View Full Version : ITS ALWAYS AFTRWARDS
i seem to cope with stressful situations ok!
It's afterwards when everything calms down I have a panic/bad anxiety.
I think that's why everyone thinks i am so easy going/unstressed because I can (seem) to cope with everything at the time. it seems to be later (maybe weeks or months) that I crack for no apparent reason and I seem to 'crack' big style.
There is alot going on in my life at the moment and I feel fine, not stressed but i'm scared when everything settles down again I might flip or have some sort of breakdown.
Does that make sense to anyone?
Does anyone else feel like that?
Lucky
Hiya Lucky,
I feel exactly the same as you.
I dealt really well with stress over the last week but today I have woken up SO panicky and yet, I have nothing concrete to be worrying about!
Perhaps it's because when we have to cope with a stressful situation, we do. But when this has passed, the adrenalin is still rushing around but with nowhere to go!
Who know's eh? Just another strange "panic" symptom!!!
Take care
Kate x
Hi Lucky
Yes, I have often thought that being busy is the 'distraction' I need to keep me from panicking and when I stop work, and therefore reduce my stress, I seem to go into anxiety mode. It's as if I am not aware of my bodily functions when I am busy but then acutely aware when I stop.
I don't like stopping! It's hard though because to try and chill out infront of the TV or read is sometimes impossible and then I have to go and do the ironing or something! (My house is spotless!)
I find that exercise really helps, at any time of the day. I can relax a lot better when I have been for a walk or swim etc.
Cheers - and good luck!
Red
x
Hiya Guys,
I agree. When I am coping with stressful situations I suppose i have to get on with it! Afterwards (after a build up of time) I mentally collapse. I think I would prefer to feel stressed out and unable to cope at the time (i do sometimes don't get me wrong but not often), instead of waiting for the inevitable to happen!!!
I think I am scared that I get soo stressed after the events that I really take a breakdown and everyone will wonder what the hell happened cause i seem to cope so well at the time!!
I know i have not explained this very well at all, but I hope u can understand some of it!!
Lucky
You are not alone lucky, i seem to cope quite well in the heat of the moment and suffer later.
I got myself through a job interview last week no problem but now i am wondering what i have done. even though i know i would love the job i am convinced it will not work out for the best and it has set my anxiety off badly. The only way out was to cancel my second interview and now i feel some relief even though i know i have missed an excellent oppotunity.
I don't suppose us suffers like change much eh?
Jon
I used to be extremely indecisive but now I am not so sure...
Hi Lucky
I am exactly the same. For a whole year after my dad died, I was the lynch pin to my family, from sorting out his funeral, to looking after my gran who had a stress related stroke. I visited her every morning, most lunchtimes and every tea time in the week, and Saturday and Sunday. I held down a full time job, a part time job, and still found the time to compete my horse. I also had to stop my mum from going completely mad (and preventing her carrying out some pretty stupid changes to the house).
Not once in that first year did I quiver, quake or shake. I was strong, coping (and very tired and thin). Then all of a sudden, my mum got her head together, my gran got better and could do her own shopping/cleaning etc.
Almost immediately I'd gone from not having a spare nano second to having free time. And I crumpled. Big time.
I've often wondered if I would be better just to live a permanently stressful life - so I've not got time to think about being worried or anxious or stressed!
Charlie
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
If you lead a very stressful life eventually your adrenals temporarily give out and you end up back here !
I'm constantly amazed at how many people are struggling . When I was really acute one of my friends asked me to explain and help her understand .
After listening to it she said. : Oh how awful for you, I would never of expected it of you. You're like me, a true coper and always so extremely positive. Thank Goodness I know that's not something I'll ever have to experience .. '
I remember it still and it made me feel that I'd failed her , myself, my colleagues etc..
Last week she called me to ask if she could spend Saturday with me as she's so scared to be home alone and is having small panics and on betablockers. We had a lovely day on Saturday and I did lots of explaining , tips passing on , reassurance etc and am ringing her daily. It just demonstrates everyone is vunerable given a set of circumstances.
