anxious. When we challenge our anxiety but we allow it to tense us up, we then add pressure on ourselves because we feel as if we're fighting against the feelings resulting from pressure. In the same way, when the horse is confronted by a stall with 30 other runners, he is challenging anxious feelings which in doing so makes him tense up due to the added pressure he's putting on himself and this then makes him feel anxious about being put into a confined space surrounded by so many other horses because he fears being trapped with no escape just as we feel trapped in a shop when we're suffering alot of stress at work.
Next comes the Worry aspect. Pressure makes us anxious. Anxious feelings make us worry. We then question why we're feeling ill because of our self-doubt.........
or if it's partly to do with some vitamins I have to take and with my med phobia,
The worry then turns onto the Fear aspect. We start thinking of all the bad things that could happen just as the horse worries about the race itself.....
I worry that they will upset my stomach.
Then comes the frustration. Feeling a failure because we can't do what we feel we should be doing as others appear to cope ok around us.
It just seems to be holding me back though, which is frustrating.
You then need to go back to the beginning as the horse did by approaching pressure in a different way by not allowing ourselves to get so tensed up that it triggers anxiety. It's natural to feel stressed when we're under pressure but it's learning the ability to keep the body as relaxed as possible by making sure we relax every muscle to avoid allowing tension to build up. Also, when we feel ourselves tensing up, remembering to find some "me space" for a breather to compose ourselves. When I felt tensed up at work, I used to get up and pop to the loo just for some time out to lower the stress levels by giving me time to relax my muscles. I always feel if you get overstressed it'll affect your performance so a time out can often help. Also, if you can find ways to ease pressure, it prevents the anxiety cycle taking hold and therefore you feel much happier in yourself.
I think also we go to the doctor looking for a quick fix to cure us because anxiety makes us "feel" ill which makes us think there must be a cure for our "illness". Anxiety deceives in many ways without us realising it. As Di says...It has taken some hard work to get through the last few years but as i have kept on going out, things are so much easier now,I don't think there is a quick fix. It takes time, effort and patience but with the right approach we can regain our lives as Di has proved. I think sometimes we're so impatient to find a cure that our lack of patience actually works against us because any emotion that creates pressure will add to our anxiety. To defeat anxiety, we mustn't allow ourselves to fall into its trap. For instance, anxiety wants to scare us and immediately we get frightened which then feeds our anxiety. It wants us to try and resist it and to fight it because it knows we'll tense up. It wants attention and it thinks by frightening us it'll get what it wants. To beat anxiety, we have to deny it the things it needs to survive and the best weapon of all is to dismiss it and not pay any attention at all to it no matter what it does to try and gain our attention. It wants us to focus on it and not on winning our race when we should be going about our lives without fear being our constant thought. Often we're so afraid of living, we don't because fear leads our lives for us.
Anyway, just some further thoughts.:hugs:
jothenurse
06-07-10, 05:17
Good post, Bill.
Jo
Jo:hugs:,
I've copied parts of a post you wrote a couple of days ago because I'd like to ask you a couple of things.
I realise that things work differently over there but I wondered if it might be possible for you to ease some your stresses for your own sake.
My therapist says that I have the anxiety and panic disorder from accumulated stress. I have a very stressful job that I have been doing for years.....
Would it be possible for you to reduce your hours? Say, work part time for a while until you're back into the swing of things?
Also, if you could and you found it helped, perhaps find another less stressful part time job to work alongside your nursing job?
Then my Mom broke her arm, she ended up later in the hospital with pneumonia, then to a nursing home, and then back home with home health aides. I took care of her also for awhile and was working full time. (I am a nurse). Her health has gotten worse.
In this country we'd be able to get home helps but I'm not sure what happens over there. Could you get extra practical help to support you in your caring role?
So, they say that my panic/anxiety is an accumulation of stress over time and not getting replenished........the panic disorder came back over the last several months. I lost 20 pounds and am struggling trying to eat enough because my stomach is always upset and I feel gaggy a lot.
Yes, I feel you've been under too much stress and still are which for the sake of your own health I feel you need to think of ways to ease your pressures...if at all possible. You being a nurse I'm sure you'd say to anyone else in your position that Your health should come first Jo regardless of others expectations of you or your own feelings of responsibility. I just wish I could do more to help you. :hugs:
jothenurse
08-07-10, 02:17
Hi, Bill.
I sometimes would like to get another job, but I am single and have a house to pay for, so need this kind of a job to pay the bills ( I am a director of nursing in a long term care facility).
My Mom is in her own home and I have hired home health aides to help take care of her. So, that has helped. Her health is getting worse, so may have to rethink the job I have to be with her more.
Thank you for your concern. I really appreciate it.
Hello Jo:hugs:
I can certainly understand your need to earn enough to pay the bills and yes, there's no way we can avoid that as we have to survive.
You say that sometimes you feel you would like to get another job and since your mothers health is getting worse, are you keeping a look out for anything you think would suit you? I just feel that sometimes when we feel trapped it can make our anxiety symptoms feel worse but by simply looking out for an opportunity it can offer a ray of hope in our minds which can help us feel the pressure won't be endless.
Just a couple of thoughts but since you're a director, do you feel you're delegating enough? Sometimes we make ourselves responsible for too much and therefore put unnecessary added pressure on ourselves. Also, perhaps you could look at your workload. Are you pushing yourself to fit too much in each day when some things aren't that urgent. Sometimes we're so conscientious we want everything done today when really there's no need. We just add more pressure and make ourselves feel more ill.
Perhaps helping your mother more might actually be good for you because although caring is constant pressure, you may not feel as stressed out as in your daily job.
Hope you don't mind me interfering or suggesting things you probably already know. It's just that I do feel concerned about you after reading about your situation and how it's affecting your health. I would really love to see you get better.:hugs:
jothenurse
08-07-10, 04:14
I appreciate your suggestions. I did take a leave from work for about 2 and a half months. I have been back for about a month and a half now. I had just gotten so anxious with my Mom's situation and my boyfriend had moved out prior to that (by mutual agreement). He had been living with me for 4 years and never contributed financially. He did not communicate well. It was very stressful. After he moved out, he had a major heart attack, so I took care of him for awhile. Right after that is when my Mom broke her arm and ended up in the hospital with pneumonia. As I said before, she now has idiopathic pulmonary fibrosis. She is getting worse. I probably should have taken a leave earlier instead of trying to take care of everybody and work full time.
I just got depleted and lost 20 pounds. I am doing better now, but have a long ways to go with trying to eat and gain some weight back. With my Mom's situation, I have to expect there will be some anxiety. I have delegated more work, which has been helpful. Thanks again for your concern.
Hello Jo:hugs:
It sounds like you reached a point of overload and now you're still suffering the after effects. Yes, it will take time to recover after a period of such stress. Just be careful you don't attempt to do too much too soon. Give your mind and body a chance to recover by not adding too much stress at present but it does sound as though you're doing the right things.
I just feel that if you can keep your stresses to a minimum, your recovery will be quicker and easier.
I do think it's very sad when people such as yourself don't receive the support you deserve for being such a caring person but I guess that's people for you. It's a pity they don't think and care about others like you.
Take care Jo and I sincerely hope life treats you better than it has recently.:hugs:
jothenurse
09-07-10, 02:55
Thank you so much, Bill.
Jo
alwaysanxious
09-07-10, 09:32
flippin brilliant i got to get ink for my printer so i can print this off and stick on my fridge to remind me i love it thank you bill xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
:hugs::yesyes: lisa x
Just glad to be of help Lisa. My only hope is that something I can think of will help others live happier lives because that makes me feel happier too.:):hugs:
supersezza
10-07-10, 20:31
i'm sure u have achieved that bill from your writing...it always totally makes sense!
Sometimes I run out of ideas and sometimes I feel I keep typing the same things but I also enjoy trying to help others so I hope you will forgive me for sometimes bringing old threads forward which I think might have helped people in the past as there are always new people joining who might benefit from I've been taught too. Just saves alot of typing! Lazy I know, sorry!:blush:...but if it helps someone somewhere then I just feel it's worth sharing again.:hugs:
Bill,
You keep bumping these up hun, they are fab.
This one in particular reminds me of me, it describes agoraphobia perfectly and has been a huge help to me in the past, and i am sure it will be of great help to others.
Its not lazy at all, you took the time to write them and they make so much sense.
di xx
margaret jones
24-10-10, 09:52
Thanks again Bill remembered reading this post good to be reminded xxx
Hello Bill.
I enjoy reading your posts and replies,always make me smile,you write wonderfull,true and meaning posts:)
Love Petra x:D
always make me smile
Then I'm achieving my objective which makes me smile too!:)
I feel I ought to bump this one up again because I feel it's so common, especially in this age of more stress on people.
AuntieMoosie
02-02-13, 02:09
Bill that is fantastic :D
It explains me to a T, in the end, it's only the fear we're really frightened of, if we can get passed that fear, we'll all be able to be free and enjoy life again, it can be done, I'm in the process of dealing with it now and I already feels heaps better :D
Everyone should read this, it is really inspiring.
Thank you Bill :D and, yes, I think you should bump this.....it's something very positive which I'm all for :hugs:
Thank you.:hugs: It was fun writing!
it's only the fear we're really frightened of,
I think it was in one of the Batman films where I heard a line that said something like "The only thing to fear is fear itself". It reminded me of the truth that it's "the fear of feeling fear" that actually frightens us rather than the situation itself. For instance, if you could remove yourself from yourself and look at a situation you're in from the outside, there will be nothing in the situation to actually be afraid of because all the fear is contained within our own thoughts.
I think one of the common fears is "fear of failure" which I think might be the underlying fear to our work-related stresses. For instance, what if we fail to do our job, what if we fail and don't get the job done in time, what if we fail and lose our job and so on. In reality, nothing might not happen if we failed because the boss might say it can wait until tomorrow but we put the pressure on ourselves because of our own unrealistic expectations but we don't realise what we're doing until we break down under those pressures.
Life is like a race. The horse in the story fears failing and not winning the race just as we fear failing and losing everything in our lives. Trouble is, the more important things are to us, the more fear of losing those things becomes more powerful and the more pressure we feel causing us to feel more anxious.
I feel learning how to keep calm and relaxed isn't just for stressful situations but it should be an every day lifestyle we should aim to achieve even if it's beyond us. It means learning not to be so intense, not so sensitive, not letting things bother us so much, not being so serious, taking each day as it comes, living for the moment, looking for ways to find enjoyment in life, not always dwelling on worries, not looking to keep safe all the time, learning to forget and ignore anxiety as just being a natural response to fear etc. If we can constantly remind ourselves of some of these things and practise them, anxiety might not dominate our lives so much.