As for the 'after the event' things I have my personal theory which is contrary to the learned schools of thought .
I believe that whilst the mind is busy with xyz, we get on with it but as soon as spare capacity appears in your mind then you latch onto something - usually negative and scary and keep it like a dog with a bone as the mind hates to be empty when it's been so used to being busy and is so solution orientated and used to working things out over time.
We have to train it over time to enjoy not being at 120% and use the spare capacity productively and happily.
Meg
Watch your thoughts, they become your words...
Watch your words, they become your actions... Watch your actions, they become your habits... Watch your habits, they become your character... Watch your character, it becomes your destiny...
Meg
That may be your personal theory, but I think based on my personal experiences you are 100% CORRECT.
Everytime my life gets a bit easier, I get a bit worse! And I too, have reached the conclusion that it is because I suddenly have time to "think", and my mind/body can't cope with doing "nothing".
I have never been a doer of nothing. I get fidgety and restless if forced to sit still. And my mind goes into overdrive.
I firmly believe that the issues are already present - it's just that being hectic stops you thinking about them - and being quite allow the mind to focus on whats troubling you. The trick is to try and face them when they do appear, tackle them, and put them to bed, so that the next time you have some "free head time" you've got one less thing to dwell on.
Charlie
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
I agree Charlie, if you've got pre existing issues then that's where you will drift back to but if you really don't, then your ever obliging mind will come up with something anyway.
Most of us anxious people have a high interlect level and need plenty of stimulus and when there's a vacumn it will fill itself .
Its really so beneficial to come up with a long project - like constructing a book in your head that you can use as your drifting back to problem - to fine details , whos who, whos wearing what etc and then when in a shopping queue , or traffic jam etc thats what will instinctively come to mind after some practice. I think that helped me more than anything .
Something creative and predominately right brained is preferable - thats why Jonny Wilkinson has taken up the guitar !
Alternatively , meditation teaches you to be calm and clear your mind at the same time.
Meg
Watch your thoughts, they become your words...
Watch your words, they become your actions... Watch your actions, they become your habits... Watch your habits, they become your character... Watch your character, it becomes your destiny...
Charlie and Meg,
Wow, you are both so spot on!!
I agree wholeheartedly with what you both say.
Now, just need to find some nice thoughts to fill the vaccuum......
Kate x
Hi Kate,
Nice thoughts won't keep your interest for long enough.
Try to plan someting long term that needs real careful thought. A special big party/anniversary, a DIY job, a self development thing, a project for a course .
Something you can get stuck into medium term but doesn't have immediate deadlines or anything pressurized . Soon it will be your default thinking project that you defer to when your mind is otherwise prone to idling - ie Asda's .
Meg
Watch your thoughts, they become your words...
Watch your words, they become your actions... Watch your actions, they become your habits... Watch your habits, they become your character... Watch your character, it becomes your destiny...
Hi Guys
I like this thread, lots of good info, and besides Meg said that we are all super brainy[^], yeah, I'll go with that...lol
No seriously though I think what you are all saying is very true. I always have to keep my mind ocupied with things, although like you said Meg, I wouldn't recommend anything too stressful, but something to keep your mind occupied is a great help to stop your internal thoughts.
I think this is something I have learnt a lot recently which has helped me overcome a lot of my negativity.
mico
I find I am super efficient and calm in REAL stressful situations. It is when I am sitting on a tube or something panic hits me
Emily
Hi Em,
I guess in those situations you're 'allowing' your thoughts to go down the what if, it might, how long scenarios whilst on the tube. Is your CBT addressing this ?
We don't seem to hear from you as much these days. I was hoping it was because things are easier for you now . I was on the London tube on Saturday and it stopped in a tunnel. I thought of you as I took a breath , skipped a word in my sentence and then carried on chatting.
Meg
Watch your thoughts, they become your words...
Watch your words, they become your actions... Watch your actions, they become your habits... Watch your habits, they become your character... Watch your character, it becomes your destiny...