Anxiety is all about being afraid of feeling fear and those feelings are all triggered by thoughts that make us feel afraid. If we learn not to tense up to those thoughts, anxiety becomes powerless because the feelings of fear never even get a chance to start.
AuntieMoosie
02-02-13, 05:11
Yep Bill I agree 100% with you :)
The thing is, I think that anxiety and panic, although has gone on for many a year, our way of living now just isn't helping.
I've said before that everyone feels that they've got to be a "super" someone..........super....Wife, Husband, Partner, Mum, Dad, Gran, Grandad........super career, super job.....super just about everything and it's wife:)
And I hate to say this, though I believe it to be true in, my opinion that is, that this seed is planted when children of 4 years old start School, even at this very early age, they are put under pressure, stupid exams which mean absolutely nothing at that age!!!! I'm so glad that both my children didn't start full time School until they were 5 years old, in my opinion, they need to be a home, 5 years old has always been ok to start School so why do we need to change it?????
And from that day forth, the pressure just mounts and mounts, children as young as 7 years old in my area are given homework.......far too young in my opinion. As well as learning as School, children need to be able to be children and play, it is a proven fact that children learn just as much from play as they do from anything else. It's at School age that they learn they have to be "super" someone, and they're left feeling like they're failures if they can't match up to what is expected of them...........some even get so depressed and stressed that they take their own life :weep:.........what sort of a system is that then???
I believe, and I always will, that every single human being, no matter what, is worthy, is gifted in some way and can offer lots of different things in life..........we haven't got to be "super" at anything, we all have something worthwhile to offer :D
I think it's so sad, in fact almost tragic, that people are now left feeling guilty if they so much as have a holiday off of work, they're made to feel that they must keep going, keep climbing the ladder of "success" work all the hours God sends right up until the poor person completely breaks down under all the pressure.
I often say to people that I'm sure I was born in the wrong era, it doesn't suit me at all living in all this stress and I'm sure that there are millions of other people who feel the same.
I was talking to an elderly lady one day a while back and she was telling me all about her young life and what it involved, I said it sounded hard.......she replied saying that it was hard work but life felt so much different then, people were different she said and life, although harder in a physical way, was at a much slower pace and people weren't running about like headless chickens......her words not mine:)
Bill you are absolutely right, we all must learn to accept ourselves as we are, warts an all, we should be happy with what we're able to achieve no matter what that is, we have to set new rules for ourselves, we are allowed to rest and relax when needed, we're allowed to have fun, we're allowed to make mistakes but, above all, we're allowed to be ourselves :D
*Moosie now dismounts her soap box once again* :roflmao:
Great post Bill. Really good analogy.
fantastic post bill and so very true. :hugs::hugs:
Thanks Bill xxx
Auntie Moosie, so true xx
Inspired and thoughtful post Bill, poor horse, I know exactly how he felt :)
I get that he recovered through slow exposure but am wondering if sometimes people (and possibly horses) are just not meant for the fast track lifestyle? Maybe some of us are not built/bred/programmed for life stresses. That poor horse may 'burn out' again after returning to racing and the anxious feelings and fear of fear may return. Did he learn anything apart from not to fear the starting gates?
I guess what I'm trying to say is, I've stalled at the starting blocks so to speak, I've not been able to work, travel, shop - whatever due to fear of fear but I've always gone back out there and challenged that fear and got back on that horse (sorry couldn't resist that one). I will not let panic and anxiety dictate my life, however it seems to keep returning it's not as easy as facing the fear and the fear disappearing. It has a nasty habit of reappearing, each time diminishing my confidence and spirit and the intensity of the panic does not reduce after years of experiencing and understanding panic and anxiety. Am I missing the key to recovery?
I am like this horse in your analogy, I would overcome this fear and get back out onto the starting line, focused on winning the race, however experience has shown that the fear will return. Is it my stubborness and drive to succeed that keep the fearful feelings reappearing? I think I can answer that question myself :doh:. OK but those attributes are part of who I am and I am proud and pleased to be spirited, determined and driven, they have served me well. So the bottom line here is - will I ever overcome anxiety if I continue to be focused and challenging. Do I have to become a bohemian, cannabis smoking, reflective, floaty kind of person to not become anxious - it's just so not me and I think drugs would be the only way to change me into that kind of accepting person.
Mmm, lots to think about, thanks Bill. Maybe if that horse had got back to racing but was doing it just to enjoy the run (or whatever it is that horses do, gallop?) I wouldn't be ruminating about whether the stress of competing was going to cause the anxiety to return. Had he learnt the lesson that anxiety was trying to teach him and change his behaviour as a result? Have I?
Love Sam
Hello Sam, (AuntieMoosie, I'll reply at the same time.)
I enjoyed reading your post. You do sound really down though but I do like your sense of humour.:)
Lots of questions so I'll see what I can come up with in reply and then I'll come to something else you've posted elsewhere which might help...
I get that he recovered through slow exposure but am wondering if sometimes people (and possibly horses) are just not meant for the fast track lifestyle?
This in part is something AuntieMoosie also talked about and I agree that not all of us can adapt so easily to this modern world. There's nothing much we can do but it does concern me because I feel that the more pressure that is put on people, the greater the numbers will be who will succumb to the modern day pressures. The question then is who will treat them when they lose their jobs and can't afford private treatment costs that they're enticed towards because the NHS can't keep up with demand due to the lack of funds on offer. My fear is the ill who are poor will be the ones who will suffer most because treatment will be determined by the ability to pay and so the ill and poor need protecting from those who seek to profit from them. Oh well. Getting very deep, aren't I!
Maybe some of us are not built/bred/programmed for life stresses.
I was thinking earlier that although we have modern day mental stresses, the victorians probably had their day of physical stresses. It maybe that the stresses have just changed form. Besides, in those days no one had probably heard of or talked about the word anxiety. Just a thought.
That poor horse may 'burn out' again after returning to racing and the anxious feelings and fear of fear may return. Did he learn anything apart from not to fear the starting gates?
Yes, they could return especially if the horse was put under even greater pressure but he would have learnt more than just the start because he would have learnt the reasons and what it would need to do to help itself combat it so he would be better prepared and better armoured.
the intensity of the panic does not reduce after years of experiencing and understanding panic and anxiety. Am I missing the key to recovery?
You're not missing the key. You just find it an effort to use the key under certain situations which I'll come to later.
Is it my stubborness and drive to succeed that keep the fearful feelings reappearing? I think I can answer that question myself :doh:. OK but those attributes are part of who I am and I am proud and pleased to be spirited, determined and driven, they have served me well.
I can't really see how qualities such as those could have a negative effect provided you remember your limitations and don't push yourself off the cliff by giving yourself unrealistic expectations that aren't humanly possible. Otherwise drive and determination are qualities we all need to keep going and you should be proud of yourself.
will I ever overcome anxiety if I continue to be focused and challenging.
Yes, providing you remember to focus in the right direction, especially when anxiety attacks.
Do I have to become a bohemian, cannabis smoking, reflective, floaty kind of person to not become anxious
No, but it sounds like fun! A massage can get you close to it.
Maybe if that horse had got back to racing but was doing it just to enjoy the run (or whatever it is that horses do, gallop?) I wouldn't be ruminating about whether the stress of competing was going to cause the anxiety to return. Had he learnt the lesson that anxiety was trying to teach him and change his behaviour as a result? Have I?
Stress of competing- question is, does the boss make the workplace a competition or do you go into work fearing failing your own expectations.
I'll talk about your other post now...
I discovered during an anxiety episode 10 years ago that in times of crisis or when I'm really needed I can function - for instance if the children fell over or if a friend was going through a tough time and needed my support I could ignore the panic for a while, it was still there but I could deal with what I needed to do. This time I've found that it's the same with work, I become completely focussed on what I have to do, I do have wobbles and there are times that I cannot work but I feel so much better if I focus on something other than how I feel, it's just another distraction. However, it is exhausting and I can't work full time and I often have to come home and go straight to bed so working with high levels of anxiety is not sustainable.
When I'm working I become a different person, I'm confident and thinking about anything but how I feel, for me it's the best therapy, if I gave it up I think I'd sink. I know it adds to the stress and anxiety and it is sometimes impossible for me to work due to the panic but I'll try my utmost to keep working. I once stopped working for 3 years due to anxiety and I don't want to go there again.
Work can be a good thing because it keeps our minds focussed away from how we're feeling unless we become too stressed at which time we'll start noticing those feelings again which of course we then focus on.
You see, you're not missing the key to recovery, you're just not using it all the time because I think you're causing yourself a trap which once you're in you panic because you can't escape it.
it's just another distraction. However, it is exhausting and I can't work full time and I often have to come home and go straight to bed so working with high levels of anxiety is not sustainable.
To try and explain what I mean, you feel absolutely fine when you don't have time to think about how you're feeling but you feel you can't maintain it because it would mean being occupied all the time which would naturally exhaust you.
In a way, it's like creating a barrier in the hope of stopping yourself noticing how you're feeling because you know once you start noticing, you won't be able to stop so...
if I gave it up I think I'd sink.
because you wouldn't have the barrier created by working to protect you.
However, when you get overstressed at work the barrier works against you because the stress makes you notice how you're feeling. Therefore, at work you need to try and practise keeping to your limits. For instance, don't attempt to do everything in one day, don't push yourself to attempt too much. Make sure you take breaks, or just go to the loo. Don't be intense. Remember your breathing. Don't put yourself under too much pressure because I think this maybe causing your trap.
The other thing is that when you do exceed your limits or have time on your hands when you don't have your barrier to protect you, that's when prevention becomes cure. You can prevent by keeping to your limitations but when circumstances arise that make you exceed them, that's when you have to train yourself not to focus on your feelings.
Anxious feelings are frightening but the fear of them will make them feel much worse. Firstly, try to leep reminding yourself that they are perfectly natural and can't harm you. Secondly, put into practise the relaxation techniques you've learnt. Thirdly, at home find a hobby or an interest to think about and at work, take that break away in the loo to calm yourself down.
You know the key but the fear becomes addictive because you feel too afraid to let it go. As you know though, it always does go when you allow it by ignoring it but you must remember to try and keep to your limits so that you don't trigger your anxiety but when you do, the techniques you need to combat it.
Your fear is of the feelings your fear is creating and they feel so frightening that you can't ignore them but you know that when you don't have time to think about them, they always go. You need to train your mind to not think about them when you don't have enough to think about and that means making sure you have interests away from the workplace.
When we're home alone, it can be very difficult to stop ourselves thinking about our feelings but it can be done when we find enjoyable interests which can be used to help us forget our anxiety rather than be used as a barrier to fend off thinking about feelings.