Hi all,
I would agree with everything that has already mentioned!
From my own experience, I cope well under stressful situations..'Im cool as a cucumber' but its afterwards when I actually sit down and think of whats just happened etc that the anxiety and panic sets in.
I also agree with the mind needing 'something' to think/worry about. I worry about everything and find it really difficult to not worry. I am trying to keep myself occupied to prevent unneccesary worrying but as Ive done this for the majority of my adult life so far this will take some time.
Lately I have been feeling a lot more positive, not had much symptoms etc and then at the weekend I felt anxious again and spent most of Sunday morning in tears etc. Nothing upsetting happened or anything, I just think my brain needed something to worry about!!
I think this is another step forward in learning to cope with anxiety etc, at least we know whats causing the unwanted thoughts etc.
Take care everyone.
sadie
I was reading lucky`s message about coping at the time, and all the others that posted, I am identicsl to that and life has always been ,like that for me, I cope all the bad parts, and thats why people think I am strong in character, but believe me, its about a few months after I go down so hard, and that really starts it up all over again. I do know what you are all saying. Its all so true, I wondered if I was the only one that did this, I am pleased there are others who know about it. Thankyou for writing about it love Blossom
well said blossom,
do you realise,that your post is probably the beginning of your recovery!
keep reading the posts,they are getting really positive in the last few months,and yours ,my love, is the icing on the cake!
WELL DONE BLOSSOM,keep it up....bryan.
Hiya Guys,
While I still feel it is afterwards I go down hill (in most cases) i'm having a problem at the moment (mostly to do with my mother) that I can't see an end to. Tnsi tie i seem to be goung down hill when the problem is ongoing. My tight throat is back along with a few 'new ones' ie very shaky - not being able to sleep properly. has anyone got any tips about how to deal with stress while it is ongoing and stop yourself from going over th edge.
lucky
Ah Radar thanks for thinking of me that is really really nice [:I]
I was feeling a lot better but over the last few days have been slipping a bit, getting anxious over nothing etc. Am going back to the CBT tomorrow so will talk things over.
Havent been on as much as I am doing my BSc now and am there two nights a week and working lots at home too. You lot are still great though and I am so glad to have found you all [:X][:X]
Emily
After stressful situations I always de-personalize and sometimes it can last for hours.
I think it is just our bodies way of coping with things.
Funny how our brains make mountains out of mole hills.
Love, light and Best wishes
Liz xxx
[:p] Panic Monster & Scatty Eccentric
Lucky,
Sorry to hear Mum is playing up and causing you so much angst and worry .
You can make a point of looking after yourself and yourself alone for given slots during the week. If you're not sleeping then things seem so much worse than they already are . Passiflora may help but I know you're not keen on taking stuff so relaxation CD's and some exercise may help use up the tension.
You can recognise that there is only so much that you personally can do to help and control your mother and her drinking.
You can speak and negotiate on her behalf but you cannot alter her behaviour for her.
It would be entirely normal for all daughters to be worried and stressed about this situation, it is important for you and your family- husband and children to have a good quality time without Mum being the priority all thetime. I don't know if that's possible at present.
Whats the latest ?
Meg
Watch your thoughts, they become your words...
Watch your words, they become your actions... Watch your actions, they become your habits... Watch your habits, they become your character... Watch your character, it becomes your destiny...
Thanks Meg,
The latest is i phoned social works and she has been taken to a respite wing in an an old people home for 2 weeks at present.
She has started to drink straight vodka and cider but these two weeks should give my sister and I some breathing space that we desperately need as she was being abusive etc. i was scared to phone her in case she answered and I was scared to phone her incase she didn't!
I couldn't cope and was very stressed and it was making me ill (physically and mentally).I know that sounds a bit dramatic but it is true. i am not willing to make myself iller than I am as my kids need a fully functioning mother and as I was I was not going to fulfil that.
I know now she will probably come back out and drink but one day at a time
The thing is I know how this is going to end but until that day I'll just need to keep it together
Thanks
Lucky
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