One last thought. Sometimes meds can be a reminder that we have a fear and that reminder can be enough to keep our minds remembering our fear and so the fear is never allowed to go. Meds can also help us through bad episodes though.
I think I understand the main issue but I'm not sure if that's been much help though.
That does help, thank you Bill :flowers:
This bit Therefore, at work you need to try and practise keeping to your limits. For instance, don't attempt to do everything in one day, don't push yourself to attempt too much. Make sure you take breaks, or just go to the loo. Don't be intense. Remember your breathing. Don't put yourself under too much pressure because I think this maybe causing your trap.
is especially helpful - it's as if you know me! Although I believe work isn't the root cause of my anxiety it can exacerbate it when I'm in an anxious state. As I've said before I attempt to continue working but it's as though I try too hard to do everything and keep busy to avoid my anxious thoughts. I also recognise that I feel a need to prove myself as worthy to my colleagues, despite having supportive workmates who know I am dedicated and hardworking I continue to think I must work harder, quicker and better to be liked. Writing this down has brought this home to me. It comes down to confidence and self esteem doesn't it? I feel I must be better at my job than my colleagues to compensate for being me, I think if I work harder I will be accepted, admired and respected. That's my trap isn't it? and the key is to increase my self esteem so I don't feel I have to prove myself to others constantly. Accepted, admired and respected ....... I'm not sure why I want all these things but I do. Deep down I know that I should feel content without them but I seek approval of who I am to help me feel OK. Goodness, this is complex, it's like I'm unraveling my behaviours that are reinforcing my beliefs but I don't know where to go from here :unsure:
How do I increase my self esteem and stop being superwoman? It is my nickname at work and I've been called it at home too, I was the mum that was on the PTA, was a parent helper at school, worked, had a tidy house, cooked meals from scratch, made sure my kids did their homework and read to them everynight etc, etc.... After a breakdown 10 years ago I realised it was not sustainable and cut down on the unimportant stuff that fills our lives. However the need to be liked and prove myself to others is still there, more work is needed I thinks :shades:
You're right the anxiety does come back with avengence when I'm not working and busy, I will try to follow your tips about getting a hobby or interest to see if this helps.
Hello Sam,
I'm glad that was of help. I feel if we can understand ourselves and our behavious that without realising it cause ourselves problems, we can be more aware of them so less likely to fall into those self-inflicted traps.
I can see in your post you've answered your own questions and yes, I would agree you're spot on. For instance...
I try too hard to do everything
This I would put under "intensity". You need to learn to be less intense, to ease off the pedal so that you don't put yourself under increased pressure. If things can wait or they're not important, leave them until the next day. Just try to stop and give yourself time to think - does this really need to be done now when I've got enough to do already or can it wait.
keep busy to avoid my anxious thoughts.
Again, this is creating pressure on yourself because you're attempting to avoid thinking bout anxious thoughts. Any type of avoidance causes tension. Try to allow yourself freedom by learning it's ok to step off your safe path and to feel these feelings. Try not to focus on them and let your body flop so all the tension in your muscles is released. Tension causes anxious thoughts to feel more real so keeping calm makes them feel less intense.
It's funny really but I was watching a bit of Harry Potter when they fall into a pit of weed that tries to strangle them. The more they struggled, the tighter the grip became and the escape was to relax so that the weed lost its power. The weed was just like anxiety. The more we fight it by tensing up and resisting it, the worse we feel so we have to fight it by relaxing our muscles, to let go of it so that it loses its grip over us.
It comes down to confidence and self esteem doesn't it? I feel I must be better at my job than my colleagues to compensate for being me, I think if I work harder I will be accepted, admired and respected. That's my trap isn't it? and the key is to increase my self esteem so I don't feel I have to prove myself to others constantly.
I think I would say your trap is made up of more than one issue. As we've covered in the previous paragraph, intensity and creating barriers will create tension which leads to what I would call an anxiety trap. However, you can also add self-esteem. If you feel inferior, you're going to feel you need to work harder than most which again will increase pressure on yourself. As you say though, it is linked to self-confidence because if you don't have belief in yourself you'll feel others are better than you. Also, if you don't have self-belief, you'll doubt yourself more, have worries and suffer indecision.
The way I would tackle it is work on your confidence because if you have self-confidence, you also believe in your own abilities, you feel an equal and so your self-esteem would also increase. I am a strong believer in buiding confidence as I feel it holds the key to overcoming anxiety. When we feel confident, we feel less fear. Building confidence takes practise and knowledge. If you're taking an exam, you would need to revise hard to feel as confident as possible about passing the test. The same applies to life situations. If we don't feel confident about stepping out the door, we need to take small steps to radually build the confidence up but you also need knowledge to support you so that you go about it in the right way. For instance, you would need the right preparation such as knowing the right time to attempt it and how far to walk. Once out, you would need to know the right ways to be thinking to keep your mind focused and so on.
I think part of the solution is to accept "I am me, I am equal to others, I Am good at what I do, I don't need to prove myself etc". In other words, remind yourself daily so that you gradually make yourself more assertive but really believe in what you're telling yourself.
I can also think of a couple examples that have helped me. I used to be really nervous about asking a question outloud in a crowd and the way I got around it was to blank out all those around me so that I focused on the speaker and me "only". There were a couple of occasions I was interviewed on radio to do with some family research and the way I coped was to focus on the interviewer so that I didn't think about all those who would be listening. However, to be able to do that I needed knowledge and practise so I studied all I had learnt beforehand so that I felt confident I would have all the answers. At work, I later went on to teach people and held meetings myself but I could only do that because I felt confident in what I knew. I think when we lack confidence we tend to want to hide and let others take the spotlight but if we can force ourselves out with knowledge as our armour, we can build confidence and feel equal to others.
A couple of other aspects - the feeling of needing to please and the need to feel in control.
When we lack self-esteem we'll often want to please others to feel equal to them when they would just accept us for who we are. We need to accept ourselves for who we are too.
When we feel in control of everything, we feel safe. We tend to find it difficult to delegate because of that fear of not being in control. Even not straightening the curtains can be a symptom because wihout realising it you could be straightening them because if they're not, others will think you're untidy so not in control of your life. For instance, it could be that appearing to be not in control of your house and family would be a bad reflection on yourself so feel equal you need to be in total control of everything, if you see what I mean. I was the mum that was on the PTA, was a parent helper at school, worked, had a tidy house, cooked meals from scratch, made sure my kids did their homework and read to them everynight etc, etc
Generally, I feel there are lots of areas where we can work on but basically I feel if we're attempting something that causes us tension then we should ask ourselves is this absolutely necessary. For instance, is it essential to have a tidy house All the time or is it because we don't want people thinking we're a mess. Can something we're doing wait, do we need to be So exact, should we be avoiding this, does this Really matter and so on.
the need to be liked and prove myself to others is still there
I like you just the way you are because you come across as a very conscientious caring person so you have nothing to prove to me...you need to keep telling Yourself that too until you believe in what you're saying.
I will try to follow your tips about getting a hobby or interest to see if this helps.
A vacant bored mind will have too much time to think and it'll start focusing inwardly but an outward interest(s) and hobby will keep it trained because it'll have something interesting and enjoyable to focus on. Complicated things are often better than the simple because the more we have to think, the more we forget anxiety.
I can think of other things but this post is long enough!
See if any of that makes sense. It's difficult to be specific but if you think of anything in particular, just say and I'll see what I can suggest to help you.
I do think you have a good understanding about yourself which is a good base to build on.:hugs:
Gosh Bill, amazing posts and some profound advice and discussion going on here. I read loads on here but some of what you and Auntie Moosie were talking about really hit a nerve.
I had my first child at 20 but was looked down on by family because I was the one in the family to "do well" . Despite my parents being younger than me, when they had me - it was awful as I was living at home and in the process of buying my first house with my now hubby. As a person im obsessively ambitious, I'm a typical Virgo , a complete perfectionist and control freak. I hate leaving things half done, in that case, I'd rather have not started it at all. Do it properly or, not at all - sort of person! Anyway mum and dad volatile relationship they split , mum sectioned , small brother in house at time so now 8 years doesn't speak AT ALL to mum, which has caused more problems than the obvious. Dad like scarlet pimpernel and has a 6 year old child, to a women he's not completely with???Mum bullied me over last decade (my daughter is 10 now) about my hubby and cultural crap. She even bullied me about what I should call my daughter when she was born. Just to add ive always been a decent kid, no trouble to parents door, ever!!!Moved in with in laws once married and sold our first house when my daughter was 3 and boy oh boy, from being with my mum intermittently despite always paying my mum, moving in with hubby's parents was SHOCKING!!!!! Psychological and emotional bullying, so they didn't loose face in their community because they "allowed their son to marry me" RUBBISH we married in secret as all, soon found out & before we moved in with them, they knew we were married!!!! AND in all this I managed to get a degree in bioscience and a good one at that, learn to drive, work and when my daughter was 7 , I had my second baby. SO when 2 years aGo after 5 years got stuck at in laws durring Eco slump, we finally bought another house BUT at this time I'd just started PGCE -1 year teacher training and feburary 7 th 2011 - BREAKDOWN, exhaustion and severe PANIC ATTACKS!!! So when I was just about to get my life finally in order, new house, good career prospects blah blah - I had to quit my course half way through! I see people doing well who I'd never had thought and I resent the fact that I can't and I've worked soo bloody hard through adversity and severe problems. I'm stay at home mum, that's me . I love it I just wish I could have gained that qualification to teach and I could have privately taught. Not enough NI so get jack shit benefits, hubby works too much to pay mortgage and under constant threat of redundancy 2 kids, its just shit when I've tried soo hard and I am naturally ambitious! FRUSTRATNG!!!
I started volunteering helping teens with, maths & English 1 full day a week in November and last week, I was ill and started panicking and made up an excuse to leave half way through the day! Just don't know what to do & where to go from here??? But your post with Moosie - really has made me think!
Thanks:hugs:
Hello Col,
I can see you've been through alot of pressures so it's not surprising you've had a reaction. Something must have happened last week to trigger your anxiety but there is something else you've touched on which is one of the other things to talk about - perfectionism.
I'm a typical Virgo , a complete perfectionist and control freak. I hate leaving things half done, in that case, I'd rather have not started it at all. Do it properly or, not at all - sort of person!
We can be our own worst enemy at times because it's often in our nature to want to do things properly but very often we take it to the extreme. We like to feel in control of everything in our lives because that way we feel we're keeping things safe as it's a risk to trust others doing what we feel we can do best. We like order, we don't like things going wrong. In fact, we're afraid of things going wrong and bad things happening. Fear governs our lives in lots of ways without us even realising it. Attempting to keep control of everything though creates alot of pressure on ourselves. We tense up and are often intense and serious because we feel we can't allow ourselves to make mistakes that will push us off our safe path. We don't allow ourselves the freedom of taking risk for fear of things going wrong. We don't de-sensitise ourselves because keeping to our safe path keeps us sensitive so that when things go wrong that are out of our control, we panic because we feel we're losing control.
There's no harm in wanting to get things right though. It's what makes alot of us conscientious but sometimes the pressure we put on ourselves makes us so intense that we feel things Have to be perfect which again causes stress and tension. The intrusive thoughts can then surface or we start performing rituals to combat the anxious feelings that we've created through stress we've put on ourselves. Of course there are other stresses too but when we become so intense, those stresses that we can't avoid will also trigger our anxiety.
People say we need to learn how to relax which is true but it doesn't just mean by using relaxation techniques etc. We also need to learn to adopt a more care-free relaxed approach to life itself. Not to make everything So important, not to be So intense, So perfect etc. Learn to lighten up like the song, whatever will be will be. It's simply impossible to be in control of everything because living means risk every day. No matter what we do, we can't keep everything perfectly safe so we also need to learn to accept what living means.
I'm touching on different things quickly here to give you an idea. To combat anxiety means adopting a different approach to life and how we think. To be aware of the traits in our personalities that cause us problems. I know myself that when I've spoken to counsellors I've been left feeing they're so cold and don't give any answers but that's how they work because they get you to ask your own questions about yourself so you can find the answers for yourself. In a way, just like Sam has been doing in her posts. We get to know what our traps are, how to be aware of them and how to avoid them.
There is no one simple answer because we're all individuals with different issues but once you start digging, those issues and causes soon present themselves and then gradually you can work out how to tackle them.
Hope that helps a little.:hugs:
Thank you so much for all your advice Bill :hugs:, are you always up at silly o'clock? :)
I have been feeling much better these past couple of days, mentally stronger and feel I want to explore the reasons for my repeated bouts of anxiety and panic, to hopefully ease or even avoid any future episodes or at least understand myself more. I hope that with greater understanding I will be able to recognise the signs of increasing anxiety and change my behaviour to stop it escalating.
I sometimes feel I don't know who I am, the confident, decisive, busy Sam or the scared, doubting, self obsessed Sam. Most people who know me, including my family would say the former Sam and if I'd been asked a few months ago if I was an anxious person I would have replied "No, I have periods of time when I experience panic attacks but am not an anxious person." I think the dramatic change from confident to a quivering wreck has added to my anxiety, if I was an anxious, maybe pessimistic person most of the time, the panic when it comes would not be so much of a shock and maybe more expected and accepted :shrug:
I digress a little, I've spent sometime considering myself, my feelings and behaviour as a child and remembered that I was an anxious child but I learnt to hide and control this anxiety by adopting certain behaviours. There were various enviromental and possibly endogenous reasons as to why I was an anxious child, I am not concerned with these - I have no ongoing issues with my parents or sibling, I am what I am.
You are spot on when you talk about control, I believe I learnt to control things in my life to keep myself safe from feeling anxious, anxiety that I am not good enough and I have to try harder than everyone for acceptance and keep control of everything around me. Perfectionism, needing order, seeking acceptance, avoidance of relaxation, inability to say no these are all behaviours I use to control, to control my thoughts, to pretend that everything is OK if I have a tidy house for example. Rationally I know having a tidy house isn't important but it signifies order and control and means that I'm OK, if I can keep control of things I will be OK.
But as you say
Attempting to keep control of everything though creates alot of pressure on ourselves. We tense up and are often intense and serious because we feel we can't allow ourselves to make mistakes that will push us off our safe path.
This is what I have done in the past, I have continued to push myself, to be perfect and the pressure of this has lead to increasing anxiety and a feeling of loss of control when I crash through exhaustion and stress.
You need to learn to be less intense, to ease off the pedal so that you don't put yourself under increased pressure. If things can wait or they're not important, leave them until the next day.
I agree but I have spent a lifetime believing I need to give 100% as I am not good enough, so working on this is going to be my priority. I had CBT 10 years ago and know one of my bottom lines is, I'm not good enough, I worked at changing it and believed I did but on reflection I can see that back then I questioned this belief and saw that it wasn't realistic but I didn't change my behaviour. I started to feel better with medication and went back to my old ways.
When we lack self-esteem we'll often want to please others to feel equal to them when they would just accept us for who we are. We need to accept ourselves for who we are too.
This too is true, but how do we accept who we are when we're not sure who we are?
I know who and how I'd like to be - that bohemian, cannabis smoking chilled out hippy, but I'm not.
This brought tears to my eyes - I'm not a crier so it takes some doing :)
I like you just the way you are because you come across as a very conscientious caring person so you have nothing to prove to me...you need to keep telling Yourself that too until you believe in what you're saying.
It's true, I have nothing to prove to myself or anyone else. I am me and that is good enough.
I'm off to bed now and will keep that thought in my head
Love and hugs
Sam
Hello Sam:hugs:,
Yes, I'm always up at silly o'clock because I'm not allowed to sleep at a normal time. I'm just resigned to it, but that's another matter.
I'm really glad to hear you've been feeling better lately.:)
I sometimes feel I don't know who I am, the confident, decisive, busy Sam or the scared, doubting, self obsessed Sam.
I experience panic attacks but am not an anxious person.
My feeling is that when things are going along ok, you feel confident etc but when you exceed your stress limit, you crash with anxiety. You don't sound like a worrier as such so I don't think you suffer GAD. I used to know someone who sounds very much like you with the same drive and determination but who also suffered when they exceed their limits. They too were anxious as a child because of things around them. In their case, it was because of the way they were treated, even though their childhood was quite happy, that they adopted methods to make them feel safe however I know they have made a full recovery.
keep control of things
to be perfect
needing order,
seeking acceptance,
avoidance of relaxation,
inability to say no
I have a tidy house
I've highlighted the above as areas that perhaps would help if you reminded yourself when you feel yourself doing these things.
You can't be in control of everything all at the same time. It's too much. I learnt to control things in my life to keep myself safe from feeling anxious, Allow yourself to feel the anxiety even if it's uncomfortable. In time, the exposure should help to de-sensitise you so you're less likely to crash when something outside of yur control triggers you to feel anxious. For instance, if someone had a phobia about dogs and they keep avoiding going near one and thereby feel they're keeping in control, if suddenly a dog appears in front of them, they'll panic. Another example could be a fear of being left on your own but it's unavoidable so it's better to try and get used to it to nable you to cope when it happens.
It's better to get used to situations that can't be controlled before those situations force us to feel we've lost control. Therefore, think of situations in your life that cause you to fel anxious and try to allow yourself to experience them. It takes practise and the key is to try not to allow yourself to tense up. Keeping calm takes the power of anxiety away.
When you feel yourself needing to be perfect, ask yourself, is it absolutely necessary or just causing you stress. Allow yourself to not dot the i's and cross all the t's so you avoid getting over tense. Of course we want to do a good job though but often we take it too far and suffer the consequences.
It's good to be in a routine but we have to allow changes when they're unavoidable and just accept that everything can't be in order all the time. Sometimes like having a meal the same day every week and finding the shop was sold out so having to eat something else. It can cause anxiety because it breaks the order we're used to so remember to be flexible and not to worry about it.
You are who you are and people have to accept that just as you accept them for who they are. Don't try to be something you're not just to please others. You're at least equal to them. Keep telling yourself that because it's totally true.
Relaxation - force yourself to take regular breaks. If you keep other issues in hand, you won't feel so stressed and not feeling so stressed will prevent you focusing so much on how you're feeling when you do take a break. However, try reading a book.
If you feel you've got enough on your plate, don't be afraid to say no, ask for help or delegate. Remind yourself you'll only make yourself ill if you ignore your own well being and then you can't say yes to anyone because you'll be too ill.
Get up and unstraighten those curtains! Don't hoover today. Leave the washing up....whatever you can see that looks too tidy, untidy it and leave it alone no matter what the family says! See if they do indeed say anything! Get used to being more relaxed.
I have continued to push myself
I need to give 100% as I am not good enough,
You Are good enough. You've been giving 110% for too long. Be kind to yourself and say enough is enough. Limit yourself to how much pushing you do to yourself each day. Think of yourself as your servant and ask yourself to do what you would reasonably ask of your servant. Anything more, just don't do it.
loss of control when I crash through exhaustion and stress.
Well, if you refuse to listen to "Yourself"...not me!...you know what will happen and neither of us want that.
how do we accept who we are when we're not sure who we are?
I am me and that is good enough.
I think you've answered that one above! Remind yourself Every night.:flowers:
Thanks Bill, YEP your right, after the Xmas stuff and stresses then last couple of weeks nasty virus coupled with tooth infection , I think because I felt soo awful doing mundane things ie, school run - I really struggled with work. I think illness if prolonged or bad can affect people who suffer gad etc, it can knock your confidence and my breakdown and panic attacks came at first in the form of a severe feeling of overwhelming collapse. So when illness affects me in that way - feeling a bit dizzy and not myself I think my mind starts thinking back to that point in time,two years ago.
XXXX
Hello Col,
Sometimes life piles too much on us and it can't be avoided but we still suffer as a result. Sometimes meds, if we choose them or feel we really need them, can support us through these periods and when they help there's no problem but sometimes the danger can be that we feel we can't then stop them because of the fear that's been instilled in us due to the stressful period and of course they can also complicate things.
Sometimes we feel we can get through these periods ourselves but if we do, we still have to remember how to ease the symptoms the anxiety will cause. Anything that knocks our confidence can cause us to self-doubt and worry more because it's like suffering a trauma.
My own feeling is that because events such as these are unavoidable, we should try and have a plan to use when we feel anxiety beginning to attack so that anxiety doesn't stop us from functioning. For instance, things we can say to reassure ourselves, a relaxation technique that we know works for us, a safe haven where we can have time and space to ourselves for pure relaxation to switch off and perhaps a routine to slow things down such as a long bath and having a book to turn to etc. These are just general thoughts. It's a bit like catching a cold so you take some medicine and rest up to ease the symptoms. Stress is a bit like a cold because often it's unavoidable so you need to know you have something to ease things until it passes because if we're not careful, it can become a long term problem and much more difficult to get better.
There is always a cause to anxiety attacks as you've found. Sometimes they are a gradual build up of pressures or something traumatic that is suddenly put on us.
Always be patient and kind to yourself.:hugs:
I've just come back briefly to bump a couple of my threads up I wrote a long time ago in case they're of help to anyone as I'll never forget how anxiety used to affect me every day.
Always try to believe in yourself because building self-confidence will always conquer fear. Fear of one kind or another is always the cause of all types of anxiety but we can all learn to find enjoyment life without constantly being bullied by fear.
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